Truth behind the Lies Chapter 2, a gravitation fanfic

Truth behind the lies

Chapter 2: misunderstanding

Thanks my beta, Lanie 12777! :3

disc: i don't own gravitation... i just wish i did.

Words in italic are flashback

Violet eyes widened in confusion, narrowed slightly by the light that captivated him. He tried to look straight into the blinding light, but failed miserably. He closed them for a brief moment and when he opened his eyes again, a tall, familiar figure was standing proudly in front of him. Golden eyes staring with total confidence, lips curved to a tiny smile while strong hands rest on a broad chest. He knows it too well, and he cursed himself for it. No matter how hard he tried to erase the memories of this man from his heart, he remained still. Because deep inside, he knows he still loves him. He still loves Yuki Eiri.

"Hi there, Shu-chan," the blonde whispers slowly, hand traveling to cup the younger man's cheeks. The stunned man could barely breathe when those hands lightly touch his cheeks, down to his jaw and collarbone. Amethyst eyes closed in contentment when the novelist's lips brushed his over sensitive ear, ever so slightly licking the lobe.

Shuichi couldn't help but moan at the soft caress, earning a chuckle from Yuki. He's about to stroke the blonde locks with his right hand when suddenly Yuki's voice stopped him.

"You're so easy to give in," the voice said in a mocking tone. Shuichi's eyes snapped open, and violet eyes gazed at the other man's smirking face. The hands that rest on the pink locks stopped their ministrations before Yuki spoke again.

"Good pet. But you're nothing for me now."

The voice said the words like they're the sweetest things in the world. Yuki gives him a small peck on the lips before turning around and walking away with small hands wrapped around his waist.

Tohma…

…ichi!

How could he do this to me? Why?

Shuichi…

If I'm not good enough for him, then he can just tell me!

"Earth to Shuichi!! Wake up, na no da!!"

A small body shakes ever so slightly before long eyelashes fluttered open, revealing amethyst orbs glimmering with unshed tears. Shuichi gazed over his surroundings while trying to catch his breath in shallow pants. Four ocean-blue walls surrounded him, who was lying breathlessly on a king-sized bed with pale purple sheets. When his eyes lock on to the familiar face of his idol, he lets out a relieved sigh and lays back more comfortably when the older man strokes his now raven locks lovingly. Since he decided to leave Japan and go to the USA with Ryuichi 2 years ago, he changed his style completely so no one can recognize him as Shuichi Shindou.

Because Shuichi Shindou is dead.

Since 2 years ago, when Yuki totally crushed his heart, he buried everything about Shuichi Shindou deep inside his heart. All about Yuki Eiri, NG, Bad Luck… except about Hiro, Suguru and Ryuichi. They're so precious to him, so there's no way in hell he can forget them. Or try to forget them.

However, no matter how hard Shuichi tried to erase Yuki from his memories, the young novelist remained in his mind. Every time, when he looks at blonde hair—which is common here 'cause it's the USA—flashbacks hit him immediately. He practically remembers the time when Yuki threw him from their—his apartment, when he clung to Yuki like a koala when begging to take him for a date, when he cried over silly things, when he and Yuki had a fight, all the good things and the bad things, and the worst thing—when Yuki kneeled atop Tohma, who was lying breathlessly under him.

The latter always being a nightmare he had to face every night.

So when he left Japan, Hiro continued his career as a doctor—as his parents wished. And Suguru continued with his school, since the boy dreams to be a professional keyboardist like his cousin… his evil cousin.

No one knows what exactly happened between him and the novelist, except Hiro and Ryuichi. He won't tell Suguru, not because he distrusts him, but because he doesn't want to crush the image of his perfect cousin.

Thinking about it again, it's funny to know that it's Ryuichi who knew it first than Hiro. A soft smile lingering on his rosy lips, his heavy eyelashes start closing again when he began replaying the memories of that time…

Rain fell mercilessly to the earth, it doesn't care about the small figure that's shivering from the cold. The figure, a lithe body shaking uncontrollably with pink hair wet from the rain, wrapped his arms around his body to warm himself up.. But with the lack of clothes—a blue tank top with a small half-sleeve jacket that barely reached his navel and pink leather shorts, it's almost useless.

His violet eyes gazing at the city lazily, he forced himself to stay awake when all he wanted to do is sleep. But he won't, because he's afraid he can't wake up anymore.

