Obstetrics and Gynecology

Week Fourteen

Welcome to the second trimester! Think of it this way: You're a third of the way through and baby's a third of the way cooked. Now that the "big stuff" (like skeletal and organ development) is taken care of, your baby starts a period of rapid brain growth, fat buildup and detail work. Your baby now has fingerprints! Baby's arms are now in proportion to his tiny body, but his legs are still on the short size in comparison. Your baby continues to gain new and impressive skills such as practicing and controlling voluntary muscle movements. Your tiny dancer's movements are no longer the jerky, uncontrollable twitches of yore—he now moves with graceful control. Your baby is now weighs about an ounce and is the length of a flip phone, or roughly 3.5 inches—he's tripled in size from a mere three weeks ago! Luckily, you haven't done the same.

When Britta receives her invitation to her family's annual reunion that summer, she realizes that no one even knows she's pregnant.

"Just don't go," Jeff tells her as they are eating dinner at the local Chinese restaurant that night.

Britta shakes her head. "The only reason you 'don't go' to one of these God-awful reunions is if you're dead. Which, I would be, if I didn't show up. I don't have a choice."

Jeff twirls some lo mein noodles around his fork. He'd given up on the chopsticks a while back. "So go, explain the situation, and move on. I don't see the big deal."

"Because my family knows me. This isn't something that I do!" Britta wails. "They think I'm this innocent woman, not the kind of girl who goes and sleeps around and has an accidental pregnancy with some random guy!"

"Hey, first off, that 'random guy' has been holding your hair back while you vomit and bringing you peanut butter, mayonnaise, and pickle sandwiches for weeks now," Jeff begins, putting a smile and a blush on the latter's face. "Second, that's my kid you're talking about. Don't call her an 'accident.' You'll give him a complex."

"How did our child's gender just switch midway through that sentence?"

"Because we don't know his gender yet and I don't want to keep calling her It." Jeff answers. "Anyway, just tell them in advance you have a surprise for them. I mean, you can't say no, right?"

"No. I already told my mother I'd be there." Britta bites her lip before she adds, "And so will you."

Jeff chokes on his dinner, the soy sauce burning the back of his throat. "What?"

"Okay listen," Britta points her fork at him accusatorily. "If I'm going down, you bet your ass you're riding shotgun."

Week Fifteen

Although many women don't start feeling the baby move until the 17th week (or later), your baby has been having his own party in the amniotic sac he calls home. Baby's head is now resting on his well-formed neck instead of directly on his shoulders like Igor. He's beginning to grow eyebrows and eyelashes this week. Although baby's eyes are sealed shut, he's now able to sense light. His eyes and ears finally look like real baby features now. As your baby practices sucking and swallowing actions, he may actually hiccup. Over the next month, baby will grow faster than ever, so make sure you load up on enough nutritious food and fluids to support his growth. Your baby now measures nearly 4 inches, about the size of a Kit Kat "finger" (regular-size, not the Big one you get at the movies), and weighs almost 2 ounces.

The third week of June, Annie hosts a baby shower for Shirley and Britta in her apartment. It's in a really awkward stage for both of them- Britta's barely in her second trimester, while Shirley only has five weeks to go until her baby makes his or her first appearance. But nonetheless, they socialize and play organized party games that Annie finds clever and witty. The biggest hit is the final game; there are about six or seven diapers set up, each with a different melted chocolate candy bar inside. The goal was to guess the candy bar.

Troy had won easily.

"Annie," He asks her at the end of the party. "Can I eat the candy now?"

She gives him a disgusted look. "Ew. Sure. But that's disgusting."

He shrugs. "It's just chocolate."

Britta's pleased to announce she acquired some pretty important things at the party, such as a diaper genie, a bassinette, a breast pump, some blankets and towels, a few sets of clothing. Jeff strolls over casually and lifts up the breast pump, the look on his face ghastly.

