Daily Life of a Bicycle Cop

by K-Ghidorah

What is a mild-mannered bicycle cop to do when he finds himself living with some of the most dangerous mythological creatures in the world? Can he tame them, or will they tear him apart? This is based off/inspired by the fan-creation known as Everyday Life with Bicycle Cop. I've felt that it deserves a full story rather than single page mangas and fanart. Hope you all dig it.

2. Case Docket 1

Case Docket 1 - Daily Life Under Heavy Adjustment

Satsuke rode in silence in the passenger seat of Smith's car, his badge and gun on his lap. Everything felt unreal to him, as if he were dreaming. The silence was palpable and awkward, and the ride felt very long despite the actual distance being short. Eventually, the car stopped in front of what was to become his new home. Even in his sour mood, he couldn't help but be taken aback. The house was very impressive to him. It didn't look like a mansion by any stretch of the imagination, but it was impressive enough that he wondered how much it had to have cost. "Do you like it?" Smith queried with a smile.

The young man was at a loss for words, so he simply nodded. "Your things have already been moved and arranged," the agent continued. "Now, while you have your job back, you have been delegated to doing paperwork for now, and, due to the girls' need for round-the-clock supervision, you will be working from home. A representative will be by every day at 5 p.m. to collect the paperwork you have filled out. Once the Agency has found your performance to be satisfactory, you will have your patrols back.

"Shall we begin?" Smith concluded with a wry grin.

The pair stepped out of the car and were met at the door by what looked like a young woman wearing a yellow flak-jacket from a distance. Up close, Satsuke couldn't help but shudder a little bit. While she was very pretty, with short, stylish red hair and an attractive figure, her skin was practically a patchwork of different skin tones stitched together. Even her eyes were strange to him, appearing to have come from two different people. "Hey there," she greeted him with a slightly gravelly voice, "you must be the fresh meat."

The policeman was about to protest until she grinned at him with teeth that appeared almost serrated. "Nakamura-kun," Smith said, "this is Zombina of the Monster Ops: Neutralization force, or MON. She will be the representative who will be picking up your paperwork at the end of the day. I trust you two will get along well."

"Well, hey," Zombina said, still grinning, "how's about we take you on a tour of your new digs!" She then reached for the knob and turned it. However, her hand came off when she tried to pull the door open. "Damn it," she muttered, "my stitches came loose again."

"Please, Zombina-chan," Smith said as she gave the other woman her hand back, "you really need to pull yourself together."

"Yeah, yeah, that joke's still funny after the 200th time hearing it," the zombie retorted, attempting to roll her eyes but only succeeding with one of them.

"Please," Satsuke said, opening the door, "allow me."

"Heh, he's cute and a gentleman," Zombina said. She then grabbed his butt, making him yelp in surprise. "Yeah, we're gonna get along just fine," she said lecherously.

After a brief tour, the police officer was escorted to his large living room where a stack of paperwork nearly a foot tall waited for him. When she saw his reaction, Smith laughed and said, "Relax, those aren't due until tomorrow afternoon." She then handed him two folders and continued, "We will need you to sign these now, however. This is the data that we have on your two current homestays. You will be signing the standard releases stating that you are their guardian and that you take full responsibility for their future actions."

After Satsuke nodded, the agent continued. "There are also waivers barring the Interspecies Exchange Agency from any legal action for any injuries you may incur." Seeing him raise his hand to protest, Smith laughed. "Relax, Nakamura-kun," she said, "the Agency will pay for any hospital stays you may need, including routine doctors' visits."

The police officer began reading each of the files as he signed them. The first of which belonged to a mermaid called Mako, also known as "Mako the Merciless." His other homestay was an arachne named Tara. "Don't let Mako's nickname scare you," Smith said. "She's actually quite friendly, if a little unorthodox. Her room is down in the basement when you are ready to meet her. As for Tara, I should warn you that she can be a little temperamental. However, it is unlikely you'll be seeing her much as she largely keeps to herself. Her bedroom is up in the attic."

"That doesn't seem right," the young man said, feeling sympathetic to the arachne already.

"Actually," Zombina said, "that was the room she picked. Relax, we finished it to look like a normal bedroom, so she's as comfortable as she can be. Besides, you won't need to worry about bugs ever again!"

"I suppose not," Satsuke sighed as he finished signing the girls' forms. "You needn't worry about me being uncomfortable with her. I have no problem with spiders."

"Funny," the zombie said, elbowing him in the ribs, "I seem to remember a particular night at a warehouse. You ran and screamed like a little girl!"

"Oh, come now, Zombina-chan. There's no need to tease the poor man," Smith said with that condescending smile. "After all, he was alone and in a dangerous situation." She then stroked his cheek as if he were a child. "You can't expect him to go charging into a dangerous situation out of his jurisdiction like that without backup like a cop in one of those silly American films."

Nakamura found himself hating Smith; she seemed to know exactly which buttons to push on him, and in all his life, he never felt as insulted as he did in this moment. "Relax, pal," Zombina said, clapping his shoulder. "You did the right thing. After all, arachnae can be pretty nasty customers and should be left to professionals like me and my crew. Plus, I hear that even a lot of spider lovers can't stand the webbing. At any rate, it's not like you could've legally done anything, anyways! Don't let Agent Smartass get to you."

Satsuke felt his initial discomfort around the undead woman slipping away, and even found himself genuinely liking her. While she was brash and rude, he found her oddly charming. He couldn't say that she was at all unattractive either, despite her being a chaotic mish-mash of parts from different cadavers. "Well, well," she said, noticing the young man assessing her. "Looks like someone is thinking about experimenting with necrophilia! I think it'd be okay, too. After all, the law only applies to non-humans. It's a little hazy with regards to folks who were formally human like me.

