An Unfortunate Outcome
Chapter Two

'Something in the tea'

"Hey!~ Wake u~uup, sleeping beauty! Kukuku!"

"H-hngh...? Buuwhat?"

"Tch. Are you always this so useless in the morning? You'll disappoint any girlfriend you ever have, yanno. Get up. Get up. Now!"

Battler winced as he felt somebody prod him in the ribs. He made a small noise of irritation, hoping they'd get the idea and leave him alone- because he doubted he had enough strength to physically push them away. His assailant, however, ignored him. If anything, they began prodding him with even more vigor, until Battler actually began to worry for the safety of his ribs.

Sometimes, the meta world could be pretty cool. Even though it was 'wrong' and 'nonsensical' (Battler didn't even want to get started on its occupants, who were a different kettle of fish altogether) and really shouldn't have existed, it was amazing and energy-saving being able to teleport anywhere in a cloud of golden butterflies, or summon objects out of mid-air.

But that was only a small bonus to a terrible deal.

Most of the time, Battler downright hated the meta world- golden butterfly henchmen be damned.

That morning, as he tried to bury himself under his duvet and go back to sleep, whilst a woman with an irritating voice that sounded an awful lot like Beelzebub/Asmodeus (he couldn't be sure, though; all the women in the meta world, save Virgilia and that cat-tailed kid with creepy eyes, had voices that grated against his ears like sandpaper) cackled at him, was a definite low point.

Well...

At least the day could only get better.

Right?

Ha.

Yeah.

Battler had already realized how useless it was trying to hold onto that hope in the meta world. Sooner or later, somebody (the usual culprit being Beatrice) would commit more acts of violent murder, and then Battler would be thrown into another twisted mind game, and any semblance of 'happiness' or 'normalcy' he'd once had would be shattered.

So it was best not to hope at all.

Thus, it was with a weary heart, and a resolve to fight off each annoyance as it came (whatever didn't kill him would only make him stronger, right?), Battler sat up, glaring at his attacker with narrowed eyes from underneath his messy bangs.

His second guess had been right.

It was Asmodeus.

A breakfast tray was hovering by her head, innocuous enough- it was after all, an inanimate object. Battler knew, logically, it couldn't hurt him.

Not if Asmodeus was playing by 'human world' rules, anyway.

However, the cruel grin splitting the pretty girl's face in two made Battler think otherwise.

So he stared at that tray dubiously, pushing strands of messy hair out of his eyes.

Didn't Ronove usually bring him food, anyway?

...Not that Battler trusted that damn butler, but he trusted the seven stakes less- especially the two younger ones. And that was saying something.

"Kyahaha!~ You're finally up!~" Asmodeus cackled.

"I'm aware of that." Battler winced, pressing a hand against his temple. He was beginning to feel a headache coming on, and it was only eight in the morning. "You don't need to narrate my life for me. And do you have to talk so loud?"

"Um..."

Asmodeus frowned, as though she were seriously pondering the question. She coiled a strand of hair round her finger, her teeth resting on her lower lip.

Then, she beamed.

"Yes! Yes I do!~"

"...Freak."

Battler yawned, not even bothering to stifle it with a hand. He didn't care what Asmodeus thought of his manners- or lack of thereof. Battler wasn't going to waste his (very limited) supply of goodwill and courtesy on an annoying brat like her. Especially after she'd woken him up at such an ungodly hour.

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought you breakfast, silly!~" Asmodeus trilled, smiling. "What does it look like?~"

"I dunno." Battler raised a brow. He thought the movement was rather suave, given how he'd been asleep five minutes ago, and his hair was a complete mess and his eyelids felt heavy and crusted with sleep. "I could've sworn you just came here to annoy me- but you do that all the time, anyway."

"Noo~" Asmodeus said, miming surprise. "Me? Annoy you? Never!"

Battler rolled his eyes- but he stood his ground. He couldn't give in to a girl like that; that would just be embarassing!

"I'm not going to accept any food you give me."

"Huh?" Asmodeus' face fell. "Why not? Why not?"

Battler winced. Asmodeus' voice had taken on the whining tones of a young child who hadn't gotten their own way (and, Battler supposed, that was exactly what Asmodeus was. A whiny child).

It was too early in the morning for this.

