Title: Starting Over

Written by Lisse08

Chapter 2: The past

A/N Thanks to Avarice for providing details of the anime.

"Misaki…? What's wrong?"

Damn it… Hadn't this happened before…?

"Misaki!"

"Ah?" A nudge at his elbow awakened him from his thoughts. Misaki blinked and noticed that Yumi was looking into his eyes, worried. The transient silence in his world was refilled again by the bustles of people and traffics passing by.

I shouldn't feel sorry… You're the one who dumped me first…

"You're spacing out." Miyu knocked his head. He rearranged his features, putting a smile on his face to reassure his fiancé that he was fine.

But then…

"Congratulations, Misaki." He glanced back at the writer, who wore an expression so faked that he wished to tear it right off.

Why did I not want to hear your 'congratulations'?

"Tha—Thank you, Usami sensei." The voice was equally hollow. He looked away. His long-built courage was dissolving rapidly. He realized for the first time that there was no way he could ever meet Usami's gaze straight again.

"And so, Usami sensei. We are going to hold an official engagement party next week at Teito hotel. We will appreciate it if you can come."

He felt like fainting at the spot. All miserable feelings rushed through him. He never wanted to see Usami Akihiko again. Trying to control his overflowing sorrow, he raised his head and smiled a little too politely at Miyu.

"Uh… I think Usami will be really busy, and he won't have time to come…"

"Oh…" Miyu brought a hand up to her lips but Usami interjected.

"Don't worry. I'll be there."

Misaki's heart raced as he fixed his gaze at his ex. These kinds of things are out of his expectations.

Always…

Xxxx One Year Ago xxxX

"Say again??" The thunderous voice sent ripples through the mirror-surfaced water in the transparent glass. Misaki jumped a feet. For the first time in his life, Usami realized that he had raised his voice at his lover.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" Misaki muttered, feeling an unknown weakness in his legs.

"Why did you never tell me about it?" Panic surged through every particle in his body. He couldn't believe it. How could he do this? How could he not let him know? How could Misaki sign himself up for the student exchange program without even asking for his permission? And the most ridiculous thing is that, why did the university end up choosing a waitlisted student?

"Back then, it was for fun. I never imagined that I would be chosen…"

"But. You. Don't. Have. To. Go!" The writer hissed his words, his fists inadvertently clenched at his sides. That however went unnoticed by the other boy.

"I want to."

"WHY?"

"It…" Misaki lowered his gaze, looking anywhere but those penetrating eyes. "Because… even though I signed up for fun, studying abroad is indeed my dream."

"Misaki, I could have sponsored you if you tell me."

"That's the point!" The teenager argued. "I don't want to be sponsored by you."

Hurt reflected in his eyes. Misaki cringed. This time, he noticed it.

"I mean, I want to earn this with my own effort… I can't always accept your help, especially if it concerns money."

"It isn't about money, Misaki. I'm willing to help you because it's you." He swung up the boy's arms. Why couldn't it get through him?

"But it will leave a burden in me. I don't want that!"

"Are you implying that my love is a burden to you?"

"NO!" Misaki slackened the grip as anger boiling up in him rapidly. Silence fell over them as suddenly as the quarrel started. Misaki let out his breath, his eyes fixed upon the other man who became awfully quiet.

"Then, it's fine for us to break up?"

His heart jolted. Both his legs rooted to the ground, unable to move an inch. Misaki stared at the man, there was no trace of humor in his words, the tone was notably cold, and his eyes… they weren't smiling.

"What?"

"Isn't that what you want?"

"What the hell is THAT?! It's not like…" He stopped, widening his eyes. "…we are going to…"

"Lots of things can happen in one year, Misaki. You never know. You never know when you would fall in love with other girl. You never know when I would…" Usagi let the remaining sentences hang.

The darkness was eating at his heart, slowly consuming his world as Misaki finally realized what Usami was trying to get him to understand. The tears of sorrow were building up behind the determined green eyes, the last word stuck in his throat. '…separate…'

Drops by drops, they rolled down the teen's face. He never considered about the consequences. He thought one year would pass by in a flash. He even visualized that Usagi might consider moving over to Australia with him but Usagi never brought it up, which suddenly hit him. This thought of his was… so childish… so selfish… of course he wouldn't move. He has family, friends and career here.

"I…" The sudden darkness invaded his heart. He found himself falling into the deep pit of hopelessness, inside which, he was sprawled out on the ground, looking up at Usagi who was flirting with other man. No… This was just an image, an imagination of his that will… never occur? The tears were struggling to reappear again. Misaki tried hard to fight it back. He clenched his fists. "I will not…"

He swallowed the lump back. The irritating feelings were getting to him. Why couldn't he be straight-forward like Usami did?

"I will not…" He has to say it…Every particle inside his body was telling him to say it even if he has to force them out. "… lo—lo…" C'mon… You have to. The tears were fighting again. His whole body trembled under the unbearable strength. Even if in the end… "I… won't l…" …Usagi still want to break up with him… His closed his eyes tight. This time… He must tell him. "I… won't love anyone but Usagi-san."

He said it. He really did… What is Usagi-san's reaction? What…?

Startled, he nearly jumped when a cold hand touched his hair. Usami didn't do anything further than that, which made his anxieties grew.

"You are still planning to go?"

Misaki stared at the ground. The answer?

Yes. Because this is one in a life time chance. This wouldn't be like any other visiting they have been paying to, like a holiday. Now, he will be studying and living there, experiencing a real Australian student life. Just like Shinobu did. He wanted to…

"Usagi-san…"

"I take that as a 'yes…'?" The deep voice was resonating in his ears. He closed his eyes as the lips pressed hard against his own, strong arms embracing him tight.

"Misaki…"

"Hmm…" His muffled voices drown into the kisses. He clawed against the soft fabric, feeling the heat coursing through his body and the tongue touching each other fiercely as if there is no tomorrow. After awhile, Usami let go to give him a second to breathe. He looked up into the entrancing eyes, drawing him in.

"Misaki… I love you…" His hands skillfully slipped beneath the boy's clothes. Misaki gasped at the cold hand running up and down on his skin before closing the gap between their lips.

"I love you…"

"No…"

"I really love you."

"Ah…"

'Even now, he still pisses me off…'

Xxxx Four months later xxxX

Misaki grabbed up the winter coat that was previously toasted on the bed. He caught a quick glimpse at the photo that was nicely framed. He smiled subconsciously at the grim expression on Usami, the one they had taken together before they parted in front the airport. Usami was still in serious denial, refusing to believe that Misaki is leaving him for real.

He promised that he will return to Japan next week. He was looking forward to it with great anticipations.

But for now, he shouldn't let Shinobu who came all the way from Japan to visit him waited for him.

He put on the coat hurriedly, closed the door behind him and threaded his way out into the snowy day.

...TBC…