John limped out and hailed a cab near his current apartment. He needed to sleep, his mind was in overdrive he needed it to stop, and his body ached from the fight. He needed sleep mostly, he'd worked late last night, and then with what happened with Finch he didn't get much sleep, he wasn't as young as he used to be.

He got out his key and let himself in, the bed seemed too far away so he settled for sleeping on the sofa. It was five and he hoped to sleep for a few hours and then eat, and then head back to bed later. As soon as he hit the cushions he was gone. He dreamt of Finch, of what had happened and other things.

He was disturbed by a noise. He opened his eyes, it came again a knock at the door, he grabbed his gun and got up, slowly walking to the door, he looked through the peep hole and he opened the door.

"Finch?"

"Sorry to come unannounced and uninvited."

"It's fine come in." and he did.

Finch stood pacing the floor, this was very unlike Finch and it almost scared John. "What's wrong, Finch?"

"I need to say my bit then I'll leave you to rest."

"Ok, do you want to sit?"

"No." Finch took a deep breath. "John... Last night I acted out of character and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry I shouted at you this morning. It's been so long since I've been touched and cared for that I got lost in the moment with you and it scared me; ok I admit I'm scared of how I feel physically and mentally. I gave up all human contact after the accident, I'm repulsed by how I look and I couldn't let myself go, yes I tried, twice, then locked myself away. I haven't been around people for so long so I forget how it feels to be touched and I just freaked out. I didn't want to hurt you, I don't feel you raped me John, anything but, but I can't give you what you want."

John had been listening, letting Finch say his bit, stunned by how deep this was but he needed clarification on this point.

"What do you think I want?"

"The same as I do. Someone to love, to care for, to touch, but I can't give you it." He paused, "Not yet."

John smiled, this wasn't a full rejection.

Finch continued, "I do love you as I said last night, but I'm scared of you touching me, but I want to battle it but in my own time. I understand if you can't or won't wait."

"No I'll wait, if you want to battle it. I will help. I love you too."

"Last night wasn't a fuck as I screamed at you, it was more and I knew it was, I was just scared to admit it."

"I'm glad, I've been worried you felt it was just that, but it wasn't."

"But now it will be sometime before we get that close again."

"I know, it's fine."

Finch finally smiled.

"That's more like my Finch."

"What do you mean?" Finch asked.

"Giving me that smile." John smiled back.

"John."

"Yes?"

"Can you hold me?"

John smiled, "Come here then." He said and opened his arms.

Finch went into them wrapping his arms around John's middle, resting his head on John's chest. John's left arm went on Finch's back, the right to his neck and Finch shook.

"Sorry." John said moving it away.

"No, I like it."

John moved it back and again Finch shook. "I like that."

"Good." smiled John; even this little contact was enough for him even only now and again.

"Umm... John?"

It sounded as though Finch was really enjoying it.

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

John was stunned and quickly moved in to kiss him, their lips joined, it was gentle and they lingered till Finch pulled back.

"Thank you." smiled Finch.

John pulled right back, "For what?"

"Understanding."

"Well I do try."

Finch pulled out of John's arms and smiled. "I'd better let you sleep." He said.

John had the biggest urge to ask Finch to stay with him, but didn't want to push him too far, or upset him again.

He heard Finch at the door. "Stay." was all he said.

"Sorry John, what did you say?"

John turned and faced Finch. "Stay with me."

"Really?"

"Yes, you must be tired too."

He saw Finch processing it. "I can't."

John anticipated this response. "It's fine, just thought I'd ask."

Finch turned and walked out the door without another word.

John closed the door and frowned, then run after him. He needed Finch to understand, he shut his door as he heard the elevator doors open then shut.

"Shit." he said.

He started to run down the fire escape, four floors was a lot with a bad leg. He hit the bottom, the lift hadn't arrived yet, he heard it ping then it opened, but no Finch. He pulled out his cell.

"Hello?" came Finch's voice.

"Where are you?"

"Outside."

"Where?"

"Your door."

"Ohh Finch." He jumped in the elevator. "Stay there I'm on my way." and he pressed the button.

The doors opened and he saw Finch stood smiling.

"Where did you go?" Finch asked.

"Chasing you."

"You ran down to catch me?" asked Finch smiling.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I wanted you to know I asked you to stay to spend time with me and to actually sleep, nothing else. I wanted to be sure you knew I understood." He opened his door and Finch stepped in.

"But what if I want more?" said Finch with his back turned.

"Say that again?" John wanted to be sure he heard it right.

Finch turned. "But what Mr. Reese," he said walking towards John; "if I want more?" he stopped in front of John and run his hands down his chest.

"Then more you would get until you told me to stop and promise me that you wouldn't get mad at me again, like today."

"Promise, kiss me." Finch almost demanded.