For what seems like eternity, when his eyelashes feel so heavy and he's readying himself to face uncomfortable slumber, a lithe hand brushed his bangs that were covering half of his face suddenly. He looks up and was more than surprised to see wide, innocent eyes staring at him with pity and concern in them. He forced a smile to form on his blue lips before he finally gave up and closed his eyes. He feels warmth surround him when he stumbled instead of the hardness of the road, before everything turns black.

The sudden sharp intake of breath is enough to tell the boy's awake. Ryuichi rushed over to his side, holding a small bowl in his little hands. He stares at his favorite boy who seems startled over his surroundings, and with a tap on his shoulder, he speaks up.

"You're in my house now, Shuichi," he said in a more serious tone. It seems to startle the boy a bit, and he looks up rather uncertainly until he can see his idol's face through half-wet bangs.

"Sakuma-san?"

Hearing this, Ryuichi turned chibified, leaving his serious mode. He pouted cutely while putting the bowl on the nightstand before sitting on the edge of the bed where Shuichi lay.

"Ryu already told shu-chan to call him Ryu-chan instead! It makes me feel old!" the green-haired male said, "or if it's better, you can call me Ryuichi!"

The pink-haired singer let out a tiny smile for his idol's antics.. It's enough to make Ryuichi relieved, though. Because at least, he can make Shu-chan happy and it's a real smile, not a forced one.

"Sa… Ryuichi, why am I here?" the young singer asked, breaking the rather uncomfortable silence that surrounded them before.

Ryuichi tilted his head to the side in a cute manner, as if he's confused.

"What do you mean, Shu? Don't you remember what happened to you? What's the last thing you remember na no da?"

"The last thing I remember…" Shuichi tried, but immediately stopped. The last thing he remembers is Yuki thrusting violently into Tohma's body, two pairs of eyes staring at him mockingly. And the harsh words Yuki said…

"I don't love you."

No, he won't tell his idol that. Maybe Ryuichi will believe him, but he's Tohma's best friend and band mate. He won't break Ryuichi's image of Tohma, he will not cause anymore pain to anybody else.

"It's okay, Shu-chan." The understanding tone of his idol's voice brought him back to reality, and before he knows it, Ryuichi's soft hands flew to wipe his tears. Since when had he been crying?

"I won't tell you to tell me what exactly is happening. But don't scare me like that again, Shu-chan! I almost peed in my pants when I saw you'd fainted!"

Shuichi's eyes widened in surprise, "I… did?"

Green hairs bobbed up and down in agreement. "Yup! I was looking for Kuma's new outfit 'cuz he had to attend a tea party tomorrow when I see you curled up in the corner of a dark alley! At first, I'm not sure it's Shu or not, but when I see your pink locks, I recognized them immediately," the older man explained. "So I asked you what's wrong, but instead of answering me… you collapsed."

More concern flashed over wide blue eyes, and Shuichi forced his lips to curve into a smile before saying softly, "Thank you."

It seems to satisfy the singer, and he pulls his hands off Shuichi's heart- shaped face. "Anytime, Shu-chan. Anytime…"

"Ano, Ryuichi…" Shuichi found himself asking, "how long have I been here?"

"Ummm… 2 hours? I dunno either," the idol replied. "Why? You want to go home now? I'll call Yuki-san. Or do you want me to drive you there?"

At the mention of his lover's name, Shuichi's eyes squeezed shut. The older man seems to notice—but instead of asking him what's wrong he ignores it. Shuichi will tell him sooner or later, and he won't force him to do that. He knows whatever happened to him is something bad, and he needs some time alone to heal his broken heart.

Shuichi smiled again, amethyst eyes full of pretend happiness. "No, it isn't necessary. But can you do me a favor, Ryu?"

The green-haired guy's ears perked up at this, and he nodded excitedly. "Sure! What is it, Shu?"

"Can you find me some place to live?"

"What are you smiling about, Shu-chan?"

Ryuichi's soft voice broke his train of thought, and Shuichi tilted his head to the side to see his idol's eyes full of concern.

"Nothing, Ryu-chan…" since 2 years of living with him, Shuichi found it more comfortable to call him Ryu-chan instead of Ryuichi. Otherwise, the older man always insists for him to do that, though.

