Mulder's waterbed broke and flooded the apartment downstairs.

A bed he never bought.

Must've been a gift, but a gift from whom? And why?

He had to pay for the damage, so he went to the bank to cash his check. The line was long and it somehow felt like déjà vu. He had a feeling something terrible was going to happen and that he should leave the bank while there was still time.

But he stayed.

Nothing happened.

Not until he entered his office and found his partner holding a baby and talking on the phone.

"I'll have to call you back," she quickly finished the phone call and gave him an unusually judgmental look. He was clearly in trouble, but why? And where did Scully get that kid? Mulder pinched himself to check if he was dreaming, but he wasn't. There was only one other explanation: he must've woken up in a parallel reality of sorts.

"Where have you been, Mulder?" Scully's voice was cold and firm.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I had to go to the bank to…" he tried to explain, but she wasn't listening.

"Not this morning, Mulder. Nine months ago," she clarified. "Where have you been and what were you doing nine months ago?"

Mulder stared at her blankly for what felt like an age, but then a dawning of recognition began to fall over his face. "The baby-"

"Yes, the baby!" Scully agreed, irritated not for the first time about how slow on the uptake her partner could be.

"…I didn't even know you were pregnant." Mulder offered quietly.

It was Scully who stared, now, in complete silence with eyes so wide it was as though Mulder had grown another head. Finally, her voice cried, "She's not mine!" The baby, who had erstwhile been quiet, began to whimper.

Mulder held up his hands in apology and turned away from her briefly to slip his coat from his shoulders. "Who's is she then?"

"Yours, Mulder! She was here when I got here with this note attached to her car seat." She held it out with one hand while the other arm tried to rock the baby soothingly. The rocking didn't work, but as soon as the baby held Scully's finger in her own again she settled and went back to gazing up at the red head.

Mulder took the note, but his eyes remained on the baby. "…It can't be. I haven't…someone is messing with us. Is someone videoing this?" Mulder walked around in a circle as though a colleague would jump out with a smirk on his face. "Have we pissed someone off recently?"

"So you don't know who the mother is?"

"There is NO mother," Mulder insisted. "I haven't… Whoever the mother is, the baby isn't mine!"

"Read the note, Mulder," Scully suggested. The judgment in her voice broke his heart. Did she really think he would knock up a woman and leave, not even remembering her name?

He didn't even date, for god's sake! The only way this baby could be his would be if porn stars could stay pregnant while someone is watching them on tape.

In other words, it would be an X file. A hell of an X file!

"The note, Mulder," Scully repeated firmly.

He finally opened it and read the words that didn't make sense even in the context of his just formed pornography theory.

You made me call you Fox, and now I made you a little Vixen. I was going to keep her, but life got in the way. You are an FBI agent so you'll know better where to send her. Responsibility, Fox! Why should I be the only one to pay the price?

"This is ridiculous!" Mulder objected. "I hate my name! I certainly wouldn't make a woman say it during…"

"Please, Mulder," Scully stopped him. "I don't need to know more about your sexual life than what I'm holding in my arms."

"You think it's true?"

"I think sometimes people get lonely, have a little fun and maybe don't even remember all the details in the morning. I understand that it might be… uncomfortable for you to talk to me about this, but considering…"

"Scully, I wouldn't be embarrassed to admit that. I don't drink or use drugs, and I have eidetic memory. This baby… It just didn't happen! I haven't been with a woman in… years, Scully! That's the real embarrassing part. Do you honestly think I would lie about that?"

"Okay," Scully sighed, visibly softening. He had her trust again, he could see it. "She isn't yours, then. But we still have to get to the bottom of this. Getting a DNA test would be a good start."

"Scully…"

"I believe you, Mulder. But we still have a baby, with a note addressed to you. Proving that she isn't yours is a first step we need to do."

Mulder let out a sigh of relief and nodded his head. "Should I go to the lab? What should I ask for?"

"I'll come with you." Scully got to her feet, the baby still resting in one arm. "And once we're done, we need to go and talk to Skinner. Some random woman shouldn't be able to walk in here with a baby and not get asked any questions."

Mulder took a step back as she approached him with the baby, causing Scully to roll her eyes as she settled the girl into the car seat she'd arrived in. "She won't bite, Mulder."

"She's ended up in the x-files office, Scully, so I wouldn't be too sure." Mulder shot back, holding open the door for them.

"Mulder-" Scully began, but then apparently thought better of it and instead pushed him with her free hand towards the elevator.

There were two agents inside, and their eyes popped out in surprise when Mr and Mrs Spooky walked into the small space with a baby spooky. The baby was tiny, and seemed fascinated with Agent Scully, beginning to whimper every time she looked away. Mulder might have snapped at them usually (not that today was anything like usual), but he too found himself watching Scully smile down at the baby.

"Mulder, what have you done now?" Skinner cried out when he saw his agents walk into his office carrying a baby with them.

"It wasn't me," Mulder quickly offered him the note. "But someone wanted me to think she's mine."

"Where did you find her?" Skinner asked, skimming through the hastily written message.

