Authors Note: I still do not own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the characters from either game/movie/manga. Pairings are still undecided so let me know of any suggestions. *bow* Please enjoy and review.

Recap: "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT PERVERRRRTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Meeting the Hatters

Once I get my hands on that perverted, cosplaying, son of a—"Kat talking to yourself isn't healthy. In fact I believe it is a sign of insanity"

"Silly Tess, talking to yourself isn't a sign of insanity. Losing an argument to yourself is. So as long as Kat is only mumbling death threats to herself she's fine." Dammit I was thinking out loud and now Jess and Tess are debating my possible lack of sanity.

"Eh, I still say she's nuts. After all she is planning to kill her Mr. Fluffykins. Shouldn't she be planning a wedding, not a funeral? " Tess, why does thou hate me so, and I'm planning to just throw his body in a ditch, no point wasting money on him. While I was TRYING to calm myself down Jess began to sing.

"Hehehe~ Kat and Fluffykins sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I"

"WILL YOU TWO JUST DROP IT ALREADY! IT WAS A SLIP UP!" That got them to shut up. But, unfortunately, Tess is looking smug as shit. Well, at least Jess is cowering behind her. Anyways, to avoid smacking that look clean off of Tess's face, I stomped ahead trying to track down that pervert. Why did he have to force the drink down my throat and only throw a vial at each of the twins?

"Because, one: he 'loves' you, two: I think he knew you wouldn't drink it otherwise, and three: unlike you we're just that lucky." Damn you Tess, damn you to the deepest pits of hell, and you two only drank out of the vials because you saw mine didn't kill me. We continue walking, or in my case stomping, until we stumble upon some huge ass mansion.

"Wow, its sooo big!" Tess and I look at Jess. Don't say it Tess, don't say-

"That's what she said," and she said it. "On another note, who wants to go see whose home? Kat, I volunteer you due to the fact you're hunting wabbits."

"Really Tess a Looney Tunes reference, and here I thought you were the clever twin."

"Hey! That's not nice!" We ignore Jess completely as she gets distracted by a butterfly.

"Oh I am it's just that when the moment arises one must take advantage of it. Now go ask for directions." Demanding bitch, but to avoid wasting time I go up to the gates and look for a way in. Hmmm ridiculously high cast iron gates; normally these are used when the owner of the property wants people to stay out.

"Hey you three do you have business with the boss?" Boss? Oh, must be someone who works here.

"Oh, um, not exactly; you see we're lost and were wondering…Why the fuck are you kids holding weapons?" I turn around to ask about directions, only to see a set of young twin boys, one in red the other in blue, holding big ass axes. I have a bad feeling about this.

"Hey brother, did you hear that? The pretty lady said they were intruders, should we kill them?" The boy in red asked the boy in blue. Oh no, bad feeling rising; this is going to end badly.

"Yeah! If we do the boss may give use a raise!" Oh shit, they're demonic and cute. I look over at Jess to see her wide eyed, shaking, and staring directly at the twins. I knew it this is going to end badly.

"Th-th-they're… SOOOOO CCUUUUTEEE!" Jess loves thing that are demonic and cute. "AAAWWWW AREN'T YOU TWO JUST ADORABLE? I JUST WANT TO TAKE YOU TWO CUTIES HOME!" I wounder if she know how much she sounds like a pedophile. The boy in red dodged Jess just before she could grab him in a bone crushing hug, the boy in blue not so lucky.

"AAAAHHHH! GET HER OFF, GET HER OFF!" I feel your pain bro; she does the same thing to me.

"Let go of my brother!" The boy in red, that's it I'm just going to call them blueberry and cherry, goes to strike Jess with his axe only for Jess to twirl away giggling, with blueberry still flailing in her arms. I will bet a shit load of money that she is completely clueless to the fact that cherry is trying to kill her. Every time cherry attacks she manages to dodge in a dance like fashion. It's almost like watching some messed up ballet. Cherry swings his axe at Jess' head, she performs a plié, Cherry swipes her feet, Jess does an assemble, Cherry tries an air strike, Jess pirouettes and does a leap, Cherry tries to strike her legs again, Jess does a tour en l'air, and repeat. Funny how Jess is STILL holding onto blueberry, gushing over his 'adorableness', and dodging all of cherry's attacks with her eyes closed. Tess looks highly amused by the situation, using her cellphone to record it. I'll have to remember to watch that video with her later.