"And you don't need to worry, hon," she continued, touching his cheek, "I can be very discreet when I want to be. After all, dead girls don't usually say no. So whaddaya say we go back to my place and crack open a cold one?"

"Now stop that, Zombina-chan," Agent Smith chided, "we can't have our friend becoming a zombie. Nakamura-kun, when you are done signing the releases and the girls' paperwork, we can get out of your hair so you can make yourself at home."

Satsuke signed the last of the forms and handed them to Smith. "We'll be in touch," she purred.

Soon, the two women took their leave of the young policeman, and he felt a certain relief when he heard the door close. He looked at the mountain of paperwork with a sense of dread, but at the same time, he was grateful to be able to finally work. "Well," he said aloud to himself, "I should go about meeting my two housemates."

Satsuke decided against introducing himself to the arachne, choosing instead to meet the mermaid downstairs. He remembered how Smith described her as "unorthodox," but given his previous meeting with Mero, he felt that his meeting with Mako should go smoothly. In his search for the stairs to the cellar, he noticed that an elevator had been installed. He deduced that it was so the wheelchair-bound mermaid can easily navigate the two floors at will. "They really thought of everything," he remarked with a smile. "I guess Smith might not be so bad."

As much as he wanted to try out the lift, he felt that he should know exactly where the stairs were in case the elevator broke. Upon reaching the lowermost level of the house, he found himself in what appeared to be a typical basement. He saw what appeared to be a large furnace in the far corner, with an industrial sized washer and dryer against the wall to his right. To his left was a door, adorned with a sign bearing the legend saying "Here Be the Quarters of Mako the Merciless" in crude writing. Satsuke politely knocked, but only heard a faint sloshing sound beyond. He tested the knob and found it unlocked, so he opened the door slightly. "I'm coming in," he said through the door.

When he stepped into the room, the first thing he noticed was the smell of salt water, making him think of his childhood visits to his uncle's beach house. It makes sense, he thought to himself. After all, she is a mermaid. Against the wall to his left was a large black flag bearing the Jolly Roger, a poster with what appeared to be Errol Flynn when he starred in Captain Blood, complete with cutouts of pink hearts, and several art prints with pirate ships. Completing the ensemble was a mount bearing two crossed cutlasses. So, he mused with a chuckle, she likes pirates. When he turned to the pool, he saw a wheelchair with a smaller Jolly Roger flag propped up on one of the handlebars. Assessing the pool, he could see that, while it wasn't Olympic-sized, it was still very impressive. He peered over the edge into the water, but try as he might, he couldn't see the bottom. Note to self, he thought, don't fall in. "Ahoy there!" he heard a slightly gravelly voice call to him. "Do ye always come into a girl's room without askin'?"

After flailing about to keep from falling into the pool, he looked and saw the source of the voice at the furthest edge of the pool. He could see why Smith called her "unorthodox." Unlike Mero, this mermaid wore a blue and white striped shirt that was torn around the midriff, presumably so her gills could breathe, and her long, wet strawberry blond hair was adorned with a black bandanna. Her pointed, dark blue ears were each adorned with two gold earrings. Her face, while attractive, bore a scar on her right cheek, and her eyes were as black as coal. Despite her words, she appeared more amused than angered. Nakamura bowed politely and said, "Forgive my intrusion, Miss. I am Officer Satsuke Nakamura, your host, and you must be Mako?"

"One an' the same, Chum!" she replied with a grin, revealing a row of razor-sharp teeth. "Ye know, ye're kinda cute for a cop!"

With that, Mako swam to the edge of the pool closest to him. As she got closer, he noticed that, while she swam with grace, her speed was more akin to a shark. The comparison made him shudder slightly, and her nickname for him made him slightly queasy. No wonder she's been rejected so much, he thought to himself. That musing, instead of frightening him, made him even more resolved to befriend the mermaid. She's probably just misunderstood, he mentally added.

When Mako surfaced and propped herself on the edge of her pool, she looked at him quizzically. "Oy," she said, "why're ye not freakin' out like me last fam'lies?"

"Why would I?" Satsuke replied with a casual shrug. He then said, "I do hope we can become good friends."

"Oh, do ye now?" Mako said with a wink. She then grabbed him by the ankle with a webbed hand and pulled him into the pool, pinning him to the edge. "Aye, I do believe we can be very good friends."

With that, she pulled up her shirt, revealing two very large breasts, and pressed them against his chest. This caused his blood to rush to his head and spurt out of his nose. "Ye know, Chum, it's not nice to tease a girl like that," she said as she licked his face clean. "Aye, ye are rather tasty, aren't ye?"

Suddenly, Satsuke found himself fearing for his life, either by drowning or being eaten alive by this strange mermaid. Remembering something he heard about stunning a shark, he freed his arm with some difficulty and, with his fingers, flicked her nose firmly. His impromptu plan worked, for this caused Mako to jump back, clutching her nose. "Ow, that bloody hurt, mate!" she growled, her voice muffled.

The young man scrambled out of the pool as fast as he could and ran towards the door before she could get to him. The last thing he saw before slamming the door shut behind him was the enraged mermaid leaping out of the water. He was grateful that mermaids, regardless of their breed, were much slower out of the water. Still, he didn't look back as he tripped over himself climbing the stairs, nor was he paying attention when he ran up the stairs to the second floor to go to his bedroom. In his rush, he didn't notice anything in his path, and ended up getting stopped in his tracks by something large. When he came to his senses, he realized that his face was in something soft. "Can I help you?" a hateful voice growled above him, her words laced with a slight Spanish accent.

