A/N: I am very nervous about this chapter. I worry I made it too dark and maybe lost Dude's dog voice. But I also think, given Dude's sentience, that he would be a bit of a mix of a dog and a child, and a child, after going through what Dude does here, would get a bit darker. So I hope this is still plausible. Please let me know if there's anything I should change.

Here goes nothing!

I still remember the first day I met Carlos. I remember him running from me, which I thought was a game until I got close enough to see his terrified face. I remember Ben picking me up and promising Carlos I wouldn't kill him, which was honestly a laughable idea to me and was my first hint that something horrible had happened to Carlos on the island.

But most of all I remember Carlos's face when he held me for the first time. The wonder in his eyes and that look he gave me, like he had just found the answer to all the world's problems. I remember deciding I'd do anything to keep that happiness there because now I had a human of my own- I had a best friend and we'd take care of each other forever. I'd love and protect him and he'd do the same for me.

What a fool I was.

Friendship is a lie. Love is a lie.

Every stupid thing humans say about happiness is a lie.

I got tricked.

I really believed them. I thought Carlos and I would be a happy family forever and we'd fight together to make Carlos's future a happy one. I thought he wanted me by his side.

I thought he cared about me. Loved me. Wanted me happy as much as I wanted that for him.

But then he did the worst, cruelest thing imaginable.

He left me all alone.

He lied to me.

He told me it was all okay.

He told me he was okay.

He told me I would be okay.

It was all lies.

I want to be mad at him. I want to hate him for how badly he hurt me.

But right now I'm just empty, too much to feel anything. I don't have the energy to be angry. The sadness is swallowing everything else.

Without Carlos I'm nothing but a sad, empty shell.

It isn't fair. Why did he tell me all those things if he was just going to leave?

I let out my emotions in the form of a long, sorrowful howl as I stand in front of Carlos's rock (grave, humans call it).

Humans are weird, putting people in the ground after they die, but I can't deny it's nice to have a spot where I can pretend he's still there. I've come here every day for the last month, sometimes alone (alone except for the stuffed elephant Carlos got me for Christmas last year, which I never let out of my sight anymore) and sometimes with the others.

Sometimes the others cry. Sometimes they hold me and talk to me.

I think everyone knows I was hit by this the hardest. (It's kind of hard to top the way I tried to dig back into the ground as soon as they finished burying him. I'd thought I could get him back if I did that. I'd been wrong. But the point is, the whole school witnessed it and I think that caused almost as many tears to be shed as the funeral itself.) So there's never any shortage of humans to keep me company when I want it. It's a nice gesture, but usually I want to be alone. If I do want company, it's usually only with one of three humans.

Mal always holds me tight, like there's a bit of Carlos inside me. (Really, everyone seems to think that lately. I guess I can understand why. I got more of his heart than anyone else, and maybe they can feel some of that inside me.) She scratches my ears and tells me stories until she's crying too hard to continue. Sometimes Ben comes too, but ever since we buried Carlos they've been acting odd. They don't smile at each other much anymore. A lot of the time they look like they can barely stand being together.

I think Mal thinks it's Ben's fault we lost Carlos, because he never told them there were doctors available who might have helped Carlos. (He says he didn't know they needed one.) I don't know how I feel about that, though. It was kind of everyone's fault really, no one more than anyone else. Except maybe Cruella. She's the only one I think is more guilty of taking Carlos from me than anyone else. (Well, her and one dog.)

I can always feel the tension when they stand with me, and when I make my visits here I always try to leave the school fast enough that they can't tag along. Carlos wouldn't've liked them fighting like that in front of him and I don't like them doing it in front of his rock, either.

Sitting with Evie is similarly painful. The way Mal is punishing Ben for this, Evie is doing with me. At first she'd made it her mission to comfort me and hold me at all times, but something had changed at the funeral. Something had changed in her while she shed all those tears. I don't think she blames me, exactly, but… she sees that piece of Carlos inside me that everyone else does. And while it makes Mal cling to me tighter, it makes Evie want to stay away. I'm starting to think she'll never see me as anything but a painful reminder of the brother she lost.

