First time around I forgot to mention that you should listen to Ronan by Taylor Swift. That is the emotion that I'm really trying to convey here.

Second, I got several confused reviews about Spencer and Toby's relationship and my response is to have patience by dears. All will be revealed when the time is right.

I loved the response, and I love all of you! Stick with me on this emotional ride, and I promise you won't regret it! This chapter and the last chapter were more set up chapters than anything. The next chapter really starts the story.

TPOV

Chapter 2

It was Christmas time but it didn't feel like it. It didn't feel like Christmas because his daughter was in the hospital on the cusp of some life changing news. But hearing Spencer's voice again? It brought some of the Christmas spirit back to his heart. Being with Spencer Hastings had been like experiencing Christmas all year long. And despite the fact that they had broken up almost 6 years ago, her voice still felt that way. Like Christmas.

He was scared. He didn't want to admit it, and he certainly didn't want anyone to see it, but he was terrified. He didn't think that he could go home. Not for awhile. He crouched behind a tree between their houses and waited for his chest to stop bouncing like a fat person bouncing on a trampoline. It wasn't even a big deal. He didn't know why he was freaking out so much.

"Toby?"

He about jumped out of his skin before he realized that it was just Spencer. He relaxed and looked at her with big eyes before turning them back on his house. "Hi," he whispered, gesturing for her to join him in his hiding place.

She crouched down next to him. "I saw you running over here and then I heard the shouting from your house. Is everything okay?"

He bit down on his lip. They might have only been 12, but he had known Spencer for his whole life. And there was something about her that made him feel like maybe everything would be okay. "Can you just sit with me until they stop?" He asked her hesitantly, passing her his hoodie when he saw her bare shoulders.

She nodded without hesitation, immediately filling the silence with talk about school and their mutual friends, somehow sensing that her voice was doing more to comfort him any anything else could.

Seeing Spencer here was the deepest kind of irony. She had always had a tendency to pop up when he was in trouble, from the time they were born until the day that he broke her heart. He almost laughed at the way that she had found him again, on the day that he might need her more than any other.

"Hey," he said softly, his eyes going immediately to Abby to see if she'd react. Her stillness told him that she was asleep for sure. "Hey," he said again, kicking himself for not throwing in any intelligible thoughts. Spencer was so smart it was intimidating. In the past he had found it endearing, but right now he was concerned that she'd view him as a bumbling idiot. "What are you doing here?" He asked her hesitantly. He didn't see any kids with her, thank God.

She smiled sadly. "I volunteer here three times a week. Just helping to keep people calm." Her eyes were on Abigail in his lap. "Is she-" Spencer hesitated, clearly at a loss for words. "okay?"

Toby ran his hands through Abigail's hair, a pinched look on his face. "We find out today," he admitted, not sure why he was being honest with her. "but no," he said softly. "I don't think so."

Spencer sat down next to him, her eyes on the sign reading Pediatric Oncology. The sign was bright and cheery, but the words were anything but. "I want through hours of training to be able to do this," she admitted softly. "They told me the right words to say. They told me to be happy and encouraging, but it all flies out the window when you're sitting by someone facing this bull shit." She touched his arm lightly. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. Spencer had always had a way of talking that made him believe anything she said. "I'm so sorry, but maybe it will all be okay. Don't work yourself into a panic until you know you have to."

He nodded. He was going to say something to her, but Abigail's name was called before he could. His daughter had his immediate attention. He smoothed back her soft blonde curls. "Abby, princess? Wake up, okay? We need to go talk to the doctor really quick."

She yawned and sat up, looking around with tired, bleary eyes. "Okay Daddy. Then we can get ice cream?"

He smiled sadly. "Right." He glanced over at Spencer. "Abby, this is my friend-" he paused, not sure how to introduce Spencer.

"I'm Spencer," she grinned. Spencer had always been good at cheering sad people up. It had always been one of her greatest attributes. She had an infectious smile. The kind of smile that made you want to figure out all of her secrets.

Abby looked at her with a frown. "It's actually Abigail," she yawned, holding out her hand for Spencer to shake. "How do you know my daddy?"

"Abigail!" He scolded halfheartedly.

But Spencer just shook her head, smiling wider. He should have known that she would still be the master of sass. "Okay, Abigail. That's a very pretty name. Your daddy and I were really, really good friends when we were in high school."

She nodded. "Okay, Spencer." She stood up and walked over toward the toys in the corner without another word.

"I'm sorry about her," Toby offered softly. "It's just the two of us, and she gets-"

Spencer shook her head again, smiling sadly. "No, I think it's great. She's feisty. I love it."

"Spencer, I-" He didn't even know what he was going to say, but he knew that he had to say something to her. It had been six years, and he still felt endless guilt over the way things ended with her.

