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I arrived at school at eight O'clock and stay hidden in my car until the bell rings.
If I hide until classes begin I don't have to worry about any taunting or teasing from anyone.
When I reach my registration classroom I sit down quietly. No-one in this room will try anything on me in here, not with Ms Atkinson standing towards the front of the classroom.
Ms Atkinson, my favourite Teacher, though very naïve and quite, she always had words of comfort, knowledge of when someone is down. She see's everyone.
I don't want to stand out, I just want to get through High school life alive, and by doing that I have to stay out of sight away from anything that could bring attention upon myself.
I glance towards the front row of the classroom. I used to sit there with Lauren, Jessica and Angela. Not now though.
We were once extremely close friends.
Lauren and Jessica were always bratty, selfish people with no care for others, I guess I can't talk though. There was a time when I was practically the same. Shallow.
They are both very lucky with their features, both completely opposite in looks. While Lauren has blonde hair that lays just below her breasts, Jessica had mid length brunette hair with light brown highlights, they lay softly in natural curls.
Lauren has a sculptured face, perfect cheek bones and lips, one would most likely place her under the pretty category other than attractive, whereas Jessica was freckly and round faced but in a very attractive way.
However Lauren and Jessica ruin themselves by coming to school in short skirts small enough to be belts, and the smallest tops that leaves nothing to the imagination.
How could I have ever been like them. I'm ashamed of how I was back then to be honest. Wouldn't you be? Infact, I believe that my would be that much better if I hadn't have been like them. Maybe HE would have left me alone.
With My face plastered in make-up and tan coated all over me I would walk down the Hallways to meet Edward and his Family. How could he have befriended me? He always told me I didn't have to wear such revealing clothes but I never listened.
Then that night happened and everything changed for the worse because I couldn't speak up.
People asked me what was wrong, tried to get me to talk, i might as well have had my mouth stitched together because i never even used my mouth unless it was a plea or beg James.
Who is James you'll probably ask.
well James is now best friends with the soccer team captain and the one that raped and still continues to rape me.
You see Edward is the captain of the football team and the most popular guy in school. We were once attached at the hip, Best friends. James leapt at the chance to get even higher in the school chain and voila forks high welcomes James to second most popular guy in the school, and i get placed at the bottom of the chain because of something he did.
I could never explain how much anger and sinful feelings i hold for that Boy and I'll never stop holding i, because I'm the weaker one, i can never stop him from belittling me and ruling higher over me.
I probably deserve it because i don't even try and stop it anymore.
The teacher starts the register and i slowly let my mind drift off in a daydream.
I keep thinking about the last summer and a how much everything has changed. The way Edward and I would spend every night together, every moment was about him. I loved him.
"Do you ever imagine what it'd be like if we just up and left. Saw the world for ourselves and experienced different things for the first time?" Edward and i lay under the stars in the middle of our secret place. Our Meadow.
" Yeah Edward i guess i do….it's like everything is planed here, sometimes i dream about getting out there and doing all those things I've wanted to do. Just Get out of my mom's life, forget all about the men i wake up to in the morning, my mom's new stud of the week. I wonder what it'd be like to go walking along the beach at night…. holding my lovers hand and listening to the calm waves come and go as they please, yeah, Edward I think about it all the time."
I want those times back, honestly I do. There is nothing I wouldn't give to just turn back time, be someone different. I can't though and the fact of the matter is that Edward is part of the reason I'm in this place.
It makes one Question our years of friendship. Did he ever honestly care as much as I did?
.
As the bell rings I instantly snap out of my thinking, I stand up and walk to the door but just before i get there Lauren sticks her foot out and i trip. I fall so hard I can't feel anything for a second.
Everyone Is laughing at me, even Edward. I gather myself together and walk out the door. Holding my things close to my body as I make my way too my class room, I Imagine what it would be like to walk the hallways happy again.
