Authors note: Wow thank you all so much for your support and messages, I was bowled over.
Art: I hadn't got the link at the time of posting the first chapter, but this is for the Big Bang and Miss Peg did some wonderful artwork for this story which can be found here: . , take a look and feel free to tell her how great she is
Thanks to my guest reviewers:
KateBlackstone, I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and all reviews are welcome! I hope you like the next one.
Guest: I too want Jane and Lisbon to get together but would love to see her at least once lose it with him and his behaviour.
Guest: Thank you, you are too kind, I hope you like the next chapter as much!
Anon, I hope to update weekly and that you'll like where this goes.
Jessica, Thank you so much, and here you go!
Merylin: Thanks, I too get frustrated with Lisbon's attitude, for a strong woman she lets him away with too much, but I suppose love is blind.
Too my other guests' thank you and I hope you enjoy this as much!
Disclaimer: I own nothing of value, literally, until payday.
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Lisbon barely got through her front door before the tears descended. She had kept it together for as long as she could, but now in her home, she could hold off no more. His words had sliced so deeply because they were true.
She glanced around her, at her barely inhabited front room with its distinct lack of personality and walls devoid of pictures, and knew their absence was a reflection of an absence of life.
Ten years, her youth, her heart, she had given him it all and he had clearly stated that no one loved her, no one, he didn't and wouldn't. All this time, she was and had been an idiot.
Walking to the fridge she pulled out a chilled bottle of white wine and a very large glass, she had no intention of getting up again unnecessarily. She moved to the window, flicking off the light as she passed and sat with the cloak of darkness blanketing her.
She swallowed some of her drink, barely tasting it, staring out at the navy black sky; it was beautiful, unusually clear with a dusting of stars visible.
How had she gotten here? She was truly alone, her career constantly in threat of being over, her love life consisted of her unnatural dedication to an unobtainable man and a few meaningless fleeting moments of passion.
Lisbon took another big gulp, feeling the warmth of the alcohol spread inside her.
A light shot across the nightscape, so as her mother had taught her years ago when she saw a shooting star, she made a wish. She asked for a sign, a hint, a guide… for anything better.
Sure she felt anger and hurt but it was dulled, like an echo. What should she do she asked the silence around her, she was not the type of woman who loses herself in a man and yet here she was. When Jane left for Vegas she realised how much she had given of herself to him, when faced with just how little of her own self was left.
She heard her phone ring from the other room, figuring that Jane was calling with a bullshit apology; she walked over to silence it. Not tonight, she had nothing left to give him.
She was surprised to see Mashburns' name and number flashing instead, so impulsively she picked up.
"Hello Teresa" he drawled, "Any chance you could see yourself taking pity on a poor wretch and join him for a drink?" he teased.
Automatically her mouth formed a polite decline, but her head stopped her. Had she not just asked for a sign, begged a way out of her rut? God damn it, if a handsome man wanted her attention why the hell would she stay in, focused on the one who doesn't.
"You know what Walter I can't think of anything I'd like better, give me an hour," she purred.
"Teresa, that's a wonderful surprise, one hour it is so," he happily replied. He was clearly not expecting an acceptance.
"Oh and Walter... send the limo" she added.
He chuckled at her audacity "whatever my lady wants."
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The next day Jane woke up with a headache and a sick feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with his hangover. Running to the locker room to shower, he cleaned up faster than what was comfortable in his current state. He occupied his mind with various scenarios that would result in forgiveness.
He decided on a three point plan, provide breakfast, flowers and to be on complete good behaviour at all times for the next three days.
He picked up all her favourites at the small coffee shop around the corner returning at 7.00am sharp to await her arrival. By 9.30 he was worried, the coffee was cold and most of the goodies had been devoured by Rigsby.
Cho had the day off, so the one person he could usually rely on to know her whereabouts, the few times he didn't, was elsewhere. Van Pelt had arrived at 9.00 and he felt the hostility flow off her in waves. Interesting, Lisbon must have told her about last night, interesting and unusual.
At 10.30 their fearless leader finally made an appearance. Smiling at the other two she went straight to her office. Jane listened to the sounds of her morning routine intent on letting her get on with it.
He lasted about 5 minutes before curiosity got the best of him. Sauntering in without knocking, he decided he wanted to get the argument over and done with as soon as possible so he could move on to the making up. He decided to ignore the images his brain suggested on how to do that.
"Good morning Lisbon," he said, as he placed the remaining donuts on her desk, "I figured you over slept so would be hungry."
She finally looked up at him; her face inexpressive. No not inexpressive, it was colder than that; her face was emotionless, like stone. Jane involuntarily shuddered; the normally warm and welcoming room was perceptively colder.
"Thank you for the gesture," Lisbon emphasised the last word deliberately, "but I have already eaten."
"Oh?" he inquired.
Letting a breath out slowly she figured it would be quicker to say something and get rid of him.
"I had a breakfast meeting. I mean really what are the chances I would be late to work due to oversleeping, sure I don't exist when I'm not here right?" she snapped.
No need to tell him her meeting involved naked bodies and croissants. She had called the Director early and said she had a dentist appointment, so no harm, no foul.
"That's not what I meant Lisbon… I was drunk and angry," Jane pleaded.
She cut him off, she didn't want to hear it, not today, and not after one of the best nights she had in recent months. She motioned towards her door, "No doubt Rigsby will appreciate them."
Handing him the bag, her focus returned to her work, her demeanour dismissing him completely.
Crap was all Jane could think crap, crap, and crap. Returning to his couch, he flopped down heavily, he needed to make this right, he had better move on to the second part of his plan sooner than expected.
