"Hmm, well I guess you better come in."
Feeling very ill at ease, John followed Frank Mitchell into the house. He had arrived at Manhattan Regional Airport about two hours ago, and had been driving around trying to find the farm since then. The Mitchell farm was not that far from Manhattan, Kansas but all the wheat fields looked the same which caused John to have to backtrack more than a few times.
"Well…" John started to try and say something, anything really, but stopped. What did you say to a man who lost his son and now you were here to try and get that same son's widow to "live life again" as Cameron had put it in his letter.
"Cam told me, before he died, that he was sad that he came between you and Elizabeth's friendship. He felt that eventually the two of you would have realised that you…well that you loved each other." Frank said, not really meeting John's eyes.
Clearing his throat, John racked his brain on what to say to a statement like that. "Well-"
"I guess we should get on over to Elizabeth's house. She and James finally went back home a few days ago." Frank cut in. Giving John the impression that he didn't much want to hear anything from him right at this moment. And that was fine by him. "I've decided to tell her that I tracked you down so that I could tell you about Cam's death. Knowing how you used to be such good friends and all."
"Okay." John said and then followed Frank out the door. He was very happy that he had his own car to drive, he wasn't sure if he would be able to handle any more alone time with Cam's dad. Besides, he was sweating bullets just thinking about seeing Elizabeth again. What was he supposed to say to her? 'So sorry that I've been a jackass for all these years…but here I am now.' Or maybe he could go with 'I'm here to help you live life again and oh yeah, it is okay with your dead husband that we do this.' He was sure that either of those would go over big. Also, there was the thought deep in the back of his head that this was going to blow up, big time, in everyone's faces. Eventually Elizabeth would need to be told about Cam's letter, and John was pretty sure that Elizabeth would spew fire at them for it. But like a big dummy he still was going to do it.
After about a thirty minute drive, they came to rest at a nice little home in the suburbs. John almost laughed at the perfect little white picket fences that surrounded most of the homes. He had entered Mayberry. Deciding that he would let Frank talk to Elizabeth first, John waited in the car with his eyes locked on the front door. Part of him wanted to slam on the gas and get the hell out of Dodge, but he had already done that and it hadn't made him happy. Even if Elizabeth tossed him out on his ear, it would still be worth it just to see her again.
"Grandpa!"
John was shocked to see a minature Cameron Mitchell open the front door and throw himself into Frank's arms. His throat dry, John waited for his first glance of Elizabeth. Finally, she came to the door with a smile for Cam's dad. John felt paralysed. She was beautiful. Seeing Frank make some gestures toward his car, he took a deep breath and then opened the door. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he leaned against the car not sure if he should approach yet or not.
"John?" Elizabeth started down her driveway. "Oh my… John?"
Meeting her halfway, John gave her a sheepish smile. "Hi Elizabeth." Suddenly, she was hugging him. A bit taken aback, it took him a minute to process everything. Wrapping his own arms around her, he felt like he had come home. It was hard for him to let her go when she finally pulled away from him.
"Where have you been? I mean, why did you stop writing? How did you even find him Frank?" Elizabeth didn't wait for any answers, but instead gave John one last quick hug and then motioned her son over. "James, this is John Sheppard. He was my best friend in college."
"Did you know my dad too?" James asked.
John saw the pained expresson on Elizabeth's face at the mention of Cam, before she covered it up. "I sure did." Leaning down to be more on James's level, John took out a small bag from his pocket. "How would you like some offcial Atlantis Airline pilot wings?"
"Wow, cool!" James's face lit up as he ripped open the bag. Standing back up he met Elizabeth's smiling face and wished that she could be won by simple things like pin on wings. "Grandpa, do you see these pilot wings?"
Elizabeth watched James run over to Frank, and then moved closer to John. "Is that how Frank found you? Through the airline?"
Rubbing the back of his neck, John sighed. "Yeah, about that…I'm sorry that I let us lose touch. I know that I've been a pretty awful friend."
"It happens," Elizabeth waved her hand. "I mean, we both had lives to lead. But it would have been nice to at least get your new address when you moved. We could have sent Christmas cards to each other, like you do to all your other friends that you never talk to."
John knew that she was covering it well, but that Elizabeth was hurt. It made him feel like an even bigger heel, seeing her bravely try and brush off his ignoring of their friendship. Looking to where Frank was pinning the wings on James'shirt, John motioned toward the boy. "He looks like he can give you a run for your money."