"It was a long time ago," she said softly, "and it was my fault too." She saved him from the hard stuff like she always had.

He wanted to talk to her more, but before he could formulate a response a nurse called Abby's name from the door. He turned to Spencer somewhat desperately. Her eyes were on a scrap of paper that she was scribbling on. She slipped the paper into his hands. "This is my number. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

He hesitated. He stepped forward, wrapping her up in a hug. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm- I'm kind of scared, Spence." He cringed at the nickname that slipped through his lips as though no time had passed.

She didn't talk for a second and just wrapped her arms around him. "You're strong, Toby. I know that better than I know anything. You have to be strong for her. I will still be here when you get out. If you need- a friend. Just come find me, okay?"

He nodded, lingering for just another second before pulling away. "Thank you." He took Abby's hand who was waiting for him and led her into the doctor's office.

He sat in one of the plush seats with his daughter on his lap. Abby played with his phone as they waited. "What are you playing, baby?"

"Temple Run," she muttered, ignoring him for the most part. iPhone's were life's greatest distraction sometimes, and he was incredibly grateful for the fact. He didn't want her to worry. If the worst thing happened he would do everything that he could to keep her safe and happy.

He didn't know how long it too for the doctor to come in, but he knew the second he saw his face. He knew what he was going to say. His heart ached as the doctor sat down in front of them, solemnity coloring his features. A single tear ran down his cheek as he shook his head back and forth.

Dr. Washington was a lively woman. She did the best she could to make things comfortable for the children and their parents. But right now her face was as serious as he had ever seen it throughout the weeks of testing and prayers. "Mr. Cavanaugh, I am very sorry to tell you that your daughter has Acute Myelogenous Leukemia."

Toby swallowed roughly, pushing down his anguish so he could ask the questions that he needed to ask. "Abby," he said softly. "can you go play for me. Maybe go draw me a picture? The fridge is getting a bit outdated."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! I'll go make you the cutest picture ever. You're going to love it."

As soon as she was gone he turned back to Dr. Washington. "What's the prognosis? Will she be okay?"

"The survival rate is 64%, but that covers such a wide range of children," Dr. Washington said softly. "Abigail is young, healthy, and of a normal weight. All of those things together mean that she has a much better chance for survival. But we're going to want to start treatment immediately to give her the best chance possible."

He closed his eyes. His daughter had a 56% chance of dying in the next few years. "What treatment?" His voice broke as the ugly possibilities weighed heavily on his mind.

Dr. Washington put a soft hand on his arm. "We will start with chemo and hope that that works. It often works very well. And if that doesn't work we'll go through a second round of chemo and begin searching for a bone marrow donor. We'll do everything we can to help her get through this, Mr. Cavanaugh."

Toby nodded. "I-" he swallowed, refusing to cry in front of her. "I know. W-when will we make the appointment for?"

Dr. Washington hesitated. "Two days from now. It gives you time to prepare, because with the aggressive treatment of the chemo and the high doses she will need to have it done as an inpatient procedure. When she checks in on Friday we will do tests and prepare her body for the chemo, and then we will begin."

That would give him time to request a leave of absence from work. And they could go shopping after the ice cream. If she was going to be stuck in the hospital he would buy her some new toys to help her get through it, and maybe a cheap tablet. He would have to call the insurance company, and- He shook his head, trying to clear it. There was just so much that he had to do. "We'll see you then," he said softly. He took a second to collect himself before standing up and holding his hand out for Abby, who immediately came to him. As soon as he felt her little fingers in his he was torn between laughing and crying.

Because Spencer was right. It was pointless to panic, it was pointless to get upset until he knew that there was nothing left for him to do. This wasn't the time for tears, this was the time to fight like hell to give his daughter the life that she deserved.

He walked back into the waiting room, and as soon as he saw Spencer perched in the same chair all of that resolve went out the window. He walked back over to her stepping into her ready arms like it hadn't been 6 years since that last spoke. That was why he had kept his distance, really. He knew that she deserved better, but he also knew that if he saw her he wouldn't be able to stop himself from falling into her as deeply as he had the first time.

His heart felt light. It was like he was floating, flying. Like nothing bad could ever touch him. He was home. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He had to give her an out. He had to make sure that this was what she wanted before he made another move.

She lightly brushed her lips over his, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Yes," she breathed, leaning in to kiss him deeply.

She smelled so good. Like apples and vanilla. He loved her. He couldn't tell her yet, but he knew that he did. He loved her, and he wanted to spend forever with her.

"Spence," he whispered into her hair. It still smelled like apples and vanilla, but it didn't feel like home anymore. It felt like the worst kind of guilt. "I don't know what to do."