(I wish sometimes I could tell her she's a reminder to me too, that I see bits of Carlos in her, but I don't want to make her feel bad over it. And besides, I deserve her anger anyway. As upset I am that he left me, I let him go. Evie should hate me, even if it's for a different reason than she actually is.)

And then there's Jay.

Jay sees that piece of Carlos, too. Mal cherishes it, Evie avoids it, but he… he goes out of his way to protect it and make sure it stays inside me. He's started to do for me everything Carlos used to. Not just feeding me, but brushing my fur and cuddling me and coming to get me if I'm away for too long.

But I don't want him to.

I don't want anyone else but Carlos doing those things. It feels wrong. It feels like a betrayal to the only best friend I'll ever have. If I'd died instead, I wouldn't want Carlos getting another dog so soon, so why should I let Jay become my human?

I like Jay as a friend just fine, I do. I just don't want to lose the things Carlos made special.

But then again, Carlos made everything special to me. And without him nothing feels happy anymore, anyway, so what's the point in holding on to those things? He certainly didn't hold on to me. He lied to me to stop me from finding him until it was too late.

A sudden wave of cold brings me out of my thoughts, and I see the sun starting to set above me. I realize then how tired I am, too. Ever since that day I've felt like… like I could sleep and sleep and still be exhausted. All my strength goes into these daily visits. And even then it's getting harder and harder to make those, seeing as I'm eating a fraction of what I used to. It's not because the food isn't there. Jay's been great at that. But I can't make myself eat much. My tummy just… gets this awful sick feeling if I try to make myself eat as much as I used to.

I let out the closest thing to a sigh I can manage, and pick up my elephant. I kind of see him the way everyone else sees me these days. He's a reminder of the good times I had with Carlos. He gives me something to anchor myself to with the stormy feelings I have inside. He makes me think that maybe the good times weren't a lie after all. (Maybe. I'm still not sure.)

I press my nose to the rock, telling Carlos of my love (despite everything, despite the lies and hurt) and promising I'll be back tomorrow, and then I make my way back to Auradon Prep's campus.

Jay is waiting for me, as usual. He's been crying and he has Carlos's blanket in his hands.

"Hey, Dude," he greets me, voice cracked. I jump into his lap, accepting his too-rough touches. He's been getting better about them, but tends to slip up when he's emotional. "Have a nice walk?"

I let out a grunt of affirmation, lying down and finding a comfortable position. Soon I pretend to start falling asleep, because I know there's a battle coming and I want to avoid it.

I know I should eat. I know I should. And I do my best, I really do. But it's not enough, it's never enough, and Jay always tries to make me eat more than I can handle. He'll coax and bribe and beg.

I'm thankful for that, but it isn't enough to make me eat. I just don't feel hungry. When I do make myself eat the way they want me to, I end up feeling sick.

So I eat what little I can, and try to avoid confrontation about it when possible. Usually it works well enough for me.

I keep my body still, breathing slow and deep, and I must be getting better at pretending to be asleep because Jay starts whispering soft things to me that I know he wouldn't say to any being, human or dog, that was awake.

"I miss him, Dude. I miss him so much it… it feels like… like I'll never be whole again. I'm so sorry. I should have known what he was doing, but… I didn't think he was that bad. I knew he was depressed, I just… I didn't… I'm sorry, Dude." His voice cracks.

In my head, I let out a sigh, not interested in the blame game all the humans are playing. (Of course, that doesn't stop me from playing the game on my own, but that's different.)

I stay still, too exhausted to try and comfort Jay. if this had been Carlos instead, I would have done anything possible to help, but, of course, it isn't. The truth is, I'll never be able to comfort my human again.

Even though I'd give anything to do so.

—

When I was a puppy, one day I got separated from my family while chasing a delicious smell. I remember the joy of finding my tasty snack- an abandoned hot dog- immediately followed by the helpless, sinking terror of realizing I was hopelessly lost.

Being lost is one of the worst things that can happen, I think. You're surrounded by people who are just going about their day while your world is falling apart around you. You don't know how or even if you'll find your way back home. You run in circles, usually getting yourself even more lost, while your stomach drops and your heart pounds and you can't help but think how wrong everything has gone in so little time.

I never saw my family again after I got lost. I don't know what happened to them, and I don't think they know what happened to me either. They probably think I'm dead, hit by a car or something.