"Okay look, I know this kid is going to have some issues with drinking anyway, but a beer bong?" He questions. "Who got us a beer bong?"

"It's a breast pump," Britta rolls her eyes. "But Pierce thought it was a beer bong too. This is from him."

Jeff nods, his face still unreadable. "That makes so much sense."

Week Sixteen

Your baby is already mugging for the camera as she practices all sorts of facial expressions, such as squinting, yawning and grimacing, which will come in handy when you introduce her to pureed spinach. If your baby is a girl, her uterus is fully developed and the ovaries already hold primitive egg cells. Your baby's skin is still translucent and wrinkly, not unlike an old man's, but more fat will soon accumulate under the dermas to plump her out. If you could peer inside right now, you'd be able to see all of her veins under her skin. And speaking of veins, your baby's heart now pumps about 25 quarts of blood per day, and she hasn't even seen Orlando Bloom yet! Also, her eyes are now locked and loaded at their final destination, facing forward rather than to the sides. Your baby weighs about 3 ounces this week and measures between 4 and 5 inches, about the length of your mascara.

The last week of June marks the first week of Britta's fourth month of pregnancy, and Shirley decides this is the perfect time for her to join her pregnancy yoga class. Britta honestly has never been into the whole relaxation-yoga-breathe deeply scene, but she decides to give it a go.

She wakes up in Jeff's apartment that morning, disoriented and unsure of her surroundings. Shirley sends her a text that morning with the address of the studio and a little smiley face, so Britta knows she's excited. When she arrives, hew newly purchased yoga mat beneath her arm, Shirley gives her a hug- or, as much of a hug as she can give her, with their pregnant bellies in the way.

"You're going to love this, Britta," She grins. "It's so relaxing. Really gets your head in the right place!"

She wonders if this is a jab at her being pregnant and unmarried, but she ignores it and tries Shirley's form of exercise anyway.

It doesn't kill her, so she keeps going.

Week Seventeen

Your baby's adding fat stores that will keep him warm and cozy after he's born. His or her weight will increase approximately six times over the next four weeks. Good to know you're not the only one tipping the scale. Your baby is hard at work honing his sucking and swallowing reflexes—all the better for eating that 2 AM (and 5 AM, and 8 AM ...) meal in a few months! The finger- and toenails are beginning to grow from their nail beds, which would explain why he'll need them trimmed almost as soon as he's born! Your baby weighs nearly 5 ounces and is a little over 5 inches long—about the size of a baked potato (load on the butter and sour cream, please).

The Perry family reunion is held the first week of July, with Britta nervously trying to remember which relatives to avoid.

"Okay, so here's the deal," She starts as they park outside her family home in Denver. "We can't tell my family that we're not really together but are having a baby anyway, because, like Shirley, the Perrys frown upon pregnancy before marriage. Not really because of religious reasons, but more because it looks bad. But we can't tell them we're married either, because then they'll all wonder why they weren't invited to the wedding."

Jeff's eyes are wide as he stares at her house. "Okay, sure."

"So, maybe… I don't know. Should we be engaged? Is that the story?" Britta wonders aloud. "Will that work?"

"Probably, sure, fine," He waves this off and points at her massive childhood home. "Why didn't you tell me your family was the Colorado Kennedys?"

Britta shrugs. "It's not important."

"You're rich!"

"I'm not rich. My parents are rich," Britta insists. "Come on."

They manage to make it through the afternoon with relative ease, and it comes as a surprise to both Jeff and Britta that they seem to be very good at being "couply." They hold hands, wrap arms around each other's waists, and every now and then, share the odd kiss. Their charade is going well, until Britta's oldest brother's wife asks menacingly, "So if you're engaged, where's your ring?"

Bitch. She hated Richard growing up, but she hates him even more now that he married a girl with the same bitchy personality as he has. "It's… We're um…"

"Bridgette, I think Marcus is choking on his hot dog," Harrison, Britta's other- and favorite- brother cut in. "Might want to take care of your own kids before treating Britta like one."

