ONE-SHOT #2
A/N : Hey ! I'm back with a second one-shot, thank you for your feedback on the first one, I'm glad you liked it. For each one-shot, I'll resume the very beginning of the story, the famous discussion in the kitchen, changing it slightly. Indeed, I don't think that it's very important and useful to rewrite it differently each time, which counts in these stories being the result. I hope you will not hold it against me.
In addition, I'm starting to update my old stories again, so I hope you're still interested. If you have ideas for new stories, don't hesitate to let me know, either here or on twitter.
Good reading,
G.
« Hey, » Matt came alone to their apartment, where he found Gabby standing in the kitchen, obviously lost in her thoughts. She turned her attention briefly to him, before drinking some water, as a way to clear her mind. « You left work without me, » Matt added, looking sad. He knew that the situation was delicate, that the tension was palpable between them since Gabby had discovered that he had gone to the adoption agency without her, but they had to address their issues, to deal with their communication problems. They didn't see eye to eye for an important decision that affected both of them, both individually and as a married couple.
« Yeah, I just needed to clear my head, » she replied as he approached the central island of their kitchen. He put his arms on the piece of furniture, folded his hands and thought intelligently about the words he was going to say.
« What I've said before… about having a baby, it came out wrong, » he began. « I just meant I can't risk losing you. No matter how look the yards… ». He was opening up to her, he finally expressed his feelings, but, she simply nodded a little, before ending her silence.
« It's my risk. Not yours, » she told him, looking at him straight in the eyes. « And I'm willing to take it,» she added, without averting her gaze.
« I guess that's the crux of it, » he simply answered, cracking a little forced smile. The kind of smile in which one can read the disappointment and denote a certain unhappiness. « What I never could understand … », raised his arms, as a sign of incomprehension.
« What? » She asked him.
« When you adopted Louie without me. When you hid from me the fact that you helped Bria, » he gave her the examples. Topics they had discussed over and over again in recent months, but still resurfaced. His voice cracked. His throat tightened. His eyes were getting bright and red. « You make these big, emotional decisions as if my input doesn't matter, » he finishes, on the edges of tears, letting his emotions get the best of him.
« Baby, of course it matters. I care deeply how you feel, » she tries to reassure him. « But I can't be dependent on it. Or on you, » she added.
« Why not, Gabby? », he began to raise his voice, letting his frustration escape « What's wrong with being dependent on someone who loves you with everything he has? », he struggled to finish, his voice broken. They looked at each other, both had sad eyes, trembling lips, heavy hearts. They loved each other so much. They love each other so much. « This is one decision you can't leave me out of. Either we're in it together, or we're not in it at all,» he ends up adding, broken. Gabby watched him, stared at him, his words echoed in her. She tried to swallow them, to understand them, to digest them, but she was too shocked by what had been said, she would never have thought to hear those words, especially not from him, from the love of her life, not in these conditions, not in this situation.
« Uh… » she swallowed her tears. « You know who I am. You knew it when you married me. I haven't changed, » she explained to her husband. Touched. He stared at her, ready to burst into tears. « It used to be the thing you loved about me,» she added, knowing full well that he loved her more than anything. He simply looks at her, understanding that he had hurt her. He had told her a few weeks ago that she didn't need to change who she was, to change her personality on him. She didn't understand. She had always been that way. Bounded. Obstinate. Single-minded. Heading first, without always thinking of the consequences. He knew it. He knew her. He knew her by heart. Surely better than anyone. It was who she was, and hearing these words coming out of her husband's mouth was like a knife in the heart. « Uh… I'll come back in a little while, » she just said, before going behind him without a last look, grabbing her keys and her jacket, and leaving the apartment, leaving Matt alone in the kitchen.
Speeding away from home, Gabby wandered the streets of Chicago, Matt's words echoed in her. She walked without really knowing where she was going at first, but soon found herself in front of the headquarters, looking for someone in particular. « Excuse me, I'm looking for Chief Hatcher, please? » she asked an officer coming out of a car.
« He's right here, » he answered, nodding to the opposite side of the buggy.
