How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Her feet felt impossibly heavy as she searched his eyes. He'd broken her in a way she'd promised herself she'd never allow and now, she was giving him a chance to do it again. Everything in her was drawn to him, the comfort his arms could provide, the feeling of acceptance she only found with him. Still, she knew better and she turned to walk into the living room.

"So that's it then? That's your choice?"

"Don't act like I'm making the choice," she said quietly before sitting down in the chair with her back to him. "You walked away from me long before I ever walked away from you."

Her heart lurched as she felt his knees brush hers and watched as she sat down on the end of the coffee table in front of her. He dipped his head, until their eyes met. "I know I hurt you with Summer and …"

"I'm not just talking about that. You … When we started, you were my sanity. You kept me going. You reminded me that I wasn't losing my mind. That I wasn't losing my humanity, that my feelings had merit, that my pain was real, that my scars could eventually heal. You showed me that I wasn't alone in this deep dark place and just having someone else to hurt with me made me willing to keep fighting to claw my way back to the light."

"I wanted to be that for you. And you deserved to have someone."

"You were everything for me then and you made me survive it and then when I finally got back to a life that reminded me of my own, you were still there and you made me smile. You made me laugh and I realized that I was happiest when I was with you. I was myself when I was with you and that's what I wanted. It was what I needed. And I wanted to be that for you too."

"You were. You did. And if I ever made you feel like you didn't then …"

"But that wasn't enough. You still chose Victoria over me. You always did. And at first I convinced myself that it was because of the children and that you just felt responsible for her and … But then there was the computer and the passwords and …"

"That wasn't about you. That was about Brash and Sassy and …"

"I know that's what you said, but looking back, it was about me. It was about us and how you never valued us enough. It was about the fact that you were always willing to put us as risk to please Victoria."

"I didn't see it that way."

"I know you didn't and at the time, I didn't either, but I've had more time to think now. That happens when you spend all your time alone and you're trying to figure out how you let yourself get in this position." She could see the lines on his face growing deeper, the concern and compassion in his eyes becoming even more real. He was hearing her and listening, something he hadn't done in so long.

"And even afterwards, even with the whole thing with Chelsea, you were more worried about Victoria and JT than any of the concerns I had with the stolen money. Because it was still all about Victoria."

"Well given the way all of that turned out, it seems like I was right to be worried, doesn't it?"

"See, right there!" She stood up quickly and turned away from him again, her hands gripping the credenza and wincing at the pain that the motion caused. She let her wrapped hand fall against her side and felt him reach for it and carefully inspect the gauze.

"Be careful with that," he whispered.

She pulled it back. "It's fine," she snapped. "You're still defending the way you acted. You're still saying it's perfectly okay that you were willing to put Victoria ahead of me and it wasn't okay. I know that I have a tendency to be selfish. I'm not completely and totally without self awareness, but I don't think it's wrong of me to expect the man that I love to put me first – at least some of the time." Her eyes met his again. "Is it?"

"Of course not, but we both made mistakes, didn't we? I'll own mine. I was stupid and thoughtless and I didn't give you the respect you deserved a lot of the time, but I wasn't alone in this, was I?" He reached up to brush the hair away from her face, letting his body rest against the heavy wooden antique piece.

"No," she admitted, looking down at the floor. "You weren't. I made plenty of mistakes. I did things I wish I hadn't. I made choices that if I could go back and change them, I would. Sleeping with Nick and …"

"I know." He shook his head. "So how about we just admit that we both made some stupid moves and we both did things that we'd like to take back? Maybe it's not so important to decide who wins this battle? Because if we're both still miserable, neither of us are really winning, are we?"

His words made more sense than anything had in a long time. "I certainly don't feel like I've had a win in a long, long time."

"Maybe instead of thinking about all the bad things we've done to each other, we could focus on the good. Maybe that's a better way to spend our time."

Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
And did you ever miss me?
Ever long to kiss me?

"That should do for a while." He stood up and admired his work before stoking the fire once more. "Hopefully the weather will let up before too long and then we can see how bad the road back looks."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I'm sorry you ended up stuck here tonight. I know you had other plans."

"Not really. I was actually already in bed when Jack called."

"Oh." She looked away quickly, trying to keep her face from showing her surprised pleasure. "I was just assuming because of the way you and Victoria seemed tonight. It looked like the two of you were planning to make a night of it." She heard his heavy sigh.

"Victoria and I are … Well, she runs kind of hot and cold. And besides, I don't really know that we're ever going to get back to anywhere like that again. Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to. It's kind of like a roller coaster with us and the kids don't deserve that. Maybe I do. Maybe she does, but they don't. We're good at the co parent thing and we decent as friends, but maybe it's just not meant to be anything more than that. It might just be time to accept it and move on."

"I didn't know you felt that way. I guess when I saw you tonight I just thought …"

"That was Mom's doing. She was supposed to be there too, but her flight got cancelled because of a storm in Chicago, so she couldn't come. I would have gone over and said hello, but I know the situation is still pretty tense after the whole board vote and I didn't want to make it worse for you."

"Oh. I thought you were …"

"I know. You thought Victoria and I were together."

"Well, you didn't even look at me, so …"

"I couldn't. Anytime I look at you, I want to keep looking and then I want to go over and talk to you and then I want to do other things and I know that you're not in that place anymore so …"

"What? I'm not in that place? You've treated me like the enemy for months now and when you have talked to me it's been to tell me what a horrible person I am and …"

"I know." His voice was softer now as he reached for her hand and led her back to the sofa. "I felt like that was my only option. I took my shot with you. I laid it all out on the table and I told you I was sorry. I told you I wanted you back. I told you that you should be with me and not Nick and you said we were done. You said we'd …" He paused, not because he needed to think about it – He could hear the words repeated in his head as clearly as if she'd spoken them seconds ago. "burned it to the ground," he managed. "And then …" He reached for his wallet and opened it, pulling out the 5 golden rings and letting them fall into her hands. "you gave me them back."

"You … you keep them with you?"

"It reminds me that I didn't make it up. That even though it's over now, it was real once. You know?"

The words seemed to reach inside her chest and grab her heart. Her eyes burned with instantaneous tears. "Yes," she breathed. "I do know. That's why I'm here. That's why I came here. I needed to be somewhere that I could remember the way it was. That I could think about us and how good it was at one time because sometimes … my life seems so hopeless that it's hard to believe it was ever anything but that. But here," She pointed over to the credenza that stood on the other side of the room. "I can remember being here with you. I can remember what it felt like to be in your arms. I can remember what it felt like to kiss you and to touch you. I remember that this was the first place that I was finally able to admit the way I felt about you."

"Felt?" Billy leaned a bit closer to her, his hand still closed gently around her. "Or still feel?"

"I …" She could feel the warmth of his body moving closer, the comfort of his arms wrapping around her, and the flutter of his breath on her cheek.

"Because I know my answer," he whispered. His lips brushed against hers for only a second before he pulled back and smiled. "I can sit here with you all night and talk about all the memories we've made – good and bad, but I'd much rather spend our time making new ones. We've made our share of mistakes, but the biggest one we'd ever make is letting this go again. I know I'm not prepared to make that one. I'm not willing to let you go again."

His hand cradled her face before sliding through her hair as he leaned in to kiss her again. At first, when he felt her pull back, he had a momentary flash of panic but then he saw her face and it all disappeared.

She looked at him, her green eyes shining up at him as smiled. "Feel," she whispered, "Still feel."

The End