Chapter 2
She follows General O'Neill as he walks to the office he occupies when on base at Cheyenne Mountain. He ushers her sternly in the room and closes the door. He offers her a seat and settles behind his desk. He reclines in his chair, his elbows on the arms, and twindles his thumbs, watching her.
She, in return, has sat on the very edge of her chair and is holding her back straight, petrified.
She's met General O'Neill before, though very briefly, when he came with Dr McKay to offer her the position. He'd appeared on her doorstep with said doctor and she'd been impressed by the look of authority that seemed to ooze from him. Now, though, she'd want nothing else but to scamper off from his office.
He's trained his gaze on her and doesn't look like the benign yet impressive man she's met a little over a month ago. He seems to be scanning her emotions, evaluating her, as if he could read her mind. She gulps.
"Do you have something to tell me, Ms Léger?" he asks her coolly.
She looks up, bemused. She doesn't recall doing anything that would justify being ordered to his office. She shakes her head. "No, Sir."
"And yet, you should," he counters, sitting up and leaning his arms on his desk. She pouts but remains silent. He winces and reaches for a file he sets in front of him. "Major Lawrence says you're an A student," he points out, the tone belying the praise. She blushes. "He also tells me you're not a people person."
She snorts and immediately bites her bottom lip, flushing. "Sorry," she apologizes, not making eye contact.
He points at her. "There! That's what I wanted to see. Not the goody-goody person you're pretending to be, lady. I want to see the real you. I just had a glimpse of her," he adds, watching her smugly.
She scoffs. "I never pretended to be perfect, Sir," she counters.
"Fair enough. But there still remain the fact you need to know the people you're going to work with," he points out.
"And I don't?" She lifts her eyebrows, daring him to say the contrary.
He pouts. "You do?"
She raises her forefinger. "George Peterson. 19. Has been left at the altar by his high school sweetheart. Likes baseball and eggs benedict. Joe Binder. 23. Parents retired in Florida. Makes the best gumbo I've ever tasted. Is a huge fan of science fiction. Anthony Ramundo. Second-generation immigrant. Raised by his mother who he adores. His father died of cancer when he was three. Knows everything about horses and college football. Ray Sutowsky..."
O'Neill cuts her off, seeing how worked up she is, ticking information as she enunciates it. "Enough. Enough. I got the gist of it." He huffs. "How do you know so much about these people?" he wonders.
She gives him a tense smile. "I listen, Sir. I don't talk a lot but I listen to them. And I observe too. I know you like to have oatmeal most days but that you'll always opt for the Fruit Loop cereals if there's any. I know you like my meat loaf and my sugar pies. I'm also aware that you're legend here and younger military do not dare sit at your team's table, even when you're not on base."
He watches her intently. "It's probably the longest you've ever talked on that base, Ms Léger," he points out. "What are you afraid of?" he asks and sees her blush.
She looks at her hands resting on her lap. "Ms Léger?" he insists.
"Of being sent away," she mutters and looks up. He sees apprehension in her eyes.
"You don't even know yet why you're here," he points out. "Why are you so intent on being part of this expedition?"
"When you came to see me, Sir, Dr McKay said it was the chance of a lifetime. I know he was telling the truth. I need this second chance." She presses her lips together. "I'll do everything I'm told. Entrust me with this job and you'll never have to regret it."
"Ms Léger, you have to understand. If we clear you for this expedition, there's no turning back. You're already inside one of the most secret facilities on Earth. You sign the waiver for the mission, you'll have access to something even bigger. I don't want to take chances. Prove me you're worth the risk we're taking."
She sighs. "With all due respect, Sir, I don't get it. I accepted your terms when I came here. What has changed?"
He eyes her coolly. "What has changed, Ms Léger," he says, insisting on her last name, "is that we dug a little deeper and discovered you're not who you pretend to be. I've been patient and waited for you to come clean about it but you haven't, so now, I'm asking. Who are you? Your name is not Léger, right?"
