Disclaimer I do not own these characters they remain the property of Nicole Colville. This fanfiction has been written with her permission to use her characters.

For those of you who have never read The Hidden Series, they are a set of M/M books which are available on Amazon.

Waking the next morning I felt exhausted, it seemed the last three months had taken their toll on me both physically and mentally. It was like I had aged years in this short period of time, but what could I expect as I was living a lie, trying to remain under the radar to perpetuate the lie I had spun to protect those I loved and ultimately, myself. Last night weighed heavily on my mind, not only the suggestion of the club mistress I might one day submit to her, but also the fact someone had followed me from the club and watched me leave.

It was clear in my mind that I would return there. I was still seeking to have that itch scratched, one I couldn't do for myself. I needed to see someone kneeling before me, covered with my marks as they wept at the level of pain I dragged from their body kicking and screaming.

There was something about the woman I met last night that intrigued me. I still didn't know her name and that fact both irritated and annoyed me. I couldn't rush back to the club; there was no way I would show my eagerness to return. Like everything in my life it would have to be on my terms. Why was I feeling like this? I hated it and I couldn't shake it.

Grabbing my phone I dialled the only number programmed and waited. Knowing they would answer my call. They did so on the fifth ring, this was not good enough, I expected more.

"Sir?" Came the familiar French tone of Michele, the only person I had trusted with the truth.

"What took you so long? I don't like to be kept waiting." I snapped in a harsh tone.

"Apologies Sir, I was with Scot. I needed to step away before I answered, it was difficult." I could hear from his voice this was true.

"I need you to ensure my identity is fireproof. I suspect there will be checks run against if there haven't been already. The name was only given to one person, but I suspect there will be two checks runs against it. When they are run, I want to know. I also want to get everything on a private members club I visited last night, and the person who runs it," I smiled at the memory of her. "She was most intriguing."

"She, sir?" I could hear the confusion in Michele's voice.

"Yes, she." I confirmed. "I want to know everything. What her full name is, where she trained, where she lives, even what shampoo she uses. Everything Michele, no stone unturned. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal sir. I will get right onto this and report back as soon as I have the information you need."

I gave him the name of the club and nothing more. Michele was good at this, and I wouldn't give him too much to go on. Afterall, this was what I paid him for.

The line went dead. Soon I would have all the information I needed on Nicole, and I would have the upper hand just like I always did. That thought pleased me.

Hours passed, the day gave way to afternoon and soon night began to fall. All I could think about was Alexander. How I would love to take him to the club and show everyone just what true love and ultimate submission looked it. It would be perfect and of course beautiful as it was us.

I found myself staring out of the window watching the sky as the early evening took hold. The stunning hues of colour reminding me of the bruises that would sometimes mar Alexander's prefect flesh. The reds and purples highlighted with yellow glimmers. My eyes closed as I remembered how stunning he looked. I was fighting back the tears which pricked against the lids. When did I become this person? Someone who cried at the thought of being apart from the man they loved. It felt like I was wandering in the wilderness without his love. I needed him, if I couldn't have him I needed someone, anyone. Above all, I needed to feel.

I placed another call to Michele, but it went unanswered. He must still be with Scot, it was the only time he didn't answer my calls. I waited for him to call me back while pacing the small rundown apartment I called home. An hour passed, then another. I was never the most patient of men and this was testing me to my limit. I called Michele again and there was no reply. In a fit of frustration I threw the mobile phone against the wall and got some satisfaction as it shattered and fell to the floor.

Without thinking I grabbed my coat and headed out of the door. My destination was fixed, I was heading back to the club.

It took me a good thirty minutes on foot to reach my destination, this time my admittance was quicker and once inside I handed my coat to the attendant and made my way into the main body of the club. It was busy, there were so many more people here than last night. I hadn't expected to see it so busy. Looking around I saw Nicole chatting to a couple who were clearly a dominant and his submissive. Seeing the submissive waiting just behind him, head bowed slightly, eager for his master's instruction. It was a beautiful sight, and one I couldn't tear my eyes away from.

Seemingly my attention hadn't gone unnoticed as Nicole's eyes met mine across the club. A smile played on her lips before she kissed the dominant on his cheeks before she excused herself and crossed the room to me.

"Adrian, how delightful to see you again." She threw her arms around me and kissed my cheeks. Such familiarity was unnerving.

"Nicole, the pleasure is all mine." I smiled at her.

"Have you come to take me up on my offer?"

I brought my hand to her face and ran my fingers down her cheek, enjoying watching her cheeks flush. "You know my answer. I was going to kneel of anyone my darling, it would be you."

Nicole giggled and I could tell the effect I was having on her, it was a charm I was all too aware I possessed but rarely exercised. People had always done as I asked usually through a sense of fear so this was something new.

"Such a shame, you would look beautiful." The words were like a whisper caught on the breeze. "Now, should I introduce you to some of the members here, or would you rather find your own way?"

