Part 2: Sex, Blood and Booze; and Akatsuki way of life

Later on:

Deidara: Un, we should go out to celebrate!
Hidan: Good idea!
Kakuzu: And where do you plan to do that?
Deidara and Hidan: look questioningly at each other
Kisame: walks into the room Hey, Deidara, I was looking for you. Do you think that I could barrow a pair of pants?
Deidara: blink Un...I don't think they'd fit you.
Kisame: Oh, they're not for me. You see, with Itachi...well, something uh, happened to his. .
Deidara: Un?
Kisame: So, can he borrow a pair from you until laundry day?
Kakuzu: I thought you had plans for today.
Kisame: We decided to go into town.
Hidan: to Kakuzu That's were we'll go!

After Everyone Leaves:
Leader-sama: Okay, I ordered a crib to come around next week, and Zetsu's got a doctor appointment next...Where did everyone go?

Kakuzu: B-but!
Hidan: pushing him out Come on, lets get our coats!
Kakuzu: Okay, stop pushing me! grumbles

Deidara: Here, tosses Kisame the pants What happened to his, un?
Kisame: ...they suddenly tore in two ...
Deidara: Un?
Sasori: Never mind Deidara.
Kisame: Thanks walks away

Later on:

Hidan: Okay, lets go to the pub!
(Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi and Deidara take off)
Sasori: ...I refuse to go. I refuse to go ... keeps muttering this as he walks back inside

In the Pub:
Kakuzu: Are you sure it's a good idea to celebrate a comrade getting pregnant by going to a PUB?
Deidara: Yeah, un!
Kisame: Me and Itachi were coming here anyway Wait, WHAT?
Deidara: Hidan's having a baby, un!
Kisame: How?
Kakuzu: I already asked. -- It's no use.
Hidan: Wherever did Itachi run off too?
Kisame: looks around He must have gone to order already. I'll go find him. walks away
Deidara: Now what should we do, un?
Hidan: Drink ourselves silly, of course! To the bar!
Deidara and Hidan drag Kakuzu off to the bar

Later:
Jiraya: Kisame? Is that you?
Kisame: Jiraya! How have you been? I haven't seen you in months!
Jiraya: holding sake cup in the air Out doing research. Wanna buy me a drink?
Kisame: Love to, but I'm supposed to be looking for somebody...
Jiraya: Are they over eighteen?
Kisame:...close.
Jiraya: Then he'll be fine! Sit, sit!

Elsewhere:
Tobi: Zetsu-san, where do you think the others are?
Zetsu: Probably somewhere nearby.
Tobi: How did we get separated again?
Zetsu: I wanted Chinese. holding up an arm
Tobi: Um...do you think it was a good idea to attack that delivery boy?
Zetsu: Yes

Hidan: Sake, please!
Deidara: For me too, un!
Kakuzu: ...for me too ...
They get their drinks
Deidara: Here's to oblivion!
Hidan: Kampai! taps glass against glass
Kakuzu: ... drinks anyway

Kisame: sits down and orders a couple of drinks So, what else is new?
Jiraya: I'm thinking of heading over to a few bathhouses up north of here.
Kisame: Nice. I'm just enjoying my day off. drinks
Jiraya: So how are things for you?
Kisame: One of my comrades have gotten themselves pregnant.
Jiraya: O.O! How did THAT happen?!
Kisame: Don't ask --;
Jiraya: Thats fine, now lets drink to oblivion!
Kisame: Indeed!

Elsewhere:
Tobi: Okay, if you say so.
Zetsu: Lets get some more food.
Tobi: O-okay, Zetsu-san O.O

Many Delivery Boys Later:
Zetsu: I think I ate too much...
Tobi: Huh? Zetsu, are you okay?
Zetsu: burp Yes. I'm just a little...dizzy...
Tobi: Maybe you should sit down WHOA! Hey! hurries to catch Zetsu when he starts to fall over
Zetsu: ...whoa.
Tobi: Um...there's a bench right over here, I think. Just step over the pizza boy there. sits down with Zetsu
Zetsu: still leaning on Tobi Is it hot out?
Tobi: Um, yeah, maybe it is a little warm. But that last one smelled a little funny, are you sure you're okay? pause Zetsu-san?
Zetsu: Hmm...zzzzz
Tobi: o.o