She gasps and her heart starts beating two hundred miles an hour. "Sir, I..."
He lifts his finger threateningly. "Be very careful about what you're going to say, Louise – if that is even your name," he adds, tilting his head.
She falls silent and looks at her hands once more. "Send me back," she says despondently. "I'm sorry I wasted your time."
He shakes his head. "As I said earlier, Louise, whoever gets to Norad doesn't leave that easily." She gasps. "And what on Earth are you hiding that would be worth relinquishing the position we've offered you?"
She sighs. "Louise is my first name. Léger was my grandmother's. I've come here to start a new life. Try to forget about my disastrous past," she answers truthfully.
He smiles. "We knew about the name, of course. The one on your passport is quiet common, though. There are more than twenty women wearing the same name in France. Which one are you?" he asks, lifting his eyebrows.
"The one with a screwed up past," she replies self-deprecatingly.
"I don't get it, Jack," Daniel tells him when they discuss the problem on the phone later on. "Everyone seems to think she's perfect for the job – Dr Weir, McKay, Lawrence, even you. Why do you hesitate?"
O'Neill cocks his head. Jackson's got a point. "We've technically conducted research on her. Made sure she's not NID or anything else. Apparently, she's not. I just want her to open up about herself – be truthful. She's gonna be one of the senior members of the expedition. She'll manage twenty people that she'll have to share with the CO of the expedition. They're all military, fer cryin' out loud!"
"Want me to come and help?" Daniel offers. "I need to touch base anyway. Let me talk to her. You must have scared her. She probably needs a gentler approach."
O'Neill snorts. "Scared her. Yeah, sure."
Daniel winces at the end of the line. "You're pretty scary when you put your mind to it, Jack."
"Really?" O'Neill replies, making Daniel roll his eyes.
"And don't get too smug about it!" he tells his friend. "That won't help in the matter."
They approach her as she's clearing tables after breakfast. "Louise," O'Neill says, "meet Dr Daniel Jackson."
She looks up apprehensively. Ever since she's had that conversation with O'Neill and he let her out of his office with a promise they'd talk again soon, she's had recurring nightmares about being locked away somewhere dark. The bright blue eyes that meet her light brown ones are the kindest she's ever seen. He extends his hand. "Call me Daniel," he offers. She wipes her hand on her apron and smiles shyly.
"Hi, Sir," she replies politely, shaking hands.
He bites his lip but refrains from countering her, seeing how reserved she looks. "I'm here for a few days, Ms Léger," he tells her, "and I hope we'll have time to talk. This expedition is a dream come true for all of us here," he says, glancing at O'Neill who shakes his head sternly.
"No, Daniel, you cannot go," he informs him, looking annoyed.
The other man looks crestfallen. He smiles at Louise nonetheless and shrugs. "Maybe I will and I'll see you there."
She shrugs too. "Wherever that is, Sir. I've not been given any details yet. Might not go at all," she tells him despondently.
O'Neill pouts. "OK, kiddos, you know what? I'll let you get acquainted. I have a conference call at 11:00. I'll catch up with you later," he says, leaving hurriedly.
Daniel leans towards Louise conspiratorially. "He doesn't like it when things get complicated," he says, making her giggle.
"I see that, yes. Can I prepare something for you, Sir?" she offers, motioning to the kitchen.
"Daniel," he corrects her. "And yes, cup of coffee would be nice."
She nods. "I'll be right back." She returns with an expresso and a coffee-flavored cupcake. "I heard you liked coffee," she says. "Strong one, right?"
He nods and thanks her. "Would you join me?" he offers.
She looks uncomfortable. "I'm not supposed to, Sir."
He eyes Major Lawrence peaking in the commissary and motions for him to join them. They shake hands. "Dr Jackson, good to have you back," her boss tells the other man. Obviously, they too know each other well.