« Dawson, are you looking for me, what can I do for you? » Hatcher asked Gabby, putting himself in front of her.
« Tell me more about Puerto-Rico, » she says, in a firm and determined voice.
« I thought it was not the right time, » Hatcher simply replied, surprised by the young woman's request.
« I... I changed my mind… » Gabby told him.
« Fine, follow me, let's go to my office, » he tells her, inviting her to follow him inside the imposing building.
After spending an hour in the official offices, Gabby made her decision. With all that was going on in her life, she felt the need to escape, to set sail, to run away. Like a desire to want to escape from everything, a need to breathe. Stay the hardest, tell Matt. Her husband. Her best friend. The man of her life. Her everything. She loved him more than anything, but to the point where they were now, she wondered if that was enough. She hated herself for having such thoughts after all that they had gone through together in recent years. They had promised to love each other for the rest of their lives, for the better and for the worse. With all these trials, she was convinced that the worst was behind them, but as soon as everything calmed down, as soon as everything seemed perfect, a new bomb came to reach them. She had enough, she felt as if she was cursed. She was done with this feeling of never being able to be totally happy.
She went back to their apartment. They had to talk. She had to announce her decision. She didn't know how she was going to go about it, how she would approach the subject, but it had to be. However, when she opened the door of their apartment, she was surprised to find their place plunged into the dark, empty, without a sound. « Matt? » she called him, but she got no answer. « Matt, are you there? » she questioned again, in vain. The living room was empty, the kitchen was empty. She went to their room to find an empty and silent room again. She sat on their bed and let out a long and strong sigh that she didn't know she was holding back. She put her hands on her thighs, and stared into space. How did they get there? Was it the end of their marriage? The end of their story? Tears rose to her eyes, and sobs invaded her in no time. She let herself go, she needed to release the pressure, to let her feelings express themselves. She stayed there for long minutes. She took her phone out of her pocket, scanned her contacts and pressed Matt's name. She looked at his picture, a picture of them, all smiles, during a weekend away from everything. She tried to press 'call', her finger touched the picture several times, but she changed her mind. To say what?
She pulled herself together, regained consciousness and headed for their closet. She grabbed a travel bag, and filled it quickly, not without observing, touching, feeling Matt's clothes. She was already missing him, how was she going to survive that whole situation? She nodded again to get those ideas out of her mind.
She swung her head as if to make those thoughts off her mind. She could not think so, she had made that decision because at that moment she thought it was best for her, it would allow her to take stock of her life. She would have liked to talk to Matt before, to not leave like a thief. She thought of calling him again, but she changed her mind. She started typing a text, she erased it, started it again, and finally dropped the mail. She then took a Polaroid lying on the fridge. A Polaroid that consisted of a picture of them two, Gabby sitting on Matt's lap, both entwined, all smiles, happy. She wondered what to write, then just left a 'I love you with all my heart, with all my being'. She placed the Polaroid on the central island, not without letting out some tears. She grabbed her bag on the floor, grabbed her purse, and began her way to the exit. She watched the kitchen where she had spent so much time simmering good food to her husband. She immersed herself in this lounge in which they had spent so many evenings entwined against each other. She took the time to mark these images in her memory, before slamming the door behind her.
Matt returned a few hours later. He spent the rest of the day on an improvised construction site to let off steam and change his mind. He had then joined Severide in a bar, other than Molly's, to share a beer, without revealing any problems he was facing today in his personal life. Their problems were more than personal, and they had to face them together. For that, they didn't need all their friends and colleagues to know about the situation. He returned to an empty apartment, plunged into darkness, with for only lights the illuminations of the street. He thought he would find Gabby, but there was no one there. He immediately took his iPhone out of his jacket to try to reach his wife, but he came across the voicemail several times. He swung his jacket over the chair, before heading to the kitchen. He went immediately to the fridge, still needing a small lift. He took a beer, and closing the fridge door, observed the various pictures decorating the door. Some images grabbed him a small smile. He turned around to return to the living room, when he saw an image on the central island, around which they had words hard to each other a few hours earlier. He frowned, not remembering that this picture was there earlier in the day. He turned on the light and approached. He discovered a Polaroid, and recognized the handwriting of his wife. « What... what is it? » He murmured to himself. « Where are you, Gabby? » he continued, feeling anguish rise in him. Disturbed, he dropped his beer on the floor, and jumped at the sound of the glass meeting the floor. « Shit! » he groused. Everything was falling apart. He punched his fist against the table, still grumbling, letting his anger take over. « Shit, shit! » he was annoyed. « Gabby, where the hell are you ?! » he began to cry, hitting the wall with all his might this time. Like an air of déjà vu.