"In front of our office," Scully explained. "I was the only one down there, but I went to the bathroom and when I returned she was there. I didn't see or hear anybody. I made a few phone calls but there are no reports of missing baby."

"Where were you?" Skinner turned to Mulder.

"You mean this morning or nine months ago?"

"This morning, Mulder. Why weren't you in the office?"

"I was held up in the bank."

"And you are absolutely certain the kid isn't yours?"

"Absolutely, sir."

"We were just in the lab," Scully said. "I arranged for a DNA test to eliminate Agent Mulder's involvement, and we'll go from there."

"Okay, Agent Scully," Skinner agreed. "You can leave the baby with my secretary. She'll call someone from the social service to pick her up."

"I think it would be better if she stays with me," Scully said, causing both man to turn to her with huge question marks on their faces.

"She needs proper care," Skinner noted.

"And I can give it to her," Scully insisted. "As far as we know she might be in danger and I have resources to protect her. She'll be safe with me until we get to the bottom of this."

The baby wiggled uncomfortably and started to grab Scully's breast with her tiny hands, opening her mouth like a hungry little nestling.

Skinner tried not to look, but Mulder stared in amusement.

"She looks hungry, mom," he teased.

"There was some food and diapers left with her," Scully said. "If you'll excuse me, sir…"

"Go home, Agent Scully," Skinned decided. "I'm assigning you the baby for now and you will be relieved from the rest of your duties. I'll check this note for fingerprints and Mulder can finish your reports by himself."

"But, sir…" Mulder tried to whine.

"You are dismissed, Agents!" Skinner cut him off, making it clear that the conversation was over.

As Mulder walked from the room muttering to himself, Skinner stepped forward and put a hand to Scully's shoulder. "Agent Scully, what is your impression about all of this?"

"...Mulder says the baby has nothing to do with him, and I believe him." She replied loyally. When Skinner nodded, she followed Mulder from the room.

..

"Scully, I don't like the idea of you being alone with her." Mulder frowned down at the pair. Scully was now feeding the baby from a bottle, a look on her face that he couldn't read.

"She's a baby, Mulder. What's the worst that can happen?"

"It's not her I'm worried about. Whoever has done all this might come looking for her." He crossed the room to begin rifling through the bag that had arrived with the baby, as though he might find something Scully had missed.

"You could always come with me?"

Mulder let out a humourless laugh and glanced over his shoulder. "Me and babies don't get on."

"You and babies have never even met, Mulder. Come and hold her." Scully shifted the baby, and though Mulder seemed as though he might consider it, as soon as the bottle was pulled away the baby cried and he returned to the other side of the room.

"Just call me if you need me. I'll make sure I'm available." Mulder offered, before adding, "Available for anything non-baby related."

"I'll be sure not to phone you over a poopy diaper." Scully promised, shushing the baby once more.

Mulder sat silently at his desk until the pair had gone, Scully barely even glancing at him as she walked through the door. Maybe this whole morning had been a really weird dream. That was it. He was dreaming. No, actually, he can't have been dreaming, because Scully was wearing clothes, and usually-

"Where's Dana?" Mulder's head flew up. He hadn't even heard anyone enter the office.

"You are?"

"We're supposed to be meeting for lunch." The man put his hands on his hips, frowning at the chair Scully had so recently departed.

"You must be Agent Mulder," the man approached him at last, offering his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Agent Bryant. Steven Bryant."

"Ah, Mr. Perfect," Mulder nodded, reluctantly agreeing to the handshake.

"Is that how she calls me?" Agent Bryant asked.

"No, that's how I call you," Mulder responded, observing him carefully. Steven was a bit overweight. Fresh from the Academy. Younger than Scully. Black. Bearded. A perfect combination of everything Mulder was sure Scully would never fall for. And yet, here he was!

"Why?" the guy just wouldn't let go.

"Because for her you have to be," Mulder informed him. "She deserves nothing less. And if you hurt her in any way, on purpose or not, you're gonna have to deal with me."

"Whoa, man, slow down! Aren't you being a little overprotective?"

"Scully is my partner. It's my job to protect her. So no, I'm not."

"I can see why she didn't want me to come down here… Well… We were supposed to meet in my office, but she's late and it's not like her, so I figured I should check here, maybe."

"As you can see, she isn't here," Mulder kept his unfriendly attitude. The office was heated, and not from the heaters.

"Where is she?" Steven wanted to know. Nosy little bastard! It took all the self-control Mulder had not to punch him in the face.

"We just had a baby, so she took her home."

"You WHAT?!"

"We. Had. A. Baby," Mulder repeated slowly, enjoying torturing the young man. He wasn't a racist, but for this guy he was willing to make an exception. "…left at our office's door. Scully got herself assigned as the baby's protector and went home with her."

"Oh!" Steven was left speechless for a moment. "Ok. I see. Well, in that case it's perfectly understandable why she forgot about our plans. Never mind, I'll go to her place then, see if she needs any help… Thank you, Agent Mulder. It was a… pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise," Mulder said, not taking his eyes off him.

The word pleasure just got a whole new meaning.