Shadows

She feels like she's going to throw up.

Her stomach is turning in circles like never before and she's pretty sure that she's never been this nervous before in her life. If she's honest with herself, she knows it's because she's worried—worried about what he's going to say when he sees her.

She hasn't been able to get much more information from Haley about Lucas, but luckily Nathan is another story. Unfortunately, what he has told her doesn't exactly make her feel good about their inevitable meeting.

"He likes to say that he hates you," Nathan remarks as Brooke sits next to him in Nathan and Haley's living room. He's in a wheelchair and his hair is grown out long and it looks like he hasn't shaved for awhile. But underneath it all he's still Nathan and despite the fact that he's not doing too well right now, she knows he's starting to make a recovery. "But we both know that isn't true."

It's hard to imagine Lucas Scott ever saying that he hates someone, let alone her. He's always been such a forgiving person, at least when it comes to her. And it hurts a lot for her to hear Nathan say it. But at the same time she doesn't blame Lucas one bit.

"I heard he's dating Lindsay."

Nathan nods shortly. "Yeah."

She waits for him to say something else but he doesn't appear to have anything else to add. When Haley called her four months ago and told her that Lucas and Lindsay had started dating she was a little peeved. Actually, she wasn't happy at all. In a silly way, she had assumed that since she hadn't moved on, he couldn't either.

And Lindsay…

Lindsay's a nice enough girl but she's not…her. She knows that that sounds self-righteous, but she isn't sure she's ready to let go of Lucas for good. She did leave him two years ago but that didn't mean she had fallen out of love with him, it just meant that everything had become too much for her. And no one can really blame her for that, can they?

The thing that annoys her most about Lindsay is that she knows everything. Lindsay was Lucas' editor during the major events that had taken place between herself and Lucas and Lindsay knew that what he and her had shared had been amazing and real and that after she had left he must have been heartbroken.

She feels like Lindsay has very slowly taken advantage of him ever since she left—like she was just waiting for her to make a wrong move so she could take him for herself…

Brooke's eyes narrow as she realizes this thought couldn't be further from the truth. Lindsay's an angel, even she can admit. Lindsay only wants what's best for Lucas and Brooke respects that more than anything.

But that doesn't mean she can't hate her for a little bit...

And now, as she sits awkwardly on Haley's couch and listens to Haley greet Lucas at the front door, Brooke prays to God that she doesn't vomit on Haley's beautiful cherry hardwood floor. What a shame that would be.

Nathan is staring gloomily at the TV, watching a pre-recorded basketball game and Jamie is watching it with him. Brooke, on the other hand, is blocking out everything except his voice—the voice she hasn't heard in over two years.

"…she's here? I thought she was coming in tonight?"

"No," Haley's soft voice interrupts, "I said she came in this morning. You must have heard me wrong."

There's silence and she holds her breath, waiting for his reaction.

"I'm leaving."

She releases the breath, her stomach relaxing. It looks like she still has a little time to prepare for everything. But just as the nauseous feeling leaves her stomach, she hears Haley call back to him.

"That's a really bad idea, Lucas. You know that you can't put this off."

She hears a very loud groan and she knows that Haley's irritating him.

"Just shut up, Haley. You have no idea what you're talking about. You'll never understand, so stop telling me what is or what isn't a good idea."

Brooke hears the slam of a door and then the start of an engine but, as she turns to look out the window, she spots Haley standing at the driver's side door, her hand reaching through the open window and resting on his shoulder. Brooke can barely make out Lucas' defeated expression.

It almost makes her want to cry. The way he looks right now, with his tortured eyes cast down wearily and his shoulders sagging in defeat—it's exactly how he looked when she last saw him. And it kills her to see that he still looks this way and even worse, that she did this to him.

"Just talk to him," Nathan says, a little anger in his tone, "it'll make all of our lives easier."

She sighs and looks back at him. "It's not that easy." She's distracted as Jamie grabs her hand and looks up at her with his adorable blue eyes.

"Why are you and Uncle Luke fighting?" he asks innocently.

She smiles sadly back at him. "It's a long story, buddy."

It really is a long story and Jamie knows most of it, but he still doesn't fully understand and she can't blame him because she doesn't even really understand what happened. She turns to look outside again, but his car is gone and Haley is walking back to the house.