He finally pulled himself together, took deep breaths before taking his phone. He typed this number he knew by heart, to fall immediately on the voicemail. Except this time, he decided to leave a message: « Gabby, it's me, I just got in. I just saw your little note... Where are you? Please come back. Call me back, I'm waiting for you… », and without taking the time to wait for any answer, he began to harass her with text messages:
'Gabby, where are you?'
'Come home,'
'Answer me,'
'But shit, where are you? What are you doing?'
'I'm going crazy, call me!'
and so, all evening, until the tears and cries give way to exhaustion. He fell asleep on the couch, the green plaid around him as Gabby so often liked to cover him with.
He awoke with a start a few hours later. For a few moments, he thought that these last hours were a nightmare, but no. He immediately grabbed his phone, but no call, no message. He groaned in frustration, before banging his head against the sofa's armrest. He rubbed his eyes very hard. He tried to think, to think where she could be. He had already contacted Antonio and Brett to see if they had seen her, claiming he was waiting for her to go to the movies. He had not contacted the others, not wanting to make noise about this whole mess. He didn't know what to do. He tried to join her again, to no avail. He was lost. He was lost without her.
He decided to go to sleep in his bed, in their bed. He put himself on her side of the bed, laid his head on her pillow, and breathed with all his might. He closed his eyes, and saw her face. Her smile. Her big brown eyes look at him with love and tenderness. No, it was not over. No, it was not the end.
The next morning, Matt woke up with the glow of the day, and a hangover sensation, when he had not had more than one beer the night before. He felt nauseous, exhausted. He thought for a moment of calling Boden and call in sick, but immediately changed his mind, thinking that Gabby was also working and that he would finally see her. He swallowed a full-bodied coffee, put on his captain's uniform, not without looking at his phone again, and headed for the firehouse.
He arrived at the firehouse half an hour later.
« Hey Captain, are you alone this morning? » Hermann asked him what he didn't bother to answer, and traced his way.
One thing matters to him at this moment, find his wife and take her in his arms. He crossed the apparatus floor, found his men, but still no trace of what he was looking for. He walked towards the common room, still nothing. In the locker room he saw Kidd and Brett, but still not the woman he was looking for. He gave them a brief nod, and under their questioning eyes, continued his way to the bunk-room. Her bed was squared, none of her things were hanging out. He then went to his office, thinking to find her on his bed, as she was often used to, but again, it was empty. He threw his bag on the floor, worried, stressed. He tried to reach her again: « Gabby, where the hell are you? ».
That's when Severide arrived. « Hey man, are you all right? » he asked him, with a worried look;
« Oh, everything is wonderful! » Matt replied, ironically. « Everything is perfect, really, I live the best moments of my life! » he continued, making great movements with his arms, before falling into his chair, and taking his head in his hands. « I... I don't know where Gabby is, I have no idea where my wife is right now... It's a nightmare! » Matt finally burst into tears.
« Oh, Matt… » Kelly simply answered, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Curious eyes had invaded the bunk-room and are currently fixed the Captain's office.
« What is going on here? » Chief Boden arrived in the room. He followed Hermann's gaze and saw Matt collapsed, being comforted by Severide. « Okay, I'm handling this! At work everyone, out of my sight! » he ordered all his men. « Hermann, until further notice, you're in charge of the truck! » Hermann nodded, and opened the way to the common room.