"I just… suddenly I remember the time you found me. I'm really glad you did that, Ryu-chan. 'Cause if you hadn't, I may be dead now…"

Blue eyes widened in surprise and slight anger when he heard his friend's words. He can't blame him, though. It's true, if he hadn't found him that night… if he'd already been too late to save him, there would be no Shuichi anymore.

I'm tired…

Those words keep replaying in Shuichi's mind, chanted repeatedly like a mantra. It's been two weeks since Ryuichi found a place for him to live, and his broken heart was still not healing. He's lucky the small apartment is far from Yuki's… cause if it's not, he may have given up now. Thinking about it again, maybe that's what he was going to do. Give up…

Ryuichi comes to his apartment at least twice a week to make sure he's okay. And when the idol would arrive, he always forced himself to smile, to fake a laugh and pretend to be happy. It's harder than it seems, but he managed it. He won't cause anyone problems, he keeps telling himself that.

When he quit Bad Luck, Hiro and Suguru were more than surprised. Especially Hiro, 'cause he knows the boy's dream is to be a legend, like his idol Sakuma Ryuichi. But when they saw the sadness in Shuichi's eyes, they let it be. They quit Bad Luck too, 'cause there's no way they can move on without their lead singer. Shuichi already insisted for them to stay and find another singer instead, but they refused.

"We won't make music anymore without you, Shu. 'Cause it will never be the same—Bad Luck without their lead singer is nothing..."

Shuichi remembers what his friends said, and that's enough to accompany him in his sorrow. But now he's tired… really tired. He can't take it anymore—the memories, betrayal, the evil laughter that was echoing through his mind, the cruel smiles… it's just too much. He really loves Yuki, and now that he knows the novelist doesn't… there's nothing left for him to live for. And that means he had a reason to die for…

Violet eyes widened in realization. That's right! If he can't be with Yuki… then he can't see him with another man either. He stood up from his small bed; his feet carried him to the tiny bathroom in the corner of the apartment.

When he arrived there, he saw his own reflection in a small mirror that was nailed on the wall. He can't recognize it anymore… what had he become? Where are his once-gleaming eyes, where's the happy glimmer in them? It's funny how the words broke him completely… the pink- haired boy let out a dry laugh at that.

Now he's turned pale, like the living dead. His violet eyes are darkened, empty, emotionless… but he doesn't care anymore.. What's the point of looking good if he's about to die anyway?

He produced a razor blade from the small box under the white marble sink, holding it with the tip of his finger as he stares at it admiringly. This tiny thing is his savior—the hero that will take him to the place with no pain. With it, he will be numb and he can forget Eiri… he finally can sleep in peace knowing he will not wake up anymore.

He let a small smile form on his dry lips before heading to the bathtub, setting the water warm and sinking into it. He doesn't bother to take his clothes off, it will be embarrassing to be found naked in your death. And he doesn't leave a note either—he knows from films if someone commits suicide, they will leave a note to someone first. What's the point of doing it if he knows no one will find—or try—to find it? He doesn't have anything now, except the reason to die. Hiro and Suguru, they deserve to be happy… so he will never bother them anymore. Ryuichi too, he won't be a burden to him. And Yuki… if he can't love him back, then he'd rather die.

With the last thought of his ex-lover, he slit the razor slowly on his wrist, watching in amazement when the skin turns even paler before the crimson liquid formed on the bruised skin, then slowly starts pouring. It will be beautiful… drowning in a pool of pink. He loves pink.

He does it again, adding more pressure this time. Another slash followed by another, and he does the same thing to his other wrist. When his breaths come in shallow pants and his head feels dizzy, he stopped his actions.

YUKI

The name is carved in his wrist before he realizes it. Tears formed in the backs of his eyes again, and he took a deep breath before his eyes closed—hoping it's the last breath he will ever take.

"Ryu-chan? What's wrong?" Shuichi asked uncertainly when he saw his idol cry. The said man turned his head to his direction, watching him through puzzled eyes. "Hm? What did I do? Nothing's wrong… oh!" Ryuichi grinned sheepishly while wiping the overflowing tears from his blue orbs, "I don't know why I'm crying, Shu-chan! I just… remember that time again."