Finding a new family at Auradon Prep helped with the pain at the time. I may have lost my mother and father and litter mates (all six of them) but I gained hundreds of new family members who always wanted to play with me and feed me. (They fought over my company. The school used to have contests with me as a prize. A week of me staying in the dorms with them, that sort of thing.)

And then came Carlos, and suddenly I felt like I had never been lost at all, because with him was right where I was always meant to be. And even though I spent less time with the rest of my family at the school, Carlos made my heart fuller than a million people could hope to do, so it felt like I was complete.

But with Carlos gone, it's like every loss I ever experienced is tearing through me all at once. It feels like I haven't just lost Carlos, but everything I loved.

My mother who made sure I ate even though I was the runt of the litter. My father who taught me how to beg humans for scraps. My sisters who play-fought with me and let me win, and my brothers who tried to no avail to toughen me up.

My happy life as a puppy and then as Auradon's happy-go-lucky mascot.

My friendships with all the Tourney teammates.

Ben. Mal. Evie. Jay.

Those four are the worst because while losing my family was a one-time thing, even with the pain I feel now, I lose the others every day.

Even though three of the four still talk to me, it's all so different and painful that I feel like I've lost them, too. There aren't any smiles between any of us anymore.

Jay and Evie sit in an angry silence that feels like clouds rolling in before a thunderstorm.

Evie and Mal argue with each other about what Carlos would have wanted them to do.

Jay and Mal talk about anything but the gaping holes in their hearts.

Ben tries to get Evie and Jay to talk, but they refuse until he sighs and walks away looking helpless and small.

Mal and Ben scream at each other every time they get in the same room. Well, sort of. More like Mal screams at him until he leaves.

And when the four are in a group together they alternate between silence, arguing, and pretending not to scan the room for the person who should be there to bring some balance.

And me? I hide. Sometimes it's in plain sight, like Carlos was so good at doing. I hide in Jay's lap, staying quiet, blending in to the background. Other times, like when Mal and Ben fight, I literally hide, crawl up under the bed and cower. The noise wouldn't've bothered me before, but now I don't have Carlos's protection.

Without Carlos, the world is upside-down and I don't know what to expect from any situation at all anymore.

I feel like something's gone missing inside me that I'll never get back.

I think that's how my parents felt the day I went missing.

Loving someone is the scariest, most dangerous thing in the world. Because nothing is easier to lose than someone you love, even though that's the one thing you'll fight for hardest.

My family lost me and I lost them. I lost Carlos. I lost my friends.

I don't think I want to love anymore. It doesn't do anything but hurt you in the end.

Love is a lie. Humans talk about it like it's the greatest thing in the world, like your life doesn't mean anything until you find it. But love leaves you sooner or later, whether they choose to like Carlos did, or whether it's by accident like me.

Why would anyone want that pain in their lives? Maybe humans can keep fooling themselves with false promises, but not me.

—

I think I'm starting to get sick like Carlos was.

Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not playing- when I even bother to play- not treats, not my elephant, not even remembering my favorite memories with Carlos.

I spend most of the day lost in my own thoughts.

And if Jay knew how much I think about trying to find Carlos like he said I could one day… I think he'd panic.

Not that I'd care. I'd just sleep through it all, like always.

Or like always ever since that day.

Every day, Jay begs me to eat even a little. I refuse until I get hungry enough to take a few bites. But that's getting rarer and rarer.

I'm losing weight. Everyone can see it. Everyone seems to have some sort of advice for Jay on how to make me want to eat. Enticing me with delicious foods or praising me or getting me new food bowls or putting some kind of medicine in my water.

No one asks me how I feel about it all. Not that I could answer, but it would be nice. It's what Carlos would do.

But then again, what Carlos would do also involves leaving me all alone, so maybe I shouldn't wish for that.

—

Jay brings me to the vet one day. They tell him I'm not going to last much longer at this rate.

He cries a lot.

But I actually feel almost happy about it.

—

One day, when I go to Carlos's rock, I refuse to leave.

Jay comes to find me, like he always does when I'm away too long. He picks me up and brings me back to our room. But I cry so loud all through the night that he lets me stay the next day.

And after that, I don't leave. Not when it rains, not at night, not when it's freezing cold and it starts to snow.