Britta smiles and Jeff smirks, impressed. At least their child would have one decent uncle.

Week Eighteen

Your baby's ears are now facing forward and are completely formed so she can actually hear you talking now. You don't need to abandon your potty mouth just yet, but you might want to start thinking about it! This week is also the beginning of ossification. And while that sounds like some long and involved paperwork you'll have to fill out, it's really a fancy medical term for the hardening of your baby's miniature bones. And that's a good thing. Your baby's nerves are making more and more complex connections. Her sense of smell, taste, sight and hearing are all developing. A substance called myelin, which makes nerve connections travel faster, is now coating your baby's nerves. Your baby now weighs between 5 and 7 ounces and is about 5½ inches long—about the size of a pickle from the corner deli.

They are making out on Britta's bed when Jeff feels it, jumping back and nearly three feet in the air.

"Holy fuck," He shouts. "The baby just kicked me."

"What?" She exclaims, sitting up and pulling up her shirt, as if that helps any. "I want to feel it!"

"Oh my God, the baby isn't even born yet and it already hates me," Jeff groans. "Great. I hated my father and now my kid is going to do the same."

Britta glances at him, not sure what to say. "He/she won't hate you."

"Yeah, right! You can't assure that. This kid's half-me and half-you; it's already going to have some serious anger issues."

"Yeah, but-" She stops mid-sentence, her eyes widening. "Oh my God I feel it. Jeff! Oh my God!"

Jeff's worries fade away when he watches her, all excited and teary-eyed. She grabs his hand and places it under hers, right where their little soccer player is kicking away. "Oh my God… Do you feel it?"

Jeff nods. "Yeah… I feel it."

Week Nineteen

This week your baby starts bulking up and packing on the grossly named "brown fat" he'll need to keep warm when he gets evicted from his comfortable uterine home. Vernix, a milky white coating that protects your baby's skin, appears all over your baby's body to keep his skin from getting pickled in the amniotic fluid. Under the vernix, a fuzzy layer of hair called lanugo now covers baby's body. Most of the fuzz will fall off before baby makes his grand entrance. Good news: Your baby's kidneys are fully functioning and producing urine this week. Bad news: That means there will be lots of diapers in your future. He or she now weighs about 8½ ounces and measures 6 inches, as long as a turkey sub from Subway on warm, delicious Italian Herbs and Cheese bread (or Honey Oat bread, or Oregano bread or ...)

This week, Jeff tells Britta he loves her.

This is hardly something she was expecting, but then again, she also wasn't expecting to be pregnant with his baby, either. He says it right after they have sex, which is such a normal, married thing to do, and Britta has to remind herself that they're not married. She tries to hide her shock, but she doesn't do very well.

"You love me?" She asks, not because she doesn't believe it, but because when Jeff couldn't figure out his feelings, it made it okay that she couldn't either. Now that he knows, now that he feels, it means she has to feel, too.

"Yeah," He shrugs, as if it's obvious. "I'm sorry it took this long to admit it."

Britta smiles and then masks her feelings under her insecurities. "Are you sure? Are you sure you're not going to wake up tomorrow and realize you'd rather be with Slater… or Annie? I mean, if you still have feelings for Annie… I know she still kind of likes you-"

"Britta, since when are you this insecure?"

She shoots him an odd glance. "Do you know me?"

Jeff chuckles, kissing her before saying, "I love you, dragon turtle."

Britta smiles. "I love you too, Douche Street."

Week Twenty

This is the week most women get that ever-important gender-revealing ultrasound. Your baby has established sleep patterns akin to a newborn now. Many babies even have a favorite sleep position already. Some snooze with their chins resting on their chests, while others nap with their head flung back. Many babies at this age fall into noticeable cycles of sleep and activity, so you may know before she arrives whether you have a night owl or an early bird. If your baby is a girl, her uterus is completely formed and the rest of her "parts" are in development. From this point forward, your baby will put most of her energy into gaining weight and, not coincidentally, so will you! Right now your baby weighs approximately 10½ ounces and is about 6½ inches long, about the size of a can of Red Bull.