"Firstly, you're my enemy. Secondly, you've probably poisoned it. Thirdly, Ronove doesn't even let you guys into the kitchen- something about Beelzebub eating everything and Mammon blowing up cooking pots, so I know you can't cook worth a damn," Battler said, voice lifeless. He reeled off the extensive list in a monotone, counting off each point on his finger- though he knew it wouldn't do any good, in the long run. Asmodeus wouldn't listen to him. Could he really argue with a perpetual bundle of super-charged energy in a provocative uniform so early in the morning?

"And, twenty-eighth," said Battler, getting to the last point on his list, "you're incredibly, unbelievably annoying, and I'd rather pour that cup of tea over your head than drink it."

"Kyah!" Asmodeus gave a noise of mock hurt, moving backwards (...was she levitating? Couldn't she at least try to act more normal and 'human'esque? It would help clear Battler's headache up a little) as though she'd been shot. She pressed fingers against her chest, playing the role of a martyr; the fatally wounded. "Don't you dare mess up my hair! You don't how long this-" she flipped one pigtail over her shoulder "-masterpiece took me to style."

Battler glared at her, face sullen.

"...They're two pigtails. Even I can do that. In thirty seconds."

Battler used to tie up Ange's stubby pigtails for her when she was young...

But, that really wasn't so long ago, was it?

Suddenly, it felt like an age.

A wave of nostalgia descended upon him before he could stop it.

He couldn't afford to be nostalgic- it created chinks in his armor, and then those demons could slip through and take fatal potshots at him! He had to remain strong!

"You just don't understand the love and care a woman puts into her appearance," said Asmodeus, buffing her nails on her shirt. She gave a wide, sparkling, 'I'm-a-Perfect-Diva' smile, that made Battler feel about as important as a sea slug. "Then again, I wouldn't expect you to know~ You're just a stupid man, after all. I guess that's why you don't wanna eat the food. You don't appreciate the effort Ronove took to make it- and, yeah, I didn't cook it myself, okay? But if I had done it'd still be delicious, because anything that comes from the heart is!"

"I don't want to eat anything that came from your withered, blackened, husk of a heart," Battler said dryly. "And you do know that 'power of the heart' bullshit is only applicable in Disney movies and magical girl manga, right?" said Battler. "You try jumping off a cliff with the 'power of love' and see what happens." He clapped his hands together. "Squish! You're going to get turned into a pancake. Just like that."

Asmodeus frowned. "Somebody's a bit cynical. Why? Get up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"If you have to ask me why I'm so cynical then you're a fucking idiot," said Battler.

Battler was never overly polite- not even to his elders (much to some of the more uppity relatives'- i.e. Natsuhi's- chagrin)- but Battler found himself being even ruder than usual towards the pigtail'd, grinning demon.

Maybe, if she stopped levitating, he'd regain some of his usual 'charm'.

But, at the moment, all Battler wanted to do was throttle her.

"And I'm still not eating that," said Battler sourly, folding his arms. "I don't trust you."

"And you trust Ronove? More than me?" Asmodeus asked, her eyes wide. She began to tug on the ends of her pigtails, in apparent distress. "B-but why? I'm so adora~bubble!~ Teehee!"

Battler rolled his eyes. There was so much wrong with that statement he didn't know where to begin- so, eventually, he decided not to begin at all.

"I'm positive you've done something to that food, or you wouldn't have taken the effort to give it to me yourself. Where's Ronove?"

Asmodeus shrugged. "Oh, something happened."

"...That's pretty vague. You're making me think you've kidnapped him," said Battler. "I wouldn't put it past you."

He glared at Asmodeus. The youngest stake was hovering in mid-air, an innocent smile on her face. She was toying with the ends of her hair as a cat would toy with a ball of yarn. She looked about as likely to commit murder (or, at the very least, commit murder effectively) as a beanbag; but Battler knew that childish persona was a ruse.

"I-I would never do that!" Asmodeus said, pouting.

"I don't believe you."

"Well..." Asmodeus began to giggle to herself; a sick, weird kind of giggle that made the hairs on the back of Battler's neck stand up. "Maybe I would, hehehe... But that's not what happened this time! I promise! Cross my heart and hope to die!"

"Then what did happen to him? He didn't meet an unfortunate end with a fish knife so you could deliver food laced with narcotics, right?" Battler asked.

"You've been reading too many mystery novels," said Asmodeus, sticking out her tongue. "Not everything in this world is an amazing, unsolvable closed room murder, yanno!~ Milady was just freaking out a little because her dress went missing, and Ronove had to help her look for it before she, I dunno, exploded. But we all know Gaap took it, and it's gonna be in the some weird portal place somewhere, so what's the point in looking? It was all Beato's fault for eating the strawberry off the top of Gaap's cake when they had a tea party this one time, so she really brought it on herself and oh yeah-"

By this point, Battler was beginning to get a headache. Asmodeus, he soon realized, was the sort of girl who could talk... and talk... and talk... and talk, until you felt like throttling her with her own hair just to get her to shut the fuck up for two seconds.