Shuichi smiled. "It seems like we had the same flashback, ne?" the younger man said in a teasing manner. "But don't worry about it, Ryu-chan. I'm here now… I won't try to leave anymore…"

Ryuichi hummed happily to himself as he listened to the soft sounds of the car's engine. He's on his way to Shuichi's apartment—he doesn't know why, but he felt a sudden urge to meet with the younger boy. Finally the rather huge, glorious building—where Shuichi's apartment was—could be seen, and he let out a happy squeak before ordering the driver to drive faster. The old man replied with a nod, and in a few seconds, Ryuichi throws himself into an elevator.

124…125…126… here it is!

The green-haired man knocked on the door—soft, but it could be heard.

After knocking a few times and he still doesn't get any answer, Ryuichi decided to start shouting and pounding on the door. The effect is still the same—despite the protest from Shuichi's neighbors.

He finally produces a key from his breast pocket—concern flooded through his brain when he thinks about the possibilities. Maybe Shuichi is hurt… but he reassured himself that the pink-haired boy just fell asleep or is in the shower.

His gaze falls to the empty room; there's no sign of Shuichi there. He walks toward the other room—panicked—and stops dead in his tracks when he saw pink liquid flowing from the bathroom…Could it be?

Ignoring the voice in the back of his mind that is saying that is Shuichi's blood, mixing with the plain water—he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom.

Blue eyes widened when it falls to the sight before him… Shuichi, drowning in a marble bathtub, pink liquid surrounding him—there's some falling on the floor too. The boy's body is buried completely in it, just a few strands of pink hair peeking from the water's surface. Ryuichi slid down to the cold floor, fear, concern, pain, hurt, concern—he feels it all—his emotions blending in wide blue eyes.

After taking a deep breath he stood up, once again ignoring the part of him that was saying Shuichi had already died… Shuichi is gone…

NO!

"Shuichi, Shuichi… wake up!" the older man said, dropping his childish façade. He pressed his ear to the boy's chest, since his wrist was bruised brutally while searching for his cell phone from his backpack. He let out a relieved sigh when he hears the faint sounds of the boy's heartbeat… he thanks god it's not too late.

After calling for an ambulance he holds the boy bridal-style, putting him on the bed gently while pressing his ripped clothes to the boy's wrists to prevent any more bleeding.

He saw the two letters on the pink-haired singer's left wrist, and the instant he realized it, he turned around to examine the other wrist.

YUKI…

He should have known there's something wrong between them. He'd already promised to himself and Shuichi that he will watch over him… and he'd failed. Guilt formed in his heart, squeezing his chest tightly so he almost cries in agony. But he won't cry, he'll be strong for both of them.

"I'll protect you, Shu-chan. And when you wake up, you better have a good reason why you did this…"

Ryuichi choked back a sob, earning a concerned look from the younger male. He feels small hands reaching for him, cupping his face softly before brushing the green bangs that hide his eyes.

"Don't cry, Ryu-chan, please don't cry…"

Even when the raven-haired says so, tears are still pouring from his closed eyes, along with the boy's own tears.

He'd never felt this way before—the fear—it just too much for him to handle. It's been 2 hours since the doctor dragged Shuichi to the ICU room, saying he's in a coma now. It's been 2 hours since he'd been crying, blaming himself for all of this. He already called Hiro, and the red-haired guy is probably on the way now. Ryuichi decided to just call him, he doesn't call Tohma and Eiri because whatever happened to Shuichi, it has something to do with them.

2 weeks ago, he was surprised at first when he heard Shuichi quit Bad Luck—which led to the band's dispersal anyway. When Shuichi said this to Tohma, he saw hatred cloud in the boy's violet eyes—even if Shuichi tried to hide it by faking a smile. But he doesn't bother to ask the boy why, he keeps telling himself Shuichi will tell him if he's ready.

But now, he will force Shuichi to tell him what exactly happened, whether the boy wanted to or not.

"Sakuma-san!" he heard someone's voice called, and tilted his head to the side to see Hiro kneeling in front of him. The red-haired doctor is still trying to catch his breath, asking him what happened to Shuichi between shallow pants.

"He… he tried to commit suicide," Ryuichi answered sadly, wincing at the bitter taste as the words flew from his lips.

Grey eyes widened, Hiro looks into the other's watery eyes before he whispered softly, mostly to himself. "No way…"

Ryuichi held the other male's shaking body, then kneeled in front of him to give the poor guy a comforting embrace. He feels Hiro gripping his shoulders tightly, burying his head into his chest. He closed his eyes when he heard Hiro keep asking why, and like himself—the redhead was blaming himself for all the things that had happened to Shuichi.

