Here's the next installment. Just to let eveyrone know this chapter is a flashback based around actually episodes. This fic is a little jumpy with flashbacks, sorry if it gets confusing. The present parts are in fifth season if that helps with the timeline. Please remember to drop a review, they make me smile.

~3 years earlier

Megan sat on the porch of Hankel's house. She took a drag of her cigarette. Since she started at the BAU she'd tried to stop and it was beginning to work until this happened. It felt like a part of her had been ripped away. Spencer was her partner, best friend, and she was beginning to hate herself for not going with him earlier.

"Do you mind?" Emily asked as she stepped out of the house. Megan didn't look up as she motioned for her to take a seat next to her. "How are you holding up?" She watched as Megan shrugged and put the cigarette back to her lips. "I thought you quit. What's Hotch going to say?"

"You know what Spence said to me the first time we met at the Academy?" Megan's voice was shaking with suppressed sobs. "He told me six minutes. That's how long every cigarette would take my life. At first I couldn't care less, but after awhile I started to understand. When I pulled this out I thought I could just hold it and try to relax." A heavy sob escaped her lips and Emily leaned down to place a comforting arm around the younger agent.

"One won't kill you, Meg. You needed to calm down, he'd understand."

"What's the point of keeping those six minutes if I don't get to spend them with him?" Megan screamed covering her tear streaked face with her hands. "That thought keeps running through my head. It won't stop."

"You care about him, Meg, we all do. We're going to get him back, but we need to work together."

"I can't," she whispered as a new stream of tears ran down her cheeks.

"Megan, finish your cigarette, come inside and do your job." With that Emily got up to reenter the house. "He needs all of us on this."

Megan scrubbed out her cigarette before getting up and wiping her jeans off. Emily's words hit her hard. She hadn't been there before, but she was going to help him now. Taking one of the journals from Derek, she began to read through it. Suddenly she seemed to get a wave of energy just as the rest of the team was losing steam. Aaron watched his little sister and knew that she was taking this personally, more so than the rest of the team. The only time he saw her breath was when she took five minute breaks every four or so hours.

"We'll get him back, Megs." Aaron said as he stepped outside with her.

"You used to be a better liar." She blinked a few time to get rid of her tears. "I don't know how much longer he'll be able to stay strong."

"I'm sure he's stronger than we give him credit for."

"Hotch, you need to see this." Derek said from the door. As the siblings went back into the house it didn't take long for Megan's eyes to find her partner on the screens. She wished she hadn't only seconds later.

Running from the room, Megan stumbled down the porch steps. Never in her life had she felt this alone. Seeing him fall completely still broke her heart in more than one way. He was alone, scared, and most definitely in pain. Most importantly he didn't know how much she loved him. She wanted to pull out another cigarette, but her hand caught on her gun instead. It seemed like a viable option. Surely smoking an entire pack tonight wasn't going to make the hurt go away like a shot from her .36. If it wasn't for the little nephew she would leave behind and the brother's that loved her no matter what, she probably would have contemplated it a lot longer.

After being pulled back into the house by her brother, Megan completely shut down. It didn't matter than within minutes the bastard that had killed Spencer had revived him. They were still miles apart and all she wanted was to wrap him in one of his awkward hugs that she secretly loved. Garcia sent sympathetic glances towards the chair she was balled up in.

Later that night, Megan threw caution to the wind as she ran through the graveyard after hearing the gun shot go off. She didn't release the breath she was holding until his arms wrapped around her.

"Ready to get out of here?" She asked only pulling back far enough to look him in the eye.

"So soon," he said with little humor, but she let out a choked laugh anyway.

On the plane they sat together on the couch, both completely exhausted. Spencer laid his head on her lap, Megan's fingers absently brushing his hair off his forehead. She didn't want to break contact with him for fear of losing him again. Never again did she want to feel that inability to breathe.

When they landed she'd offered to drive him home, walking with him all the way up to his apartment. She hugged him one last time before she left, but this time it wasn't Megan who held on. Spencer buried his face in her dark messy curls, but she felt the tears hit her shoulders.

"I'll stay with you, Spence." She offered quietly running her fingers down his spine.

