Skye's words hit me like a bullet between the eyes, I stared, searching her expression for a sign, some sign, any sign that this was some kind of joke, but Skye's expression didn't change. I leaped out of the armchair (a seat I hadn't even realized I had taken) ready to fling her words back at her only my legs started to dissolve so I collapsed back down. My gaze never left Skye's face. I didn't speak. Couldn't speak. Couldn't think, certainly not over the sound of my own heart pounding like a heavyweight boxer's blows.

I sat waiting, willing, wishing for Skye to take back her words.

Ha! not really.

Just joking

Pranks on you

Had you going there

But she didn't say any of those things.

It wasn't true.

How could it be true. We had been so careful…well I think I had, I had a bit to drink that night,

My stomach was heaving. Dry heaving. My body started to shake, starting deep inside and working outwards like ripples to the surface of a pond. My heart wasn't the only thing that was pounding. My head was beginning to hurt. As I remembered more and more about my night with skye despite my efforts to forget it.

I started to remember things I didn't want to

I remembered more and more about my night with Skye despite my efforts to block it out…not that she was not an attractive woman but…but I was gay I just, I couldn't, I remembered Champaign, talking with Skye, her violet hair draping flatteringly over her shoulder her brown eyes looking almost gold under the lighting, we spoke about our families, how we were outcasts unaccepted and then she had played piano and we had created this beautiful song. . . one thing had led to another and then. . .

We had kissed.

And we drank some more.

made out.

Drank some more.

And made out some more.

And then a few minutes later, we searched for a room. I remember Skye giggling as we went across the hallway holding hands, I think I'm not really sure. And I had the Champaign bottle in my other hand, not Champaign but another alcoholic drink. I can't remember what. We went into the first room we came to and shut the door. And I took another swig of my drink. And skye giggled. And we started kissing.

More snapshots.

The whole thing well. . . it was over before it had really began. It had been a blink and you'd miss it sprint, not a practiced and polished marathon. To tell the truth, I was quite disgusted, I remember thinking, what was I thinking? So how could an encounter that lasted. . .

No, that was the wrong word. It hadn't lasted. It wasn't meant to last. And certainly not in the shape of a…of a…

'oh my god…'

My gaze fell away from Skye to the still sleeping contents of the buggy.

A baby.

A child.

My child.

'I don't believe you' I was on my feet again 'my names not even on the birth certificate how can you be sure it's mine?'

Skye's lips tightened; her brown eyes turned obsidian dark. Her expression hardened like she'd been turned to stone.

'I don't sleep around Jamal' she stated icily 'and If you say that again I'll slap your face. Fyi I couldn't put your name down on the birth certificate because you were not there when I registered Dante's birth. I was told I could only put your name down as the dad if we were married or if you were present…and you werent' she glared at me. I stared at her, finding it harder and harder to breathe. Then skye sighed.

'Look, I…I didn't come here to fight with you, that wasn't my intention.'

'Then why come?'

Skye fished in her pocket for her cigarettes. She took one out and it was almost at her lips when she unexpected snapped it in two. Tobacco drizzled onto the carpet. Skye dropped the two ends into her pocket before running a shaky hand through her hair.

'Jamal, I need to talk to you but im running out of time.'

'I don't understand are you in some sort of trouble?'

I didn't understand a lot of things. Skye had turned up at my house and thrown a bomb into my entire life. A bomb that was still sleeping peacefully in its buggy.

'How. . .how come you didn't have an abortion?' (insensitive I know but I couldn't handle a…a baby right now I had just gotten with Derek this would wreck everything, as Derek was not the family type)

Skye regarded me, then shrugged. A shrug which was meant to mean very little but combined with her somber expression, showed just the opposite.

'Jamal, I did think about it. I thought of nothing else for days and weeks. I even went to a doctor so that he could send me to have the procedure done. But in the end I didn't.

'why not?'

'because from the time I found out I was pregnant, Dante never felt anything less than real to me so how could I go through with it? I just couldn't do it'

'did you…did you think about giving him up for adoption when he was born?

Skye studied me. Really studied me. Her face a mask. 'you blame me' she said quietly

'no. no, I don't. I just. . .I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this' trying and failing.

'I took one look at Dante and I couldn't do that either. My sister did her best to persuade me to give him up because of my singing career you know how it is… but I just couldn't do it. my family still don't even know I was pregnant only my sister and well now Dante's here… you' skye's eyes shimmered with unshed tears. 'but the first time I looked at Dante, he felt like the only thing I had left in the whole world. If I lost him, I'd have nothing. . .

'why didn't you tell your family?' I didn't know what else to say, how to react to that. How could ten forgettable minuets of not much turn both our lives inside out and upside down like this?

'why didn't you let me know?' the faintest of smiles.

'what would you have done jamal?'

'I…I…I don't know but to go through all that alone skye…'

'Jamal, you had trouble holding a bag containing a poop filled nappy. You held him like he was a ticking bomb. So what is it you think you could've done?'

My blank look was answer enough. I guess

'exactly' said Skye in a husky smoker's voice 'that's why I didn't even give your name when my sister and the hospital asked about the father.'

'but your sister still let you stay after the baby was born?'