He backed away and realized that, somehow, he ran into what seemed to be a woman's cleavage. He then felt himself getting picked up by the back of his wet shirt collar, and was soon face to face with his other homestay. Satsuke was too frightened to notice that her face was rather round, and would have been cute if her features weren't contorted in undisguised rage. Her skin was a light tan color, and instead of two eyes like most people, he saw six black eyes staring daggers into his. Framing her face was an unruly mane of black hair with red streaks in them. He dared to look her over, and saw that her ample bosom (what is it with these liminals being so well-endowed? he mentally asked himself) was restrained by a tight white shirt, over which was a beaten up black leather jacket. Below her waist, where her legs would have been had she been human, resembled a very large, black furred tarantula, with her leg joints marked in red. "Ahh, a Mexican red-kneed tarantula," he said aloud without intending to.

"Oh, we have a smart guy here," the arachne said sarcastically.

"I'm very sorry for running into you like that," the policeman said. "I am Officer Satsuke Nakamura, and you must be Tara. It is my hope that we can become good friends."

With her other slightly furred claw, she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. "I doubt it, Fuzz," Tara hissed. She then sniffed him. "You're wet, and you smell like salt, booze and stale tuna. You must've already met Fish Face."

"If you're referring to Mako, then yes, I did."

"Whatever, Fuzz," she muttered. "You'd better take a shower before the salt dries and irritates your skin." With that, she threw him down the hall and into a wall. This must be what those injury waivers were for, he thought to himself as he picked himself up off the floor.

Satsuke was grateful for the fact that his bedroom was at the end of the hallway where he landed, thus being within crawling distance. When he could get a good look around, he appreciated the fact that, while it was much bigger than the bedroom in his old apartment, the movers arranged the furniture and his belongings in a similar fashion to how he had it set up where he used to live. He also noticed that, in the far corner, there was a door leading into his personal bathroom. It was small, in comparison to the rooms in the rest of the house. The bathroom only had the shower stall, but it was still luxurious in its proportions. I think I can get used to living here, he thought to himself as he turned the faucet. "I wonder if Tara knew about this when she threw me," he mused aloud with a chuckle. "Maybe she had an idea of what happened and was helping me get away from Mako."

After a refreshing shower, the police officer made his way into the kitchen. A large, six-burner stove was along the side wall with an oven big enough to roast three large turkeys. The refrigerator, freezer, and larder were all the kinds one would see in a restaurant. How many liminals am I going to be hosting, anyways? he asked himself. Still, he was grateful to the agency that, while the food wasn't exactly extravagant, it was good quality and in abundance. He was also grateful that his father was an award-winning chef who taught him everything he knew. It didn't take Nakamura very long to decide on what to make for dinner, namely seasoned and grilled salmon with rice and vegetables. What better way to tell Mako that I have no hard feelings?

Sure enough, when cooking was underway, he heard the faint squeaking of wheels coming into the room. "Ahoy, Chum," Mako said, "somethin' smells good. When's dinner?"

"Dinner will be ready soon, Mako," Satsuke replied with a smile. "Come choose a place to sit." He flipped the salmon steak on its other side on the grill. "Must you call me 'Chum?'"

"Why not?" the mermaid replied with a grin. "We're gonna be mates, ain't we? Besides, I could just eatcha up!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."

"About that," Mako said, turning serious. "Sorry I lost me head back there. Tends t' happen when I smell blood."

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about," the policeman said, still smiling.

"If it makes ye feel any better, my sense of smell ain't no better than yers when I'm out o' th' water. I think when we was all wet, it got me all bothered. Jus' so ye know, the smell o' blood don't get me hungry like it does with full sharks." She grinned wickedly. "At least, not for food, if ye catch me meaning," she concluded with a wink.

"Then why did you attack me like that?"

"That flick on th' nose really hurt, mate!" she shouted. "How would ye feel if I came up and punched ye in the jewels?"

Satsuke's eyes went wide. "Oh, Mako, I am so sorry," he said. "If I had known it was like that, I wouldn't have done it."

"Eh," the mermaid replied with a wave of a webbed hand, "don't ye sweat it. Ye had no way o' knowin'. No hard feelin's?"

The policeman turned around and smiled warmly. "There were never any to begin with."

Mako smiled sweetly, which surprised the young man given what he knew about her so far. "Ye're nice, Chum," she said softly. "I'm glad to 'ave met ye. Ye're welcome on me deck any time ye want, if ye know what I mean."

Satsuke chuckled awkwardly and finished making dinner. He was then started by the voice of the large arachne who had been standing in the doorway. "God, I don't know what's worse," she muttered, "the smell, or the sight of you lovebirds being lovey-dovey to each other. I mean, if you two are going to do it, take it to the bedroom."

"Nice t' see ye, too, Legs," Mako retorted with a wry grin. "I trust ye've met Chum, here."

Tara chuckled harshly. "Yeah," she said, "Fuzz and I bumped into each other upstairs. Cabrón needs to watch where he's going." She then leaned closely to Nakamura's ear. "I'm watching you, Fuzz," she whispered threateningly.

The police officer gulped, feeling very afraid. He truly wanted no trouble with her, and genuinely desired to become friends with the arachne. However, he started wondering if that would even be possible. "Will you be joining us for dinner?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. "We are having grilled salmon, rice, and vegetables. However, if that's not to your liking, I'll be glad to make something else for you."

"I don't want anything from you, Fuzz," she spat. "Seeing the two of you made me lose my appetite."

Satsuke sighed dejectedly. "Well, if you change your mind, you're welcome to join us."