Sometimes i wonder how Edward became so cruel. He was so protective over me, and then all of a sudden he was getting his girlfriends to beat me up and play jokes on me, laughing at me. That wasn't my best friend at all, i just wanted him back. Where was my bestfriend? What happened to the person I loved so irrevocably.
Even if he's mean to me I still love him. I'm a fool for loving him, but at the same time i hate him.
If he knew what I've been through surely he wouldn't treat me this way?
Or maybe he would. I wonder sometimes if he found out, would my life be the same? I suppose he'd be ashamed of me, even I'm ashamed of myself so I can't see why not.
Looking up at the large school clock on the wall, I realise I'm late for Biology.
As I reach the classroom I suddenly think to myself that I shouldn't have hurried because when I peer inside and find everyone lined up to the side of the classroom, I realize that we are being assigned a new seating plan.
No Please, Not again.
Sitting Next to Jason these Last few months had been fine, why did our Teacher have to change things? Now I could be sitting next to anyone, Even James.
I feel my heart sink as I think of all the people I could be placed next to. James… the Cullens.. Jessica, Lauren… the list Just goes on.
Ever since That night They've hated me and I Know why they do, What I can't understand is though, is how they were so quick too judge. I guess some of them gave me a chance to explain, I just couldn't tell them.
.
I wait for my name to be called as Mr banner goes through a list of students.
"Jessica, Lauren" "Rosalie, Emmet" "Jason, Emma" "Angela, James" All i have to get past now is a few more.
"Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella."
All I can think to myself is, is this really happening to me? Don't you question whether there really is a God sometimes? Because if there was, surely he wouldn't put me through anything else would he?
As I take my seat next to Edward I keep my head down so as not to catch his eyes. Hearing sniggering around the classroom, I instantly know it's about me. I'm always a punch line to their jokes, do they have nothing better to do? I notice a scrunched up piece of paper fall from Jessica's Table so I stick my foot out and drag it over to me so I can pick it up.
Poor little Bella
.
She ugly, shy and fat
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Nobody pays attention
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She's smellier than a rat
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Nobody wants to get close.
.
Just in case she burns their eyes
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She's unwanted and unneeded
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Well that's a big surprise
.
She needs to die and go to hell
.
Because that's the only place she should go
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She's just a piece of dirt
.
Our very own school Ho.
I try not to let the tears roll escape my Eyes as i read it.
I look to my left and see Edward staring at me, It's almost as if his eyes are filled with disbelief.
I can't contain my feelings much longer so i gather my stuff and run out of the classroom.
I shouldn't let them get to me, but I do anyhow.
Do you want to know why they hurt me like this?
Yes one reason is because I ignored their phone calls and messages but, the other reason is because Jessica was dating James whilst he hurt and abused me.
We were at a party down at La push and practically everyone from Forks high school were there. It was a party for the beginning of the new school year.
Flashback**** 3rd person
It was the night of the back to school party, organised by mike and a few of his friends down in La Push.
Everyone was going to be there.
Bella and Edward arrived at the party around Eight o'clock and the party was already in full swing, Bella was dressed in a short halter neck midnight blue dress that came just higher that her mid thigh and showed off her perfect tan legs leaving little to the Imagination and Edward was dressed in a shirt and jeans.
"Hey guys you made it!, we've been waiting for like ever." Lauren spoke with her nasally accent.
"Yeah we're here finally, how's everybody liking the party?."
" most of us are enjoying it, except Jessica's had a falling out with James again. I don't know what's like wrong with them, they're like perfect together." Jessica and James were always falling out though it only took about a day and then they were both putty in each other's arms again.
"I'm going to go get a drink okay?, I'll see you in a sec." Bella rubbed Edward's arm and walked into the house and grabbed some water from the kitchen.
"Hey here you go Edward, I'm just going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back, last time and then I won't move for at least ten minutes." she teased.