Shirley goes into labor in the middle of the last week in July. The group gathers in the maternity ward, speaking anxiously about anything and everything.

"Five months down, four months to go," Annie grins excitedly at Britta, who nods her agreement.

"Cannot wait," She groans. "I am so uncomfortable."

"Not as uncomfortable as Shirley right now," Troy remarks. "That's got to hurt."

In only five hours, they are told it's okay to visit Shirley, who is seated animatedly on the bed, holding her new baby son proudly. Jordan and Elijah are beside her on side, Andre on the other as Shirley states, "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Isaiah Jackson Bennett!"

"Oh my God!" Annie wails. "He's beautiful!"

A chorus of agreement is heard before the newest addition to the world is passed around for everyone to hold. When Britta gets her turn, she coos to him awkwardly. "I've never really done this before. Guess I should how, right? I'm going to have my own in twenty weeks."

"Yes, Isaiah," Jeff chimes in. "Your new best friend. So get ready. He or she is going to knock your socks off."

There's laughter as Britta takes in the damp weight of the newborn, his milk chocolate skin and sweet baby smell. His tiny fingers are curled around his blanket, his eyes blissfully closed. But when he opens them, they are a deep black and a soft almond shape. Britta glances at Jeff fearfully and he has the same expression on his own face.

There is no way this baby isn't Chang's.

Week Twenty-One

Chances are good you're feeling someone performing a round-off back handspring in your uterus by now. By now your baby looks like a mini-version of what she'll look like when she's born. All her facial features are formed and hair is growing on her head. She's even acting like a baby and will occasionally suck her thumb or yawn. Baby's heartbeat is getting stronger and can be heard using a good old-fashioned stethoscope. By 21 weeks, fetal bone marrow starts making blood cells—previously done by the liver and spleen. Your baby has been swallowing amniotic fluid for a while now, but now the intestines are finally developed enough that she's absorbing small amounts of sugars from it. Your baby now weighs between 10 and 11 ounces and is approximately 7 inches long—the size of a delicious, cold, frothy bottle of root beer.

"You're aware that you're eating meat right now, right?"

Britta glances up from her chicken cutlet. "Shut up."

Jeff holds his hands up in defense. "Just wondering. Making sure you knew you were breaking the rules of vegetarianism."

"Listen," She sighs. "You're child is making me do this. It's not my fault."

"Thank God my kid's on the right side of the argument." Jeff grins, using the closest potholder to mime a puppet and donning a kid's voice to say, "Mommy, vegetarianism is ridiculous. You're not saving as many animals as you think you are. Mommy, you know that even if you don't eat the meat, someone else will, right? It's still going to get killed."

Despite the grin on her face, Britta attempts to control her laughter. She fails. "Can you stop doing that creepy voice? And you're making fun of my eating habits? You're the one who's all 'organic' this and 'soybean' that. Freak."

"Yes, well, our child is eating organically because I'm not risking him or her getting E. coli O157:H7." Jeff states and Britta snorts. "Yeah you laugh, but I read Fast Food Nation. I know what goes on in the meatpacking industry."

Britta scrunched up her nose. "Ew. Can we not talk about that while I'm eating?"

"Whatever," He shrugs as she finishes, yet still looks pensive. "What?"

"We have pickles and ice cream left, right?"

Jeff rolls his eyes, wondering how they became so 'married' in such a short amount of time. "We should. I bought some this morning."

She grins. "I love you for a reason."