At the Pub:
Hidan: Chug, Deidara, chug, chug, chug!
Deidara: is repeatedly leaning over table to pick up shot glasses in his mouth while doing the same with both hands
Kakuzu: Who's paying for all this again?
Hidan: Aw, don't worry about it, Kak-E! hiccup
Kakuzu: And how many have YOU had?
Hidan: You're no fun.
Deidara: lol, I can't see my toes!
Kakuzu: That's because there's a table there, Deidara. mumbles Lord help me...
Hidan: What's this? Were you praying to some kind of lord? reaches into cloak and removes his trusty holy book
Kakuzu: No, Hidan, you're drunk, we're in public, don't start this here!
Hidan: You're never too drunk for the true faith! waves book in the air madly
Other Drinkers: stare

In Another Part of the Pub:
Kisame: And then he asks me, "Are you an uke?"
Jiraya: laughs What happened after that?
Kisame: He found Hidan, he's another work friend, and Hidan tells him EVERYTHING, so when he talks to Sasori
Jiraya: Hang on for a second. I need a refill. waves glass in the air and calls for a waitress
Kisame: I think everyone's over at the bar.
Jiraya: drunken blink turns around Yeah, some loon's standing on the counter over there yelling about religion and bloodshed.
Kisame: snicker
Jiraya: Ooooh! Hel-lo!
Kisame: What is it?
Jiraya: Hottie at the bar just looked this way.

Tobi: awkwardly puts Zetsu into bed Zetsu-san?
Zetsu: zzzzzzzzz ...
Tobi: Wow, he's already this affected by pregnancy? I don't know how I'm going to deal with this ...
Zetsu: Mngh ...rolls over
Tobi: sigh Oh well ... heads to bed

At the pub:
Deidara: starts singing No one loves you and you know it so get the drinks and drink them down!
Hidan: By the name of the god I worship, that is not the lyrics to the song!
Kakuzu: ...What song is it?
Hidan: Green Day's Platypus (I hate you), and it goes: 'No one loves you and you know it don't pretend that you enjoy it!'
Kakuzu: I wished you didn't love me and I WOULD enjoy that.
Hidan: not listening AND NOW EVERYONE!! I SHALL PREACH TO YOU THE ALMIGHTY WAYS OF THE GODS WHO WORSHIP DEATH!!!
Deidara: YEAH YEAH!!! Gets up and dances on the stool

In another part of the pub:
Kisame: whistles Woah, that's a hottie alright ...
Jiraya: Whooo, you're telling me! I wonder what she's doing in some place like this?
Kisame: Hmmm ... hic looking for a man?
Jiraya: Could be, but either way, she's wearing a pretty dress ...
Kisame: I think it's a cloak.
Jiraya: Nah, I'm telling you, it's a dress!
Kisame: Does it matter? If her legs are as pretty as her face, I'll just rip the clothes off!
Jiraya: I'll agree to that ...

Itachi: (thinking) Who is the idiot that Kisame is talking to- suddenly hits him shit, drunk!Kisame is NOT good around other men! This calls for some kind of action ... but what should I do ...

At the Pub:
Jiraya: Is it just me, or does she keep looking back at us?
Kisame: Think she's interested?
Jiraya:hiccup You and me? ;)
Kisame: pause...Aw, man. She's all yours.
Jiraya: ...?
Kisame: I'm kind of seeing someone.
Jiraya: Since WHEN?
Kisame: Last couple of days, but
Jiraya: Loyalty isn't needed until the first week anniversary. And I think that girl IS looking at you!
Kisame: I'm still not sure
Jiraya: Come on! How often does something like THAT comes around to Kisame's side of the table and pulls a handheld mirror of his pocket so they can stare at the "cat" check you out first?

