A/N: Well, these were fun two days... I appreciate my readers and supporters: it means a lot. To the critics: may I suggest that you withhold judgement until you've read more of the story? Otherwise, if the story is terribly cliche and pedestrian, I would not want you to suffer and suggest that you do not read it at all.

Kim was beginning to think that Grace was right and her sexy shoes had some magic power to them. How else would she explain the current situation: she avoided one uncomfortable proposal by finding herself engaged to another? To wit, Prince Uval hadn't taken the ring out only because Jack announced she was betrothed to him. How? How was this her life? What did she do to deserve it?

Until she met Jack, she could count on one hand the number of times she had been so unpleasantly surprised in her life. Usually, she would find a great gift under the tree, a cute boy would ask her out, a test score would be high. Incidentally, since she met Jack, the surprises became more of a 'crap, we have to fight now' variety. And occasionally, there were the surprises that had more to do with utter mortification than satisfaction.

Now, as she stood in the middle of the lavish ballroom in what had to be the most awkward setting ever, she stiffened. Her face grew hot, her heart slammed against her ribs, and the blood whooshed in her ears. She nearly thought she was having an out-of-body experience, minus the part about being dead or nearly dead, except she hadn't actually gone anywhere and Jack's hand was still on her waist, the gliding of his fingers leaving a heat trail even through the lined bodice of her dress.

Surely she'd heard him wrong.

"Kim is my betrothed..."

Was this a bad dream? Was she dreaming? Since when they were betrothed?! She tried to keep an impassive expression, but she also recognized she had never been much of a poker player. From the corner of her eye, she peered up at Jack. The set of his jaw, the seriousness of his gaze. Wow. If she didn't know better, she would say he was telling the truth. And then his eyes dropped, met hers, and with his other hand, he tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair that had fallen across her cheek.

"Be ready," he had told her.

How in the heck was she supposed to be ready for that? They hadn't even been on a date! And no, the times after she broke up or was disappointed in a romantic interest, did not count! The guy at least owed her dinner and a movie, maybe some ice cream and a freaking kiss before she would agree to marry him. But no, they'd skipped through all the boring stuff like courtships and I-love-you's and gone straight for the fake engagement. It was official. Somewhere along the way, her life had turned into a bad soap opera, complete with visiting royals. And she was not eighteen yet, for goodness sake!

See now, that was why she hated surprises.

And she couldn't shake the contradiction of his earlier actions, or inaction, the ones she had mulled over for longer than she cared to admit. How was she supposed to reconcile the limp noodle attitude of never crossing the friendship line with her and the sudden 'honor' of being engaged to her? She had wanted, so much, for him to stop being afraid, to open his eyes and see the possibilities in front of him, to choose to truly see her. It was a cruel irony. Evidently, he had done just that and decided that he could be with her—at least as far as the outside world was concerned—because someone else wanted to put a ring on it.

"What?" Uval's voice cut through the thumping of Kim's heart. "Impossible. I was informed that Americans don't have betrothals at this young age. And if fair Kimberly is engaged to you, then why did she accept the attentions of another? Were you perhaps aiming to make a fool of me, Kimberly?" His face twisted into a sneer and Kim honestly thought she was mishearing things.

Before she could even say something, which would have been an inarticulate mumble, Jack responded, confident and serious. "Kim was not aware of the situation. Our parents wanted us to develop feelings for each other naturally. It is only because Your Highness started paying attention to her, that our parents revealed the truth to me. If you were misled, it was not by design on Kim's part."

Huh... He lied so smoothly she was starting to believe all of this. Develop feelings naturally, indeed...

Prince looked from Jack to her again, his face a combination of acceptance and mulish stubbornness. "So she innocently accepted my courtship because she thought herself free of any bonds, formal betrothals or informal ties of affection. Is that so, fairest Kimberly?"

She stood there, at the center of crowd, people gawking at her silently, and had absolutely nothing to say. Like, nothing. Total blankness. She felt a sharp pain on her side and realized that Jack pinched her. Hard. That somehow kicked her into gear.

Irritation and anger at the whole mess rose in her and she pinched Jack on the hand that was still on her. She would've stomped on his foot, but wasn't sure she'd keep her balance in these ridiculous heels.