A second ago she was happy that she wouldn't have to talk to him right away, only hours after returning home. But now, after seeing his broken face in his car, she finds herself disappointed. She knows she needs to talk to him soon and apologize for her actions, but most of all she just has to let him know that she cares.

888

It's days like these that he wishes he could play basketball like he used to. He wishes he could play until he'd hit the pavement in exhaustion. But he can't. And he's gotten used to it, but today is different—today he needs any sort of distraction he can get.

Basketball clears his mind. It takes all of his troubles and worries and temporarily erases them. That's why he's playing right now—he wants to just forget everything, if only for a minute.

But, as he makes one shot after another, for once in his life he can't forget. If anything it just makes him remember. The River Court tends to make him sentimental and today is no exception.

Feeling his heart pumping wildly in his chest, he decides that it's time he gives up. He walks over to the benches and sits down, putting his head in his hands.

He'd gotten a glimpse of her yesterday when he stopped by Nathan and Haley's and, as crazy at it sounds, he'd felt the strong rush of love that he had never fully lost erupt in his heart as his eyes caught sight of the side of her face. He'd looked away immediately but it was too late— it brought back ever single memory she and him had ever shared.

He hates thinking about it but sometimes remembering is what heals the body most. If he's being honest with himself, it's that if he's learned anything over this last two years, it's that remembering— never forgetting what he once had— is what gives him the strength to continue living.

And so his mind drifts to the night it all changed and, despite everything that's happened since then, Lucas smiles at the memory.

He's standing in the New York bar, trying to fend off the boredom that had long since come. He's grateful to be here, especially since this party is for him, but after hours of conversation with high end business men and people he's never met, he is growing increasingly bored.

But it's still amazing to think about why he is here: someone actually wants to publish his book. His new editor, Lindsay Strauss, is very encouraging and he feels like this is really going to be good. Especially with everything that has happened with Peyton. It's a new beginning and he's happy to try to move on.

"Excuse me, Mr. Scott." A voice interrupts his thoughts. "There's someone here to see you. She said to tell you she's from Tree Hill."

He's confused at first, but then he sees a familiar face appear in the crowd of people and he cracks a smile. He knew she'd come.

"Well, well, Lucas Scott," Brooke says, a grin on her face.

He pulls her into a hug and it feels strangely right to have her in his arms. "You got my message."

"You think I was going to miss the chance to spend a night on the town with a soon to be best-selling author?" she asks playfully as she pulls away.

He just looks into her eyes, a deep feeling of warmth that he only gets when he's in her presence filling his soul.

"God, it is good to see you, Brooke."

He hadn't expected to be so happy to see her, but he can't lie— it feels amazing to be with her again. He hasn't seen her in months and he knows that he's lucky to be with her now.

They escape his party a few minutes later and she takes him to her huge house. They catch up and she tells him about her business and all the new stuff her mother wants her to add on to Clothes Over Bros. He is more than impressed at her success. She's done so amazingly well in the short amount of time since he's graduated and he still doesn't know how she does it all.

Then the subject changes to Peyton and he hesitantly decides to tell her everything.

"We broke up."

Brooke's shocked and he goes on to explain that he proposed to Peyton in LA the day before and she said no. Brooke thinks he's crazy for proposing, and somehow he thinks she's right; he and Peyton definitely weren't ready for that sort of commitment.

As he sits with her later that night eating dinner with her at one of her favorite restaurants, he feels more content than he has in a long time. Being with Brooke makes it easy to forget that he was just rejected by the girl he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. And, if he's being honest with himself, it also makes him a little thankful that Peyton said no—because if she hadn't he wouldn't be sitting with the other girl he had once dreamed of sharing the rest of his life with. He's happy here with Brooke and right now that's all that matters to him.

Then, when Brooke asks to see Peyton's ring again and he hands it to her, the hostess at the restaurant thinks they're engaged. And since free champagne is involved, he and Brooke decide to go along with it.

He looks down, seeing the ring on her finger, and he suddenly starts to wish that they weren't pretending, that she was really going to be his wife someday. Maybe he's just lonely, or maybe it's the effect of the alcohol, but he truly feels that he's been wrong this past year…Maybe it wasn't Peyton who he was meant to be with after all.