"He sure can. But it's good, James keeps me on my toes" Elizabeth laughed, "Every day he gets into mischief. He's like Cam in that way." Going still, Elizabeth glanced away.
"He looks a lot like Cam too." John said after an awkward pause. He figured they had to talk about it some time, so he steamrolled on. "I'm really sorry about Cam, Elizabeth."
"Thank you." Elizabeth mumbled, not meeting his eyes. "So where are you staying?" Elizabeth asked.
John let the change in subject pass. "I hadn't really thought about it. I was in such a hurry to get here, that I didn't really make any plans. What hotel is close?"
"Oh please, we have plenty of room here. You can stay in the guest room." Elizabeth started walking to his car to get his bags. "How long is the visit?"
"As long as it takes." John whispered before going to help Elizabeth lift out his suitcase.
Elizabeth woke to sun streaming through her window. Stretching, she got up and wrapped her robe around her. It had been a wonderfully strange night. John showing up out of the blue had been such a surprise. Then again, this was just like him. He would always come to her rescue. In school he would complain about every single one of her "silly crusades", but would turn up and hold a sign even when it was only the two of them doing it. He might have been out of her life for a few years, but when it counted he came to her side. He really was her best friend.
Hearing noises coming from the living room, Elizabeth made her way down the hall. She had to smile when she found James and John both on the floor playing with toy army figurines. She saw that James still had his wings pinned to his pyjamas. He hadn't wanted to take them off when she had put him to bed.
"Get ready men!" James cried in a deep voice. "The enemy is coming!" Moving some figures around, James shouted out some more instructions with John chiming in from his own battalion.
The two were so involved in what they were doing, they didn't even see Elizabeth. Grabbing a pillow from the couch, she lobbed it at their figures. "Sneak attack from behind!"
"Oh no!" James laughed as he turned to his mother. "We were out manuvered men!"
"Your mother was always sneaky like that." John smiled at Elizabeth's raised eye-brow. "If we would have had her on our staff during Desert Storm, things would have been tied up nice and tight."
"If I would have been on the Air Force staff during Desert Strom, I would have made both parties see reason." Elizabeth collected the pillow she had thrown. "So are the troops ready for breakfast?"
"Yes Ma'am." James gave her a funny little salute and then ran for the kitchen.
"You probably iwould/i have made everyone see reason." John began scooping up the toy soldiers and dumping them back into a tin can. "And if not, there would have been one hell of a picket line with really colorful signs I'm sure."
"Ha, ha." Elizabeth began straightening up the mess that the two had made during their "campaign". "So were you trying to conquer all of Asia before I dive bombed you?"
"According to James we were fighting to save Earth from life-sucking aliens." John stood, handing her the tin can. Briefly their fingers met. That light touch made John's heart race. He could swear that Elizabeth's eyes flickered with that same awareness before she pushed it away.
"It was really nice of you to play with him." Elizabeth said.
"He's a great kid. I had as much fun as he did." John said as he followed Elizabeth into the kitchen.
"Can we have eggs and bacon today?" James asked as he was setting the table.
"Wow, and he sets the table without being asked. What more could a mother want?" John asked.
"That's my job. I always set the table." James said, placing a cup at each plate. "If you're going to stay long, you'll need a job too."
Laughing, Elizabeth started getting out the frying pan. "That's right, John. No one gets a free ride at this house. How long do we have the pleasure of your company anyway? You never told me last night."
"Well, I take a three week vacation every year during the summer. But I'm sure you don't want me to be in your hair for that long." John took the silverware from James and began placing it around the table. "I know that you probably have classes."
"Actually, I'm not teaching summer classes this year. I decided that I wanted to spend all my time with James while he is out of school." Elizabeth threw some eggs in and then popped bread into the toaster. "And you can stay as long as you want. I haven't seen you in years. A few weeks won't even get us all caught up." Turning back to her frying pan, Elizabeth wondered why she just told him that. Three weeks was a long time to have a guest, but truthfully even after not seeing him for years she felt exteremly comfortable around him.
"You can sit here, John." James ran to pull out a chair. "It was where my dad always sat."