Week Twenty-Two

Your Mini's hands have grown bigger and stronger and the nerve endings in her fingers have developed her sense of touch. She's in there testing out her newfound abilities by touching her face and grabbing the umbilical cord. You're already raising a little Einstein. Your baby's brain is developing at a clip this week and will continue to do so until she's five years old (so load up on the Omega 3)! Your baby now weighs almost a pound and measures almost 11 inches from her head to her heel, which is how the Stretch Armstrong in your uterus will be measured from here on out. Up 'til now your baby's legs were curled tight up against her torso, so she was measured from her head to her bottom (or crown to rump) and not head to toe. This week your mini is about as long as a package of Oreos and as heavy as a large bag of tortilla chips. Who's hungry?

A week later, Britta comes to the realization that not only is this their baby, this is their baby forever.

And okay, that sounds like a really stupid realization- and maybe a little high-school- but she had never really, really thought about it before. She was going to be someone's mother. That thought scares her, but is exciting and thrilling as well. She realizes that they don't know the gender of the baby, so they can't really think of names, but they can at least come up with a last one.

She plops down on Jeff's leather couch. "We're using my last name. It's way more legit than Winger."

"Um, absolutely not," Jeff disagrees, flicking off the television. "I'm the father of the child; the kid's supposed to have my name."

"Yeah but it sounds bad." Britta says honestly. "What name goes with Winger? Our kid's screwed."

"Not if we name him Jeff Junior. Jeff the second."

"We're not naming our son that!" She insists vehemently. "And what if it's a girl?"

"Jeffrilena," Jeff winks and then adds, "I made that up."

"I can tell," Britta states dryly. "Seriously though, what names do you like?"

"What do you think of Katie?" He questions after a beat. "Cute, right?"

"Katie Perry?" Britta deadpans. "Are you serious?"

"We wouldn't use your last name, obviously!" Jeff argues back. "That would just be ridiculous."

"Yes, that would be overkill," She rolls her eyes. "Alright, fine. Let's hyphenate. Perry-Winger sound good to you?"

"Deal," He grins and kisses her.

Week Twenty-Three

Your baby's got a while to go before her lungs will be ready for air and is practicing her "breathing" on the amniotic fluid—sucking it in and out of her lungs. Fat production is in overdrive at this point (for the baby, not you! Well, OK, maybe for the baby and you). Your baby will basically double in weight over the next four weeks! You'll be happy to know the same won't apply to you. Your Mini is starting to look more like a newborn as her skin becomes less see-through. Her body is looking more proportional now, although her head is still kind of big compared to her cute little body. Your baby is about 11½ inches long and weighs 1 pound, or about the length and weight of a Harry Potter book.

In the last week of August, Britta is hot, irritable, and her back is aching when Jeff enters her living room with fantastic news.

"The course catalog for Greendale showed up in the mail today," He says, dropping hers by her feet and flipping through his as he sits down beside her. "What are we taking this semester? Sociology?"

Britta nods miserably and reaches out towards her course booklet, whining, "I can't reach it."

His eyes roll and he hands it to her. "You could've reached it."

She glares at him. "I can't even see my feet, let alone reach them."

Jeff chuckles. "What's your issue today? You seem all… out of sorts."

"It's hot, my breasts are sore, and my back is killing me," She complains. "And the last thing I want to do is go back to fucking Greendale."

"Whoa," Jeff says, motioning for her to move over so he could reach her, his hands immediately beginning to work the soreness of her back muscles. "I know Greendale's a toilet, but it's not that bad."

"Maybe not for you," She grumbles. "You didn't leave school with a flat stomach and the start school looking like a house."

"You're not even six months pregnant yet," He says and she snorts.

"Next week, Jeff. Next week. Close enough for me."

"Alright, well it's not a big deal. We just have to make our schedules, alright? One step at a time."

Britta doesn't respond. She's fallen asleep.