Hmn... That sounded like a pretty good idea.

Was it even possible to strangle somebody with their hair? It'd be a pretty efficient weapon, though; it wouldn't be overly suspicious, not like a knife (which, incidentally, was lying on the breakfast tray by Asmodeus' side. Battler had been considering using that to stab her in the eye, but her hair seemed more effective... But it'd be less satisfactory... If you were going to murder somebody, you might as well do it with lots of blood and gore, right?

...Well, of course, this was all hypothetical.

Battler wasn't a murderer.

R-right?)

"Okay, okay, stop," said Battler. "Your voice is making my ears bleed."

"I have a beautiful voice and you know it!"

"Try saying that in red then!"

Asmodeus pouted, exhaling heavily. The motion made her bangs flutter, caught in a breeze.

"I can't do that, idiot," she said. "I don't have the authority. And besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder~ Just because you can't appreciate my ah~ma~zing, ENDLESS awesome, doesn't mean nobody else can!~"

Battler ran his hands through his hair, sighing. The silver glint of that metallic knife was beginning to look more and more appealing. It was screaming to him; pick me up and embed in that annoying girl's face! You know you want to!

No.

He shook his head, lips drawn into a thin line.

He needed to dispel such thoughts from his mind- they weren't helping!

Before his early morning coffee, he really was in no fit state to deal with people.

Any people.

Especially not levitating, pigtail'd, fanservice-y maid-like demons whose very outfit constituted for one big, constant panty shot.

It's a good thing Beato cleared me as a murderer on the game board, or I might just start doubting myself. My own thoughts are actually disturbing myself.

"Alright, you're awesome, whatever you say," said Battler listlessly. "Now leave me alone. I'm sleepy."

"Not until you eat your breakfaaast~"

Battler had to wonder why Asmodeus drew the syllable count in 'breakfast' out for so long; was it just common practice to mangle the Japanese language in the meta world, throwing an extra vowel sound in here, the odd tidbit of terrible English and some maniacal laughter to 'spice it up' there? Or maybe there really was something suspect in the food, and Amsodeus was mocking him... But, if that was the case, why would she draw attention to it? Surely she'd want to assure him the food was fine and A-OK, not make him even more suspicious... But, turning the chessboard over, it was logical to assume Asmodeus deduced he'd think the food was safe if she pretended it wasn't, because he didn't trust her...

And then Battler looked at Asmodeus, and realized she was an idiot.

Thus, his line of reasoning fell apart.

My head hurts.

It's too early in the morning for chessboard thinking.

"I'll stop bugging you if accept the food~" said Asmodeus, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Fufufu~"

Battler raised a brow. "So you're actually aware you're irritating? I thought it just came naturally."

"It's a talent!~" Asmodeus sang, flipping one of her highly strangle-able pigtails over one shoulder.

"A talent you put to good use."

"Indeed!~ Now! You gotta eat up, okay? You need your strength!~"Asmodeus chirped, chipper as ever. "Beat- u-um-" she caught herself just in time, giving a sheepish laugh, "-Milady, I mean, is in a pretty bad mood. So you might want to prepare yourself."

"She's always in a bad mood," Battler muttered.

"Only towards you!" said Asmodeus, smirking. "Because you're uncouth and uncivilized and- owww! T-that was mean!"

But Battler had decided, then and there, that he wasn't going to listen to that brat insult him anymore. In one deft motion (it was far more fluid than he felt he'd be capable of in the morning, sans caffeine; but when people were in dire situations ((or, more like, being teased by magical floating maid girls)) they could do amazing things) he grabbed hold of one of Asmodeus' pigtails, and pulled.

"Take it back," said Battler- wondering why, exactly, he even trying to get into a fight at all. That would only aggravate the situation!

...But it made him feel better.

"Can't take back what's true!" Asmodeus retorted childishly.

Battler glared at her; a glare that could pierce through worlds and bring people to their knees. But then, after a short while, that deadly expression fell into something rather less threatening. He hadn't the energy to hold such a scowl on his face for too long, and it quickly became a pout, which didn't carry the same weight as an angry scowl. He let go of Asmodeus' hair- and, with it, tried to relinquish the fantasy of causing her fatal harm.