And maybe Peyton rejecting his proposal was the best thing to ever happen to him.

Later on, as they used their new "engagement" to get a free carriage ride, his feelings about Brooke aren't going away. And, as the driver asks us what they have planned for their life together, he actually thinks those resurrected feelings are only deepening.

"We're gonna be a power couple," she says, grinning at Lucas. "He's gonna be a famous novelist and I'm gonna have a fabulous fashion line."

"But we're still gonna have time to have a big family," he adds.

"Two boys and a girl."

"And I'll coach little league."

"Ooh, and I'll bake treats for the team! Or buy them..."

"Then we'll spend our summers in our beach house..."

"…And winters in the south of France."

"It won't matter where we are, as long as we're together." He looks at her now, and somehow he knows he's not pretending anymore. He can picture a life with her, maybe not exactly as they just described, but something similar and beautiful and real and, in that moment, he wants it more than anything.

"That's the key," the driver said, and now the air was serious. "Success is wonderful, but finding someone to love and having them love you back…Love is what it's all about."

At this Lucas looks away awkwardly and he can feel Brooke's eyes on him. He knows she thinks he's thinking about Peyton, and maybe he is a little bit, but he's also thinking of her and the love they once shared. What they'd had had been amazing and sometimes he wonders how things would be if she hadn't stopped missing him…

Later that night, she comes up with him to his hotel room. He's drunk, more so than he'd like to admit, and he can tell she is a little bit too. And, as he falls into bed and she tells him that she's going to get him to bed and then head home, he does something that he knows she won't like, but somehow he just needs to.

He kisses her.

And for a few short wondrous moments, she kisses him back.

And then she's pulling away and she starts rambling on about how that's the second stupidest thing he's done in the past twenty-four hours and that he's just missing Peyton. But it's not Peyton he's missing; in fact, Peyton has been the last thing on his mind tonight.

He wants Brooke and he'd be lying if he said he didn't. Maybe he's a little drunk, but he is sober enough to know that Peyton doesn't hold a candle to the way he feels about Brooke Davis.

Brooke makes him feel good about himself and she makes him feel like he can do anything. She makes him feel whole and, after over a year of being apart from her, he knows this. He knows this because he hasn't felt complete for a long time now, but tonight he finally does.

She stops talking and he looks up at her. She looks like she's waiting for a reaction but he doesn't say anything. Instead he grabs for her hand and pulls her back down as their lips crash together once again.

He knows she wants to pull away— he can tell by the way her lips struggle to open and allow his tongue to meet hers and by the way her arms seem to be resisting the urge to wrap around his neck.

But she gives in. She falls on top of him on his bed and his hands are gripping her so tightly. He's afraid that she'll be pull away again and he doesn't want that, not when this feels so right.

But it's inevitable.

She's panting as she shoves him away. There are tears in her eyes and her shoulders sag as she stares at him with a defeated look in her eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" she asks, taking a long, steadying breath. A tear falls down her cheek and he knows that what he's doing to her is hurting her more than she'd ever admit. But she has good reason to feel this way— he's hurt her so many times. But as he looks into her sad eyes, he promises himself that he will never hurt her again, not if he can help it.

He wants to tell her he loves her, but he knows that will be too much for bothof them. Instead he tells her another truth.

"I need you."

She looks at him grimly. "I won't be a rebound, Lucas."

He grips her hand tightly. "You aren't."

"I don't believe you."

"You need to trust me. Please."

"But Peyton…"

"I don't want her anymore," he tries to assure her.

She shakes her head and he knows she's going to deny him. "But you still love her."

"Maybe," he says, knowing that there is truth in that, "but I still love you too. And I've been lying to myself this past year when I told myself I didn't."

She's looking anywhere but him, but he puts his hand on her cheek, tilting her chin to look at him.

"I will never hurt you again."

She doesn't believe him, he can easily tell, but somehow she is falling back towards him and her lips cover his once more. This time she is not hesitant. His hands tear at her dress and soon they are reacquainting themselves with each other's bodies.

And it feels right.

His last conscious thought of that night was that he was not going to let Brooke Davis go ever again…

How wrong he was…

He's happy to be pulled away from the memory as he sees a familiar car pulling up and a familiar person getting out of it. A big smile covers his face as he makes his way over to her.

