This chapter is kind of short, but I needed to get this part over with so I could move onto Abydos. I don't know why but I just can't write parodies like I used to be able to. Maybe I'm trying to get too canon or in-character. Just compare Fight For Freedom (Redwall) with either this or Fight For Freedom Ep1. Neither are as funny as FFF. I'm going to take a closer look at it and see what I can learn. But on with the story.

Suddenly O'Neill woke up. He was in his quarters. "Wow, that was a bad dream." he thought out loud. He showered, got dressed, and went to the briefing room.

"Gentlemen, it's time for the mission to Abydos. Don't ask me how I know that name. This was going to be a one-way trip, but Daniel thinks he can re-align the gate on the other side.

"You're probably all going to die, so we're going to fill you with antidepressants. That way at least you'll die happy!"

"Who is this guy?" Carter whispered to O'Neill.

"Give him a break. He's new," he whispered back.

"Your objective is to neutralize the threat. I don't know what it is, or even if there is one. We leave at 1200 hours. Dismissed!"

"That was the worst briefing I've ever heard," Carter said to O'Neill.

"I've heard worse," he replied. He headed towards the mess as Carter turned into the control room.

General West was in the control room.

"What happened to General Hammond?" asked Carter, eying him suspiciously.

"Oh don't worry, he'll be in the next one," said West. "We're about to send the probe, by the way." He turned to Walter. "Dial the gate."

Walter tapped his keyboard and the gate began to turn. The inner ring rotated to the first symbol. The topmost chevron slid down and back up as the first chevron lit up. "Chevron one encoded!" The ring turned again, to the second chevron, which locked itself into place. "Chevron two encoded." I could go on all day doing this, but instead I'll skip to the seventh chevron. It clicked into place. "Chevron seven locked! Oh by the way I hate this job so I quit."

Carter shrugged and took over his station, "Sending the MALP, I mean FRED. I've never heard of a MALP before. MALP en route. Tracking ... arrived. Receiving telemetry."

The screen showed a Stargate that was somewhat different. It had a bunch of symbols that were dots and lines and everything was lit up blue. Oh yes and there was no DHD.

"Daniel is gonna be so pissed."

"WHAT? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! IT BREAKS EVERY RULE OF STARGATE CONTINUITY EVER ESTABLISHED! WHAT THE HELL?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DIAL THE DAMN THING?" After a short pause he said, "Don't worry I'll figure it out."

The team was getting assembled. Everything was ready. Operation Abydonian Freedom would be a success. Or so they thought anyway. The team consisted of:

Colonel Jack O'Neil

Colonel Jack O'Neill

Major Samantha Carter

Dr. Daniel Jackson

Random Soldiers 11, 15, 22, 23, 45, 46, 47, and 52

"Chevron seven locked!" yelled Walter, who rejoined because he couldn't find any other job which was compatible with his skill set. The team headed off through the gate with the FRLP in tow.

Anyone who identifies what I based the Abydos gate on gets a virtual cookie.
DISCLAIMER: No actual virtual cookies will be given out to anyone.

Please review, it'll make my stories better.

Next chapter will be both longer and funnier.
Next Chapter: To Abydos We Go... Oh Wait We're Already Here