Across the Room:
Itachi: (thinking) Are they HUGGING?! I have to get over there...
Waitress: Miss? OH!er...trails off when Itachi turns around and she notices Itachi s not a "Miss" Um...This drink is from the table over there. points towards Jiraya and Kisame
Itachi: taking it What...? glare They're still hugging. takes a sip Miss, did she say...?

At the pub:
Kisame: I guess that part is true. stares in the mirror and notices that the girl is definitely looking at him
Jiraya: Whoooo! It's been so long before I got some proper eye candy! grabs sketch book Come on Kisame, get her over here!
Kisame: I don't think there's any need for that ...
Jiraya: What's that? looks back Woah, she's coming over here!
Kisame: Daaaamn look at those boobs!
Jiraya: You lucky sonofabitch ...

Across the room:
Itachi: looks over 'herself' critically not bad ...smirks evilly Now lets see what exactly my partner thinks he's doing ...

Kisame: Hang on a minute ... takes a closer look at the 'cat' She looks familiar...
Jiraya: What, you KNOW her?!
Kisame: I dunno ...

Deidara: "Your rise and fall, back up against the wall
What goes around is coming back and haunting you
It's time to quit 'cause you ain't worth the shit
Under my shoes or the piss on the ground, HIC!"
Hidan: bops head to Deidara's singing, prayer books forgotten for the moment
Kakuzu: sigh ...
Bartender: You may as well get drunk so you can join them.
Kakuzu: glare ... fine starts to chug a bottle of straight whiskey
Deidara & Hidan: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Half and Hour Later:
Hidan: back to preaching on top of the bar No, no! Everyone listen to me!
Lady Sitting Down the Bar: I'll convert if you're the priest, cutie.
Hidan: No, this religion doesn't have priests
Another Lady: Spank me father, for I have sinned!
Hidan: You're enthusiasm for punishment is good, but I think you're still not on it
First Lady: I'd kneel down to pray to THAT! pointing at Hidan Take it off, baby!
Hidan: Um...KAKUZU! Drunken women are hitting on me! ...Kakuzu?
Kakuzu: surrounded by his own circle of people who are all chanting "chug, chug, chug!"
Deidara: jumps up on bar I'll strip for you! hic

At the Other End of the Bar:
Jiraya: So you say you're just passing through town?
Itachi: Yes. barely looking at Jiraya
Jiraya: And you're a travelling supermodel?
Itachi: scooting closer to Kisame That's right.
Kisame: raises eyebrow
Jiraya: And you're on your way to a nymphomaniac convention?
Itachi: Uh-huh. smiles suggestively toward Kisame
Jiraya: Damn...I think I love you.
Itachi: frowns and finally turns to Jiraya Is that man over there stripping on the counter?
Jiraya: head turns around OH MY! XD Excuse me. gets up and runs off toward when Deidara is twirling his cloak in the air above his head
Itachi: So...tell me more about you.
Kisame: Well for starters...if you're going to grab my knee under the table, I'd appreciate it if you grabbed JUST my knee... blush

In the Bar:
Ladies: (chanting) strip! Strip! Strip!
Deidara: Come on Hidan! Let's both do it! takes off his shirt slowly and tantalisingly
Hidan: Oh, alright! takes off his cloak to reveal his bare chest
Wolf whistles from crowd
Deidara: Kyaa, they love us, Hidan! shakes his ass
Hidan: grins Yeah, they do! Kakuzu, look, the ladies love us!
Kakuzu: now drunk Mmm that's a good show ... I love you too Hidan.

Other end of the bar:
Itachi: pouts Hmmm ... cheeky smile I mean more about you ...
Kisame: Well ...I'm just a normal guy, but I'm kind of seeing someone at the moment ...
Itachi: Ooh? But she won't mind, would she ...? leans closer
Kisame: without thinking It's a he, and he would definitely mind, I can assure you.
Itachi: whispers in ear good answer, Kisame ...
Kisame: Hey, wait ... catches a glimpse of red in the others eyes ITACHI?!
Itachi: Mhm ... presses his nice chest against Kisame's Now, what do you say to a few more drinks?
Kisame: Uh, well, um ... blush looks down at his partner with the female body and gulps Alright ...
Itachi: smirk good ... orders a bottle of sake

Later:

Itachi: We need another sake bottle.
Kisame: I think you're starting to get tipsy.
Itachi: face slightly red What do you mean? You've had more to drink than I have!
Kisame: I also out weigh you.
Itachi: cuddling Aw, are you worried about me?
Kisame: ...and that's proof that you're drunk. looks down at Itachi's pout Okay, let me call the waiter.