"Would it be OK if I borrowed this young lady here for a few minutes?" Daniel asks him.
"Not at all. Borrow away," Lawrence tells him. "You may take your break now," he tells her with a smile. "You've earned it."
She thanks him with a smile and sits tentatively in front of Daniel.
"Won't you have coffee with me, Ms Léger?" he offers.
She smiles but shakes her head. "Thank you, Sir. I need to be reasonable about the caffeine. I like it a little bit too much," she says, pouting.
He chuckles. "Same here! So, how do you like it here?" he asks after taking a bite at his cupcake and sighing with content.
She looks away. "I'm happy to be here," she simply says.
"Jack told me you've had a conversation with him," he says non-committally.
She nods. "Yes."
He chuckles. "You two could make a duet. You're as taciturn as he is." He snaps his fingers. "You need to meet Teal'c," he chuckles. "That would make a trio!"
She bites her bottom lip. "General O'Neill doesn't trust me," she confesses. "I didn't fare well in his office."
Daniel shakes his head dismissively. "He just wants to make sure he's sending the right person. He says you're hiding something." She pouts and looks away. "Look," he says, putting his hands on the table, "Jack can read your file or he can ask you. He asked. That's a good sign. He wants you to be truthful. It's important to him. We have the intel. All of it," he adds, lifting his eyebrows. She looks scared now. "Hey, we didn't read it. We want you to tell us."
She falls silent then looks up at him. "I don't want my past to follow me wherever we're going. I want to leave it where it belongs. I already had to come clean about my medical condition. That was humiliating enough," she mutters.
He nods. "Jack told me. I trust Dr Lam was considerate with you," he says tentatively.
She nods. "Yes, she was very kind. I just don't want people to know."
His eyebrows shoot to his hairline. "Why? It's hardly your fault."
"People shun people like me or you get looks of pity. I hate it. I'm healthier than most." She lowers her voice. "It's not because I've got diabetis, I cannot do things like everyone else," she points out, tapping her forefinger impatiently on the table.
He smirks. "Jack mentioned you were outspoken. I see what he means." He sighs, seeing her retreat into her shell. "Hey, it was a compliment. And yes, you're right. You can indeed do everything like everybody else."
"Thank you," she mouthes. Daniel is the first person she opens up to in months and she's only met him, she realizes. She hasn't talked to someone so easily in years.
He smiles. "Hey," he says, "have you been allowed outside Cheyenne Mountain since you arrived?"
She shakes her head. "Even if I'd gotten permission, I haven't had the time."
"They made you slave away, right?" he banters.
She chuckles. "Yes, there's that. I was kind of responsible for it too. Food is my passion. I tend to spend more time in a kitchen than anywhere else."
"Well," he says, "I'm gonna ask Jack if you do have permission, in which case I'm taking you out tonight. There's that restaurant we like to go to – O'Malley's. You won't be cooking tonight."
It's been decided that Jack would go with them too. A few of the preps know the place well and some having down time tonight, she sees them there sitting at a table in the corner. "Maybe I should join them and let you two reconnect," she offers, feeling uncomfortable.
O'Neill stops her with his hand on her arm. "Ms Léger," he tells her sternly, "you're with us. If you join the expedition, you'll be some of these young men and women's boss. I advise you strongly against being chummy with the staff."
She pouts. "Sorry," she mutters and follow them to their table.
The waitress who's ushered them to the table seems to know them well. "Same as usual, General, Doctor?" she checks. They both nod. "And what about you, Ma'am? What will it be for you? Beer like these gentlemen? A glass of Chardonnay perhaps?"
Louise blanches. "No, thanks. I'll have water, please." The waitress looks taken aback but jots down the orders and leaves.
"You have the right to let your hair down tonight, Ms Léger," O'Neill points out. "It's your night off. No tricks here."
She shakes her head. "No, thank you, Sir. I don't drink," she replies and looks away.
He narrows his eyes at her. "You don't drink or you won't drink?" he insists.
