Back again to relish in the art of writing fics and I don't own anything but my mind and right know it's on loan to ericdraven201
"Alucard?" questioned a surprised Dante. "Half-Demon? This is quite the surprise." said Alucard as he turned to stare at the crew of demon hunters. "What in the world are you doing here, there's no big bad ugly demons here besides my bro." Dante remarked as he felt a sudden stab to his leg. "I got to get me some new glasses" said an old man as he fiddled with his specs while drinking his coffee. "Man, I knew I shouldn't have smoked all that weed and then stuffed my face with munchkins," said some black guy who by the way he feasted obviously had the munchies. All these questions were in response to a shimmering transparent blue sword sticking in Dante's leg. "Dammit Verg! Enough with the swords already! It was a joke!" yelled one pissed demon hunter. Vergil just smiled with his cold eyes trained on Alucard as if asking for a chance to challenge the Count "Why are you here?" Vergil asked.
Alucard just smile hungrily flashing his fangs and then he spoke "To glare at me like that you must not have heard of your brother's past encounter with me?" Dante jumped up "If you hadn't brought that little Hellsing toy, you'd still be a pile of hamburger meat!" His brother jumped in next "I assure you I am not my brother and I'd love to see which one is sharper my blades or your fangs?" questioned Vergil. There was so much murderous tension in the air that no one noticed a busty yet clumsy police woman entering the shop. Lady trying to relax the mood just laughed "Ha-ha! Ha! Ha! He's on a donut date with a cop!" Dante smiled at his lady, but the rest of the place including myself kept quiet due to fear. One man was even holding his piss, but then he ran for the bathroom. The bathroom sounds like the safest place in here right now, I thought to myself. Trish who had been unnaturally silent then asked Alucard a simple question "Are you a man or a monster?" Alucard sighed at the police girl nearly tripping over the table before turning to Trish and saying with a devilish grin "Wouldn't you like to know?"
The man who had run to the bathroom came back out seeming to have made it in time. Though everyone knew he was in a bad position like being right in the middle of two loaded guns. This time instead of two guns however, he was between Alucard and the counter. The vampire king glared at him as he walked up beside him and whispered into his ear "You have failed." Just then the man wet himself as he took of running to the nearby church.
The clumsy police woman raced to the counter and greeted me with a smile; I took note of her fangs as well. "Hi Tony, I'm Seras Victoria and . . . "Before she could finish Alucard stepped in and simply asked "Among this vast selection I see no blood, where might I find some?" I wasn't sure of what to say, although I did want to recommend a few customers I've had issues with. Alucard smiled as if he had just heard my thoughts and was relishing the thought of it. Victoria stepped in before Alucard went on a hunt for annoying customers. "Sir, might I suggest the jelly donuts, they taste much sweeter than blood." Hellsing's number one agent gave a low growl and spoke "Fine, Police Girl." As he turned to me he spoke again "I'll take a dozen, pay the child police girl." As I took their order I got a beep over the drive-thru headset. I quickly gave them their donuts as they took their seats next to Dante and his friends and then answered the annoying as hell headset. "Welcome, how may I help you today?" On the other end I heard a man with a very thick foreign accent. "My dear lad, I love two things in life. One is I love war and the other is I love German cake ice cream. I'll take two quarts." I put the order in and then asked if that was all. "Milk shake! I vant a milkshake Major!" said a young boy with an accent as well. "Very well, Schrodinger, a large milkshake . . . any flavor."
I went and prepared their order as Dante and Alucard walked over to the drive thru window. "You sure this will work?" questioned Dante. "Believe me Half-Demon it's quite the stress reliever. As I was about to give man his order I heard to very loud gun shots. I glanced at the drive thru window to see Alucard and Dante's guns still smoking from the rounds they had just fired into the car. "What the hell did you two do?" I asked them. They just smiled and laughed as if it were a game. Then the man called The Major spoke to me "My dear boy there is nothing to fear, these two hellhounds will taste defeat soon enough, for now the ice cream." I just handed him the ice cream as I deeply looked at the headless body next to him. "Don't forget the milkshake Major." I jumped back in shock as the headless body suddenly had a head and cat ears as well. It also started muttering German curse words. "Thank you," said the Major "I love German chocolate cake ice cream. I love the texture. The rich taste it has. The way no other ice cream can compare to it. Each spoonful is as good as the next like bullets being emptied into a foolish band of rebels."
1 hour later
"Unleash the abundant taste of German chocolate cake ice cream my friend." Said the Major as I stood there half sleep from the long speech. "Huh, oh yea German chocolate cake ice cream is the greatest." I said as I awoke. "Farewell," said the Major and the cat boy. Dante and his crew were in a deep discussion with Alucard and Seras Victoria. "Ebony and Ivory," spoke Dante, "sleek, effective and come on white and black guns, people are asking me if there's a deeper meaning behind them." Alucard just smiled before showing off Jackal and his .454 Casull. "Didn't these blow those little toys of yours away?" He questioned, leaving Dante to pout. Trish pulled out a simple handgun "Quite effective against anything that goes bump in the night," she said before wrapping it in lightning, "With the proper charge of course." Then lady produced two handguns before showing off Kalina Ann to everyone. "Nothing like it and there never will be. It can slice off a limb and blow you to kingdom come in under 5 minutes." Seras Victoria produced the awe inspiring Harkonnen which weighed over a 100 pounds. It also made Lady feel like Kalina Ann was nothing more than a potato launcher, until Dante reassured her of its importance.
Vergil just scoffed at everyone around the table, "Are all these guns really necessary? A blade can do just as well and doesn't use up massive amounts of ammo. Alucard and Dante stared at Vergil and their thoughts were aimed right at him .thought Alucard shot his thoughts at Vergil with a hungry look on his face, I could rip you to shreds and use your toy as a toothpick when I finish. Dante just laid back and smirked, He always has to hate on guns, and he forgets it's the guns that helped us pull off jackpot and helped get his ass out of hell. I looked at Vergil sadly. He must have read their thoughts and caught that since his face showcased epic failure. Then Trish tried to comfort him by asking me a question, "Hey Tony could you fix us one big Reese's sundae with extra of the usual toppings?" This seemed to work as Vergil brightened up and I went over to the counter to get to work.
If anybody's curious in Hellsing Ultimate the Major has a very long monologue after the fourth episode that could really put you to sleep or want to give a salute your choice. Reviews aren't just welcomed they're encouraged