Fix You

Detroit: Part One

The November air was harsh. The wind made its way through the streets, into the alleyways. The large, mostly abandoned old industrial site by the water didn't fair much better than the main part of the city. Severide pulled his jacket tightly around himself, wishing he was wearing gloves but he was on an adrenaline fuelled mission. He'd been in Detroit for more than twenty-four hours now, he'd barely slept since that phone call two days ago. A short while ago he'd finally managed to get some useful information out of the local police department, which was why he was now walking around the run-down area, searching.

Casey was standing by the fire, one of the few darted around in the open metal containers. The heat licked at his skin, the small amount that was showing, he was wrapped up in all the clothes he owned. Every so often he would put his arms out, warming his hands above the flames. He wasn't alone but no one was talking. He was coughing into the air now and then, unable to repress his grating chest.

His hood was pulled up over his head, he wasn't paying the world much attention, he was barely even thinking, he couldn't think. He was too cold and too tired to think, but he knew he couldn't sleep in this temperature, not coming straight from the streets of the city cold and unfeeling, it wasn't safe. Although he wasn't sure why he bothered with safe anymore, but it was ingrained into hime even now.

He only noticed something unusual, someone out of place because the guy opposite him had his eyes fixed on the sight. The man in the smart jacket and scarf was walking around, trying to show people a photograph, trying to ask questions, but no one was receptive, and they shuffled away.

The man walked straight behind Casey, and then he heard his voice from a few yards away.

"Can I just show you a photo? Please. I'm looking for someone, I'm not a cop or anything… here, have this, take it to get a warm drink and some food, just look at this photo, all right?"

Casey was listening now. He knew that voice all too well. He could never forget that voice. His heart started to pound away in his chest, he almost felt dizzy with the feelings that had woken inside of himself.

"I don't know who that is… Can I still have the money?"

"Yeah, course, here…" Severide gave the guy some notes and sighed, glancing around the area, quickly losing hope, he wasn't sure why he thought it would have been easy to find Casey in a city he didn't know, and what if he didn't even recognise him anymore?

But Severide recognised Casey immediately, and his heart almost stopped.

Casey had moved away from the heat of the flames, turning and walking in the direction Severide had come from. He wasn't even sure why he was leaving, but he couldn't be seen, not like this, not by Severide. He should never had called him.

Severide could see Casey walking away. He would always recognise his walk, even if he was limping right now. "Matt!" he called after him, only needing to walk briskly to catch up with him. "Matt, please stop."

"Sorry…" It was all Casey said as he stood still, breathing harshly, face angled away from Severide.

"Why did you walk away?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. His voice was hoarse and strained, and Severide could see the sharpness of his cheekbones, along with the fading black eye beneath the hood he had pulled up. The thick woollen hat and cotton scarf hid most of his features but not his piercing eyes. Those eyes were so tired though, tired and dull.

Severide spoke tentatively. "Do you… erm… are you all right?"

Casey coughed again. He nodded.

"Where are you staying?" he asked him.

"Around." Casey glanced back at where he'd been standing.

Severide couldn't pull his eyes away, but he was desperately trying to keep his emotions in check. "You got things to get?" he asked.

"Get?" Casey repeated, trying to keep his coughing more subtle than it felt.

"Belongings," he clarified.

"Oh… no…" Casey looked around at everyone, no one was looking at them but he didn't feel comfortable. "Let's not talk."

"Matt?"

"I mean, not here. Can we maybe walk at least? To keep warm…" he trailed off, coughing again.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want, Matt… we could get a hot drink?" Severide suggested.

But he seemed to ignore the idea. "You know… that guy is probably gonna buy drugs with that money. You're too nice. Always have been," he told him as they began to walk. It was a slow pace, Severide had to hold back to make sure he didn't walk ahead of him.

"Is that what you do?" Severide asked without a hint of distain in his voice.

He shrugged. "Not so much these days. How long are you here?" He had always been a master at diversion.

"Got all the time in the world," Severide responded sincerely.

He stopped and stood still, away from prying eyes now. "I'm sick, Kelly."

Severide nodded. "Ok, well, come home and you can get better."

"It's not like that." He didn't know what was wrong, but he had an inkling.

"What's the doctor said? You've seen a doctor?" Severide asked him consecutively.

He shook his head as he spoke. "Not seen a doctor." He coughed, using the back of his hand to cover his mouth.

"I don't like the sound of that…"

"The cough is different, I think… it's just a feeling, maybe I'm wrong," Casey continued, avoiding eye contact, looking down at the sidewalk.

"Well, I'll take you to a doctor here, or when we get home," Severide told him. No wonder no one had found Casey, he may have made sure hospitals and free clinics were aware he was a missing person, but Casey had never entered one.

"Home?"

Severide almost hesitated, worried this was not going to go as he had planned. "Yeah, I thought I was bringing you home?"

"I destroyed that home, all I have are memories, that's all I can have…"

"Matt… let me take you to a doctor at least... or let me give you a bed for the night? Warm bed, hot shower, fresh clothes…"

"Shouldn't have called you. Wasn't feeling well, I've been withdrawing… not by choice…" he scoffed but carried on. "I shouldn't have done it. I'm just hurting you all over again."