Week Twenty-Four

Your baby isn't just sitting around doing nothing, he's working hard preparing for life outside the womb—perfecting his lungs and packing on the pounds. He'll gain ½ pound this week alone. Things are starting to get a little crowded inside the old womb as baby grows bigger and bigger. Your ribs are probably pining away for the good old days when they didn't have a foot permanently lodged between them. Hate to break it to you, but it's going to get worse before it gets better. Your baby's ears are fully functional now. He's getting used to the everyday sounds inside the womb: the sound of your heart beating, your lungs inhaling and exhaling air, the growling of your stomach because your partner promised he'd be right back with that double cheeseburger and he's taking forever! He'll even be able to hear your voice when your partner finally arrives and you ask him where the bleep he's been! So talk nice! Baby's got a fully developed inner ear now. This means his sense of balance is working and he can tell whether he's hanging upside down or right side up. Your little Wiener schnitzel is about the length of a foot-long Chicago hot dog and weighs about 1 1/3 pounds.

The first day of school is a bit of a blur. Britta is aware of all the eyes staring at her and whispering behind her back. They're treating her like she's some teenager who got knocked up at band camp over the summer and the thought alone makes her laugh. This is worse than last year, when they had all been staring at her because she had told Jeff she loved him at the Tranny Dance.

Oh well. At least she got the guy in the end. Joke's on them.

"Just ignore them, pumpkin," Shirley advises her. "I know how it feels, but it'll go away soon."

Britta smiles and agrees. "Yeah. The looks go away when you pop the kid out, right?"

"They do," Shirley hesitates. "And then the questions start."

After school, Britta goes to her prenatal yoga class. She feels instantly better.

Week Twenty-Five

Get ready for pat-a-cake! Baby's hands are now fully developed and he spends most of his awake time groping around in the darkness of your uterus. Brain and nerve endings are developed enough now so that your baby can feel the sensation of touch. Your baby's arms and legs have grown to almost the proportions they will be at birth, which is still sort of short. So don't be alarmed when your newborn's arms barely clear his waist. Baby's nostrils, which have been plugged up until now, clear out and he can practice breathing through the nose. The structures of your baby's spine are now made up of 150 joints, 33 rings and some 1,000 ligaments. The capillaries, the teeniest blood vessels, are now forming in your baby's body, giving his formerly translucent skin a pink glow. The blood vessels in the lungs also develop this week. Your baby weighs about a pound and a half and is about 13½ inches long—roughly the length of one of those recorders you played in elementary school music class.

"So yeah," Britta states outwardly as they gather for study group one day. "My shoes officially don't fit anymore. Awesome."

"Well, look at it this way," Annie says. "At least now you have an excuse to go flip-flop shopping, right?"

Britta grins. "This is why I need you around in my life, Annie. When do you want to go?"

As the girls further their plans, Abed turns to Jeff. "Jeff, are you and Britta going to move in together?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"It just seems like the right thing to do, since you could be missing out on vital parts of her pregnancy," He explains. "When Rachel got pregnant on Friends, she was still living with Joey, but Ross got really jealous of him and asked her to move in with him instead, so that he wouldn't miss anything."

"Well I have no one to be jealous of," Jeff states. "Unless Cleocatra is seeing things I'm not."

Abed stares at him blankly. "Who?"

"Cleocatra," Jeff chuckles, knowing the name's ridiculous. "That's Britta's cat."

"Like Cleopatra," Abed says with a smile. "Clever."

Week Twenty-Six

Deep breath! Air sacks are developing in your baby's lungs, which means it just might be possible for your baby to take a breath at the end of this week. The retina completes the development of its normal layers this week—all the better to see you with. Brainwaves for the auditory and visual systems are detectable in baby's noggin this week. That means baby's brain is registering things like sound and light. As hearing continues to develop, your baby will start to recognize your voice. Your bambino will also start to recognize your partner's voice. Research has shown that newborns actually recognize familiar sounds after birth. Proof that your baby has been paying attention all along. Break out the sparkling apple juice—baby has now completed two-thirds of her stay in Hotel Womb. Your baby is about 1 2/3 pounds and is 14 inches long head-to-heel, or about the length of a burp cloth (otherwise known as your primary wardrobe accessory for the next several months).