'it was temporary accommodation Jamal, I'm not poor…besides I've already found myself a nice place to live in?'

'is that why you and the baby are heading to L.A' I asked Skye nodded. She glanced down at her watch.

'Jamal, could you do me a favor?'

'what?'

'could you look after Dante for a while? I have a to go to the mall to pick up some diapers and other stuff.'

Hell, No! 'why can't you take it with you?'

'stop calling him "it". and dante gets grouchy if his moved so soon after falling asleep. He'll wake up and cry for ages'

How exactly was that my problem? … (I still didn't buy this)

Except that the baby was supposed to be. my . . .my. . .mine. I started to turn to look at it, but I couldn't. If I didn't look, didn't. . . acknowledge it, then it wouldn't be real. None of this would be real (and I could get back to my lit life with Derek and making music…amen).

How I wished there was someone standing in front of me to tell me what to think and how to feel. Because I didn't have a clue. All I felt was. . .scared (this was nothing like how it had been with Lola my so called daughter that had turned out to be Luscious how did I know Skye hadn't shacked up with luscious and this wasn't just some pathetic joke they were both playing on me…no I couldn't allow myself to believe Skye would be that…that cruel) scratch that terrified. Heart thumping, cold sweating, sick to my stomach, mind numbingly terrified.

'What did Skye want from me?'

'Please, Jamal,' Skye wheeled 'I'll be back long before he wakes up, I promise he'll be asleep for a good couple hour now.'

'Skye if he wakes up I wouldn't have a clue what to do.' And god knows that was the honest truth we had never actually had small babies in our family. Like newborn babies well of course there had been Hakeem but Me and Dre had been quiet young so we never actually had to help out with him, sooo I was screwed.

'you won't have to do anything. I'll be back twenty minutes' tops or less. Ok?' Skye was already heading out of the living room and into the hallway towards the front door.

'you can't just dump him on me' I protested

'at least your calling dante "him" now rather than "it". '

'Skye, I'm serious,' I said. 'No way is you leaving a baby here'

'Get your head out of your ass Jamal, I'm coming back aren't I?

'you can't leave your baby here' I insisted, my tone broken-glass sharp with panic. (I was just about managing myself I couldn't be responsible for a tiny little life especially after what had happened with Freda the panic attack… just no) 'I was going out' I lied

'yeah, but not immediately. You said you were waiting for the courts to get back with the dates for Freda's hearing. I'll be back soon.' Skye was at the now- open front door. 'and he's not just "my" baby. His yours too. Remember that.'

'Skye, wait a second. This isn't right. You can't just- 'but she was already heading down the hallway and into one of the shiny steel elevators 'see you in a minuet.'

'why don't I shop for the things you need and you can look after your baby' I called after her. Skye turned around but didn't come any closer. Her gaze kept skidding away from mine. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought she was only a breath away from tears.

'Jamal what brand of diapers do you buy for newborn babies? What kind of milk do they need to drink? What needs to go on his skin after his bath? What cream do I use when he has nappy rash?'

'well you're going to get all that now aren't you?' I pointed out. 'So just tell me what to buy and I'll get it'

'Jamal what's wrong with you? Are you worried his going to jump up and bite your face off or something? His A two-week old baby not the next Freda- Skye closed her eyes and breathed when she caught sight of the grimace that crossed my features- sorry. It's just I'll be back soon okay? And then we can have a proper talk'

No it wasn't okay. And I didn't have it in me to talk about anything else with Skye. I wanted needed her to go away with her baby and never come back, if only I could go back to bed and erase this day, hell this week, wake up and start all over again. With increasing frustration, I watched as Skye hopped into the elevator and watched her until the doors pinged shut the knot in my stomach grew tighter. And I went back indoors to my half a million-pound house/ apartment. I wanted to slam the front door and keep on slamming it until the thing fell off its hinges, but I couldn't handle the baby waking up before Skye had returned.

I had a kid. Called dante. My son…

Oh god…

what was I going to do?

Derek…

What was Derek going to say?

And my brothers?

Luscious?

Cookie?

The press?

Oh god…

The doorbell rang.

Skye. She'd come back. Praise god. But that was quick…oh…I got it now. She was going to tell me it was all a joke, probably set up by Hakeem he loved to play jokes (god knows this wasn't the time but I was still relieved) this was exactly the kind of stunt he would pull Hakeem by name and Hakeem by nature. If this was his idea of a wind up then when I got hold of him, it'd be on! I wrenched open the door.

'hiya. Jamal Lyon?' the post man asked cheerily in a daze I took the letter the postman held out, and nodded well smiled a pathetic thank you, but he was already on his way down the hall.

Shutting the front door, I half fell, half leaned against it. I didn't want to move from the spot. And I certainly didn't want to go into the living room. To tell the truth, I was petrified to go back in there. And if I stayed still, closed my eyes and waited, then maybe just maybe none of this would be real,

I placed the fan and junk mail onto the table in the hall. On autopilot, I tore open the envelope addressed to me which said urgent. It was the date for Freda's court hearing. Feeling icy-cold and very alone, I looked down at the sheet of paper in my hand.

The hearing it was… it was tomorrow…

In the sitting room, the baby started to cry.

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