"I would like to find my own way if you don't mind." I flashed my most dazzling smile at her.

"Of course." She paused for a moment, "If you need anything, and I mean anything you need just let me know."

I bowed my head slightly acknowledging the offer and also giving her chance to leave. Watching as her hips swayed as she walked away, the woman was almost an enigma and I was desperate to know more about her. Damn Michele for not getting the information for me quickly enough. Although I couldn't condemn him for being with Scot and unable to speak to me. It was after all, the reason he was so trusted by my for so long. His devotion to both me and my family was unwavering.

I watched as some of the people in the club dispersed, some left to go to private rooms, others made their way downstairs to the open viewing rooms. I stood and drank a glass of Scotch at the bar, debating what I would do next. For once my mind was torn between staying here and watching the open displays of some couples who seemed to enjoy the exhibitionist side of things. What I wanted to see was what went on 'behind closed doors' so to speak, away from the noise and distractions.

Making my way through to the back rooms I was intrigued to see a couple in the first room where they were alone. Pausing at the door I watched appalled by what I saw. They were so cliché in their actions it was like watching a bad porn film. The sub was moaning and writhing in his restraints while his dom, who was clad in leather trousers with a matching waistcoat, barked orders at him. I rolled my eyes at this pathetic display. It wasn't what this was about, it was staged, forced and it made me sick to the pit of my stomach. I knew not even five minutes under my control and he would know the true pleasure and of course pain true submission could bring, and I wasn't just referring to the sub.

I moved on quickly to the next room, and to my surprise I found Nicole in there with a young man kneeling at her feet as she circled him. His position was perfect, knees apart, hands clasped behind his back and head bowed. She carried a riding crop in her hand, occasionally it made contact with his flesh and he didn't move. Not a flicker of recognition or pain. I could see that she wasn't being gentle on him. The marks on his back told the story, as did the sound of leather making contact with his skin. He was beautiful, perfect. There was a no cockring to prevent him from orgasm and yet I could see his cock was not showing any sign of betraying him. His breathing was steady, his chest showed a gentle rise and fall. This was submission in its most beautiful form, it was certainly arousing.

My cock began to stir at the sight before me. His face was hidden from me, obscured in the dimmed lighting in the room. Nicole looked at me, our eyes locked for a moment before she let the crop fall heavily against his back and I saw him wince in obvious pain. She addressed me.

"He like this, the pain and pleasure I bring him, He craves being dominated by me, to feel used and controlled by a woman, knowing he should be the one in control." There was another crack against his skin as she addressed him. "You need this don't you." He didn't answer and she stopped in front of him, placing the end of the crop under his chin and forcing it upwards so his face was looking at her. "You may answer."

"Yes mistress. Only you give me what I-"

I was shocked when I saw her hand fly across his face and he almost lost his balance. "I said answer me. I don't care for your thoughts or opinions, I didn't give you permission to voice them"

"Sorry mistress." He breathed, clearly shaken.

I felt myself get even harder. I wanted to be the person inflicting the pain, to feel the weight of the crop in my hand, the power and pain it could wield as it struck flesh. I wanted to be the person who could make someone crave this, I could take him to places his body and mind had never imagined. Just like I had done with Alexander.

"Would you care to try?" The honeyed tones cut through my thoughts and I found Nicole offering the crop out to me, her crimson red nails curled around the handle.

"He would let me?" I asked motioning with my head to where the young man was still kneeling, his body heaving with the struggle to breath and retain position.

"My darling he would let you do any damn thing you wanted to him." She walked away, from me and began to run the tip of the crop across his shoulders. "You see, this one craves what I offer him. He would do anything, and I do mean anything to feel it." The crop sliced through the air before it made contact once again. I winced for him as that had to hurt. This was not an instrument to be wielded lightly, and in the wrong hands could be harmful. But judging from the moan which fell from his lips, he was happy enough. I wanted to snatch the crop from her hand and show her and the poor boy before me what a real dominant could do. He would howl before me, I would make him bleed before I finally stopped, only to strip him naked before I tied him to the wall and then fucked him until he couldn't stand. I, of course would enjoy every single second.

The thought of this made me shift uncomfortably in my trousers. I wanted to do it, to feel in control again. But it wasn't him I wanted or needed, it was Alexander. He was the only one who could give me what I needed, who made me feel complete. My angel, my soul mate.

Without stopping to think how it might look I turned and fled from the room, brushing passed several people in my hurry to flee. I found myself in a small bathroom, it was dimly lit but unoccupied so I went into a cubicle and slammed the door shut, my back pressed against it as I tried to get myself under some form of control. Why was I having a reaction like this? I'd seen people flogged before and under much more demanding settings. Some of the clubs I'd visited practised forms of sadism and I'd never had a reaction to it. So seeing a willing submissive give himself up in such a way shouldn't have bothered me, but it did.

