Chapter 2
A/N: Thanks so much for your kind reviews so far! I love and appreciate any and all feedback!
Harley was just applying her last coat of bright red lipstick when she heard familiar footsteps coming upstairs.
"Oh Harls!" Joker called as he wandered around the penthouse for her. She poked her head out of their bathroom, her makeup laid out in usual fashion, the tub stained from re-dying her hair.
"In here, Mr. J!" she responded. He poked his head in and grinned at her mess.
"Glad to see you treated yourself, baby." He kissed her forehead and took her in for a moment; she'd gone back to basics today. Her blonde pigtails were re-dyed, this time one red and one black. Her eyes popped with black lining, and each eye had shadow as well, again one red and one black. She wore a white tank top that she'd long ago cut into a crop top and spray painted two black eyes between her breasts with a long red smile to match underneath them. She'd paired it with black and red jeans and black combat boots. "You look stunning. Are you ready for your present?"
"A present? Aww Puddin' you didn't have to get me nothin'. Your love is a gift enough for me." They eskimo kissed and he grinned widely at her, his silver teeth catching the light of her vanity mirror.
"Anything for you, my love," he purred as he took her hand and led her downstairs. He pulled her in front of him and covered her eyes as he pushed her along downstairs. "No peaking now."
"Mistah J, I'm gonna fall! And then who is there to clean up the bloody mess? The maid? Oh wait no, that's me!"
"Oh come now, doll face. You know I'd just make Frosty do it." He cackled as he covered her eyes with one hand and wrapped the other around her waist to carry her downstairs against him. She felt a poke from his crotch in her rear and giggled; he loved when she teased him, and even more that she made him laugh and feel…human.
She felt her feet hit the floor the Joker's lips brush across her ear, earning him a shudder from his queen.
"One….two…" he breathed across her ear, his hand brushing across her six-pack, "Three!" he uncovered her eyes and she blinked a few times as his ragtag menagerie of henchmen blurred into focus.
"Awww fellas! I missed you too! Are you all throwing a welcome home party for lil' ol' me?" They nodded behind their various masks and costumes; Harley was never really sure if these were still the same henchmen as always or if they eventually died or got killed and switched out. They always had the same costumes but the person underneath? Eh. Who cares? "You shouldn't have!" She turned around to Joker and began hopping on her tiptoes. "So? Where's my gift, Mistah J? Whatcha get me?"
He grinned and pointed up to the cage on the dance floor where she spent most of her evenings and there he was, his hands duct taped behind him, locked in a cage just as he had done to her.
"Griggles!" she exclaimed giggling.
"Harley!? Harley! Oh thank God. Tell your boyfriend how good I was to you! I think there's been a mix up here I mean….I don't deserve this right?! Harley!" his voice was panicked. Clearly he'd never been a hostage before. Joker fired his pistol up at him, missing on purpose but enough to scare him. "Oh Jesus!"
"Enough with the chit chat!" Joker said, grinning and blowing the smoke from the end of his pistol. "Harley. Baby. This is YOUR hostage and YOUR revenge here. I'm just here to help you in any way you need. And the boys!" He motioned to his henchmen as though he had forgotten they were there. "The boys will help too! There's Moe and Curly and Eyeball and…" he stopped at the henchmen in the panda suit, holding an automatic assault rifle. "What was his name again?"
"Sexual Harassment Panda?" Harley chimed in.
"Sexual Harass-!...Really? Sexual Harassment Panda…from South Park?" he turned his gaze to her, amused but annoyed.
"What?! You don't remember your own henchmen's names! Why should I bother!?"
"I don't give two turtledoves what the hell you call him, Harls! Just don't make it such a mouthful!"
"Can we argue about this later!?" Grigg's called from his cage. The couple both shot at him, again missing on purpose. They turned their gaze back to each other and started laughing, then the laughter quickly turned into a passionate kiss, a loud clatter heard as both pistols dropped to the floor. God she was just so…good.
"Watch him," Joker growled around Harley's mouth, motioning vaguely to their hostage before picking Harley up by her rear and carrying towards their bedroom. She giggled and wrapped her legs around him as her puddin' carried her upstairs.
The henchmen all looked at each other and shrugged. One went to order pizza, the other grabbed a deck of cards from one of the drawers behind a blackjack table, a third started dragging a table and chairs over. Clearly this was a regular occurrence.
A/N: Fair warning – the next chapter I have written is a smut chapter! If this is offensive to you, I would recommend skipping Chapter 3; it has nothing to do with the plot and you won't be confused later on if you skip it all together. Thanks again guys! I'm really excited to share this story!