"I doubt it," she muttered, turning to the door. Before Tara left, she said, "By the way, you better give Fish Face paper plates, unless you actually want her puking up broken ceramic. The wooden knives and forks would also be a good idea, because she'd eat those, too."

"It was that one time!" Mako shouted.

"Whatever," Tara said. "I'm outta here."

Satsuke brought Mako's dinner over to her as the dour arachne left the room. "I think she likes ye, Chum!" the mermaid said, her mouth full of fish. "I ne'er seen 'er so nice to a human!"

"I'd hate to see how she treats someone she doesn't like," the policeman retorted. "How long have you known her?"

"Aye, a couple o' months now," Mako replied. "Only seen 'er a few times, mind ye. We'd end up gettin' rejected a few times an' we'd see each other. Soon, we started tradin' stories about our host fam'lies. Though this last time, she got more sullen 'an usual, so I told th' stupid bint from th' Organization t' place me with 'er so I can keep an eye on 'er. Don't much trust humans, meself, and I'm thinkin' th' last one messed 'er up somethin' bad.

"Ye seem okay, though, but I'd still watch yerself fer a while 'til she comes 'round," she concluded.

Satsuke barely heard her as he began preparing another meal, this time a bento box with yakosoba beef and some of the rice and vegetables he had already prepared. What he did hear was a reverberating belch that he swore shook the entire room. "By Jolly Roger, that was good!" Mako said. "Ye got any more?"

The policeman made a serving for himself, then piled the rest on the largest paper plate he could find. He was barely able to get his hand away in time before she devoured her food, plate and all. "Ye keep cookin' like that, she'll come 'round 'fore ye know it," the mermaid said before downing an entire bottle of rum and let out another rafter-shaking belch.

"I'm glad you liked it," Satsuke said with a smile. He then picked up the bento and said, "I'll be right back," as he left.

The policeman walked up the stairs and headed over to the trap door leading to the attic. "Tara," he called. "I left your dinner here in case you get hungry."

"Piss off, Fuzz!" came the response beyond the door.

He simply smiled and went back downstairs to the kitchen. On his way, he heard the attic door open. He turned around to see a strand of web picking up the bento box and lifting it up. "Good night, Tara," he said then continued to the living room to watch TV.

x

Satsuke opened his eyes and had a moment of panic. Where am I? he thought to himself. The room he occupied looked much like his old bedroom, but felt more cavernous. The amount of open space he found himself in gave him an acute flash of agoraphobia. This feeling went away when he remembered the fateful meeting with Smith in his old apartment only two days before. Oh yeah, he thought, I live here now.

The young man was about to attempt to get more sleep when a loud crash coming from the hallway made him bolt upright. The crash was followed by a woman's voice singing merrily about keelhauling someone. He quickly put on a shirt and a pair of pants, then ran out to the hallway. He looked down the hall to see the mermaid he only recently became acquainted with rolling straight towards him. "Gang way, Chum!" came the cry before the inevitable collision.

When he stopped seeing stars, he felt something heavy on top of him, so he rolled back over until it was underneath him. What he saw was a grinning Mako, smelling strongly of salt and alcohol. Her shirt was raised up enough to reveal her ample bust. Like his first experience with her, this caused blood to spurt out of his nose, spraying Mako's face. "Nice t' see ye too, Chum!" she said, grinning wider. "What's fer breakfast?"

"Let me wash my face first," he replied, smiling weakly, "then I'll think of something."

"Didn't mean t' wake ye," the mermaid said as she helped Satsuke sit up. "Ain't used t' havin' so much space to roll around, ye know."

"It's quite all right," Satsuke said as he stood up. "Just try to keep it down until I get out of bed."

"Aye, aye," Mako said with a salute. "Anyone wakes me Chum, I'll run 'im through!"

The mermaid had just started speeding down the hall in the other direction when Satsuke went back into his bedroom, then into the bathroom to take a shower. As he wiped the condensation from the mirror, he saw what looked like a black shadow hanging from the ceiling in the shower stall. However, when he turned around, there was nothing there. "Wake up, Nakamura," he said aloud to himself as he dried his hair.

Satsuke started down the hallway after getting dressed, then paused under the hatchway to the attic. After a moment's deliberation, he called out, "Tara, what would you like for breakfast?"

"For you to fuck off, Fuzz!" came the reply.

With a sigh, he made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Oy," he heard Mako say as he went to the fridge, "see ye found out Legs don't exactly do mornin's. Don't ye take it too personal. She can be like that even t' me, an' she an' I have been friends fer a while, now."

The young man looked to Mako, who was smiling at him. Even with her wickedly sharp teeth, her smile was warm and kind. "May I ask you something, Mako?" he said as he turned on the burner under a greased pan.

"Ask me anythin', Chum!"

"How come you've been rejected so much?" he asked as he cracked some eggs. "You've been nothing but friendly to me."

"Some of 'em, when they 'ear the word 'mermaid,' they think o' that Disney tart," Mako grumbled. "I 'ear them say 'ow they was expectin' Ariel but they get Cap'n Sparrow."

"That's not right," Satsuke responded.

"Bah," the mermaid said, "if someone don't like me, that'd be their problem. Anyway, then there was this other family. Th' parents were a bunch o' stiffs, but their young lad was all right, by me reckonin'. Not much t' look at, but a nice enough lad. We'd be playin' 'sword-fightin' and he'd play me some 'pirate rock'. Guess th' parents thought we was bein' too chummy. Didn't like me bein' a 'bad influence' on their boy.

"Th' last family before ye, though," she snarled. "They 'ad the nerve to accuse me o' stealin' from 'em. Cops got involved an' everythin' to try an' get me deported. Bastards. Turned out th' husband stole th' money t' go out gamblin' and whorin'."