"So," Jeff brings up casually one day. "Since you're more than halfway through now, we should probably think about what we're going to do when he or she gets here."

"Better question," Britta starts, balancing a bowl of cherries on her pregnant stomach, swatting at Jeff's hand when he reaches for one. "Is when in heck's name are you going to tell your mother about this?"

"Heck? Since when did you stop swearing?" Jeff wonders and Britta eyes him.

"Since I read in What to Expect When You're Expecting that the baby can hear us now, and I don't want one of his or her first words to be one of the seven dirty ones," She says. "Now don't change the subject."

"I don't know, it's complicated. She still doesn't even know I'm not a lawyer anymore," Jeff frowns. "Can you imagine that bombshell? 'Hey Mom, long time, no see, listen, I cheated my way to my lawyer position, had a fake degree, got caught and fired and now I'm enrolled in community college. Oh and by the way, I met this girl who I had sex with a bunch of times and now we're having a baby… See you at Thanksgiving.'"

Britta stares at him a bit before saying, "Well, I wouldn't put it like that."

Jeff laughs. "Oh really? Thanks for the advice."

Struggling to sit up- and groaning at him when he helps her- she hands him the phone. "Call her."

He sighs and takes the phone, dialing her number and waiting until she picks up. "Hey Mom, it's me. Yeah, I know it's been a long time, listen. I have to tell you something; don't kill me, okay? I'm not a lawyer anymore… No, I know… No, I'm pursuing a higher education… Yeah… Yeah it is. While I was there, I actually met this girl… Uh-huh… Definitely, yeah, her name's Britta… Yeah so we're kind of a thing now… And we're having a baby… About six and a half months… Mom… Mom, I know… I know! Okay, okay, I have to go. I just… I will. I… Okayloveyoubye."

When he hangs up, Britta is glaring at him. "You lied to her!"

"It's not lying," He insists. "It's not telling the whole truth."

Week Twenty-Seven

Baby's lungs and immune system are maturing this week as baby prepares for his grand entrance. If he were born today he would have an 85 percent chance of surviving as his lungs are capable of breathing air (with medical assistance, of course). Baby's done a lot of growing over the past few months. His length has more than doubled in the past 15 weeks! And that's not the only thing growing—baby's brain tissue and neurons are all developing at a rapid pace. His brain waves are now firing away just like those of a newborn baby. Your baby now weighs in at approximately 14½ inches and just over 2 pounds, or about the size of that roast you made last time your in-laws were in town.

As September draws to a close, Jeff wakes up one night on a rare night that they aren't sleeping at each other's apartments to an alarmed call from Britta.

"Something feels weird," Her voice is rushed and panicked on the other end. He can't tell if she's crying or not. "And not good weird-ow!"

"I'll be right there," He's already out of bed, tossing clothes on and grabbing his keys. "I'll be there, just, hold on, okay?"

She thinks she's in labor and it's the scariest thing ever because she's not due for another thirteen weeks. She's gripping her stomach as they enter the emergency room, afraid that if she delivers tonight, the baby won't survive. Her doctor is called and arrives in record time, executing an ultrasound and examining her cervix, before turning to her with a smile.

"Your baby's perfectly fine," Dr. Hastings smiles. "You're not in labor."

"I'm not?" She asks disbelievingly. "Then what the hell's going on?"

"They're simply Braxton-Hicks contractions," Dr. Hastings explains. "Think of them as practice contractions. They're harmless and very common. Most women don't even feel them."

Britta sighs in relief. "Oh thank God. I thought the baby was going to die."

"Of course not," Dr. Hastings assures them. "Even if you were in labor, there's a very good chance your baby would live. Odds are in your favor from here on out."

They return to Britta's apartment, Jeff still in shock. "I was so freaked out. I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't know if it was the baby or… you."

She yawns, settling back into her bed. "Relax Winger. I'm a rock."

Jeff nods, but the fear is still there. Maybe living together wouldn't be so bad after all…