"I'd like that."

She'd sat on his bed while he showered, flipping through the books on the night stand. For the first time she'd been in his place, she felt comfortable. It might have been the overwhelming aroma of him that wafted through the room, or the fact that she loved how insanely neat he kept everything.

They lay together on the bed, keeping a respective space between each other which seemed unnecessary. His hand found hers within minutes and she allowed him to move closer to her, resting his head on her shoulder. Possessively, he held her waist and Megan laced her fingers through his. She laid there in one of his old Cal-Tech tee shirts and thought about how completely at peace she felt. It was amazing how well they fit together, chests rising and falling at the same time. If she wanted to she probably could have listened to how their heartbeats synced as well, but exhaustion finally claimed her. It was the first restful sleep she'd had in days.

That morning she'd carefully peeled herself away from his warm embrace. She made coffee as quietly as possible, trying not to wake him before she was able to step out for one last cigarette. Flinching slightly as long arms engulfed her waist, a smile spread across her face.

"I tried not to wake you," she whispered for no apparent reason.

"You didn't."

Turning in his arms, she could see the lie but decided not to comment on it. Unsure of what completely possessed her, Megan ran her hands up the arms he still had on her waist. Stopping at his shoulders, she leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on the edge of his lips. Moving closer she wrapped her arms around his neck, silently sobbing into his shoulder.

"We could've lost you," she choked out.

"You did, for a minute."

He pulled her back easily. Embarrassed, Megan moved out of his reach completely. She rubbed her eyes aggressively to get rid of the tears. Pushing herself onto the clear counter space she stared across the kitchen at him.

"I should have been with you. Aaron should have let me go." Her voice was almost back to normal. "I want to blame him."

"Don't, he didn't know."

"I couldn't stop thinking about how scared you must have been, and alone. The pain," she took in a shaking breath to stop the tears from reappearing. "You might be my geeky partner, Spencer Reid, but I love you."

He closed the distance between them, standing between her legs. Closing her eyes as he rested his forehead against hers, Megan tried to remain calm as her admission hung in the space between them.

"You don't have to say anything. I just realized that I don't want something to happen to one of us without…" Her words were cut off as he pressed his lips to hers. His hands around her waist pulled her deeper into the embrace.

"You look good in that shirt," he whispered as they broke for breath.

"Keep this up and you'll see me in it more often."

That had been the beginning of their very secret relationship. It was almost a miracle they were able to keep it from their co-workers, especially her brother. It wasn't only the fact that they were breaking the fraternization rules, but also compromising the team two-fold with another personal relationship on Megan's part. What they had was new and it just seemed better when they were alone. Together they could pretend to be two normal people falling in love.

If they were to tell the team, it wouldn't be their relationship anymore. It was a joint decision to keep it secret for fear of having too many opinions or judgments. For Megan, she wasn't ready to open herself up completely to someone else. But in Spencer's case, he was still fighting his own demons and he needed to work through that before letting Megan in completely.

In New Orleans, Megan had finally had enough of whatever Spencer was hiding. She'd tried to let him work through it on his own, but the attitude was beginning to wear her thin. It had barely been a month since they started a relationship and she knew he wasn't telling her something. Deep down she knew what it was, they all did, but it didn't feel like her place to bring it up.

"Megan, everything okay?" Spencer's voice caught her off guard as he walked up to the front of the hotel.

"I just needed some air. How was Ethan?" She tried hiding the cigarette behind her back, but his keen eyes had already caught it.

"He's good, I guess. What're you doing with that?"

"Sue me. It's been a rough couple of weeks."

"Do I have to remind you, six minutes?" He stepped closer to her, a hand on her hip so he could whisper. "Besides it's like kissing an ashtray."

"You're one to talk." She sighed, taking a step out of his reach and placing the cigarette between her lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on do you really think you're fooling any of us, especially me, Spence?" She moved closer, running her fingers up his exposed forearm. "This might lose you six minutes with me, but how many have I lost with you?"

She kissed his cheek quickly before stabbing out her cigarette and heading back inside the building. He watched her, unable to follow. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, and it finally dawned on him how much she was affected. If there was any reason to get help, it was the woman leaving him now.