"I remember that case," Nakamura said as he flipped bacon. "I arrested him for being disorderly in public. I heard him bragging to someone about how he was framing his homestay while he was in the holding cell. Because it involved a liminal, it was taken out of my hands, but I do know that I helped save her from being deported."

"So ye're th' cop who cleared me name." Mako said with a thoughtful expression. "Thank ye, Chum."

"Was just doing my job," Satsuke said with a smile. "Now, let's eat."

As Smith had said, Satsuke and Mako became fast friends. He found her boisterous laugh infectious, and her stories enthralling, even if she tended to embellish more than a few details. With her encouragement, he shared some of his own stories. He told her about how he arrested a purse-snatcher with the help of an errant centaur, as well as his experience at the warehouse and the incident with Kimohito and the dullahan. Like Mako, he exaggerated some parts of his stories, often to make himself seem more heroic than he actually felt at the time. It was then that he heard someone clearing her throat. In the doorway, he saw Tara holding up a plate full of some of the eggs and bacon he made. "Are you seriously buying his bullshit stories, Fish Face?" she snarled.

"Top o' th' mornin' to ye, too, Legs," she replied. "Gonna come be social today?"

"Yes," Satsuke said, offering a place at the table. "Come join us."

Her only reply was a hateful glare before leaving. "See?" Mako said. "Told ye she'd start comin' around. She didn't even threaten' ye this time. Took 'er a week before she stopped threatenin' the stupid Agency bint, and that was only 'cause Legs wasn't gettin' a rise out o' her." After washing her breakfast down with the last of the rum in her bottle, she said, "I'll be lettin' ye get t' work. If ye need me, I'll be in me pool." With a slap on Satsuke's rear, she winked and said, "Clothin' optional."

Satsuke rubbed his backside and made his way to his office, gingerly carrying the stack of paperwork with him. It didn't take him long to fall in love with the office the Agency set up for him next to the living room. Despite it being the smallest room in the house, it still dwarfed the office of Chief Shimizu by a wide margin. Two large windows dominated the wall behind his desk, allowing the sun to bathe the room in natural light. Next to the door to the office was another large window, which he assumed would allow him to keep an eye on the girls. His eyes drifted to the wall next to the door to see his trusty bicycle, which had been propped against it. This made him wonder when he'd be able to get back onto the patrols he loved so much.

It took him long into the afternoon to finish filling out the paperwork and signing each of the forms, stopping only to grab a quick lunch. He hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep when he heard a familiar voice. "Can't have you falling asleep on your first day, Fresh Meat."

He bolted upright to see Zombina leaning against the wall, a wry grin on her cold face. "Don't worry," she said. "I won't tell Agent Smartass. Hell, I'm amazed that you were actually able to get it all done."

Satsuke smiled weakly as the undead woman picked up half the stack. "By the way," she said as her colleague picked up the other half, "you'll probably want to feed Jaws before she starts eating the furniture."

The policeman started to chuckle at the mental image of Mako chewing on the couch, then realized that he honestly wouldn't put it past her to do just that. He truly liked the mermaid, but he had witnessed her ravenous appetite firsthand. On his way to Zombina's vehicle, Mako lunged to eat the paperwork as if to prove the undead agent's point. "I'll be making dinner soon," he said with a smile. "Just be patient."

He went to pat one of the mermaid's shoulders, only to have her snap at his arm. He was grateful for the training he received, and how it improved his reflexes. Still, he was barely able to avoid her teeth. "We better hurry before she decides to eat me," Nakamura said, to which Zombina nodded.

Moments later, Satsuke was in the kitchen grilling a large flank steak. He tried asking her how she preferred it, but what few answers he got were barely intelligible. So, she's like a shark in the worst possible way, he thought to himself. She becomes a mindless eating machine when she's hungry. He realized that she was in no mental state to care how her food was prepared, so he took it and put it on a paper plate, foregoing utensils entirely. As he guessed, she ripped the plate out of his hands and devoured both the meat and the plate. "Next time," he heard Tara snarl from the doorway, "make more than a sandwich for lunch."

Satsuke chuckled awkwardly. "Yes, I'll be sure to be more mindful in the future," he responded.

"Pendejo," she barked before scuttling off.

"Aye," Mako said softly, "I shoulda warned ye 'bout 'ow I get when I'm hungry. Sorry 'bout that, Chum."

"It's nothing," the policeman said, sitting down next to the mermaid. "I should've been keeping an eye on the time."

"Ye were busy," the mermaid retorted with a dismissive wave. "I didn't wanna bother ye."

"Well, if you need something to eat, please bother me," Satsuke said with a smile. "It's what I'm here for!"

"An' that's why ye're me Chum," Mako responded cheerfully. "Nice t' see that stupid bint finally found someone who'll do right by us.

"Speakin' o' doin' right," she continued, "I'd like another one o' them steaks. Nice an' rare like that other one."

"Of course!" Nakamura replied.

The rest of the night went by even more smoothly than the last, although it seemed that her table manners had gotten worse. She seemed to think nothing of talking with her mouth full, or lacing her speech with well-timed belches. He struggled to think of a way to help her improve her etiquette without making her feel like he was trying to change her. "Are ye all right, Chum?" she asked after washing down the last of her dinner with rum. "Ye seem upset."

"It's your table-manners," he responded with a sigh.

Her reaction surprised him. "Aye, sorry 'bout that," she said with a sigh. "I tend t' lose control there when I get hungry, too. We pirates ain't all slobs, ye know. Now take Cap'n Blood, fer example. Aye, now there was a man. Terror o' th' high seas, but a true gentleman. I'll do me best, Chum. Ye have me word."