Meanwhile:
Deidara: tossing his shirt into the crowd Un, This is fun, Hidan! ...Un, Hidan?
Hidan: has slid off the counter and is sitting on Kakuzu's lap
Deidara: Un. Looks like I'm a solo dancer now.
Jiraya: Don't stop, honey! Keep going! waves frantically from the crowd
Deidara: O.o

Kisame: receives another bottle and pours a cup, taking a sip Itachi, why did you change yourself into a woman?
Itachi: I felt like it smiles seductively Anyway, THESE have a nice affect presses boobs into Kisame's chest
Kisame: blush Uh, sure, if you say so!
Itachi: smirks and takes some sake, drowning it in one gulp Besides, it's kind of interesting.
Kisame: I'm sure it would be holds Itachi against him with one arm You're going to fall off my lap the way you're carrying on.
Itachi: I'm sure you'd catch a LADY, huh, Kisame?
Kisame: chuckles I'm sure I would, Ita-chan.

Meanwhile:
Deidara: now down to pants only Okay, funs over!
Jiraya: runs over Hey, could I buy you a drink?
Deidara: drapes cloak over self Okay, if you want
Jiraya: Awesome! sits on stool Bar-tender! Some sake please!
Deidara: Thanks!

Hidan: Deidara has a friend!
Kakuzu: Good, he can have more fun.
Hidan: Ne, Kakuzu, if I turned into a girl, would you like me more?
Kakuzu: spits out sake What?! No! You're fine the way you are!
Hidan: Awwww!! hugs and kisses Kakuzu Thankyou Kakky!
Kakuzu: grins and kisses back

CRASH!
Kisame: I told you you were going to fall.
Itachi: rubbing back You were supposed to catch me.
Kisame: I didn't know you were going to fall. ; Are you hurt?
Itachi: sitting on his knees under the table No...blinks and leans onto Kisame's knee for support
Kisame: deep swallow Maybe you should get up?
Itachi: Why? tilts head onto Kisame's lap
Kisame: (thinking) Must not look down...in public... .

Farther Away:
Hidan: Can you see straight?
Kakuzu: Barely.
Hidan: smirk Are you thinking of the same thing I am?
Kakuzu: Depends... pulls Hidan against him
Hidan: Crawls back onto Kakuzu's lap
Kakuzu: nuzzles his shoulder
Hidan: purrs
Waitress: 00 ...um, gentlemen? GENTLEMEN! Please, not all of our patrons are...are open minded!
Hidan: hiss Homophobes. Let's kill them!
Kakuzu: still nuzzling Not tonight. Why don't we just pick this up back at the base?
Hidan: sulk Okay...where's Deidara?

Elsewhere:
Deidara: You're an artist, un?
Jiraya: Sure, sure!
Deidara: Un, what kind?
Jiraya: I...uh...draw people. And write about them.
Deidara: I blow things up!
waitress brings their drinks
Deidara: Un, it's about time! sticks a stray in his glass and begins sucking on it with his hand
Jiraya: O.O W-WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HAND!?!

Itachi: pouts I like it right nuzzles Kisame's thigh...here.
Kisame: tenses up (thinking) I must control myself. I must not take Itachi out into the back room and fuck the life out of him. I must control myself ... (out loud) C'mon, up ya get ...
Itachi: grumbles I don't wanna ...
Kisame: ... sighs and bends down, picking Itachi up easily and pulling him back into his lap Now stay there.
Itachi: I was comfortable! Kisaaaammmeee ... whines while giving the shark puppy eyes
Kisame: O.O ... (thinking) Itachi is drunk. He looks adorable at the moment, but I will NOT take advantage of him. (out loud) I'll get you another drink if you stay still.
Itachi: squirms and glares I wanna go somewhere else ...
Kisame: GULP Where else?
Itachi: smirks evilly You'll see, Ki-san ...