John glanced at Elizabeth. A slight frown formed on her lips, but she didn't say anything. "I like being over by the window, buddy," John said, moving to the fourth chair that he was sure had really never been used by the family.
"I don't like this one bit, Frank." Wendy Mitchell glared out the window of the farm house. Elizabeth and John were both holding James' hands as they walked toward the barn. John had been staying with Elizabeth almost a week, and the two had become closer and closer.
"Elizabeth hasn't been this happy for months now." Frank said from his recliner. "John has been good for her. And James is having a ball."
"Well, they shouldn't be!" Wendy turned away from the window. "It should be hard for them! Hard is what happens when you lose a husband and father! One fly-boy who hasn't even contacted his so called best friend, should not be able to just show up and make his move!"
Frank put down his magazine. "Wendy, this is what Cam wanted. Would you rather that Elizabeth waste away and pine after a man who is not coming back? In the few days that John has been here, Elizabeth has laughed and smiled more than since Cam was diagnosed with cancer. You would really take that away from her?" Glaring at him for a beat, she walked passed him to the hallway without saying anything.
"I'm going to go see if Nate can come over and swim." James called through the sliding class door.
"That's fine." Elizabeth said from her deck chair. When she and Cam had bought the house, he had been thrilled by the pool. At first Elizabeth could only think about the time and energy it took to keep up a backyard pool, but soon she had fallen in love with having one too.
"I bet he is a fish during the summer." John said as he came out of the house and took a seat next to her.
"Definitely. Cameron enrolled him in swimming lessons before he could even walk." Elizabeth said and then went back to her book.
John had noticed that it was getting easier for Elizabeth to talk about Cam. They had stayed up late last night laughing about college stories, and she had shared a few about their first couple of years of marriage. It seemed that talking of him was becoming less of a taboo.
"You know, since I've been here you've never been in the pool." John said.
Elizabeth looked up from her book, and saw an evil glint in John's eyes. "Oh no you don't John Sheppard!" Coming to her feet when he did, she began backing away to make a run for the door.
"Come on, Elizabeth. Have some fun."
"Getting dumped into a pool, when you are not wearing a swimming suit is not fun." Elizabeth edged away as he came closer.
"Says who?" John asked, before grabbing her and hauling her toward the pool's edge.
Elizabeth was shocked when she started giggling. She hadn't giggled since she was a school girl. Trying to brace herself she turned and wrapped her arms around John. "Fine Sheppard. If I'm going in, so are you!" Falling back, she used all of her body weight to unbalance him. Together they fell into the pool with a huge splash. Sputtering, they both came up for air. Elizabeth splashed John's face and then swam away.
"Hey!" John swam after Elizabeth who was making her way to the shallow end. Grabbing her foot, he pulled her back right before she could make it up the stairs. Laughing, they both sank to the bottom step to catch their breath.
"I must look a fright." Elizabeth laughed as she tried to push her wet hair out of her face.
"You look beautiful as always." John said softly. The fell silent as they looked at each other. John moved closer, and time seemed to stand still as they leaned into each other. John brought up his hand to brush some of her hair out of her face, and Elizabeth suddenly jerked back. Breathing heavily, she jumped out of the pool.
"I better go and see what is taking James so long. Nate only lives next door." Dripping wet, Elizabeth practically ran for the door.
Elizabeth sighed as she walked down the frozen food aisle. James and John were off at the video section trying to decide what movie to rent. John had been staying with them for over two weeks, but it seemed like he had been with them forever. Sometimes she felt so close to John that it scared her. Especially because there had been several more "almost kisses" since the time in the pool. John never pushed, but she was also sure that he wanted to kiss her almost as bad as she was beginning to want to kiss him. Elizabeth wondered what was wrong with her. Her husband had only been gone for a few months, yet she was wanting to kiss another guy? There was probably a special place in hell for stuff like this. Plus, it was John. Since when had she had these types of feelings for him? It was all too confusing.
"We decided on "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".' James said, putting the movie in the shopping cart.
"James wanted "Nightmare on Elm Street" but I talked him out of it." John said, ruffling James' hair.
"Very wise decision." Elizabeth smiled at the two of them as James dragged John over to the candy slots. John had been a godsend for James. Not that John could ever replace Cam, but the little boy needed another man in his life. James had stopped looking so concered for her, and started behaving like a young kid again. It was something else to be thankful for in regards to John Sheppard. But at the same time, Elizabeth worried about when John had to go back to his own life It would be hard, for James, to say goodbye to John. And if she was truthful with herself, she was going to find it hard to say goodbye to John too. Sighing, Elizabeth acknowledged again that everything was confusing.
