I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST!

"Well Julian I don't know if you can hear me or not, or even if you want to hear this or not but I want to tell you, even if you're not listening... is that okay? Believe it or not, everything changed when we finally found Red John. I had long since vowed to stop Patrick from killing him and so I had.

On November 15th 2011 we arrested Red John, we had actually done it. After so long the bastard was rotting in a jail cell at the CBI. We had done it, he was probably going to get the death penalty anyway and even not it was over. Like an idiot I believed that, I was so happy Julian... so happy.

I remember later that night everything was so at peace, I was just so happy. The moon seemed to shine brighter than the sun as I lay in the strong warm arms of the man I loved, it was so blissful simply lying there in the safe comfort of his arms. I snuggled closer, nestling myself carefully. I was so happy.

Looking back I should have known. Patrick was so quiet which was odd for him, at the time I didn't notice but now... I really should have noticed. He didn't even seem pleased with the arrest or angry or sad or excited... he just went along with everything I suggested.

`Goodnight Teresa, I love you,` he whispered lovingly into my ear, I remember those were his exact words. I simply smiled contentedly.

`I love you too Patrick,` I whispered back before he kissed me gently. It was such so tender yet so passionate at the same time. It would be the last time he ever kissed me, `goodnight` I remember muttering under my breath before I allowed my eyes to flutter shut and my mind to drift off to dream land.

The next morning I awoke to find him gone, I awoke to find myself alone in out bed. At first I wasn't worried, I remember assuming he'd simply gone to the bathroom or to get breakfast but he wasn't. He wasn't even in the house and besides his ugly rust-bucket of a car was absent also.

I remember having this little nagging feeling of worry niggling at the back of my mind and especially when he wasn't answering his cell I felt this dread seeping through my soul. I calmed myself by deciding he must have gone to work early, he must have.

I was so stupid to feel relief when I saw his car sitting in the parking lot, my dread was evaporated by the warm rays of relief. He had just gone to work early, nothing to worry about. I kept telling myself that. It was only after I was entering the building did I wonder why he hadn't been returning my calls.

In my heart I suppose I knew something was seriously wrong, that little nagging feeling was gnawing away at my insides now. It was when I saw the vacant couch did it hit me. A thought, a single name that would and could easily explain the reason I couldn't find Patrick.

Red John.

`Cho, have you seen Jane?` I remember questioning my co-worker, he as the only one there and I was so desperate to be wrong for once.

`No,` Cho had answered in his typical blunt way with that deadpan expression, clearly he had no idea what I feared.

At first I tried to walk calmly to the cells but I couldn't, I started to run and I ran faster and faster until I finally reached them. I hadn't wanted to be right, I'd have given anything to be wrong. I still would, but I was right.

I remember seeing Patrick, he was standing in one of his signature three piece suits standing over the bloody corpse of the man known as Red John. Patrick was locked in a staring contest with the glassy eyes of the corpse. He wouldn't even look at me.

He had cut Red John open and watched him slowly bleed to death, just as the bastard had done to his wife and child. Just as Patrick had vowed so had it come to pass. Red John had died by his hand and I hadn't been able to stop it. He had deserved it of course but it didn't it right.

It just made me feel sick and I know he felt the same way, from the disillusioned way he stared at the body I knew it hadn't made things any better. That was when my heart had broken, how could he have done that? Knowing what it would cost him, not only his freedom but his love.

`Did you kill him Patrick?` I remember asking, I can still remember forcing the words out of my mouth. My mind already knew the answer and my heart prayed furiously that I was wrong.

`I think we both know that I did, Teresa,` was his answer and he finally looked up into my eyes, neither of us bothered to mask the hurt, `I'm sorry.`As if that would make it better.

`I think we both know that you're not, Patrick,` I remember saying coldly, `I think we both know where we stand.`I don't know how I managed to harden my heart as I saw the tears welling in his eyes.

`Teresa...` he begged.

`Shut up and turn around,` I snapped as I cuffed him, he didn't fight. He didn't even struggle. `Patrick Jane, you are under arrest for the murder of...` I started to read him his rights but couldn't recall Red John's real name, I still can't so I just said `for the murder of Red John,` that was when the tears started to fall for both of us, `you have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, of you cannot afford one then one will be appointed to you.`

I can still remember how I felt my heart literally breaking as I led him away, my heart shattered into thousands of sharp shards that cut me painfully but I had no choice but to force myself on.

`Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?` I asked him as I tried to compose myself.

`Yes,` he had whispered miserably as we walked leaving gawking statues in our wake, disbelief carved into their faces. I remember upon reaching the bullpen, the total look of disbelief on Cho's face, the caverns of hopelessness in his eyes as he realized what Patrick had done.

`Why Jane?` I remember him questioning, `why?` but Patrick didn't have an answer, he didn't say anything as he silently cried. I handed him over into Cho's custody. I had to get out.

I left the CBI building and darted past Rigsby and Van Pelt, I went straight to my car and drove. I remember just driving and driving until the gas ran out on some random road. I remember pulling out my gun and I held it to my head waiting for the courage to pull the trigger...