« Matt, we need to talk, » he announced on entering the office of his captain, that man whom he considered his son. He closed the door behind him, knowing that he would like Severide to stay by his side.
« Gabby is missing, » Severide announced. « We need to figure out where the hell she went! » Severide shouted, worried too.
« Everyone will calm down. I know where she is, » Boden said.
Two pairs of eyes stared at him immediately. « What's that, what's going on, Chief? » Matt asked at full speed, getting up immediately to face him. Severide positioned himself behind him, still with his hand on his shoulder, and seemed to be in a hurry to get information. He had always been close to Gabby, a fraternal relationship he cherished. « Chief? » Matt asked again, almost begging him to talk.
« I received a call from Hatcher yesterday at the end of the day, » he began.
« And what does that mean? » Matt retorted immediately, without giving him time to continue his explanations.
« He offered her a humanitarian mission, » Boden continued.
« What? How? Where? » Severide intervened in his turn.
« Chief, talk! » Matt almost ordered him.
« It's a group of paramedics from all over the country to help with care during the reconstruction. Hatcher proposed her this mission last week, immediately thinking of her, thinking that she would be interested but she had given up without even trying to know more about it. So yesterday, when she came to him, determined to know more and ready to leave, he contacted me immediately, wondering what was happening with her… And, and I, I didn't know what to say… » Boden looked at Matt intensely.
« And what, she just... She just… » Matt could not bring himself to say the word.
« Leave? » Severide finished for him. « Like that, without saying anything? » he was shocked.
« The plane would leave this morning... Matt, what's going on? » Boden asked him.
« I... I don't know... I don't know, it's just a nightmare! » he burst into tears. Boden took him in his arms immediately.
« I'll try to find out about the flight she has to take, » Severide walked out of the room to make a few phone calls.
« Matt, son, I don't know what's going on between you two, but I know that you love her more than anything, that she loves you with all her heart, that you are a strong couple, who can overcome everything, » Boden took his head in his hands. « Look at me, Matt. Life is made of hardships, but at two, we're stronger. I don't know what you're going through right now, but I know you're made for each other , that you are married, that you always go through difficult times together, hand in hand, so you have to hold her back, you have to fight for her, No matter who is wrong, no matter who is right. Under anger, we have all already said things that we regret. But, we don't care! Love doesn't care! Love is stronger than anything, Matt. »
« I'm lost, I don't know what to do, how to retain her if she wants to leave, how to do it? She has not answered any of my calls, none of my text messages since last night. She didn't even left a note to tell me where she was going, where she was going to sleep... Just a note to tell me that she loved me… »
« It's already a lot, » Boden smiled. « Look, from what I know, she's not gone yet, it's not over until it's over, Matt. We'll get some information, and you'll do everything to make up for it, » he said to him, looking at him straight in his eyes.
« So, I contacted the airport! The next flight to San Juan took off at 9:30 am... We can do it, but we have to leave NOW! » Severide announced.
« But, are we sure she's on this flight? » Boden asked him.
« Affirmative, Chief! » Severide smiled.
« How did you do? » Matt asked him.
« I have relationships… » he winked at him.
« Okay, let's move! » Boden patted the backs of his two men. « We're taking my buggy! » he threw as they all ran, under the stupefied eyes of the entire firehouse.
Boden took the wheel, turned on the sirens and the flashing lights, and they rushed off towards O'hare. Matt was sitting in the passenger seat, he tried to call Gabby constantly. Unlike the day before, he didn't fall directly on voicemail, which left him a little hope. She had relight her phone. As for Severide, he was in contact with this famous stewardess with whom he had a relationship a few months ago, and who kept him informed of the situation in real time. « She is waiting for us at the entrance of the terminal to guide us as quickly as possible, » Severide said.