Farther Away:
Kakuzu: There he is, I think. Blondey talking with a someone with silver hair.
Hidan: What a copycat! Let's go and get him.
Kakuzu: Hang on ... let's watch for a moment.
Hidan: But Kakky! pouts
Kakuzu: You won't regret it, trust me.
Hidan: If you say so ...

Elsewhere:
Deidara: waves hands mouths. the mouth licks its lips
Jiraya: holds nose at the VERY perverted ideas that go though his mind Uh ... do you mind if I draw you, uh...
Deidara: Dei-chan!
Jiraya: Aaah! Dei-chan, right! gets out sketchbook So how did you get those mouths in your hands?
Deidara: Bloodline limit grins I use them to create weapons.
Jiraya: Do you use them for anything else?
Deidara: Getting drunker quicker? feeds more of his drink to his right hand
Jiraya: sketching fast Amazing ability!

Kakuzu: watching Jiraya and Deidara Hey...wait a minute.
Hidan: What?
Kakuzu: evil grinning under his mask Nothing. You just wait here for a minute.
Hidan: ...?
Kakuzu: gets up to talk to the bartender for a minute
Hidan: What were you doing? You didn't bring back any more sake!
Kakuzu: I just told him that Deidara was picking up our bill. He's already seen us with Deidara earlier.
Hidan: But...Deidara doesn't have any money on him!
Kakuzu: I know. But that old man he's with is loading him up with drinks. If we leave now, he might get stuck paying for us too. :)
Hidan: Your billing a total stranger for our night, and leaving Deidara behind on the off chance that he'll be
Kakuzu: Too interested in other things to notice. Now get your cloak, before they look this way.

A Few Minutes Later:
Kisame: Um...Itachi? We didn't pay
Itachi: The others well cover it. smirk Are you stalling?
Kisame: sputter No, of course not!
Itachi: presses up against shark and nibbles ear Good, because I'm not feeling very patient tonight.
Kisame: starts to pull Itachi closer looks up Deidara?
Itachi: Who? turns around Oh... scowl for ruining moment
Deidara: Hi, un!
Kisame: Deidara, what are you doing? Where's everyone else?
Deidara: I don't know, un! I'm on my way to a bathhouse!
Kisame: At this time of night?
Deidara: It was my new friend's idea, un! He said he wanted to draw me in more "flattering attire." pause What's that, un?
Kisame: ...Does Sasori know your going?
Deidara: No, un. confused
Itachi: Who are you going with?
Deidara: His name's Jiraya, un! He's inside paying.
Kisame: O.O Deidara?
Deidara: Un?
Kisame: ...Maybe you shouldn't go to the bathhouse with him. I don't think you understand
Itachi: impatient Kisame, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Kisame: dubious look...

Hidan: puts on cloak and runs off with Kakuzu
Kakuzu: (outside pub) phew.
Hidan: Ne, where are you going to take me?
Kakuzu: Please don't tempt me ...
Hidan: Aww ... I thought you were going to take me somewhere nice.
Kakuzu: Oh, I will evil grin
Hidan: Yay! cuddles his partner

The Pub:
Kisame: I'm telling you, Jiraya is a known pervert! He'll jump Deidara as soon as he's down to his towel!
Itachi: Deidara can take care of himself though. He's the same rank as us, and an Akatsuki member. That's enough.
Kisame: sigh Yeah, but-
Itachi: pins him with a glare He'll be FINE.
Kisame: Okay okay ... now ... looks his FEmale partner up and down You had to pick one with big boobs didn't you?
Itachi: What? cups one and rubs it slightly you like it?
Kisame: gulps Y-Yes, I do.
Itachi: smirks and comes up to the shark and rubs against him Wanna see them without clothes?
Kisame: starts to grin Would love to ...
(both head to a back room)

Elsewhere:

Deidara: Wow! This is a nice bathhouse!
Jiraya: I'm glad you like Now, lets get changed ...
Deidara: Un!
Deidara: Un, I can't believe this place is still open!
Jiraya: ;) It's always open for me.
Deidara: Un?
Jiraya: Never mind.
Deidara: Okay. So where should I sit?
Jiraya: taking out sketch pad again Wherever you feel comfortably.
Deidara: Okay! takes off towel and gets into the water
Jiraya: Don't know what Tsunade's problem is. I love these Akatsuki people...