"I have not known of betrothal, Your Highness. It is a surprise to me. Evidently, I need to talk to my parents more. As for other bonds..." She took dramatic pause and she could see Jack stiffening, "I was mad at Jack. We had a fight and I believed myself free of him. But, we... have been ... together ... for a while now..."she stuttered out, getting quieter in the end.

She was such a bad liar... What was Jack thinking?

"I knew it!" Came a hushed whisper-y shout and she turned to see Milton fist pump. "Dating quarterbacks... Please... Kick forever."

Prince Uval looked at her shrewdly and she was practically sweating bullets at this point. She hated, hated, surprises. And she kind of hated Jack too.

"You have courted fair Kimberly for some time and yet managed to cause discord between you by your actions. I hope for your sake that Kimberly is as merciful as she is brave." The Royal was formal, but there was something, a strange glimmering in his eyes. "If you betrothal has not been formally announced and Kimberly was not only unaware of it, but is unsatisfied with you, then the noble thing to do is to release her of the obligation."

No... No... No... She hated surprises. She hated fancy shoes, she hated the Prince and she positively hated Jack right now.

Jack's never been in a predicament like this before. And it was all his own making. Why, why, did he blurted out that nonsense about betrothal? It was such a load of crap and where did he even get this idea that it would work? Damn Milton and his lectures on medieval customs of Hakhmakhistan. That was the only explanation he could come up with. The Prince clearly wanted to... to propose to Kim, or something. And Jack apparently couldn't deal with it.

We are so screwed, he thought to himself, when Kim froze and just stood there like a very pretty mannequin. He pinched her to get her to play along and then blanched at the thought. Kim was an awful liar. Like, the worst. He steeled himself for the terrible acting, when Kim pinched him back (ouch) and confidently and sarcastically told Prince that she was mad at him and that's why she 'accepted courtship' by Prince. Maybe it would be all right. Eventually...

And then the stubborn peacock actually asked Jack to release Kim of the betrothal obligations.

What? How one would even do it?

He honestly reached the limit of his knowledge of all things medieval by now and it was his turn to freeze and stand around like an idiot.

When the silence stretched beyond all possible politeness and Prince actually started to turn towards Kim with one hand extended as if to take hers, Milton suddenly broke the oppressive silence.

"Not possible. Only Kim's and Jack's parents can undo what they have negotiated years ago."

Crap... Now their parents would have to be involved? Why did he say that again? What was wrong with him?

The Prince looked imperiously at Milton and his friend visibly wilted under the scornful eyes of the royal.

"You are one of Jack's clansmen, are you not? Do you doubt that Kimberly's elders would prefer a royal suitor over a child?" he asked Milton, but his tone and intent was aimed at Jack and really? A child? That familiar stubbornness that got him in so much trouble, made him raise his chin and stare down the Prince as if he was just another Black Dragon. "Did you set the date of your wedding?" Prince's next words were addressed to Kim and he could feel her recoil at those words.

Crap! Wedding? Seriously, what possessed him to start this whole thing? What?

"We haven't set a wedding date yet," Kim managed as she straightened her belt, and Jack nodded along not fully hearing or comprehending her words, only knowing that Prince Uval, with his cool gaze, was awaiting a response.

"Then I shall speak with the elders of your clan." He bowed smartly to Kim and with that the Prince and his entourage exited the ballroom leaving behind a nearly silent crowd and a very pissed off Kim, who already was looking at him with murder in her eyes.

Crap...

"What were you thinking?" She hissed furiously as he took her by the elbow and walked to the small anteroom. He turned to Kim and he thought he saw literal fire in her eyes.

"I... wasn't... That is... " he stammered and cursed himself. NOW he was tongue-tied. Why he couldn't he keep his mouth shut earlier, hm?

"That's right. You weren't! You never do. It's all jump to action without any plan with you. And we always end up in the same trouble as you. Only now its my life and apparently my marriage are on the line! Seriously, Jack? What is wrong with you?" She railed at him and he could see Milton, who followed them, slowly creeping away from the room. Traitor...

