While Link and Revali engaged in their epic duel of man versus bird, Zelda had ran back up to the Champions' Hall and exited the other staircase to call for help. That was how she was able to bring Impa and an entire army of soldiers onto the scene before the two Champions could kill eachother.
Link had to be hospitalized for several punctures and stitches were needed. He vowed to pay back Revali one day as Mipha stood by his bedside healing him with her special powers. Revali merely got a sore throat and a few bruises, which he bragged in his choking voice to anyone who would listen.
"What were you thinking?" Zelda said as she sat opposite Mipha next to Link's bed in the castle's hospital chambers. "I've repeatedly told you not to let Revali goad you! Any idiotic things he says or does, you report to me!"
"That's just it, it wasn't about me...he was disrespecting you!" Link's bandaged face glared up at the ceiling. "I am so sick of Revali doing that shit...acting like he can get away with it just because you're so-" He bit his lip, cheeks turning red not just from anger. "so nice and tolerant! Coming onto you like that was the final straw..."
Mipha froze in her healing, but Zelda asked, "...It really bothered you when he did that?"
"Yes..." Link turned to look at her, piercing blue eyes staring deep into her.
The moment was interrupted when Mipha rose to excuse herself. Link wondered aloud if something was wrong.
"Perhaps she needed to use the lavatory..." Zelda said, though she sounded unsure herself.
Mipha sitting on a castle shit-hole was the last thing Link wanted to think about.
"Congratulations, mate," Alfonzo said as he leaned forward in the chair Zelda had just left. "The whole Guard's talking about you as if you just slayed the Helmaroc King. They can't stop talking about 'Link, the Great Bird-Wrangling Hero."
Link snorted, rolling his eyes, but smiled.
"I'm serious, Link," Gonzo-as Alfonzo liked to be called-continued. "We all heard why you got into that fight... The entire Royal Guard is out right now for the Rito Champion's blood."
"You're shitting me," Link said, grinning.
"I don't shit. You should've seen how Groose reacted... Almost foaming at the mouth."
"Hah hah," The image of Groose having a seizure did some to cheer Link up.
Alfonzo let out his own chuckle, then sobered, voice lowering as he said, "Honestly though...I'd like to take a crack at that Rito myself..." Link looked at the ex-pirate; Alfonzo's expression was dark as he stared at the floor. "Hitting on Zelda like that...it's a disgrace..."
Link was sympathetic. Like him, Alfonzo was also horny for Zelda. They were both top officials in the Royal Guard and close friends of the princess. But Zelda was an ever-evading minx, forever cockteasing her would-be heroes.
"Don't blame me just because you lack the confidence to show the princess your sexual prowess..." an annoying voice jeered from the doorway. Link and Gonzo looked to see Revali leaning against the archway, wings crossed. "If you even have any..."
Gonzo stood and faced him, dark face pissed. "If you have something to say, punk, hurry up and say it to my face."
"It will be my great pleasure..." Revali pushed himself off the wall, strutting towards them with a smug smirk on his face. He had a lot of feathered balls coming here to goad Link on his hospital bed just hours after the fight. He stood by Link's bedside, smirking down at the knight as he examined him from head to toe.
"Spit it out, punk. What do you want?"
"...Hmph..." The Rito smiled, crossing his wings as he continued looking down his beak at Link. "Who knew the chosen hero could look so pathetic lying there all plucked up and mangled from someone with far superior skills. If it wasn't for Impa and this boulder over here I would've slaughtered you..."
"Maybe you wanna be slaughtered yourself!" Gonzo roared, grabbing the Rito by his blue scarf.
"Don't touch me-! Hylian scum...!" Revali spat, shoving Gonzo away. "You're not even worth looking at..." He turned back to Link, smirk returning as he re-crossed his wings. "I've come here to warn you... Stay out of my way in regards to the princess. Just because you lost control of your raging Hylian hormones doesn't mean I'm going to stop pursuing her. If you hadn't interrupted us I would've received the greatest blowjob in my life."
Link bolted up, unable to control himself. "As if Zelda would ever stoop to fucking a bird..."
"Would you like to bet on it?" Revali raised his wing in a fist. "You don't know what else we Rito can do with this beak of ours... Hylian women are so easy to control..."
"What in fuck's name are you two talking about in there?" Urbosa asked.
They all turned to see Daruk and the Gerudo queen gaping at them with furrowed eyebrows and wide eyes. Alfonzo blushed, immediately going to the doorway and saluting the two Champions. Urbosa strutted past him, hand on her hip as Daruk followed and let out a low whistle.
"Did I just overhear you two horny voes talking about my little bird as if she's a piece of meat?" Urbosa asked, coming to a stop right by Revali. She swung her hair as she looked at him. Link flushed, wanting to explain himself but refusing to take back his words.
"I heard it too, Urbosa," Daruk trudged to her side, glancing at Link, then staring at Revali. "...I just hope the tiny princess never hears what just came out of Revali's beak right here..."
"...Well?" Urbosa's piercing green eyes stared into Revali's, fiery eyebrows raised. High heels made her as tall as he.
Revali scoffed, turning away from the group. "Spare me, Urbosa. Just know that the princess will see my own bird one day, and believe me, it won't be little!" He stalked out of the room, shoving past Alfonzo.
Daruk scratched his head, turning back to Link with a grimace. "...That Rito kid needs to get laid."
Mipha came back from the shitter to announce that her healing was complete. Link mentioned that his wounds still ached.
"Yes, well..." she said quietly. "I'm not feeling well at the moment... I promise to come back tomorrow once my powers have replenished."
"But I could be discharged tomorrow..." Link said, sounding indifferent but hoping Mipha would just muster up the power to soothe the burning on his ass.
"I am sorry, Link. But I really must go. If you are released, I could finish any end-healing in private sessions..." She turned away. "Goodbye..."
Great, now Mipha was upset with him. Why couldn't she and Revali just understand that he and Zelda weren't into fishes and birds?
"I oughta go too," Daruk yawned, cracking his neck. "Don't wanna miss the rock roast special they have going down for dinner tonight."
"Just do me a favor and don't eat too much like last time..." Urbosa said as they left. "I couldn't stand all the sulphur farts you made afterward. No amount of incense could cover that up."
They said goodbye to Link, Daruk bumping fists with Gonzo as they exited the hospital. Link fell asleep, dreaming that Princess Zelda was giving him a blowjob.