When Bella was finished with the bathroom she started to move through the hall heading back for the stairs, but before she could make it there an arm came out and pulled her into one of the bedrooms.
Convinced that it was mike playing a game on her Bella tried to make a joke out of it.
"Hey mike, what are you doing the party's downstairs" He didn't answer and Bella was getting more anxious by the minute.
"Mi-mike"
A hand reached out to her and pulled her backwards. She stumbled and reached out to the wall to try and find where the handle was on the door, But she couldn't even find the door.
"Shh Bella" his fingers moved up her arm and around her shoulder. She tried to pull and shove away but he was too strong for her.
"Please! leave me alone, get off don't do this" his hands were on waist band of her underwear through her dress, and the other went to the tie around her neck.
Her dress quickly fell to the floor.
"Shh Bella, we're meant to be. Don't you see, we're meant to be." she recognised his voice this time and was horrified by who she found it to be.
James priestly.
"James, James! don't please, you don't want to do this, Think of Jessica, no don't, I don't want this, GET OFF! Please!" she began to beg, The desperation in her Voice should have been enough to Snap James out of it, but it was already too late. James had already pushed her on the bed and was holding her down whilst removing her underwear.
His fingers probed her entrance and fondled her as if she were nothing but a rag doll. He was rough and angry as he took her virginity then and there with Taking no care at all.
Bella kicked numerous times and pushed but he wouldn't give and in the end she gave in and let him have his way, she let him win and when it was over and she went to leave and retrieve her clothing James grabbed her and held her again. She thrashed and screamed but the music downstairs was still too loud. Nobody could hear.
She turned her head yelling and James couldn't take it anymore and pushed his finger on the pressure point in her neck she fell instantly and James tucked her up beside him and draped the covers over them, a greedy smile left on his face.
Bella awoke to a door opening, and a loud gasp.
She looked down at her appearance and found herself half dressed in her dress with James asleep in a chair across the room fully clothed.
"What the HELL is going on?" Bella looked to the door and saw Lauren, Jessica, Mike and Edward in the door gaping.
She knew what it must look like but there was no way they could actually think...
James awoke and widened his eyes in fake surprise.
"Jessica listen I didn't do anything, it was Bella, all Bella, she came onto me last night, started undressing and trying to touch me, I tried to push her away and told her to stop but she wouldn't so i sat in the chair in the room and ignored her.
She fell asleep on the bed half naked and i didn't want her to be taken advantage of, baby i would never do anything to hurt you, you know i love you." Jessica's eyes turned to Bella and she glared.
"You Little whore, we're supposed to be friends and you abuse our friend ship like that!"
"No Jessica, please, I -I d-didnt do"
"Didn't what Bella? Try and get my boyfriend into bed by acting like a slut? You always do this Bella, you've always been jealous of me you little Ho!"
Bella had tears running down her face when Jessica finished.
why wouldn't they let her say anything? They needed to know the truth, to know that she had been grappled and raped and touched by that monster.
Jessica walked out the room with James in tow.
Lauren walked up to Bella lifted her hand and slapped her so hard Bella thought her brain had shook inside her head.
She left with mike which left only Edward standing and staring at Bella.
"Edward I, I didn't-didn't do, I didn't do what he said, iii-"
" Save your words for somebody who believes you! You didn't do all those things that we had just heard, you didn't try and bed James, you didn't betray your friendship and trust to Jessica, i don't want to hear it, You're a slut, don't ever come near me or any of us again." his face was angered as he left the room.
Bella cried so hard she felt as if her head would explode, she couldn't believe her best friend had called her a slut without even hearing her out.
She got dressed and walked out of the house with her head down.
She had gone to the party with Edward with his car so now she had no way to get home. So Bella did what any other person would do, she started walking.
Bella made it home at 6:30 in the morning, she had been walking and catching buses, and rides all night and she was completely and utterly drained, emotionally and physically.
She just wanted to curl up into a ball and die.