"Oh, fine! Yell at me. Feel superior. But in case you forgot that... that... pea... Prince was going to propose to you! What were you going to do then?" he fired back.

"I would have told him no! Simple as that! And if he did not listen, there is the small matter of me being underage and the need for parental consent, which I guarantee to you, my parents would not have given!" She was now talking loudly and Jack almost stopped arguing because it did make sense, didn't it?

"Like he would have taken no as an answer. You saw it: he is stubborn and used to getting his way."

"So what? I still would have said no." She threw her hands in the air and began shaking her head. "Oh my God, I am now fake engaged to you to avoid a royal proposal. When did my life become a bad soap opera?"

Jack was silent, out of arguments and kind of feeling sorry for Kim and himself. They were definitely in a weird situation now. And it was his fault. Before he could do or say anything, Milton reappeared with Phil in tow and the two of them approached Kim and Jack.

"I brought our only source of information on all things Hakhmakhi. He can tell us about their betrothal practices and what not. Also, Kim, I would be grateful to Jack if I were you." He said it all very matter-of-factly and Kim now directed her death-ray glare at the redhead.

"Really? Truly? I should be grateful? Pray tell, why?" She bit out sarcastically and Jack winced at the tone.

"If you were unwilling, it is normal for a Hakhmakhi man to kidnap a bride and bring her to his parent's house. After three days, the 'deal' is considered sealed, so to speak, and the girl cannot return home without bringing shame to her family. That is, if she is given choice." Milton used air quotes and raised his brows and Jack winced at the implications.

"What?!" Kim actually gaped at Milton and then looked at Phil for confirmation.

"It is true, Kims. Bride-napping happens, yes. There are even songs about it. As it happens in the mountains all the time, I shall take you to my house in the night, My hand's strong, my horse's fast, my heart is true, When we marry I shall share it with you..." Phil actually sang the last sentences to a strange upbeat tune and Kim's glare reached thermonuclear levels. Survival instinct made Phil speak quickly, "some couples do it if the bride's price is too high." Phil was nodding his head and Jack actually began feeling a little better about his actions.

"But, still. I mean, I am not in the Hakhmakhistan. This is America. Even if he were to kidnap me, wouldn't it be a crime here?" Kim asked uncertain.

"Diplomatic immunity." Milton was grave.

"But still, he has to release me if I am unwilling, right?"

"And if you were already in his home country? Where the age of consent is lower? And he is the crown prince? And the wedding already took place?" She blanched at that and Jack's fists tightened at the mere thought of that prick and Kim together forever.

"My life is a bad soap opera. And I even wore sexy shoes..." She said and it made little sense, but maybe she was too shocked to sound coherent. He knew he was.

They were silent for a while and Jack thought that the situation was indeed terrible, but maybe HE was not in so much trouble after all.

"Bride's price?" Kim asked feebly after a while and Phil jumped at the chance to speak.

"Yes. Groom's family pays the bride's price to her family. And of course the bride has to have a dowry."

"How much?" Kim asked and Phil looked puzzled for a moment. "How much would a girl like me be worth?" she said almost humorously, but Jack bristled at the notion.

"You are considered pretty here and are smart, educated, come from a good family and have other accomplishments. A car, a house, maybe several goats..." Phil said quite seriously and Kim just dropped her head in her hands and began shaking. At first Jack thought she was crying and almost reached for her to comfort, but then he heard it. She was laughing, and snorting, and laughing even more. Soon she moved her hands and just threw her head back and laughed even more loudly. He actually started thinking she was hysterical until she turned to him and Milton and gasped out.

"Goats... Oh my god, goats... I... how... many goats... you think..." and then she dissolved into more laughter that definitely had a tinge of hysteria in.

"Oh, at least a flock of goats." Phil added helpfully and Kim snorted again, tears actually gathering in her eyes, and at this point Milton started edging away from them again. Traitor...

"Kim... It's... Just... Crap..." was all he was able to say and simply hugged her to him, letting her laugh/cry into his chest.

Every now then he could hear mumbled goats flocks cars and prince, but for the most part he just let her cry it out.

He agreed with her, their lives were a bad soap opera...

A/N: I am making up the parts about wedding customs, although some of it is inspired by the really old practices in Eurasia.