"You're an awful person."

"I know!~" Asmodeus said cheerily. "Now eat your breakfast."

Battler blinked at her, slowly, as though trying to see through her mind.

What was her motive here?

Well, surely the food wasn't poisoned. Even though Beatrice mocked him every chance she got, what with her insane laughter and cruel mind games, he was sure she didn't really want him dead; at least, not by any hands other than hers. If Asmodeus tried to kill Battler without her master's permission, Battler didn't doubt Beatrice would use some of her 'endless magic' to transfigure the troublesome girl into a toad.

So, if it wasn't poison, what was it...?

Battler knew he shouldn't accept it- he didn't trust that smirk on Asmodeus' face, so wide with teeth so jagged it looked like it'd been carved from a pumpkin with a breadknife- but the food couldn't have been that dangerous. After all, Asmodeus was an idiot.

Unless she was working with Beelzebub, who probably was intelligent enough to slip him strange substances in his food (despite her stupid bouncy hair that suggested otherwise), and whom Battler had really pissed off yesterday.

Hmn...

But, it definitely wasn't poisoned. Battler was so sure of that he could've said it in red- had he the ability to.

And he was hungry...

And if Beatrice was in a bad mood, it'd probably be best to have eaten something, before she unleashed her wrath upon him.

"Hurry up hurry up hurry up!~" Asmodeus chided, prodding Battler in the side of the head. "Hurry!~"

And, the biggest plus of all: eating the food would get Asmodeus to leave him alone.

So...

Battler shrugged.

Whatever.

Why not?

Maybe he was just over-thinking things.

And he wouldn't let Asmodeus defeat him!

He reached forwards, trying not to show any trepidation- Asmodeus would take that for a sign of weakness, and he wasn't afraid of her! He'd seen pillows that were more menacing!- and took hold of the cup of tea. It was warm in his hands, and gently steaming. Even though Battler preferred coffee, it still smelt good...

"Just so you know." Battler turned to shoot Asmodeus a look; an expression so laced with suspicion and irritation and kinda-hatred-but-not-really (it was hard to hate somebody like Asmodeus, what with her cute pigtails and her smiling face, even if she was a homicidal maniac on the game board) that it made Asmodeus flinch a little. "If I die, I'm going to rise from the dead and give you hell."

"That's impossible~"

"Nothing's impossible in this place," Battler mumbled darkly.

And then, he stared down at the contents of his teacup...

Gathered his resolve...

And started to drink.

...

...

...It didn't taste right.

Asmodeus' laughter wasn't helping either.

Battler drew the cup away from his lips, looking down at the murky contents as though they would tell him about the secret, innermost workings of the universe. Of course, they did no such thing (he'd have been more frightened if his teacup had become a sentient being to offer him advice); but the strangely sweet taste spreading across his tongue- it was almost flowery, and reminded him of the perfume Virgilia wore- was proof enough that something was definitely Not Right. And it was so 'Not Right' it deserved capital letters; that was how important it was in Battler's paranoid mind.

The tea stung as he swallowed it, burning his throat.

"Fufufufu~ Kyahahahaha!" Asodeus was laughing so hard tears began to bead at her eyes, and she hovered uneasily, almost drunkenly, in mid-air, her arms around her stomach.

"What's so funny?" Battler spat at her, eyes narrowed. "D-don't fuck around with me, damn it!"

"Oh, nothing, nothing~" said Asmodeus airily, wiping a tear from the corner of her eyes. "I-it's just..."

But the moment her eyes met Battler's, she began to giggle again.

Battler clenched his hands into fists, the urge to grab her hair again growing stronger and stronger.

"What?"

Asmodeus tilted her head to one side, one eye bigger than the other, a truly manic expression playing across her face. It didn't fit with her 'little girlish' image; those pigtails and that face were not a good combination. It sent shivers down Battler's spine, much as the tea had burnt a trail of scalding fire down his throat as he swallowed.

Asmodeus smirked.

When she next opened her mouth, her words were in... red...?

Didn't she say she couldn't do that...?

But Battler soon forgot that small technically when she next spoke.

"That wasn't tea you just drank."

a/n: Yay :D Set-up is pretty much done now, and I will introduce Ronove and Beato and a very other charas maybe in the next chapter, where STUFF WILL HAPPEN :D :D
And it will be beautiful XD~
Fics like this with lots of dialogue and character interaction are really fun to write :3

~renahhchen xoxoxo