She bites her bottom lip. "Jack," Daniel chides him.
"It's OK," she says, nodding resolutely. "I can answer that. If you agree to keep it off the record."
Jack nods. ""I'm a teetotaller," she confesses. "I don't drink because I shouldn't and because I won't. Satisfied?" she sneers.
Daniel finds her in the library the next day. She's sitting all by herself.
"Hey, there you are!" he cries out, trying to look cheerful. Last night was difficult to say the least. Louise's walls are so high, he's afraid she'll never let them in. She clammed up completely when told by Jack she needs to go and see the shrink soon. Jack's surmised since she told them she's a reformed alcoholic, she's used to talking to doctors. Apparently, she's not.
She confessed to Daniel when he walked her back to her quarters that she's had her share of shrinks and refuses to see any of them again. She has her way of dealing with stress and that's cooking. "Cooking saved my life, Daniel. It works for me. I'll stick to it," she's said stubbornly.
By now, he's got the hang of it. She's bullheaded and if pushed to her limits, she retreats into her shell. Jack is a bull in a china shop. She needs people to be patient but there's no time for that. The expedition's date has been set. If she wants to be part of it, she'll have to make efforts.
She looks up from her book and gives him a tense smile. She's got dark circles under her eyes.
"I'm sorry we put you under so much strain, last night," he tells her and sits in front of her.
She shrugs. "It's OK. It's not you. I often have difficulties sleeping," she elaborates.
"Jack was an ass," he remarks with a pout.
She scoffs. "It's OK. He's got the right to be. He's the boss," she counters.
He bites his bottom lip. She's already understood what he's come to tell her – that she needs to make compromises. "You should talk to Jack," he says with an encouranging smile. "Whatever you have to say, he'll listen and won't judge, you know. I understand you've had a rough past. He's no stranger to that," he says, not wanting to let on too much. It's not for him to say but it sure would help to connect to her.
She scoffs. "Yeah, sure. I got the picture. Probably been injured several times in missions."
He winces. "Yeah, that too. Look, I came here to tell you there are no two ways around it. Dr Lam says you refused to make an appointment with the shrink. General Landry said you won't be cleared if you don't go. You need to understand. We're not your enemies here. Jack can get all the intel he wants on you. He just wants a little honesty from you. Hear it from you first hand. If you don't open up about it, you won't be cleared to go."
She looks at her hands on the table. "Daniel," she says in a whisper, her voice strained, "it's hard enough as it is to live with it. I don't want to have people judging me."
"We won't judge you, Louise," he promises. "We'll just listen."
"If it gets in my file, who will have access to it?" she wants to know.
"General Landry, I guess, and the top brass in Washington," he replies.
"Will Dr Weir and Colonel Sumner know as well?" she prods.
He presses his lips together. "Well, yeah, I guess. They're the senior staff."
She shakes her head. "Then, that's a no," she replies resolutely.
General O'Neill walks into the kitchen later that day, scaring the shit out of her. He nods at Lawrence who, with the rest of the staff, drop whatever they're doing to stand at attention. "As you were, people," he says nonchalantly. He trains his eyes on Louise. "Mind if I borrow the lady here?" he asks Lawrence.
Her boss shooes her to the door. "Go," he tells her with an encouraging smile.
She gulps and hangs her head. She follows the General but contrary to what she expected, it's not to his office but to the elevator. "You spend too much time cooped up down below," he tells her. "A breath of fresh air won't hurt."
They step outside. They're on top of Cheyenne Mountain Complex, overlooking the city of Colorado Springs below and beyond. She breathes in. "Nice, uh?" he asks her and folds his arms on his chest. She nods quietly. "I used to come here sometimes the first year I came back here," he tells her. "To regroup and think." She glances towards him. He smiles. "Not meditation. Just, you know..."
"Thinking about your life and all the what ifs, Sir?" she tentatively asks.