"Peyton," he says, pulling her into a hug, "it's great to have you home."

"It's great to be home."

She's grinning ear to ear. Things between the two of them have been over for years now and, although their interest in each other romantically is gone completely, their friendship is strong. He and Peyton had always done so much better as friends, according to himself and almost everyone else he knew. In his eyes, when they weren't together, no one ever ended up hurt and they could live their lives the way they wanted to. That wasn't to say that he had never loved Peyton because he had and it had been passionate and real. But the fiery love that they had once shared has disappeared and they know that they are not meant to be. Peyton turning down his proposal had been the right choice and had allowed them to properly move on in their lives.

"So," Lucas says, "you're starting your own record label. That's pretty amazing."

She just nods, a huge smile on her face. "I'm taking a pretty big risk. I just hope it will work out."

"Well, I meant what I said the other day about using that space above Tric to start up."

"I know and I'm definitely accepting, but you have to let me pay."

He shakes his head. "Nope. Maybe when you've got some artists under your belt, but until then you're using that place free of charge."

"Lucas—"

He puts a hand in the air to stop her from protesting. He had told her over and over again that she wasn't going to be paying and he still means it.

"There's no use arguing, Peyton, so you might as well stop now."

She looks at him pointedly but nods. "Alright, I feel bad, but if that's what you want, I won't try stopping you. I appreciate it more than you could know."

He smiles in victory as he puts an arm around her shoulders and they walk over to the benches.

"So how are things with Jake going?" he asks as they sit down.

"Really good." A small smile is shining brightly on her face as she speaks.

About a year after he and Peyton had broken up, Peyton had reconnected with Jake. They'd taken things slowly, especially since they were living on opposite ends of the country, but they'd soon gotten back together and only a few months ago, Jake had proposed to her. Peyton had said yes, absolutely no hesitation in her answer, something Lucas found to be even more proof that he and she simply weren't meant to be.

Now she was moving back and moving forward with her life, getting ready to start her own record label and planning her wedding to the man she loved. Jake was still living in Savannah with Jenny, but was making plans to move back to Tree Hill within the next few months.

"Did you two set a date yet?"

She nods excitedly and he's happy that she's happy. "We both want a late summer wedding so we decided on August 15th."

"Wow, a little more than eight months away."

"Crazy, huh?"

He just smiles. "Crazy that you're getting married in less than a year? A little. Crazy that you're getting married? No, not at all…I'm glad you're finally happy, Peyton."

She looks at him with a grateful smile. "Thanks, Luke... So, I'm not sure if I should bring this up, but I'm going to. Brooke's back. How are you taking it?"

He tenses at her words and he knows she can tell, but he has absolutely no desire to talk about this right now.

"Lucas, you should know that she feels really bad about everything. She picked me up at the airport today and she just looked so sad. I really think you should just talk to her and try to settle everything."

"It's not that easy," he says, frustration evident in his voice. "Anyway, I'm with Lindsay now."

"I didn't tell you that you had to get back together with Brooke, did I? I just think you should talk, that's all. Although if you two want to get back together, I wouldn't object."

She says that half-jokingly and half-serious, but he doesn't find her words funny at all. There's a part of him that still yearns for Brooke and all that they could have had, but he knows that they are in the past and they will never be together again. He has Lindsay now. He doesn't need Brooke anymore.

At least that's what he keeps telling himself.

"That's not going to happen, Peyton."

She looks away from him and he can tell she is feeling a guilty for prodding him. He puts a hand on her knee.

"Thanks for being a great friend," he says. He may not be ready to talk right now, but he still wants her to know that he's grateful that she cares.

She nods, smiling lightly, and puts her arm around his shoulder. "Right back at you, Luke, right back at you…"

A/N: I know, it sounds like this is gonna be another 'they slept together in New York' story, and I guess it is, but it's going to be a bit different, you'll just have to keep reading to understand why ;). From this point on, this story's going to be very flashback heavy. Throughout the course of the story each flashback will sort of piece together the puzzle of the mystery of why Brooke and Lucas are so estranged. So the New York flashback was only the beginning of many…

Thanks so much to all who reviewed last chapter! You all inspired me to post this chapter much sooner than I originally was planning to. So with that said, please be sure to leave a review for this chapter too :D!