I could feel the pain caused by how hard I was. I was aware of just how close I had been to shooting my load like some teenager finding his father's stash of adult magazines for the first time. Not of course that I knew what that was like. I needed a release after so long of performing the act purely as a means to an end. My body felt like it was on fire, the need and desire coursing through it. I could of course walk back in there and take up Nicole's offer and make my mark on him, but that would possibly alert her to who I really was. No-one could wield an implement of pain like me. Years of practice and experience would shine through. I couldn't risk her asking any awkward questions. No. I would have to stay here and deal with the immediate problem I had.

My hand unfastened my trousers and slid around my cock. I still hadn't gotten into the habit of wearing anything underneath, a habit I had started when I first began to see Alexander. His body constantly drove me wild with desire and we often ended up having a quick fuck where ever we were, so the fewer garments between us, the better.

I could feel the desperation in my body, this was going to be quick. I knew my own body only slightly better than I knew Alexander's, of course I had spent many years getting to know every last inch of him, from where each beauty spot was, to the tiny imperfections on his skin, Every tiny mark was imprinted on my brain. Not that any of the blemishes bothered me, to me he was perfection itself.

With thoughts of Alexander flooding my brain I moved my hand up and down my hard length, using the pooling pre-cum as a form of lubrication on my skin. My eyes closed as I saw his face before me, imagining it was him holding me, pulling on my flesh as it throbbed excitedly as it got harder in my hand. My body was in heaven, it was like it was responding to him as it pushed the endorphins around my blood stream causing me to pant and gasp as my release got closer and closer. I needed this, to just enjoy the sensations as they rushed through my body and took me somewhere I never thought I would be again. I imagined I was in our bedroom at the penthouse, Alexander on his knees before me, arms bound as I claimed his mouth with my cock. It was his lips wrapped around it, creating the feelings I was experiencing. My breath got shallower as I could feel myself losing the battle for control, not that I wanted to win. I would happily lose right now to be able to feel something once again.

My hand moved quicker and quicker over my flesh, legs threatening to give way as I fought to retain control over my body but it was no use. The familiar tightening in my balls told me this was almost over, but I didn't care. My body began to jerk and convulse as hot, creamy liquid began to spill from me. The words I wanted to cry out caught in my throat and became a wail and his name was intermingled with a scream of pure pleasure.

As I stood with my back pressed firmly against the door my breathing was like a dying man gasping for air. Only he could make me feel like this, and I had left him behind. Allowed him to think I was dead; what kind of monster was I if doing this to someone I professed to love was so easy for me to do?

Once I was able to move I used some of the toilet paper to clean myself up as best I could. Once I was out of here, I would head back to the apartment and shower. I made my way to the sink and began to wash my hands, removing he final trace of my own cum form my hands before I cupped water in my hands and proceeded to splash my face. Pre-occupied I'd never heard the door open, or anyone enter, so I was shocked when a pair of hands rested on my hips. My body was in a submissive position and I froze in place, not helped by the fact one of the hands grabbed me by the back of the neck, forcing me down. My hands flew out to support me and I tried to turn around to see who this was, so I knew who would be paying with their pain later.

"No. You stay right there. You look perfect like this." A deep voice washed over me. "I will admit you gave quite a show, although it's a shame it was all performed behind a closed door." There was slight humour in his voice. "But I have a wonderful imagination, and I'm hoping to get a repeat performance. Up close and personal really soon."

I let out a growl of anger and tried to turn around and face my aggressor, but he read my actions and pushed me down onto the sink once again.

"No, this won't do. You will obey my commands and the sooner you learn this, the easier it will be."

"I bow to no man." The words fell between my clenched teeth.

A laugh echoed around the empty space. "Oh but you will. I promise you will. One week is all it will take. A mere seven days and I guarantee you will come to find me. You will seek me out and kneel before me in one of the private rooms. Then and only then will you find what it is you need, and I will take it from you. Removing everything you were and moulding you to what I want, what I need."

"It won't happen." I growled out, but at the same time I felt a tremor of need run through me as my body disengaged from my brain.

I felt his hands release me, but his breath was in my ear. "It will. Trust me." Then I heard him leave. As the door slammed shut, my eyes closed too. He was talking rubbish, I would never submit to a man. I was Gray Victore and I bowed for no man. So why in the back of my mind was the thought of giving myself to someone in such a way suddenly something I found myself considering?

I straightened my clothes, stared at my reflection in the mirror as if it would tell me who I was and what I wanted. Dissatisfied with the man I saw, I turned on my heel and walked out making my way out of the club and finding myself back out on the dark streets of Paris. Once again, I was alone.

Authors Notes.

Thanks to those who have read and all those who have told me through the Hidden Pleasures group how much they are loving this.

Massive thanks go out to Lisa for pre-reading.