Abandonment

Dusk

Part 2

The following day, everything broke into havoc. Early on in the day, everyone shouted about Thor's banishment, by the end of it they were sobbing about Odin's sudden collapse and sleep. For the entirety of the day, I searched for my betrothed, but I did not find him until late evening. He stood alone in the throne room. Apparently the guards outside the room were instructed to not allow anyone to enter, so I had to fight my way in.

"L-Loki?" I demanded. "What is happening?"

He turned to look at me and waved the guards away. They bowed and exited, slamming the door shut behind them. Loki waved me over to stand beside him at the window.

"Is…everything alright?" I asked. I want to help you.

"The king has fallen into the Odinsleep."

"Yes… From the stress of your brother's exile, no doubt…"

"Indeed…" He paused, as if battling with some enormous decision inside himself. "Though that isn't all…"

He didn't go any farther, so I opted to prod a bit. "Loki…confide in me. Place your faith in me."

"Hm… I wonder." He paused for a long time again, and I was ready to give up when he spoke again.

"I pressured my brother," he began, slowly. "Into going to Jotunheim."

"Thor cannot be pressured into doing anything…"

"No, but he is easily manipulated, should one choose the correct tone of speech. I've been doing it since I was a boy—I doubt he's ever realized—but regardless… Thor, the Warriors Three, Lady Sif and I ventured into Jotunheim. I warned Odin of Thor's plans, but he arrived too late. Thor had…run amuck. Killed quite a few Frost Giants. The rest of us did as well, but Thor…"

"Why would you… have your brother invade Jotunheim…only to have your father intervene?"

Even as I said the words, I knew the answer. Loki turned to look at me, his eyes meeting mine. To be king. Tentatively, I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, hoping that it would express the complex message of sorrow, anger, disappointment and compassion that I needed desperately for him to understand.

"Thor was exiled," Loki said, with an air of finality.

"Try not to blame yourself too much," I whispered soothingly. "I know it's hard but—"

"No. I am not done yet. That isn't even… half of it… Sigyn."

He said my name with so much force that I felt my heart skip a beat.

"When I was in Jotunheim, a Frost Giant grabbed me. That is supposed to destroy Asgardian flesh, but instead… My skin turned sort of… blue."

What?

"My fath—Odin. I spoke with Odin upon my return, after the initial panic of Thor's banishment died down."

He didn't continue. "And…?" I whispered.

"I'm—a Frost Giant. Odin took me from Jotunheim following the war."

A Frost Giant. From Jotunheim. I felt my posture go lax as I slowly began to understand the implications.

Loki, so-called, Odinson was actually a Frost Giant, taken from another realm as a child.

"He took me as some sort of tool for future peace between the realms," Loki spat out. My hand flew to my face.

But I was his betrothed. Odin himself arranged for the match. Odin knew what his son really was, and yet he arranged for him to be wed?

Am I…?

A sacrifice. My father must have known as well. Odin and my father chose me to be Loki's future wife as some sort of force to tether him to Asgard and therefore keep the peace one day when our children—half Asgardian, half Frost Giant hybrids—were born.

Our children. My children. Frost Giants. The image quickly forming in my mind made me gag. I had to sit down, but there was nowhere to go.

I was a sacrifice.

Suddenly, I became acutely aware of Loki watching me. Stop it, I told myself. Stop making it about you.

He laughed, abruptly and viciously. I flinched. "You will turn from me, I assume, now that you are aware of my true origins?"

My words of denial met dead air.

"I don't blame you," he continued. "I am a monster. Should it be reversed, I imagine I would do the same. Who would I be, to expect anything more?"

"N-no, Loki—" I whispered, but he just continued on.

"Tell me, Sigyn, do you remember when our mothers sat with us and described the horrors of my kinsfolk? If I think carefully, I recall you—screaming at the very idea that a Frost Giant should come into your room at night. Yet, little did you know, one was playing with you, eating beside you, kissing you!"

"Stop," I pleaded. "Stop this. You are not a monster—"

But just as I completed my statement, his complexion darkened to a chilling blue. My legs gave out and Galdrs clattered to the ground beside me.