"I'm happy just to see you. I'm not hurting. You've not hurt me," Severide affirmed. He desperately wanted to just put a hand out to touch Casey's arm, just for a second, just to make sure this wasn't some sort of dream or hallucination, that Casey wasn't just about to disappear right in front of his eyes.

Casey looked him in the eyes for the briefest moment. "That's a lie."

"Ok, it is, so can I guilt trip you into staying with me tonight? Because, Matt, I regret not telling you that I loved you soon enough, maybe if you'd known earlier…"

"Please don't," his voice cracked.

"I think you need to sit down…" Severide said, watching the man before him sway. He reached out to help him remain upright but Casey just stepped back. Almost tripping.

"I'm fine." But he didn't look it, especially not when the police car drove by slowly. "We should keep walking," he told Severide.

"Let's go to my hotel room. It's nothing fancy," Severide said, as if he thought Casey would dislike something like that, somewhere he would stand out. He felt he should tell him that, tell him that he would be fine there, with him. "It's small and the mattress has a lump in it," he added. As soon as he said it he realised Casey probably hadn't slept on a mattress for a very long time and he was filled with guilt.

"I've stayed in shelters," Casey responded as they started walking again, the limp in his gait growing worse the more he moved.

He almost smiled at that, not because of his words but because Casey had known what he had been thinking, like they'd not even been apart for all this time. "That's good, is good to know you have someplace to go at night… you go every night?"

"Yeah." He nodded, looking straight ahead as they made their way along the sidewalk, almost reaching the city now. Casey had walked in this direction on purpose, if they had gone the other way into the city Severide would have the discovered the streets and corners where he worked. Where he sold himself.

Severide knew he was lying, lying to make him feel better so he said nothing more on the matter. "I think we should order-in, get a pizza or something? Something warm and filling, how's that sound?"

"Whatever you want…" his voice was laced with a tone Severide couldn't quite pick out, it was almost seductive. If only Severide knew how many times he had said those three words and ended up behind overloaded trashcans in a dark alley giving someone a blowjob.

"It's whatever you want, my treat, a thank you for letting me see you," Severide reassured him.

"I can't go back," he stated, shaking his head, as fervently as his headache would allow.

"Let's not think about that now… why don't we get a cab? It's a fair walk from here, I think…"

Casey had to smile at that. "You think?"

"I've never been here before," he responded, grinning. It was impossible not to, Casey's smile had always been infectious.

"What hotel?"

"You can't know where everything is, I don't know where everything in Chicago is and I grew up there…"

"I used to walk around a lot. What hotel?"

Severide gave him the name and they set off walking again. He grew more and more concerned for Casey's health as they continued, but what topped his concern was when they entered the hotel room. Casey looked like he would just collapse than and there, and it hadn't been a hard walk.

"Take off your jacket, I'll hang it up… I'm not going to take anything from you," Severide told him as he took off his own jacket and scarf.

"I know that."

"Take it off then, you can have a shower, or a bath, whatever you want… what happened to your hand?" he asked, suddenly noticing how Casey struggled to unbutton his coat.

"Accident," Casey answered.

He just nodded in response, knowing he'd get nothing more and probably never would. "You gonna be all right in the bathroom?"

"I've not forgotten how to use one," Casey spoke wryly, turning and entering the small bathroom, shutting the door and locking it.

Severide stared at the door for a moment, the sound of the lock clicking was still reverberating around his head, echoing. "Oh… shit… clothes…" he muttered to himself.

He hadn't heard the water turn on yet so he quickly grabbed a whole outfit from his bag and tentatively knocked on the door.

"Matt, I'm gonna leave some clothes out here for you. And don't rush, take all the time you want, use any of my toiletries… just… yeah… just get warm and… enjoy it, I guess… I'm gonna pop out, I won't be too long but you can have the place to yourself for a little while, all right?"

"Ok," came Casey's small voice in response.

Severide left Casey to it, he had nowhere to go but figured he'd feel more comfortable being alone, at least for a short time because now Severide had found him he wanted to remain by his side. He knew Casey would find that too overwhelming though. He desperately wanted to get him to a doctor but he was sure that would be a battle in itself, and he wanted to get him home, no matter what Casey thought, it was still his home, their home.

When Severide returned to the hotel room, carrying a few local take-out menus he'd picked up from the reception, he knocked at the door. "It's me, it's Kelly, I'm back. All right to come in?"

"Sure…"

"Matt… I put those clothes there for a reason, they're for you to wear, clean clothes," he said, nodding, after realising Casey had just dressed back into his own clothes.

"Can't take…"

"I'm telling you that you can, please go and put them on, for me," Severide insisted.

"Sorry…"

"No, don't, don't do that," he spoke, interrupting him. "Don't apologise. Just go and get changed."

Severide sat down at the end of the bed in the modest hotel room as he slipped back into the bathroom and changed. He put the take-out menus down on the bed and waited for Casey to come back out.