I don't know how dying works. But I want to see Carlos again and I'm not sure if he'll know to come get me unless I'm at his rock. So I stay and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Jay brings me water and food, looking more distraught every time he comes- dark circles under his eyes, hair unbrushed and wild, eyes crazed. He looks as bad as I feel.

"Damnit, Dude!" he screams at me when I refuse to eat or drink. He pushes the food bowl at me. "I can't lose you both! I can't! You're all I have left!" Pure desperation enters his voice. "Stop being stupid and eat your goddamn food already!" He's about to cry, I can tell. It can't be easy to watch that last bit of Carlos that's inside me fade away.

I look up at him with empty eyes. I'm sad that he's sad, really, but…

But not sad enough.

Jay breaks down when he sees me. I think he's starting to understand me and how I think. Or maybe I'm too obvious.

"Please," Jay sobs, picking me up. "Please, Dude. You have to. I know you miss him. I do too- I miss him so much. I loved him." He cradles me to his chest. "But Dude, you have to believe me, this isn't what he would have wanted. He would have wanted you to stay happy and healthy. He would've wanted us to stay together and be a family. Please…"

If Carlos wanted me happy and healthy, he shouldn't've left me.

And why do humans talk about what a dead person would have wanted? What does it matter? Are we supposed to live the rest of our lives for someone who isn't here anymore, someone who passed their pain on to us?

Why should I have to suffer when he got to escape his pain?

Jay cries and rocks me back and forth, still babbling about how he can't lose me and he promises he'll make it right, somehow, if I just give him the chance.

But I think it's too late, even if I did want to hold on (which I don't), because I haven't eaten in so long. And everything's getting fuzzy and distant and… droopy. Like that feeling when you run and run until you can barely move, can barely stay awake another second.

Jay is weeping, crying things to me that I barely hear. I stop trying to pay attention because suddenly, the thing I want more than anything is right in front of me.

Carlos.

My human. My beautiful sweet boy.

For the first time since he left us, I feel happy. I think my tail would start to wag if it could.

Carlos is frowning, leaning over me and picking me up like I'm a priceless, breakable treasure. He holds me close, stroking my fur. "Hey, Dude. I missed you," he whispers. He starts to rock me, sniffling. "I missed you so much, buddy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for… for any of this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" His voice cracks.

I look up at him, feeling angry and relieved and so many other things at once that I don't know what to do with it all. I don't say anything to Carlos, worried that he'll leave me again if I do.

Carlos scratches behind my ears. "Please forgive me, Dude. You have to believe me, I never wanted to hurt you."

But you did, I think, and Carlos seems to hear it as loud as if I'd spoken.

"I'm going to make this right, buddy. I promise."

I tilt my head. How? There's only one way I can think of. I press closer to him, giving him my silent permission to take me away to wherever he's been so we can be together again at last.

But Carlos shakes his head. "No. That's not what we're doing… the opposite, really. I can't say too much, but… there's a way I can come back and fix this. I can undo everything, Dude. But you have to help me."

I look at him for a long moment. It sounds hard, and I'm just so tired. How could he ask such a thing of me? Why should I have to fight and help and all these other things I've been asked, when he gave up and abandoned me and hurt us all?

"Please, Dude. That's what I'm saying… I messed up. I know I did. I'm trying to make it right." He swallows thickly. "I was… happy, at first. I didn't regret it until I saw the fighting. Until I saw how much you were suffering. And then someone brought me back here and gave me magic to undo what I did. I can't tell you who or how. But for it to work- and we don't have long- I need something from you."

I curl up into a tiny ball in his arms, thinking it over. I'm mad at Carlos. Really, really mad, and I'm hurt too. He left me. He let me suffer. He let the group fall apart and let me get sad-sick.

But I love him. I love him more than anything or anyone. Even when I know love is a lie and it does nothing but hurt you, I can't stop feeling it for him. He's like the sun. Even when I know it's going to leave and let the sky get dark, I still hold on to it because I like the light when it is there.

And I would do anything for him to come back. I'll be okay again if he does. Everyone will be. The fighting between our friends can finally stop. I can breathe again without my heart hurting and feeling empty.

