Then one day I dropped one of Charlie's coffee mugs while I was washing dishes. As I bent down to pick up the pieces, one of the shards of glass cut my finger. It sent a jolt of pain through me. It was the first thing I had felt in months. It seemed to pull me out of my extended reverie.
All of a sudden, pain I didn't know existed crashed into my chest. I fell to the floor and curled into a ball in an attempt to keep from falling apart. I couldn't draw in a breath. My head began to swim and I wondered if I would pass out. I'm sure my lightheadedness would have overcome me if it hadn't been for the excruciating pain.
My breaths came in pants and the air that did make it into my lungs burned. Every fiber of my being could feel the pain from my chest. It seemed to radiate out and I wondered if I was the only one who could feel it. Surely pain of this magnitude couldn't be reserved to just my body.
I became aware of a sound. I couldn't place it. My brain had clouded from all the pain. As I tried to focus on it I recognized it as sounding like screaming. I wondered who it could be. Maybe my pain was being felt by someone else.
I began to feel my throat become raw. I couldn't imagine why. I hadn't spoken today. I hadn't spoken in weeks. Then a realization hit me.
I was the one screaming.
Once my mind had identified that I was the source I tried to cut the screams off. As much as I tried I couldn't seem to curb them. It was as if my pain was so great that my body needed a way to release what it wasn't capable of bearing. I knew that if I didn't control it that when Charlie arrived he would panic. I couldn't let that happen.
Slowly I was able to clamp my hands over my mouth. That only thing that could escape was the continuous whimpering. I wanted to stop even that, but my body was too spent to put much effort towards it.
I lay there for what seemed like hours, but must have only been minutes. The light from the window had only slightly darkened and I knew that the rest of the time would need to be spent wisely. I had to get up to my bedroom. If Charlie saw me lying here there was no way he wouldn't end up sending me to Renee.
I began to move my fingers. Luckily I was able to keep my mouth clamped without the help of my hands. I used my hands to pull myself into a sitting position. The pain was so unbearable that I didn't know if I had the strength to make it across the room, let alone upstairs.
I made myself think of only making it a few feet at a time. On my hands and knees I was able to make it to the foot of the stairs. I looked up and the top seemed to be miles away. How would I ever make it? I forced myself not to think of it. Instead I pulled myself up onto the first step. It seemed like all of my energy had gone into that one step. I somehow pulled myself up to the second step. The the third step. Then the fourth...fifth...sixth. All the way to the top.
At the top I was panting and my muscles were screaming at me. I dragged myself into my bedroom and managed to kick the closed. I didn't bother trying to make it to the bed. My energy had been depleted and I finally lost consciousness.
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