"I'm sorry, what?" James asked. The other engineers were standing in Wally's cubicle glaring at him. Alice had rolled up her sleeves and was baring her fists, Dilbert had a leaky pen that he was using to spray ink onto James' shirt, Wally had a...stick? And Asok was holding a...dead squirrel. And they were all glaring at him. Okay. This was strange.
"You heard us!" Wally repeated. "Put all the stuff back the way it was." The other engineers nodded.
"Okay.." James responded slowly, taking careful steps not to inflame them. "I..am a bit of a neat freak. I just can't live in a cubi-WOULD YOU STOP THAT?" The last part was directed at Dilbert and his leaky pen. Dilbert stopped. "As I was saying, I can't work in a cubicle covered in papers. I, just... can't, um..." Alice was rolling her sleeves up and glaring at him, Wally was smirking. Not a good sign. An engineer named Ted had mentioned that Alice had something called the Fists of Death. "OKAY!" he yelped. "I'll put everything back the way it was!" He then hurried to mess up all the papers and binders he had so carefully put together. The posse of engineers relaxed. Wally walked over to the pile and began rearranging things, picking up papers at random, and stuffing them into binders, then throwing the binders on the the other engineer's confused glances, he explained.
"I have my own private organization system." They nodded, and the posse left the cubicle. "Don't ever do something like that again. Ever." Wally cautioned James. James nodded. "Now, If you'll excuse me, I haven't had coffee in.." he checked his watch. "Ten minutes. New record." He left for the break room. James' shoulders relaxed, and he collapsed, shaking on the floor of their shared cubicle.
The boss groaned. He hated today. He hated today with a passion. It was Wally's semi-annual performance review. He struggled to put on the face of a leader, which for him meant looking like he was using the toilet. This would disturb most people, but then again, Wally was not most people. He looked up as Wally entered the room, the door slamming shut behind him.
Wally!" The boss shouted, acting eager. "You..are Wally.., right?" Wally nodded. "Anyway, I needed to talk to you about...something related to the work that you theoretically do."
"Theoretically." Wally said. "That's it. Nothing more. Much less." THe boss arched an eyebrow, but said nothing and picked up Wally's file.
"It says here your primary objectives involve...nothing!" He said. "Absolutely nothing! There's nothing here but a bunch of awards I've mistakenly given you over the years, and a photo of you!"
"There's a photo of me?" asked Wally. "I try to avoid cameras."
"NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! NOTH-Oh, wait, there's a...hide. A tanned Elbonian Mouse hide. In your employee file." They were both silent for a minute as they contemplated this. "Why don't you just go." the boss said. "I'll just give you the usual 'good' rating, huh?" Wally nodded, still stunned about the fact that there was a photo of him.
After the door shut behind Wally, the boss started crying. Thank god today only came once a year.
"And then he found an Elbonian mouse hide." Wally finished. They were in the break room having lunch. Alice was eating at a restaurant, and Dilbert was giving a presentation to a group of marketing executives, leaving just Tina, Wally, Asok, and James.
"My uncle found a tanned mouse hide in his lunch once." Asok commented. "It was poisoned, and he died three days later."
"Are you saying our Boss is going to die in three days?"
"No, the hide in my uncle's lunch was from a Canadian mouse, not an Elbonian one."
"Why is there even a mouse hide in your folder?" asked a confused James. Wally laughed. It was a strange sound.
"Oh, yeah," he explained. "I forgot to tell you; I bribed the janitor to put it there for me." There was a stunned silence as everyone in the room processed this information.
"Are you saying.." began Tina "That you used your own money to pay off the janitor to put an Elbonian mouse hide inside your employee file, just to confuse our small-minded boss so badly that he would cancel your annual performance review?"
"And go home, most likely to contemplate his life." Said Asok, pointing out the window to the parking lot. The other four rushed to the window. The Pointy-Haired Boss, escorted by two other managers and a security guard, was walking to his car. He got in and drove out of the paring lot faster then allowed. The security guard walked back inside, but the other managers exchanged worried looks before following him.
"Did he.." asked Tina after a long silence "Just LEAVE WORK EARLY?!" The engineers nodded. "HE NEVER DOES THAT!" The Tech Writer continued. "HE..HE..HE MAKES SURE WE'RE ALL DONE BEFORE HE LEAVES! IT'S THE ONLY REMOTELY RESPONSIBLE THING HE'S DONE SINCE HE BECAME THE DIRECTOR OF THE ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT!" The engineers nodded. "Do you.." she said in a calmer tone "know what that means?" The engineers nodded. "
"WE CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT!" All five shouted.
"At least until Dilbert and Alice get back." muttered Wally as the four engineers and the tech writer left the break room.
Please favorite and review. Just to clarify: when Tina says something, and it is followed by "The engineers nodded." its not a typo that there's no 'other' in between 'the' and 'engineers' because Tina is a Tech Writer working for the engineering department. In a twist of irony, she seems to be becoming the leader of this small coalition of engineers (not including Dilbert and Alice).