When they arrived at the airport, Boden had not yet marked the stop that Matt and Severide had already jumped out of the car and crashed into the terminal. A tall blonde in official dress of the airline greeted them, and made them sign to join her. The flight was supposed to take off in a little half an hour, leaving them little time to pass security checks and walk the long corridors of an airport. Given the current situation in the world, they would be forced to pass quickly the security, but thanks to her, they passed in front of everyone. Some moaned, but at that moment they didn't care at all. « It's an emergency! » the blonde explained to the passengers, before explaining the situation to one of her friends who worked on the controls. She gave him soft eyes, which Severide didn't fail to notice, and he controlled them quickly before letting them pass, wishing them good luck. « Okay, we don't have a lot of time! Follow me! Boarding should start really soon! » she told them, and they nodded, and they ran through a maze of corridors, trying not to get lost in the crowd, they saw the gates numbers scroll under their eyes.
« What's the departure gate? » Severide asked.
« It's D37, we're almost there! »
« Your attention please. Here's an announcement for all passengers on American Airlines flight 395 to San Juan. All passengers should prepare to board, » announce a stewardess.
« Damn it's her plane! » Matt started to panic. He picked up his phone and tried to call her again, but she didn't pick up.
Matt's mind is focused on trying to find the gate. He was running out of breath. D40. D39. « Gabby! » he shouted. D38.
« American Airlines 395, non stop service to San Juan is now ready for boarding at gate D37. We thank you for bringing your passport and your boarding pass, and presenting yourself at the counters. »
« Matt, Matt, we're here, it's here! » Severide says.
« The boarding has just been announced, she is necessarily here! » the blonde reassured them. « I know there are a lot of people, but we will find her! »
« Okay, let's do it! » Severide motivated Matt. And their eyes scanned the room looking for a small brunette Latina. They spread out the room, while the blonde joined her colleagues at the boarding. She would have a certain visibility and some at this strategic place.
« Gabby! » Matt shouted again. Everyone was moving. The children were shouting with excitement at the idea of flying. The adults were overwhelmed by the crowd and the commotion. Some people were waiting for the last moment to embark. Severide focused his attention on the benches and seats on which very few passengers still sat. A senior couple, a family with many bags and a stroller. In the distance he saw in front of the bay window a silhouette that was not unknown to him. She was sitting on her suitcase, in front of the big window, she was looking at the tarmac, the was looking at the planes which were landing and taking off. She had her hands in her jacket pocket, one of her mania. He gave a brief smile, he knew that if she was still there at that moment, it was because she was hesitating. He turned around, and saw Matt, desperate, hopeless. He didn't even have the strength to call her, to shout her name. He moved closer to him, and without saying a word, he pointed at a silhouette of his finger. Matt followed his finger with his eyes, and his eyes lit up immediately. « It's her… » he whispered simply, the emotion was palpable.
« Go ahead, » Severide told him and he began to move forward, not wanting to waste any more time. « And, uh, Matt, don't be too hard on her… » he smiled at her. Severide stood in the crowd and watched them.
Matt advanced with a decided step towards the bay window. He pushed a few people on the path, and approached slowly. She must have felt his presence behind her, or see his reflection in the glass, for even before he could say a word, she stammered, without turning around: « What are you doing here? »
« You can not leave, Gabby. Not now, not like that. I need you, » Matt answered, laying his hand on her shoulder, and looking at her through the window.
« We're getting lost, Matt, we tear ourselves apart, we say words we don't think... I don't want us to be destroyed… » she sobbed.
« Why leave rather than trying to talk to each other? » he walked around her suitcase to face her. He crouched in front of her, and put his hands on her lap. « We're stronger than that, Gabby. Baby, look at me, » he took her hands in his. « We cannot leave each other like that, you were not going to tell me that you might be leaving, and maybe not come back... We're both bad right now, we're both sad. This news has finished us, made us feel like a bomb, and as usual, we have not communicated, but we can get through it like we always did. Remember, as long as we do it together, we're the luckiest souls around… »
« You and me, we used to be together everyday, together always, laughing, living. But... But, I have the impression that we are only moving away. To build a family should have brought us even closer, but once again we move away. We don't see eye to eye for an important decision. We don't understand each other, we don't even try to understand the position of the other. I really feel that I'm losing my best friend. I can't believe I'm going to say it, but yesterday, for the first time I had the feeling this could be the end. It looks as though you're letting go, and if it's real, well I don't want to know… I prefer to leave, » she cried.