In the Back Room of the Bar:
Itachi: tapping a waitress on the shoulder Excuse me, we're looking for your broom closet.
Waitress: Certainly, it's right over...pause, looks over female!Itachi and his big boobs, raises eyebrow suspiciously Wait. Why do you need our broom closet?
Itachi: unabashed I want to go have impatient thrill sex with my boyfriend in it.
Waitress: 0.0
Itachi: So, where is it?
Waitress: I think that's against our policy. And the law.
Itachi: activates sharingan Last chance.
Waitress: Sir, did your EYES just change color AHHH! AHH!!!! NO! STOP! AHHHH!!! collapses on floor and spills drinks from her tray all over herself
other people stare
Itachi: when she's done screaming Broom closet?
Waitress: Be...behind the bar... o.o
Itachi: Thank you. grabs Kisame by the hand and tugs him along as they go behind the bar
Kisame: Remind me to comment on that later.

Meanwhile, at the Base:
Tobi: So, um...what's it like being in the akatsuki?
Sasori: blank, you're-really-asking-me-that? stare
Knock, knock, knock
Sasori: That must be the others. I'll get it. walks down to the main entrance and begins to undo the locks
From behind the door: Sassy? Is that you?
Sasori: freezes
From behind the door: Sassy, be a good boy and open the door for Grandma! She's got a lot of things to carry. Sassy-chan?!
Sasori: 0.0
Inwardly: WTF?

Bathhouse:
Deidara: blinks Who is Tsunade, un?
Jiraya: Oh, just a friend of mine.
Deidara: Oh lounges in bath
Jiraya: finishes sketch Okay, could you move into a different pose for me?
Deidara: Sure! turns around and leans against the bathtub and looks over his shoulder This good?
Jiraya: Perfect! sketches more

Broom Closet:
Itachi: Pulls Kisame inside
Kisame: shuts door with a smirk You know, I never imagined you'd ever want to do it in a broom closet.
Itachi: tosses cloak aside and works on Kisame's There's a lot of things you don't know about me ...
Kisame: Well ... takes off Itachi's shirt, whistling at the unusual site of his boobs I never would've imagined you turning yourself into a woman either ...
Itachi: hisses and takes off Kisame's top Shut up and fuck me senseless, now.
Kisame: pulls him close with a growl Brace yourself then, Ita-chan. I'm not gentle on ladies.
Itachi: evil grin good ...

At the Base:
Tobi: Sasori, who is that?
Sasori: ...My Grandmother ...
Tobi: You have a grandmother?
Sasori: Unfortunately.
From behind the door: Sassy-chan, please! I know you're in there!
Tobi: What should we do?
Sasori: Uh ...
knock knock knock
Leader-sama comes over Sasori, who is that?
Sasori: ...A relative.
Leader-sama: Send them away. You know the rules.
Tobi: She's being very insistent.
Leader-sama: Well, I'M being very insistent on sending her away
Sasori: awkward ...

Bathhouse:
Jiraya: That's great! Now how about a few poses out of the water? ;)
Deidara: Un, okay. starts to get out Un...where's my towel?
Jiraya: innocent look What towel?
Deidara: looks at the place right next to Jiraya where he left it I could have sworn I left it...
Jiraya: Oh, it must have disappeared. Don't worry, we'll call for some to bring in a new. In the meantime...