"Thank you, Mako," Satsuke said with a smile, putting a hand on hers. "I'll go bring Tara her dinner, and I'll be back down."

Like the night before, he made a bento box for Tara and left it under the hatchway to the attic. "Your dinner's ready, Tara," he called.

The door in the ceiling opened, revealing only pitch blackness. "You don't have to hide up there, you know," he said with a smile. "Whether you believe me or not, I would like us to be friends."

The only reaction he could see was a set of sticky strands grasping the bento box and pulling it up. What he couldn't see was a puzzled arachne scrutinizing him before the hatch closed. "Good night, Tara," he said before going back downstairs.

As promised, he went back to the living room to spend time with Mako. On this night, the pair watched Captain Blood until Satsuke could barely stay awake. "Go t' bed, ye landlubber," she said affectionately. "I'll see ye in th' mornin'."

After bidding the mermaid good night, he made his way to his bedroom. He went to sleep relieved that he didn't have any paperwork to fill out the following day.

x

Satsuke awoke the following morning feeling more rested than he had even before the incident in the warehouse. After earning the mermaid's friendship, he felt confident that he would be able to befriend the reclusive arachne. After getting dressed, he headed to the kitchen to make a special breakfast. Unbeknownst to Satsuke, an inebriated Mako had just rolled herself out of her elevator and down the hall for another one of her drunken wheelchair races. He was almost to the stairs when he heard her yelling, "Gang way!" before ramming him from behind and launching him down the stairs.

When he landed, he opened his eyes to see only blackness. He felt around, realizing that, thankfully, he landed on something soft. Satsuke the felt himself getting lifted from the back of his shirt, and saw a very angry Tara wearing only a towel. He then realized that he was clutching her breasts. "¡Hijo de puta!" she screamed in rage as she turned him around and hurled him back upstairs like a javelin, putting his head through the ceiling.

So dazed was the police officer that he barely felt someone tugging on his ankles until he came loose, landing hard on the floor. "Ye all right, Chum?" he heard a distant voice calling him. "What happened? I 'eard Legs screamin', then I see ye danglin' from the ceilin'."

"I fell down the stairs after a collision with a certain wheelchair," he groaned irritably, "and found myself on top of Tara."

"Oh, bloody 'ell," she responded as she helped him up. "I'm sorry, Chum. I'll go try an' patch things up between th' two o' ye while ye get somethin' to eat. In th' meantime, it may be best t' steer clear o' her 'til th' smoke dies down."

The rest of the day went by without further incident. Mako admitted that, after the incident at the stairs, she couldn't reach the arachne to smooth over what had happened. The mermaid was visibly upset, prompting Satsuke to assure her that he wasn't angry at her. "I'm really sorry, Chum," she repeated. "I'll stop me racin' around like I was."

"At least restrict it to the first floor, and please try to curb your drinking," he said firmly.

"Of course, Chum," Mako responded with a smile.

Tara's absence throughout the day deeply troubled the young policeman. He found himself wishing that she would at least come into the living room to insult him, then scuttle off. She wouldn't even retrieve her meals when Mako would leave them under the door to the attic. By dinner time, he simply gave up and went to bed. When he took his shirt off, he felt himself get wrapped in sticky threads hanging from the ceiling and completely unable to move. "Hello, Fuzz," came the soft, hateful growl from behind him.

"Ahh, hello Tara," Satsuke said. "It's nice to see that you've come out." He then looked over to the webbing and said, "Would you mind letting me down?"

The arachne clutched his head and put the clawed tip of one of her front legs to his throat. "Can the sweetheart act, Fuzz," Tara hissed. "I know exactly what you are. You may have Fish Face fooled, but not me. Oh no. You humans are all alike. I oughta kill you right here and now! I just wanted you to confess your sins before you die."

"I'm very sorry, Tara," he said, his voice shaking, "but I promise you that I don't what you're talking about."

"Don't know?!" the arachne howled with rage into his ear. "You know goddamned well, filth!"

"Is this about earlier today?" Nakamura said. "I swear that it was an accident. Mako rammed into me and caused me to fall down the stairs. I didn't even know you were there, I promise."

Tara pushed him away. "You're pathetic, Fuzz," she growled.

"What happened to you?" he softly asked.

The arachne sneered at him. "Fish Face probably already told you about my first few homestays." Tara replied. "The first couple of them turned me away outright... didn't want some 'filthy spider' living in their house."

"That's horrible."

The arachne's expression didn't change. "It hurt, sure, but I respected their honesty," she said evenly. "Unlike most of you vermin, they didn't sugarcoat their hate. The third family was nice to my face, but I heard what they were saying about me behind my back.

"Oh, but that last guy," she continued, her voice raising in pitch. "He was real nice to me. Kept looking at me, leering at my tits… filthy pervert. I ignored it as long as I could, until one night that he started getting frisky and decided that he wanted me, and wasn't about to take 'no' for an answer."

Satsuke started feeling sick to his stomach, and began to understand. "You wanna know what I did to him…. do you, Fuzz?! I picked him up by his skinny little throat and threw him across the street, right into a brick wall! And you know what? I'm not even sorry. It's a damned shame it didn't kill him."

"He did end up the hospital, though," the policeman said, hanging his head. "I remember that case. I even filled out his arrest papers, and recommended against deportment since it wasn't your fault. I wasn't given your information due to it being declared as classified by the Agency. I also remembered the cruel things some of my coworkers said, and I remember it being one of the few times I was ashamed of the badge.

"I am so, so sorry for what happened to you, Tara," he said, looking her in the eyes. "You didn't deserve what he did."

Satsuke couldn't be sure, but he saw what looked like a tear running down her face. Suddenly, she clutched her head and screamed. "I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMNED PITY!"