« Oh, Gabby, » his heart was breaking at the sight of the woman he loved being so vulnerable. « Baby, I don't want it to be the end, I want to make my whole life with you, I want our marriage to last all our life, » he put his hand on her chin to force her to look at him.
« Your attention, please. The boarding for American Airlines 395 to San Juan is almost over. We invite the last passengers to come to the counters to proceed with their boarding. »
She looked up and jumped at the end of the voice announcement. « It's... It's my plane, » she stammered.
« Gabby, no, you will not leave, you will not leave me, » he shook his head. « In the moment we're lost and found, and I just wanna be by your side. »
« But... But, you told me you didn't understand me, that I was too independent, even selfish, that I never took your opinion into account… Matt, that made me believe that you didn't love me anymore… »
« Baby, I said things under anger, in frustration. I don't always understand your positions, but, what I do know is that you put your heart in everything you do, maybe a little too much, but it's also what I love about you, » he stroked her cheek. « We all had words to each other that demolished us, Gabby, but together we've always been strong, we can overcome everything, hand in hand. I'm sorry for yesterday, I'm sorry if I didn't know how to hold you in. As everyone , I has my faults, I don't always have the right words, but if you read between the lines, you will find everything I don't have to tell you. My missteps. My blunders. My weaknesses. The ones I only admit half-words. But above all, above all, love more than enough. » His words made tears in the eyes of the woman of his life. She didn't move anymore. She remained seated. It gave him hope. He was fighting for her.
« I don't know where I am, Matt, I'm lost, I'm completely lost... I feel like I can never be 100% happy, every time something goes wrong. I cannot bear it anymore. Too much is too much. I'm not strong enough... I love you with all my strength, but I cannot give you what you've always dreamed of… »
« Gabby, my love, I want to start a family with you, more than anything, yes, but not to the point of losing you. I'm afraid of losing you, I cannot stand it, I cannot live without. You are my everything. You are my soulmate. I can bear everything, I can accept everything except the idea of losing you. I want you to understand this, that you put this idea in your head. It's not that I don't want a child with you, it's just that between not having a child and risking losing you, my choice is quickly made, there is no questioning, no hesitation possible. Uh, since I'm not the most expressive guy in the world, I wonder if you really know how much I love you… It's with you that I feel myself, » he laid his forehead against hers, and, overwhelmed by emotions, she closed her eyes, biting her lips, and she cries all the tears of her body.
« Your attention, please. This is the final call for American Airlines flight 395 to San Juan. You are requested to report immediately. Boarding will be over in less than five minutes. »
« Please, don't leave, » Matt started to cry at his turn. « We will get out of this. Escaping is not the answer. You cannot leave on a whim. Remember, no distance between us ?»
Gabby finally opened her eyes, and stared at him. He was so beautiful. He invaded all her thoughts, every day. She couldn't be far from him. « It was just easier, you know… » she finally said.
« Easy was never done for us, » Matt laughed.
« I just feel the need to change air, to breathe, to take stock. »
« We can do this together, » he stroked her hair.
« I'd love that… » she smiled, timidly.
« But not with you thousands of miles away from me, » he said, sadly.
« I could not leave, everything always brings me back to you… »
« Ha, ha, yes, I've that power! » he drew his lips to hers and captured them in a sincere kiss, full of love. « I love you with everything I have, always and forever, » he said against her lips. « I want to spend my lifetime loving you, Gabby. There's no other option, » he kissed her again, this time more fervently.
« You know, I love you, even when I'm supposed to be mad at you. And that's how I know, I truly love you, from down at the bottom of my soul. Losing you is something I can't handle either, » she declared to him, before squeezing him hard against her, as if her life depended on it.
The doors of the boarding closed. Severide approached his two friends, moved, and observed them. He knew that these two loved each other so much that sometimes they hurt each other.
A/N : I'll stop before writing ten pages! I hope that you will have more. Do not hesitate to let me know your opinions in review. Love, G.