Thanks for the reviews guys! Much love to all. So, I really look forward to getting into this story. My plot's idea is based off of a movie I haven't even seen, and if I told you what movie it was you would know instantly what would happen so I can't say what it is. :D no worries though, ill try and update this story quickly so I can get to my old ones. :) and okay I must warn you. I know nothing of war terms or anything so bear with me as I pull these military scenes from my ass, thanks. OH, and I've decided I'll Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab For Cutie is the theme song to this fic. So go listen to it, me and ImSoNinja love it.

I don't own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognize in this.

They watched as the bus' giant wheels began to turn, taking their son, brother, best friend, and boyfriend away to be flown off to a foreign country, battling for their freedom. James, being very upset at the moment, couldn't help but to feel a new found respect for Kendall. This young man was willing to risk all that he had to keep his home safe, and ensure the legacy of his father to live on. James felt a new pride for his love. All the while the nauseated feeling never left the tallest boys stomach. Biting his lip, he held back the urge to vomit. The love of his life was going to be gone for a long time, and he realized, he didn't know if he could handle that.

"C'mon, let's head home," Ms. Knight patted Katie on the back, but speaking generally to everyone. The pain in Challen's voice was obvious as she wiped a bit of leaking mascara from her cheek. The three boys felt for the mother, her mind must have been going crazy at the moment. She had lost her husband to the terror of war, and now her son was off to face the same challenges he had. Turning, they headed towards the parking lot of the bus station. Piling into the red mini van, everyone stayed silent. Their little family was broken.

And tears streaked James' cheeks as he layed his head on Carlos' shoulder, quiet sobs leaving his mouth.

When Kendall had first boarded the charter bus back in St. Paul, he had felt shaky, quite honestly heart broken. The enormous vehicle was filled with just...noise. Everyone was excitedly talking, like this was a fucking bus to paradise. Most of his teammates had already gotten on his last nerve. Well, at least he had met Jacob. They had talked for the few hours they had been on the plane. Kendall learned that Jacob was originally from South Carolina, was nineteen, and had a girlfriend and baby boy waiting for him back home. He was an all around, good old southern boy.

"So what about you? Got anyone gonna be waitin' on yah?" Jacob asked, adjusting himself in the cushy airline seat. Kendall bit his lip.

"Yeah, and I already miss 'em too," Kendall sighed, staring out of the tiny window to his right. Nothing but giant puffy clouds hovering above a bright blue background. He wondered how close he was to Heaven.

"What's her name?" Kendall hesitated at this question as soon as Jacob had asked. But hell, if he gonna come out with it, it would be best to do it now.

"His name is James," The blonde stated simply, Jacob's big blue eyes going bigger than usual. Kendall figured as much.

"Really? I never woulda pegged you as gay. How long yall been together?"

Well, that was unexpected.

"Uhm, about three years," Kendall smiled, remembering his boyfriend back home. Jacob nodded.

"I ain't never been away from Rosey and Bent for more than a coupl'a days..." He glanced down, a despaired look on his face. Kendall felt for him. Jacob told that he and Rosey had been together for six years. They met their freshman year of high school and fell in love. Soon after, in their senior year, Rosey gave birth to Bent, their now one year old son. He had left a family of his own in the states, and Kendall could relate. He missed James with an intensity he had never felt before. He wondered how his mother was going to cope with his being away for two years. And he missed his two best friends, that he viewed as brothers rather than comrades.

At least he had Jacob, who Kendall thanked God for making him so understanding. Sighing, his bloodshot eyes wondered to the window again. The clouds seemed to be getting further above them.

They had arrived in Iraq. Kendall had never felt so scared in his entire life.

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"And what's your name, boy?!" A man screamed in Kendall's face. He stayed still, not wanting to seem as nervous as he actually was.

"Private Kendall Knight sir!" the blonde shouted back, his emerald eyes staring forward. The man standing before him was, well, huge. He was their commanding officer. He was a tall man, his muscles about to burst from his uniform. His eyes narrowed at Kendall, turning away to look over the rest of the men. Kendall let out the breath he was holding in his chest, exhaling quietly. Jacob gave a snicker beside him, and the blonde smirked, nudging his new friend in the ribs. He felt a little bit better than he had on the plane, despite the jackass that was yelling loudly at some other guy down the line of soldiers.

The weather was scorching in the middle east, and it didn't help that Kendall was forced to wear a dark green uniform of camouflage. Sweat slid down his forehead from under his helmet. This was nothing like Minnesota, he concluded.

He liked Minnesota better.

James forked up some of his mashed potatoes, slipping the food between his lips. "So I got a call from Kendall yesterday," he broke the silence, swallowing his meal. "He said he's doing real good, but they're actually going to the front lines tomorrow." James frowned, not knowing what to think. His mother and father sat across from him.

"It took them a year to train the damn boys?" James' father stated, cutting into his steak. James sighed. He missed Kendall so much over the past year, it was gut wrenching. But up until now he was fine, not really worrying about his boyfriend's safety. But he just learned he was going off to fight the actual fight. It scared James to no end. Cleaning off his plate and heading to his room, he shut his door, a wave of sorrow suddenly shooting through him, the realization of the situation hitting him full force. He began to sob, tears immediately dripping from his long eyelashes. He leaned against the door, sliding down it until he sat on the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest, his hands covering his sobbing face. Suddenly, a knock sounded.

"James...James David open the door," his mother's voice rang through his ears. Standing up, he opened the entrance, staring down at his mom, the back of his hand wiping at his wet cheeks. Her face suddenly fell as she got a look at her son. "Baby..." she said tenderly, entering his room and wrapping her arms around him. He began to cry harder, just feeling another's embrace making him remember Kendall.

"James, it's okay. Kendall's coming home soon, he's gonna be just fine, I promise," Mrs. Diamond shushed her son, bringing him to his bed and sitting him down next to her. James' hands grasped the back of her shirt, his cries turning into small gasps.

"I hope so," he said shakily, his mother's hand stroking the back of his long, sandy hair. After a while, she had managed to calm him down. The tears had since dried on his cheeks, and his face felt flushed. As his mother left the room, she flicked the lights off, James laying down on his bed. His eyes stayed open in the darkness, his mind feeling blank. He recalled the nights where he and Kendall would lay together in this very room, holding one another in the absence of light.

"Would you still love me if I went away for a really long time?" Kendall whispered, planting a soft kiss on James' ear as their bodies spooned. James was confused.

"Yeah, why would you ask that?" James wondered. Kendall stayed silent for what seemed to be eternity.

"No reason..."

James closed his eyes finally, praying to God. "Please, let him be okay. I love him more than anything in this world. Please God, keep him safe."