The enraged arachne was stopped by the door flying open. "Bloody 'ell, Legs!" Mako shouted. "What d'ye think ye're doing?!"

"Why do you defend him?!" Tara shouted. "I thought you were my friend!"

"I am yer friend, ye crazy bint," the mermaid retorted, "an' so is 'e! He's been nothin' but kind t' ye since 'e met ye. Trust me, I ain't th' biggest fan o' humans either, but I know a good 'un when I see 'im.

"Jus' give 'im a chance, Legs," Mako said, more softly this time. "Give 'im a chance t' show ye that 'e ain't that las' guy."

"You heard what I said?" the arachne said, beginning to calm down.

"I think th' folks on th' other end o' Tokyo 'eard ye," the mermaid replied with a slight grin. "Trust me, if I 'ad known, I would've run 'im through for ye.

"Now come on, Legs," Mako continued, "calm down an' get yer 'airy arse t' bed. We'll talk in th' mornin'."

"Fine," Tara muttered. She then put her face close to Satsuke's. "You're lucky she showed up," she growled. "Don't forget… I'm watching you, Fuzz." With that, Tara scuttled off.

When the arachne left the room, Mako took out her cutlass and cut the police officer loose, who fell limply onto the floor. "Ye all right, Chum?" the mermaid gently asked.

"I will be," Satsuke said, crawling toward his bed. "Thank you for coming in when you did."

Mako helped steady him as he laid down on his bed. "Aye, don't ye mention it, Chum," she said. "Though, t' be honest, I think ye frustrate 'er more'n anything. She's tryin' real hard t' hate ye, but I ain't sure it's workin'. Ye're jus' too bloody nice.

"Ye wanna know what I think?" the mermaid asked rhetorically. "I think she was testin' ye, though she did get real riled up 'fore I came in. What'd ye say to 'er?"

"I told her that she didn't deserve what happened to her," Satsuke replied quietly.

"Aye, that musta been what did it," Mako said with a nod. "She wasn't expectin' no genuine sympathy out of a human. She's used t' so many bastards 'at she dunno how t' react when someone's actually bein' nice to 'er and means it."

The young man took a good look at Mako and, seemingly for the first time, noticed how genuinely pretty the mermaid was. With her hair dry and her bandana off, he admired how wavy her strawberry blond hair was and how it framed her face, making her look almost angelic, even with the scar on her cheek. He also noticed that, when she spoke calmly and softly, her voice had an almost melodic lilt to it.

"You're beautiful, Mako," he said quietly.

"Oh, shut yer face," the mermaid retorted with a grin. "Ye musta gone all loopy from hangin' like ye were. Now sleep it off, Chum. I'll check on ye in th' mornin'."

She then wheeled herself to the door, then turned around. "G'night, Chum," she whispered. When she heard only light snoring in reply, she smiled and shut the door.

Mako's mind was in a whirlwind as she made her way to the elevator. Apart from her father, no one had ever said she was beautiful, not even other mermen. Other shark-folk weren't known for their sensitivity, and the "Beautiful Ones," as her brethren scornfully called them, always considered her kind beneath them. Now, this human looked her dead in the face and said that, and what confused Mako more was that she had the feeling he meant it. "Trust me, Legs," she whispered. "I'm just as confused as ye are."

Soon, the lift doors opened and Mako boarded it, pressing the button to go down to the cellar. "I'm just as confused as ye are," she repeated as the doors closed.

At that very moment, Tara sat in her room in the attic seething. The mermaid was correct in her assessment, that the arachne ambushed him so she could test him. However, she was convinced… she even hoped… that he would fail, that way she would have had an excuse to tear him to shreds. Due to loopholes in the Interspecies Exchange law, she would simply be deported. Her friend was also correct that she didn't know how to react when he showed genuine compassion. Try as she might, she couldn't get those kind eyes out of her mind. In truth, she realized that she was angrier at herself, not for giving in, but for the realization that she fully intended on snuffing the life from those eyes, and how close she came to actually doing it. Little did she know that her friend was also correct in knowing how confused she was regarding this human. "Just what are you, Satsuke Nakamura," Tara whispered, "and why are you so kind to me?"

x

Satsuke stood in front of the stove blearily frying eggs and sausage. He did manage to get a lot of sleep, but only because he was thoroughly exhausted from the events that happened the night before. While he had become genuinely afraid of the arachne, he bore her no ill will. In truth, he felt for her, thus it strengthened his resolve to help her. He just knew that he would have to tread more carefully around her.

"Oy, wake up 'fore ye burn breakfast!" Nakamura heard a familiar voice say, startling him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the policeman said with a smile.

"Ye all right, Chum? I know ye 'ad a rough night."

"I'm fine," Satsuke said with a chuckle, "nothing to worry about. How would you like your eggs?"

"Six of 'em, over easy! I'm a growin' gal, ye see!" Mako said with a grin.

"And gimme three, scrambled, six sausages, and decaf," Tara grumbled as she came in. "Unlike some people, I don't like getting wasted first thing in the morning."

"Oy!" Mako yelled. "So what if I 'ave a bit o' rum in me coffee?"

"A bit?"

"Only 'alf a bottle," the mermaid retorted. "I'm cuttin' down, ye know." She thought for a moment and said, "Wait a minute, I ain't ne'er seen ye drinkin'!"

"Doesn't caffeine intoxicate spiders?" Satsuke asked. "I read that on Wikipedia, I think."

"He really is smarter than he looks," the arachne sneered.

The policeman loaded up Tara's plate and handed it to her, which she took to her place at the table, much to the surprise of both Satsuke and Mako. "Oy, look who's decided t' join us!" the mermaid grinned.