"I need to speak with you."
Elizabeth looked away from the window where whe was watching John and James throw a football around and smiled at Wendy. "Sure, what's up?"
Nervously, Wendy smoothed out a piece of paper as she sat down across from Elizabeth. "I can't keep silent any longer."
"You're worrying me, Wendy, what's wrong?" Elizabeth asked.
"Frank found John because Cameron wanted him to. I guess Cam, the day before he died, had a talk with his father and he dictated this letter. It was for John." Wendy rushed her words, like she was afraid she wouldn't be able to get them all out in time. "Frank kept a copy of it. I think you should read it. I thought you should know the real reason John Sheppard came back into your life." With that, she slid the paper over to Elizabeth and then left the room.
When John came in to see what Elizabeth was doing, he knew immediately that something was wrong. She was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs staring at the wall. "Elizabeth?"
"So was it pity, John? Pity that I wouldn't be able to…how did Cam say it again…live life?" Elizabeth asked, not looking at him.
Shocked, John came around the table and saw that Elizabeth was clutching a piece of paper. He could only assume it was a copy of Cam's letter. "It wasn't like that, Elizabeth."
"So what was it like, John?" Elizabeth stood up and began pacing. "I should have known. You haven't taken the time for years to even say hi, yet you drop everything to come and rescue me? What? Did Cam's letter finally make you feel bad enough for ignoring me that you decided to come and make me all better?"
"No. It wasn't anything like that." John jumped in. "I came because the letter gave me hope. Hope for something that I thought I would never be able to have. You wonder why I haven't taken the time to say hi for years? It's because it was too painful. It was too painful to listen to all the good times you were having with Cameron, because I wanted to be the one to have the good times with you." Elizabeth had stopped in her tracks and was staring at John. He moved closer to her and took her hand. "I've loved you since the first time you argued with me in English class freshman year. But by the time I figured all of that out, you were already in love with Cameron Mitchell."
Elizabeth pulled away, as tears began to streak down her cheeks. "No…you…"
"Yes, Elizabeth." John again moved closer to her. "I love you."
Pushing past him, Elizabeth ran out the back door. "We need to go now, James." Elizabeth grabbed her purse and started hearding her son to the car.
"Elizabeth wait." John followed after her.
Elizabeth turned as James, a confused look on his face, got into the car. "You need to leave John." Getting into the car, Elizabeth gave John one last tearful look and then drove away.
"You and your damn letter!" Elizabeth scowled at the picture of Cameron by her bedside. She had just finished crying which left her with a headache, but was no closer to knowing what to do. Slowly her eyes closed, and she was asleep.
"I love you Elizabeth." Cameron Mitchell walked into the room, and suddenly they were transported to a beautiful Swiss country side. Walking among the flowers, Elizabeth tried to remember why she was mad with her husband. Oh yeah, he was dead.
"If you love me, why did you leave me?" Elizabeth asked, when Cam swept her into his arms, and a waltz began to play. Humming, as they glided along, Cam didn't say anything. It felt so good to be in his arms again and Elizabeth held on with all her might. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Elizabeth knew that this was a dream but she didn't want it to stop.
"Life is life. Not much we can do to stop it." Cameron finally spoke, spinning her around. "I didn't want to leave, but it wasn't up to me."
"Things have just gotten so hard." Elizabeth again wrapped her arms around him as they swayed to the music.
"But they got better with John." Cam said, holding Elizabeth close as she tried to pull away. "John loves you. Always has, always will."
"But I love you!" Elizabeth cried.
"Yes, but you love John too. Probably for about as long as he's loved you. I just got in the way." Cam said, and then shushed her when she tried to deny it. "Love is just a deeper form of friendship. We had it, and you can have it again just this time with John."
Something was pulling Cam away from her. Crying out, she tried to hold onto him. "Cam, wait!"
"I love you Elizabeth, but you've got to let me go"
Jerking awake, Elizabeth felt her face. It was wet with her tears. Sliding over to her bedside table, she clicked on the lamp. Pulling out the letter, she began to read it again.