"What the hell do you little shits think you're doing?! You're supposed to be working, not slacking!" Hmm, turning around I see another guys with rabbit ears marching towards us.

"Shut up stupid rabbit! We're trying but this intruder won't hold still and die!" Cherry looks a little ticked off; okay he does look adorable when he pouts.

"Intruders?" May as well try to state our case, this guy has to be more reasonable than a pair of kids.

"Umm, excuse me sir." rabbit man looks over to me, "Yeah, this is all just one big misunderstanding. You see we were-" He interrupts me by shoving a gun in my face.

"I've been itching to test out my new gun. What better target then a couple of trespassers?"

"Hey Tess, you were right Kat was hunting rabbits! Just look, we followed her here and a rabbit showed up." All got silent after Jess spoke, still cuddling blueberry. You know those moments in life where you can literally feel the killing intent rolling off of the person holding a gun inches away from your face. No? Well, want to trade places with me, because I'm having one of those moment right now.

" I' .A..RABBIT!" I close my eyes as he pulls the trigger and hear loud bang. But then I hear some clanging sound. I open my eyes to see Tess in front of me holding a cane with a little hat on it? Where did she get that?

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill my only, on occasion, smart friend." Wow Tess, you just had to insult me while being a badass didn't you?

"Excuse me young miss, would you be so kind as to return my property to me?" I look over to see some guy in a white suit wearing a top hat with roses and cards stuck to it. Oh, that must be his cane…What is he some sort of Victorian pimp? "Oh, and Elliot I don't recall giving you my approval to kill these lovely ladies?"

"The twins attacked them first!" Wow rabbit dude, now known as Elliot, that's just childish.

"Hey! Don't put all the blame on us you stupid rabbit!" Thus begins the immature bickering between a grown man and two children, one child whom just recently escaped from Jess and her hug of death.

"Here dude." I turn away from the three arguing children and a cheering Jess to see Tess returning the pimp stick to the man Elliot called Blood.

"Thank you young miss. My name is Blood Dupre; you all may call me Blood. I am the owner of this mansion, and who might you two, and your friend over there, be?" Something tells me this guy is a man whore.

"Hello Blood I'm Tess Oracolo, just call me Tess. That idiot cheering on the children over there is my twin sister Jess." Again with the insults, at least it's not aimed at me this time.

"My how…charming of you." He turn towards me, "So what's your name my dear?" What the hell is with people calling me that?

"The name's Katarina Jones, I don't like formalities or terms of 'endearment' so just call me Kat."

"That's a rather interesting name, Miss. Jones." Bastard.

"I said call me Kat."

"My deepest apologies Miss. Katarina." Twitch.

"Kat. K-A-T. Kat. That's what I told you to call me Mr. Dupre." The Bastard's smirking now.

"I prefer Katarina." Of course you would.

"It's Kat, get it? Got it? Good!" His smirk just keeps getting bigger. "Jess, say bye to the kids, we're leaving." HA! Where's that smirk now asshole?!

"Aaaaawwww, but I wanna see who wins~"

"You heard her Jess, let's go." Wait a minute, Tess is agreeing with me. That never happens. Uuuummm, why is she eyeing Blood like he's going commit the ultimate crime the second she looks away? It's the same looks she gives the guys that randomly come over and talk oddly to Jess, Tess, and me when we're hanging out in public. I don't understand why she gets that look, the guys were only talking, but every time I ask her about it she tells me to shut up because Jess and I too innocent to understand when our 'secret gardens' are in danger. Whatever the hell that means.

"Aaaww otay~" Jess turns back to the still arguing trio and her pout turns into a big smile, "Bye cutie pies I'll come save you two from the evil lord bunny rabbit later!" The blueberry and cherry look disturbed, while Elliot's right eye and ear twitched. Tess grabs my arm dragging me away, with Jess prancing after us singing about dragons and kangaroos…Don't ask 'cause I don't know. I glance back and see cherry and blueberry, I still haven't learned their names yet, letting out sighs of relief at Jess leaving and Blood and Elliot talking about something that seems to shock Elliot. Oh well, it's probably nothing important…I just remembered something.

"Oh crap."

"What?" Jess turns to look at me.

"We never got directions…"

"Does that mean we get to go back to the mansion?!"

"NO!"