At the Base:
Sasori: Um... steps closer to the door Grandma?...GO. AWAY.
From Behind the Door: Is that anyway to speak to your grandma? Who loved, and cared for you, and used to clean the spittle off your chin when you were a baby, and told all the other neighbourhood kids that it was perfectly natural for a young boy to play with dolls?! I said open this door, now open it!
Sasori: Grandma, it's not allowed for you to visit
Grandma: Nonsense!
Sasori: Grandma...
Leader-sama: to the door Look, you can't stay here
Grandma: Don't you start, you shadowy windbag! Respect your elders!
Leader-sama: 'Windbag'oo ...Sasori, your grandmother is NOT staying here...
Sasori: I don't think she's giving us a choice. --

At the Bar, Outside the Back Room:
from inside the broom closet:
shuffle
"What's that?"
pause
"You never got the academy course in"
"Ooh..."
moan
chuckle
more shuffling
zipper sound
"You don't need to...?"
snicker "
"Girl don't need to use that..."
"Oh--Ahhh!"
sound of things falling down
People outside: Are they...?
Bump, bump, bump...!
People: Yep. --;
"There, there!"
Bump, Bump, Bump...!
insert sound of more broom closet supplies falling down
moan "Yes, there...pant There...harder, harder!! YES!"
POUND,POUND, POUND.
snicker "Were you this loud when you were a man?"
People: O.O

At the Bathhouse:

Deidara: Well, alright, un. sits on edge of bath with legs crossed over
Jiraya: Wow, you have a lovely body, Dei-chan!
Deidara: grins thanks, I train a lot
Jiraya: I can see that sketches
(waitress comes over with a towel, which Deidara takes)
Deidara: That's better puts towel over lap
Jiraya: (thinking) Aaah! Lost the best view ...

At the Base:
Leader-sama: Che. How annoying! I have a lot to organise as well ...
Grandma: Sasori, open this door NOW!
Leader-sama: Just ignore her and she'll go away. walks off
Sasori: ... sighs I should have gone out with the others, honestly.
walks off
(the next day)
Leader-sama: (viewing from video camera no jutsu) The ... the hell is this?!
(sees a camp set up RIGHT outside the base)
Leader-sama: SASORI!!!!

Broom closet:
"Ngh!!! AAAAAAAHHH!"
People: back away and then run
"K-KISAME!"
"Ngh, Itachi-gods-! Aaah!!"

Inside:
Itachi: panting heavily, leans against Kisame's body Gods ...
Kisame: holds 'her' in place with a smirk you okay?
Itachi: The female ... body ... sure has ... some amazing points ... ngh ...
Kisame: chuckles I bet. pets Itachi's back wanna stay that way a little longer?
Itachi: growls you like me better this way?
Kisame: Oh no, but it was a lovely treat ... kisses 'her' forehead lets get a room.
Itachi: Okay ... in a min ... ute ... rests tiredly against Kisame's shoulder

In the Bathhouse:
Jiraya: Now if I can get a closer prospective. scoots up beside Deidara
Deidara: Un. backs away a little Okay. Do you really have to be that close to draw, un?
Jiraya: Who said anything about drawing?
Deidara: doesn't get it

Outside the Bar:
Itachi: leaning on Kisame as they walk down the street Were the people in there giving me dirty looks when we left?
Kisame: I think they were more likely giving US dirty looks. We went exactly quiet. And I think that the people who ordered those drinks that that one waitress spilled had to pay for them anyway.
Itachi: looking at his reflection instead of listening Hmm, maybe I made the breasts too big.
Kisame: What?! No!
Itachi: All the other girls think I'm a slut and they're jealous of me. hic
Kisame: Oh...forgot you were still drunk.
Itachi: Do you think I'm pretty?

Meanwhile:
Sasori: standing on one side of the door Grandma?
Grandma: yelling from the other Are you here to let me in?
Sasori: No, Grandma, you need to go back home.
Grandma: Is that any way to treat
Sasori: GRANDMA!
Grandma: grumble I raised you better than that...
Sasori: Grandma, go home. You'll attract attention to our lair.
Grandma: What are you talking about? I'm just an ignorable old lady, who NO ONE comes to visit on holidays, or stops in to see when checking up on their secret spies
Sasori: Granny, I'm a missing nin! I can't visit you!
Grandma: You could if you tried.
Sasori: You'd turn me in!
Grandma: If you're half the big strong ninja you and your little friends say you are, then you'd get away.
Sasori: But then, why would I WANT to visit
Grandma: Stop trying to defend yourself!