When Hiro calmed down a bit, he let the guy go from his embrace and sat on the chair again.

"Please sit down, Nakano-san. You look exhausted."

He notices the wide gray eyes widened even further—probably the guy is surprised to his change of attitude. He doesn't care if he looks scary now—he won't use the 'chibi-Ryuichi' side at this moment. Not when his best friend is in a coma, struggling from death.

An hour passed by, and finally a bald, middle-aged doctor come from the ICU. Ryuichi and Hiro immediately rushed over there, demanding the man to tell them what happened.

"He survived from the coma, but he's still in critical condition now," the doctor said after Ryuichi reassured him they're Shu's relatives. "Even so, there are possibilities for him to survive. It depends on his will, though."

At this, the two other males raised their eyebrows in unison.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, from the scars on his wrists, he may try to commit suicide.. Someone who tries to end their life this way must be under pressure or in depression now. Shindou-san is broken both mentally and physically—if someone doesn't try to help him he may… try to go," the bald man explained, earning soft nods from Hiro and Ryuichi. "However, we already tried our best to save him—physically—and I suppose you could help him, since you're his relatives. Try to talk to him and help him through it all—that way, he can heal completely."

Ryuichi nodded enthusiastically, his spirit lit up when the doctor said his friend could survive.

"So when we can see him, doc?" the green-haired male said, nibbling on Kuma's ears that went almost unnoticed. It helps him to calm his nerves, after all.

"You may go see him now, but please be quiet. He needs proper sleep and rest."

After saying thank you and bowing to each other, Ryuichi practically flew to the room while Hiro remained to talk to the doctor. Ryuichi almost forgot that Hiro is also a doctor now, so they were probably discussing medical things. He chose to see Shuichi instead of follow Hiro, 'cause he doesn't understand what they're saying. Otherwise, he couldn't wait to see him anymore.

He closed the door softly, hearing the soft 'clack' when it hit the frame. His small feet approach Shuichi slowly, watching the boy lying almost lifelessly with an I.V and oxygen mask on. He looks so thin under the thick blanket—maybe he'd been starving himself.

When he arrived at the bed's side, he held the boy's hand in his, clutching it tightly before whispering,

"Hold on, Shuichi…"

Ryuichi couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Did Shuichi just say that Yuki cheated…with Tohma?

"I told you, Sakuma-san. You wouldn't believe me…" the boy said so softly it almost went unnoticed, but Ryuichi quickly stared at Shuichi with a reassuring glance.

"No, I believe you, Shu-chan! It's just… I can't believe Tohma could do this to you…"

Shuichi's response was hummed in agreement, though he knows so well the blonde could do anything to satisfy his needs.

"So that's why you quit Bad Luck? Why didn't you tell me before? Does Shuichi… distrust Ryu?" the older man said, turning to chibi again. Shuichi give him a slight smile, still too exhausted to speak. He just shook his head no.

"Oh, I know! Shu's just afraid I don't believe him, isn't he? But don't worry, I believe Shu more than Tohma!"

The pink-haired boy nodded, and mouthed a silent thank you to his idol. He was so grateful to know there's someone who still cares for him… he's not alone after all. Ryuichi already informed him that Hiro's out to buy lunch and pocky for him.

"So what're you planning next, Shu-chan?"

When the boy remained silent, Ryuichi decided to speak up again.

"I know! You can go to America with me! We'll make a new band and we'll rock again!!"

And Ryuichi proved his promise, Shuichi thought happily. It's been two years since he and Ryuichi created a band called Vladester. He doesn't know why, but the name sounds cool to his ears… and with his other band mates, Zack and Matt, they made it to be on top of the charts again.

Suddenly the phone rang and Ryuichi wiped his tears before he stood up to answer it.

Seconds later, the green-haired man reappears again, holding a portable telephone in his hand.

"This is for you, Shu-chan. From Hiro."

Shuichi quickly sat up, reaching for the phone enthusiastically. Ryuichi smiled, chuckling a bit when he saw the happy sparkle in Shuichi's eyes again. Maybe he could be shiny again…

"Hello?"

"Shuichi! Let's reunite!"