"Bite me, Fish Face," Tara retorted.

"Just so you know, Tara," Satsuke said as he sat down to eat, "I have no hard feelings about last night."

"Yeah, whatever, Fuzz," the arachne mumbled after her fourth mouthful.

Breakfast turned out to be quite peaceful and enjoyable, with Mako telling dirty jokes to anyone who would listen, and Tara sitting in silence. Nakamura was taken aback by how good the arachne's table manners were, given how gruff her demeanor was. Occasionally, he would get the feeling that she was staring at him, but when he looked, she would be intently eating. Sometimes, the barest hint of a smile would creep on her face. He noticed that the arachne was very cute when she smiled, with the faintest of dimples on her cheeks. When she'd catch him looking at her, she'd bark, "What're you lookin' at, Fuzz?" to which he would simply smile warmly.

He was grateful for the fact that he didn't have much in the way of reports to fill out. He was also grateful to be able to report the start of real progress with Mako and Tara. He noted that, while Mako could be wild and uncouth, she was also honest and kind-hearted. He also made a note that her unruliness could be a result of being sequestered in the house, and recommended that she be allowed out for limited, supervised day trips. For Tara, he made a note that her short temper was likely the result of her recent traumatic experience. He added that her simple act of sharing a meal with him and Mako was a major step forward for the reclusive arachne. Satsuke concluded that it was too soon to make any definite conclusions about Tara, and that he would have to continue monitoring her.

Satsuke decided to take a relaxing bath after Zombina picked up his reports. He felt like he earned it after what he had been through the night before. Occasionally, he'd feel like he was being watched, but when he'd check, there'd be no one there. He was just about to chalk it up to being nerves when heard a voice saying, "You seem tense, Fuzz. You really need to relax."

"Oh, hello, Tara," Nakamura said with a smile. "I'm fine. I'll be done in a minute if you need to use the bathroom."

"You're too nice," the arachne replied. "I've been so rotten to you, so I want to make it up to you."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," he said, growing somewhat nervous. "I understand where you're coming from."

"At least let me wash your back," she said, getting closer.

"Okay, if you insist," he responded with a gulp.

"Come sit on the edge of the tub so I can reach you more easily."

He complied, feeling uncomfortable. While the arachne had calmed down considerably since that night, he still wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to leave his back completely exposed to her. He soon felt a wash cloth going up and down his back while simultaneously massaging his muscles. He had to admit that the arachne was right: he had been extremely tense, so this was much needed. "Does that feel good, Fuzz?"

"Very good," Satsuke said, "thank you."

"I'm glad," Tara purred wickedly.

Satsuke opened his eyes when he felt something around his arms, and saw the arachne's clawed hands holding them gently, while still feeling his back being massaged. "Tara, are you-"

Tara shushed him and continued rubbing his back with her breasts. "My claws would scratch you up," she replied, her tone still sultry. "I wouldn't want to hurt you... at least, not anymore." She then chuckled almost seductively. "Unless you want me to, of course."

I need to stop this before it goes too far, he thought to himself. He struggled to think of a way of getting the arachne to stop without angering her, and before he started enjoying it too much. "Tara, given that this is prohibited," he said, squirming a little, "I really don't think this is a good idea."

The arachne put her lips to his ears and nibbled them a little. "And if it weren't...?"

"I'd want to get to know you better before we did anything like that," Satsuke replied. "I wouldn't want to rush into anything."

Tara stopped. "Seriously?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," he replied kindly. "I think, deep down, you're really nice. I see it the few times I've seen you smile. It's really cute."

The arachne backed up, covering her bosom. It was then that she noticed the blood diluting in the bathwater. As she put her shirt back on, she said, "You may want to have a doctor look at your nose, Fuzz."

The policeman felt around his nose, then scrambled to wash his face and drain the bathtub. The arachne giggled despite herself as she put her shirt back on. "Oh, and Fuzz...?"

"Yes, Tara?"

"Nice butt."

The last thing the arachne saw before leaving was the young man trying to grab a towel, then slipping in the tub. The mermaid rolled up as she closed the door behind her. "What did ye do t' Chum?!" Mako accused. "Did ye hurt 'im?"

"No, I didn't, Fish Face," Tara grumbled. She then turned to her friend and smiled. "If anything, he did more harm to himself. Did you know he's really cute when he's being modest? He's also a real gentleman."

"I coulda told ye that, Legs," the mermaid said with a grin.

"You're right, Fish Face. He's a good guy, and I've decided that I'm going to be nicer to him." After a pause, Tara continued with a wink of three of her eyes, "Can't say I won't occasionally play with him, though."

Mako wheeled herself in and helped Satsuke out of the tub. She then got him a towel, as well as an ice-pack for the bump on his head. "Ye gonna be all right, Chum?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you," he replied as he covered himself with the towel.

He saw that her smile was even more lecherous than it usually was. "Are ye sure ye wanna get dressed so quick?" she asked with a wink.

Satsuke's only response was to pinch his nose in an attempt to stem any further bleeding, and to stammer uselessly. "I'm sorry 'bout that, Chum," she said, patting his shoulder. "I'll stop teasin' ye fer tonight. Ye get yerself some sleep, ye handsome scallywag."

"Thank you, Mako," he responded. "Sleep well."

Before leaving the bathroom, she looked him over, and winked. "If ye change yer mind," she said, "ye know where t' find me."

The young man finished drying himself off, wondering when he could go to bed without being accosted sexually. He also wondered whether or not he actually wanted it to stop. It didn't take him long to drift off to sleep, completely unaware of the pair of glowing red eyes staring at him from the window.