Jiraya: Come on, how about we get started ...?
Deidara: Un ... blinks What are you talking about?
Jiraya: Don't you understand?
Deidara: shakes head I'm gonna go home now, un. stands up
Jiraya: Aah No! Don't go now!
Deidara: walks out anyway with a vague Bye bye, artist-san!
Jiraya: bows head sigh

In the Streets:
Kisame: You're gorgeous, Itachi. Now leave the boobs, they're nice as they are.
Itachi: But everyone thinks I'm a total slut.
Kisame: Don't worry about them. Just worry about what you think.
Itachi: content sigh, leans closer to Kisame Okay, as long as you like them ...
Kisame: smirks Very much so. Ah! comes across an inn Let's go inside.
Itachi: Mmkay ... hic
Kisame: (thinking) I have no idea how I'm going to take care of him in the morning.

At the Base:
Sasori: But-
Grandma: NO BUTS! You shall make an effort to visit or I shall spend all day out there too!
Sasori: Okay, so if I promise to visit, will you go away?
Grandma: If you absolutely promise to, yes!
Leader-sama: Promise her, now! glare
Sasori: sigh
Tobi: You'd better (and I'm not little)
Sasori: Fine. I promise I'll visit sometime, grandma!
Grandma: Good. Come over tomorrow or I shall return!
Sasori: TOMORROW?!
Grandma: Yes, tomorrow. Goodbye until then! leaves
Leader-sama: ...
Tobi: ...
Sasori: ... HOW DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS MESS?!?!

On the Way Back from the Bathhouse:
Deidara: Un...that was weird. fishes around in his cloak pocket, stops, checks another pocket... GASP!
Other Passer-by on the Street: Something wrong, dear?
Deidara: I lost my book!
Passer-by: Your book?
Deidara: Un, the one that Kisame gave me that showed me how to DO THINGS, and show me what rings were, and made me ask Hidan about!
Passer-by: doesn't know any of those names Um...maybe you can buy another one?
Deidara: frantically ruffling through his cloak But I used SASORI'S library card!
Passer-by: pause Let me walk you home. You can buy another book to replace it at the library tomorrow.
Deidara: sniffs defeat He'll be mad though...
Passer-by: tugging him along There, there. We'll talk about it on the way...

MANY Weeks Later:
Kisame: browsing through the adult section of a book store far, far away, picks up a new copy of Icha Icha Paradise and reads the back summery about a, "tri-mouth, angelic maiden who bravely guarded her chastity against the suave advances of a charming, travelling rogue."
Itachi: coming up behind him You're not going to buy that filth, are you?
Kisame: Of course not. . . I was just...thinking that the picture looked a little familiar, that's all.
Itachi: looks at it suspiciously ...It does sort of look familiar...
Kisame: Can't put a name on it, though.
Itachi: Maybe we killed them on a mission?
Kisame: No, that's not it...shrug All well, we've got a mission to do, let's go.
they leave

At the Base, in Present Time:
Deidara: Sasori, I'm home! knocks on the door Open up!
Sasori: I'm coming, I'm coming...opens the door 0.0
Deidara: Un, on the way home I ran into this really nice old lady! She says she knows you!
Sasori: stare Gr...Grandma?! What are you! You just left!
Deidara: Un?
Grandma: Well, this kind you lady was just kind enough to offer to let me stay with her for a few nights. Purely by coincidence. You can't expect an old lady like me to travel without resting first, can you?
Sasori: ... turns around, runs inside the base LEADER-SAMA!!

At Base:
Leader-sama: What is it now, Sasori- O.O! stares
Grandma: Oh, so you're the old fart who runs this place. Give me back my grandson!
Leader-sama: glares ... Sasori, I am going to kill her if you do not remove her, NOW.
Sasori: Grandma, do you want to die?
Grandma: Of course not-
Sasori & Leader-sama: THEN GO AWAY!!!!
(Grandma once again gets thrown out a minute later)
Deidara: You know, that wasn't very nice, un.
Sasori & Leader-sama: Shut. Up.