Finally I let out a breath as close as I can get to a sigh, and nod my agreement. Carlos gives a little lopsided grin at me. "Good." Then his face falls. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Dude. You've been hurting so much and it's all my fault, and I promise when we get back I'll make it right. I'll never let that happen to you again, okay?" He squeezes me. "You're so brave and kind. I won't let you go through this anymore. I promise. All you need to do is this. I'm going to activate the spell I was given, okay? And then we'll be back at when I d… at that moment in the library. But you'll be able to save me this time with something called True Love's Kiss."

I rest my head against him and let out a tiny whine. The plan is bound to fail. How can I use the most painful thing in the world as a cure?

Carlos stares down at me, looking shattered. I know he knows what I'm thinking- whether by magic or not, I'm not sure- and the fact that I'm hurting so badly, that he hurt me so badly, is tearing him apart.

"I'm sorry!" he chokes out, hugging me tighter, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, Dude! I never wanted this to happen!" He hiccups. "I- I was just hurting so badly, Dude, and I couldn't take it- I never- I never thought I'd be doing the same to you." He bows his head and sobs.

More emotions stir inside me. The anger fades a little, but not the hurt, the feeling of betrayal. I think I'll always feel that way. But seeing Carlos's reaction, seeing how much my pain devastates him, reminds me of who he really is. It makes me think of the times we had together when he was alive.

I remember the first night we spent together. I remember how he stood up to Cruella de Vil herself to protect me from her mean words. I remember those nights when he snuggled close to me for comfort after a nightmare, and when I'd do the same for him during a thunderstorm. I remember the elephant he gave me on Christmas, so I'd always have a friend with me, even when we were apart.

Carlos loves me. And I love him.

That's not to say love doesn't still cause pain, because it does.

But I'm starting to think maybe they're supposed to go together. Loving someone makes pain hurt a bit less. And the pain makes you remember why love is a good thing, stops you from taking it for granted. (Because I know, if we do manage to bring Carlos back to life, that I will never take a single minute with him for granted ever again.) It doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with, but as the seconds tick on, I become more confident that love isn't a lie after all.

Will my love be enough to bring Carlos back, though? What if I lose him again? What if I get my hopes up and then I have to experience this hell a second time?

I gaze up at Carlos, making sure he hears my silent plea. Don't make me watch you die a second time. Please. Don't make me do this again.

Swallowing, Carlos shakes his head. "I won't. It'll work. I know it will. If there's one thing in this world I know it's that you and I are true love… even if it's not the kind of true love people usually think of."

I take in a steadying breath and let the truth of the words sink in. That's the only thing I'm certain of, too.

If Carlos trusts that it will work, I'll try it. I'll do anything to bring my human back where he belongs.

"Let's make this right, Dude," Carlos whispers. "We'll reverse the death spell. And then we'll fix what's wrong inside me… and you, too."

Me?

I hadn't thought about it like that, but I think Carlos is right. Even if this works, I don't think the hurt of having lost him will ever go away. Nor will the fear at realizing how easy it is to lose everything you care about. I think recovering from this will take a lot of help from the doctors Ben mentioned after Carlos died.

So I guess we have some more battles to fight, together.

Thinking about what we have to do terrifies me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If getting Carlos back means doing scary things, I guess I'll just have to keep my elephant closer and do it.

Carlos gives me a teary smile. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me, Dude. I hope you know that." He hugs me and rests his chin on my head. "The best friend I could ever ask for."

My tail finally starts to wag. I'm right where I belong, where I'd thought I'd never be again, and I'll do anything in my power to make sure I stay there this time.

Anything for my human.

"Ready, buddy?" Carlos asks, setting me down. He kneels in front of me, scratching my cheeks and looking into my eyes. "I know you're scared. I am too. But we'll do this together. Okay?"

I nod, and close my eyes. Yes, I'm ready, as ready as I'll ever be to return to the day I lost my human.

And the next thing I know, I'm in the library again, with the same chaos from before exploding around me.

A/N: And there is chapter two. I hope you enjoyed it. Originally the plan was to split the story into two timelines, one with Carlos dying and one with him living, and was going to let readers decide which they wanted. But then halfway through this chapter I had an ah-ha moment on how I could make it one cohesive timeline, so here we are. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! One more to go.