Semper Fi
By Ann3
Writer's Note: Awwww, thanks for the reviews !! I'm working on 'the big finale' at the moment, but since there are quite a few chapters ahead of it, I thought I'd get this second one posted before a bit of an exciting weekend. I'm going to a con in London tomorrow to, hopefully, meet Paul McGillion again. And yes, the Walnut Whips are already packed !!
Anyway, to tide you over until I get the next chapter posted next week, it's time for our favourite lovebirds to have a wee bit of a chat. As well as spoilers for Phantoms, there's also a reference here to Misbegotten. Enjoy !!
Chapter Two
The Strength Of True Courage
If truth be told, she could think of more comfortable, cosier places for this quiet heart-to-heart chat. Needless to say, the snug warmth of their bed, without its more playful distractions, topped the list. The cold, unyielding hardness of a ten thousand year old wooden bench-seat, not surprisingly, bottomed it.
Yet even as she shifted on top of it, discreetly shivering inside her quilt, Laura Cadman kept quiet. As uncomfortable as it was, her own interests and needs didn't matter right now.
This was Carson's time, his choice – the place where he felt able, and ready, to reveal what was wrong. And while she'd already guessed what that something was, those suspicions also remained unspoken – the gentlest of hands down a tear-stained cheek finally coaxing out a stricken, guilt-choked whisper
"I – I should ha'e been stronger, love... I – I should ha'e been strong enough to – to save him..."
She'd been right. Barroso's death was still haunting him, ruthlessly torturing Carson's conscience. But being proven right brought no comfort, no victory, as she tried to ease that burden's crushing load
"Carson, you were hallucinating... that Wraith device was playing hell with your mind, baby, and... well, you heard what Kate said yesterday, after the autopsy, with the severity of his injuries, he..."
"He shouldnae have died..."
The normally warm, so soothingly friendly voice was flat, worryingly emotionless in its reply – rising now, with uncharacteristic anger, as the weight of Carson's conscience finally overwhelmed him
"He died, Laura...! Barroso died, jus' – jus' feet away from me, an'... an' he was my patient, Laura...! He was relyin' on me to – to be his doctor, to save his life, an'... Christ, I should ha'e saved him...!"
She must have reacted to his anger, betrayed the pain it had caused, since it now vanished as quickly – the nightmare that had triggered it finally releasing a flood of emotion that no dam could hope to stem
"Oh, Christ, love, I'm – I'm sorry...! I – I know you an' – an' Kate are right, I know that ye are, but... oh God, lass, wi' what that thing did to me, messin' up my head the way it did, it's like what he did to me, love, all over again...!"
There it was, Laura bitterly reflected. The real reason why he suddenly found it impossible to sleep. Losing a patient, something that always tore Carson apart, had re-triggered an even greater nightmare.
Michael.
Even from his supposed grave, that hybrid freak was still putting her precious Carson through hell. She'd almost lost him then. She was damned if she'd let that bastard take him from her again.
He'd taken one hell of a grip then, of course, on Carson's mind, but... well, her hold on him right now was stronger. Mentally with her heart, and physically with her arms, she was not going to let him go.
"Sssh, it's okay, baby, I know... I know... it's okay, baby, I'm here... it's okay, you're safe now..."
He was shaking now, every bit as violently as when he'd fallen apart in her arms then, all those months ago. Yet still Laura held onto him, soothing and comforting him – holding onto him, refusing to let go.
It was too soon for talking. He was still in no fit state to hear, or comprehend, or accept their comfort. But she could hold him. For as long as it took, for as long as she had to... God, yes, she could hold him. She could hold him for a lifetime.
As he continued to shake against her, she started to rock him, soothingly stroking the nape of his neck. He liked to be stroked there. And, when he was so utterly broken as this, he liked to be rocked too.
That was the next step, the next stage, in bringing her precious Carson so gently back to her. Several minutes into it came another, crucial breakthrough, as his head finally shifted against her shoulder.
It was almost over. He was calming down now, enough now to hear, and understand, her words of comfort.
"That's it, baby... sssh, it's okay, you're safe now... it's alright, Carson, I've got you... I've got you..."
It took several moments for him to find the strength, but finally Carson managed a shaky nod. A few more moments beyond that, and, albeit slowly, his head lifted fully away from her shoulder.
The eyes that she loved so much were still stricken, still glassy from the force of his breakdown. But as Laura wrapped him back into her arms, she felt a smile of pure pride break across her face.
She'd seen strength in those eyes too. The same unbreakable strength which formed Carson Beckett's soul. It was, she proudly reflected, still tenderly stroking the back of his head, the strength of true courage.