Chapter 2
Kathryn's pain.
I don't want to be angry with him, I know it wasn't his fault; he was under mind control just as Tuvok was but somehow it hurt more coming from him. I know I have known Tuvok longer but somehow it mattered more, I couldn't stand it, my worse fear came to pass, how can I trust him now? I want to, things between us have not been right in a while now. I know it wasn't easy for him seeing me as a Borg Drone when we destroyed Unimatrix zero and I know deep down he blames me for that pain. Now here we are, only a few months later and have we lost it all? There is so much hurt and blame that lingers between us. When he came to me in the corridor to confine me to the brig I let him take my arm firmly in his hand and guide me, he was the one with the phaser in his hand I was helpless, my words could not win him over and now an invisible wall of bitterness stands between us. When he came to the brig to release me I couldn't bring myself look at him, what was there left to say? Equinox, Unimatrix Zero and now this. It's a daily fight to survive here in the Delta quadrant; it becomes all too easy to forget what life is really about, love and fellowship. I let him down far too much over the years. I tried to control him, make him into who I want him to be, keeping him locked and confined into the ever secure confines of protocol and regulations and he let me, never complaining, happy to stay wherever I placed him. What if this really was it? What if he had truly had enough and had taken over the ship, snatched command right from my hand? Where would that leave us? Would he really fire a loaded phaser set to kill right at my skull? Would he do it with the same cold, meticulous planning as I thought he was about to do today? I have stood and looked death by phaser in the eyes many times but not once have I ever thought I would stand and face death on Chakotay's command. How can we recover from that? It hurts too much to even dare to try anymore.
More to come soon….