Jane made a quick phone call, he was sure he could make this better and flowers would help. Women loved flowers and as different as she was from other women in general, she usually loved the flowers he got for her, she had to know he hadn't meant it.
The rest of the day ran smoothly enough though he continued to get the cold shoulder from both Lisbon and Grace. Deciding to follow her home, he waited for a few minutes and drove after her; he needed to know where he stood.
Lisbon finished later than he thought she would, normally when she was mad she left early to go home and vent her frustrations with chocolate and wine.
Instead she seemed more focused than she had for a while. She drove home at the usual speed giving Jane hope that maybe it was not as bad as he thought. He watched as she walked towards her apartment door, the oversized bouquet he had had delivered taking up half the step. Lisbon took a sideways glance at the flowers and visibly stiffened before proceeding to enter her apartment, closing the door on his apology.
He knew she would recognise her favorites and know they were from him. She clearly did not want them or what they represented. Lisbon didn't want his display and was more than happy to leave him and his efforts out in the cold. Patrick Jane knew at that moment he was in serious trouble. Maybe he should behave for a week... maybe even two.
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The flowers had set her off again, seeing them so blatantly displayed on her doorstep had sent rage rushing through her veins.
She could feel him near, she always could, it was like a sixth sense she had developed over the years, where her body would thrum and her stomach would flip if he was close by. Yet he didn't try to talk to her, to admit he was wrong, no he sent flowers instead.
It had been wasted all those years of hyper awareness, years of hope, she was crushed by his words and he had no feelings for her, none.
So all those that came before, all the earlier flowers, the frogs, the strawberries, she saw them now for what they were, what they all were... mere token acts to pacify.
She decided she would see Mashburn again tonight, try to work off her feelings, he was good at de-stressing her and for a while she would forget. She resisted her petty urge to go back out and kick at the beautiful display, was it too much to ask for a real apology, no more games, no more pretend, that she could see something from him that shows she really matters?
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Jane reappeared back into the bull pen as quietly as he left; normally giving something to Lisbon made him feel great, like he made the world better by getting her to smile. Having her ignore him gave him the strangest empty sensation. He figured sleeping on her couch would help. He tried Lisbon's door, locked, curious she usually doesn't bother as she knows he can get in easily, it was a symbolic action. He'll just have to wait, no doubt she'll be mad for a while, but it wouldn't take much, one he got the right combination.
He feels bad for how he has treated her lately but she rarely gets angry and stays that way, so he doesn't change. Sure, recently all he has done is push her, but every other time they've moved on, like a rubber band with a quick snap, they return to normal, and it always seems like nothing has happened at all. They always forgave each other; it was how they were together and probably why he takes his frustration out on her, what they have is stronger than inconsequential arguments.
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Jane's good intentions lasted all of a week until a new case arrived and the pompous reactions of a political aide pushed him over the edge and his typical misbehaviour surfaced. Though as had become the norm over the past week Lisbon failed to acknowledge any of his deviancies, rather instead she seemed extremely distracted.
Even the inevitable summons to Bertram's office garnered no reaction. Instead she continued to tie up the case, finish the workload and leave at a reasonable hour. Something was up and Jane didn't like it, he knew she was mad so why wasn't she yelling and letting him in.
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Mashburn watched Lisbon enter the bathroom with some disappointment; work would put an end to their fun soon. They had spent most of the last week together, every minute Teresa could spare she visited him. He knew she was working out her frustrations with Jane and he was more than happy to lend his expertise.
She had been simmering down the past few days, her outbursts about her selfish, egotistical, pompous consultant had died down, but then tonight she had called, filled with reinvigorated aggression. Jane's 'apology' behaviour had ended almost as soon as it started and she had appeared at his door, a vision of swirling, tempestuous emotions.
Her dark intensity was only being exasperated by her current situation and he loved it. Very few women could hold his attention for long and she had had him enraptured for years. He hated that their time together had to end, but he had business to attend to in Europe.
Lisbon returned and crawled in beside him. Walter began lightly circling her shoulders trying to ease the tension there.
"Still no better, I must be losing my touch," he joked, lightly catching her eye.
"I'm sorry my minds elsewhere... with Jane," she explained.
"Ouch, calling out another man's girly name in the boudoir, my poor ego," Walter mocked, clutching his chest.
Lisbon smiled and moved closer, "No, Jane messed up again and I have a tearing down the day after tomorrow, when all the paperwork and loose ends are tied up. It's never ending and I'm sick of it."
"You'll get over it, you always do, you're an excellent team together and you're a great leader, they know that Teresa," he reassured her, entwining their fingers, his other hand going to her hair.
"Hmmm..."She mumbled noncommittally.
He watched her strands catch the light as she chose her words.
"I'm not sure it's enough. I sometimes feel like a sidekick in my own life," she shrugged, disappointed in its truth.
"Then don't be," Walter said, still combing through her waves.
"What? And how would that work exactly" she asked, her tone irritated.
"I have to leave next week, so why don't you come with me?" he proposed, meeting her eyes to show his sincerity.
Lisbon pulled back, shock evident on her face, "That's crazy."
"Is it? All week you've said you needed a break, this is your chance. It doesn't have to be forever and you say you want to travel, all you have to do is say yes..." he trailed off.
"I... I can't I'm sorry." Lisbon stuttered, stunned by the suggestion.
Walter leaned in and captured her lips, breaking away after a minute, "I get it; I do, but know if you change your mind, there is no better way to travel than first class."
Lisbon stroked his cheek before leaning in to reignite their earlier fire, he was a good man deep down and just what she needed right now but she couldn't throw it all away on a dream, could she?