"Something like that, yeah. You?" he wonders.
She shrugs. "I went to San Francisco before coming here," she confesses. "To think too."
He nods. "That's good. But San Francisco is a long way from home to you," he points out.
She scoffs. "Home is where one feels happy. San Francisco always made me feel happy. My hometown doesn't. Hasn't. For a long time."
He nods again. "OK. What happened there, Louise? And before you tell me to mind my own business, I'll tell you the report has been sitting on my desk for weeks – unread," he adds, glancing at her.
She glances at him too and he sees her soften. "Why?" she whispers.
"Cause I don't like second-hand intel. And files don't tell how people feel, only what happened to them." She pouts. "Take me, for instance. I was suicidal when my son accidentally killed himself," he says, turning to her. She gasps. "Not many people know about this, Louise. I'm just telling you because I surmise you have a similar history and you understand the need to be discreet about it." She nods. "Who did you lose, Louise?" he asks her gently, leveling his gaze with hers.
She breathes in and out and gulps. "My son too. And my husband. Car accident. I snapped," she adds.
He scoffs. "Who wouldn't?"
She smiles. "How old was..." She stops mid-sentence, not daring to finish it. They don't know each other and he's way older and a General too.
He smiles sadly. "Charlie. He was eight."
She sighs, tears welling up in her eyes. "Gabriel was five, almost six."
She wraps her arms around herself and bends forward a little, as if in pain. He puts his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. "Hey, it gets easier with time. Talking helps. Keeping it all inside will eventually kill you," he says gently.
She shakes her head. "I don't care."
"You tried to kill yourself?" he asks, looking her in the eye. She looks away, ashamedly. "I got close to that too," he confesses. She looks up at him. "You have to allow yourself to live, Louise. It was not your fault," he tells her.
She scoffs and wipes her tears away with her sleeve. "I should have been in that car," she replies stubbornly.
He pouts. "I see you need time, which is OK. It took me years. Give it some time. One day, you'll see things in a different light."
They take the elevator back to Level 22. "Louise," he tells her. "Daniel knows all about my son. Feel free to talk to him about him and Gabriel. I think it might be good for you to have another friend here who knows. I'm not always around." She looks taken aback. He smiles. "After what you confessed to me, I think we can safely call ourselves friends, don't you think?"
She nods. "Yes, General. Thank you," she replies, her voice barely above a whisper.
"And it's Jack when we're not on base," he adds before leaving.
She sighs and heads towards Daniel's lab. All this is the least she expected from a man like the General. He's right though. She owes it to Daniel to tell him the truth.
She knocks on his door softly. He looks up from the artefact he's working on and smiles. "Mind if I come in," she asks tentatively. "There's something I'd like to tell you."
TBC
Extract from Louise's Cookbook.
Daniel worships coffee. I'm partial to it myself. We were meant to be friends.
Coffee Cupcakes with Buttercream Coffee Frosting
For 12 cupcakes:
1 tsp coffee extract (if you don't have any, use 1 tsp instant coffee and 1 tsp hot water)
9 Tbsp butter, softened
2/3 cup light brown sugar
2 eggs
2/3 cup flour, sifted
1 tsp baking powder and 1 pinch baking soda
For the frosting:
1 tsp coffee extract
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup confectioners' sugar
Make the cupcakes:
Mix the butter and sugar until light and fluffy then whisk in the eggs. Add the coffee extract. Finish with the dry ingredients.
Bake for 20 mn, 350°F.
Cool the cupcakes.
Make the frosting:
Whisk the butter with the confectioners' sugar until well mixed and stiff. Add the coffee extract and whisk again. Frost the cupcakes with a star tipped piping bag or a ziploc bag with the tip cut.
Keep in the fridge.
These cupcakes can be frozen. Unfreeze them for 45 mn at room temperature.
(PS: the photo for this recipe in on my Tumblr bog: search for letsseasoneverythingwithlove)