"That's better," Severide said, smiling as Casey appeared. Smiling despite how Casey looked. "So, food…"

"Pizza did sound good," his voice was small, and he was still standing by the open bathroom door, as if he was afraid to come forwards.

Severide couldn't stop himself. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

"No one can hurt me." Not more than they already had.

"Come and sit down, have a look at the menus, yeah?" He didn't miss the way Casey avoided eye contact, even when looking at him, he wasn't actually looking at him, and every so often his body would almost twitch uncomfortably, Severide was certain it was an unconscious movement. "Matt?"

"What? Sorry…"

"Come and sit down. Pick some food," Severide told him.

Casey nodded a little and went to sit down on the bed. He didn't sit right next to Severide as he would have done in the past, in fact, where he was now sitting was probably the furthest he could have been from him without making looking at the menus together awkward.

"There's two pizza places near here…" Severide spoke, picking up the two menus.

"It's your choice," he responded.

"Tell you what, how about I just order a couple of pizzas and some fries, drinks?" Severide asked, deciding it was best to take the decision making out of Casey's hands.

"Ok."

It wasn't long before there was a knock at the door; their food had arrived. Severide accepted and paid for the delivery. "These smell so good," he enthused as he put the boxes down on the bed. Casey was still sitting still in the exact spot he'd been before they'd ordered. Severide had turned the small TV on for him, to save him for feeling obligated to talk. "Tuck in," he said, opening up all the boxes, taking a handful of fries as he lifted the lid off the second pizza.

"Thank you."

"Eat as much or as little as you want, we can always have some more later." So they sat together on the bed, both focused on the food and the TV. Casey mainly focused on the food, and the bottle of pop Severide had given him. It all tasted unbelievably good, and he was trying his best not to eat too quickly in front of Severide, but it had been days since he'd eaten, and he'd not had a slice of warm, freshly cooked pizza since, well, he couldn't even remember when.

He grew full far too quickly for his own liking, he didn't want to waste the food, and it all tasted too good to be left. He ate more, until he was sure he would burst.

Severide seemed to notice. "I'm so stuffed, how about we save it for later? It'll still be good," he told Casey.

Casey just nodded, putting down the half-eaten slice that was in his hand.

"You can finish that if you want," he said, chuckling.

"Ok…" But he looked conflicted.

"Or you can finish it later?" Severide said, realising how Casey seemed to be following everything he was saying, like he was following orders because that's what his life had taught him to do.

Casey nodded again, putting the slice back down.

"It's late. Do you want to sleep? Severide asked him.

He glanced around the room.

"They didn't have twin beds… you sleep, I'm not tired yet," Severide told him. "Couldn't sleep even if I want to," he added.

"Ok."

Severide had fell asleep thinking about everything Casey had been through. He had tried not to give it all too much thought in the past but that hadn't stopped him from picturing all sorts of scenarios that he could have got into. None of them good as much as he tried to imagine Casey getting through everything and going on to live a better life. Even after such a brief conversation tonight, he realised that living on the streets, Casey wasn't in a position to choose most of the time and going with the flow without putting up any fight made his life easier. It was still sad to think of someone who used to be so independent and self-sufficient as Casey had been losing all of that.

Whilst Casey had slept Severide had placed the back of his hand onto Casey's forehead, lightly and gently, he didn't want to wake him, but it appeared he was deep in the realms of sleep and he was glad of that. Glad Casey felt safe enough to sleep in his presence. The heat he felt from Casey's skin was not something he was glad about, he had a low-grade fever, even more reason for getting him to a doctor.

Casey woke in the large bed not quite realising where he was at first, he was much too comfortable and it was far too confusing until his vision focused, and he realised the still uncomfortably full feeling was because of the pizza he had eaten, the smell still lingered in the air. In the dim room he could see Severide sleeping in the chair, sprawled out so much that it looked like he would fall if he slipped down another inch.

He gazed at Severide's sleeping form. He wasn't quite sure what to do and the bed was incredibly comfortable, the lump Severide had mentioned wasn't even noticeable, he wondered if he'd only said it to make him feel more at ease. That was something Severide would do. He could tell it was still dark outside, the sun wasn't creeping through the edges of the patterned curtain. His stomach and chest were tingling with nerves. He tried to supress a cough but it erupted from within himself.

Severide stirred at the noise and Casey instinctively shrunk down into the bed as much as he could.

"Hey…" he began. "You all right, Matt?"

Casey nodded. "Sorry."

"Here, drink some of this…" Severide said, passing him a bottle of water, cursing himself for not leaving one on the nightstand for him.

He took it hesitantly, an unsure look in his eyes.

"I've got my own. This is yours," Severide told him.

"Thanks," he said quickly, opening up the bottle and taking a long drink.

"How's your throat?"

Casey only nodded again.

He pulled back his sleeve and looked at his wristwatch, it was a lifetime ago that Casey had given it to him for Christmas. "Look, it's not even 5am, do you want to go back to sleep? You look tired."

"It's your bed."

"Go back to sleep, Matt. Please."

TBC