I Woke up and wished that I was dead,
With an aching in my head,
I lay motionless in bed,
I thought of you and where you'd gone,
and let the world spin madly on,
"You should try and eat something sweetheart." I pleaded,
She wasn't allowed to go to the funeral, it was private and too many people there would recognise her as Alexandra Udinov. I tried to see if there was any way she could go but Ryan said it was too risky. It had been five days since Sean's death, and she hadn't left the confines of division. I hadn't seen her eat once. She'd been sleeping in her old recruit room, reasons for which I didn't understand. There must have been something at her apartment that reminded her of him, something that she wasn't ready to face.
"If you need anything or want to talk, I'm staying here again so I'll be just up the hall. Okay... Goodnight."
I moved to leave,
"I never told him." she said faintly
I turned back around, surprised she said anything.
"Told him what?" I asked,
"Told him I loved him. I never did." She continued to stare at the wall.
"He told me, that day medical blew up. He came in especially to see if I was okay. I was so focused on figuring everything else out that I didn't even think to call him. He was so pissed, he went off on a rant about how he didn't want division to swallow me and then he said it... that I was someone he loved." She cleared her throat.
"And then he told me to choose, him or you and division. I remember thinking how dare he ask me to pick? Thinking that it wasn't that simple, that he didn't understand. And then coming to the conclusion that if he were the type of guy to give me that kind of ultimatum, he wasn't good enough for me. But the funny thing is... Is that I wasn't good enough for him. He was a good man. Honourable. Loyal. And he deserved someone who appreciated every minute with him." She said nodding to herself taking a deep breath.
"I never got to tell him I loved him. And now he's gone and... And it's just me, once again." She blankly said.
My heart broke,
"Alex you deserve everything, you've sacrificed so much to protect people you don't even know. You are strong, honourable and loyal and you are never alone , I will always be here. Always." I said sincerely, hoping she would feel some bit of comfort.
"So will Amanda. Unless someone stops her." Her tone shifted,
"We'll get her," I said walking over and kneeling in front of her.
"I promise we will get her and she will pay for everything she has done." I said trying to look into her eyes, she just kept staring. Her eyes were now empty.
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
I wanted to refute what she said, but I couldn't. She was right. I could promise that I would do everything in my power to see that everyone she loved was avenged, but I couldn't absolutely assure her that justice would be served and Amanda would be captured.
"I'd like to sleep now, goodnight." she said, lacking any emotion. It startled me, I didn't want her to start shutting me out. I didn't want to leave but Birkhoff came in.
"Niki, can I speak to you for a sec?" He asked,
I looked at Alex then back at him, "yeah sure," I replied hesitantly.
"Night sweetie, remember I'm just down the all if you need me." I told her, turned around and quietly shut the door behind me.
"What is it?" I asked him,
"It's about Amanda. I think we have a location." He said.
ALEX POV
Nikita closed the door. I heard her ask Birkhoff what was going on. Amanda. My ears perked up. A location? I got out of bed and put my ear to the door, hoping they'd continue to have the conversation outside my room. Nikita said that she didn't want anyone to tell me until they confirmed that she was actually there.
"I agree," I heard Birkhoff say "I don't want to get her hopes up." He quietly said
"Me either, make sure no one says anything-"
"Nikita, Birkhoff" it was Ryan. I heard him say something about ops and then fading footsteps. I'd be damned if they wouldn't include me on the mission. I ran into the computer lab and looked at the security footage in operations. Birkhoff had a map up. He zoomed in and was pointing to a facility in up state New York clearly indicating this was where Amanda was, I jotted down the co-ordinates of the location and left. By the time they prepped and checked to see if the Intel was valid Amanda could be gone, Nikita wouldn't notice I was gone for a couple of hours this was the only window of opportunity to leave without anyone noticing.
Hey guys, wow been a while since my last update, sorry! So much has happened in my life and in the show! (aka Sean actually dying - so upset). On another note, HOW INCREDIBLE WAS THE FINALE. It inspired me to write this, I think this will have one or more chapters then be complete :)
Song at the beginning:
World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
Please leave a review, hope you enjoyed!