"You… fear me…" He whispered, and suddenly all I could see was a scared, wounded child very, very far from home. Leaving Galdrs behind, I stood and approached him.

"I do not fear you, Loki," I said quietly. It felt as if my entire existence depended on this moment. "Regardless of where you may come from, you will always be Loki. Just…Loki."

Then, he was kissing me, quickly, passionately, angrily, as if that was the only way he could determine if I was lying. Suddenly he gripped my hair and pulled violently, separating our lips. I cried out, gripping onto his arms for support. His eyes were stones, and I felt tears well in my own from simultaneous pain and sorrow.

As tears broke free to spill down my cheeks, he dropped me to the floor. For a split second, his eyes widened and he looked around the room wildly, as if there was something suspicious hiding there.

"Loki!" The sound of his mother's frantic shouts came muffled through the door. "Loki, darling, please open up!"

Though I hadn't noticed I was without it, my breath suddenly returned to me, leaving me gasping painfully on the floor. "You… should speak with… your mother…" I managed to say.

After making a strange motion between a shudder and an angry convulsion, he dragged me to my feet and pressed me against the window to kiss me long and hard.

"Wait for me in my chambers…" He growled. It wasn't a request. It was a command—and one that left me quaking in fear as he strode towards the door.

I had half a mind to disobey him, until he turned back around and looked at me, gaze reminiscent of the lost boy from a few moments ago, and murmured, "Please."

I nodded, closing my eyes to calm myself down. I barely heard the door close and I drifted into a nearly unconscious state.

Relax. Meditate, I thought. It was something I forced myself to do rarely, so at times like this I regretted not practicing more.

I strained my lips to stop shaking, and when I licked them I tasted blood. Loki had been rough.

As he will continue to be, no doubt. Did I really want our first time to be in the aftermath of severe tragedy? Is there another option?

There was no other option. This was what Odin warned me about, I told myself. I had to stand beside Loki—no matter what.

I waited in Loki's bedchamber for nearly an hour. By the time he arrived, he didn't even look pleased to see me—if anything he looked angrier than before. I likely should have asked what his mother wanted, but I feared any more tragic news would be the end of me.

So I waited for Loki to acknowledge me, with my arms awkwardly wrapped around my own waist. He strode about his room, throwing articles of clothing everywhere—his horned helmet to the floor, his cape on his chair, his shoes kicked against the wall. He did not step near me, where I sat on the edge of his bed.

Just when I began to ponder the prospect of my invisibility, he looked at me. I looked back, as if for the first time. Had he always been so…beautiful? I knew that wasn't the way one normally approached the appeal of a man, but it was true—especially in that moment. His hair fell loosely around his face, from a long day of stressful activities. His loosened garments showed his neck to be glistening with a light sheen of sweat. His eyes made him look slightly tired, but more than that possessed by some intense desire to be approved of. To be accepted. To be loved.

Without thinking, I extended my arm to him, silently asking him to approach me. There was no hesitation. Before I could blink he was on me, with as much ferocity and passion as before. His lips pressed into mine, and this time I noticed him biting me. At some point his hand moved to my right arm, which hung awkwardly between us. He squeezed with what felt like all the strength he had and pulled me closer against him. As I breathed out sharply in pain, he turned his head slightly and pushed his tongue inside, prodding. I curled my left arm around his waist and he moved his mouth to ravish my neck.

The passion that I so long admired and fantasized about had turned in on itself in Loki's panic. Everything was violent, everything was about dominance, despite the fact that I made no attempt to gain it myself.

Then, something clicked. The overtly distinct line between passion and pain became less so. Where his teeth previously left angry bruises they now left behind intensified sensation—and a desire for more.

"Oh—" I managed to groan. "Oh, please—"

As if he'd been waiting, though that was unlikely, he separated himself from me to grab the hem of my deep red dress and rake it up my body. I unattached the black metal that hung around my neck, allowing the frock to pool around my feet. As he successfully undressed me, I tried in vain to do the same for him. Each touch was deflected.

Once all I wore was the thin garment covering my hips and what lay below, he pushed me forcefully backwards to slam against the headboard of his bed. Never taking his eyes off me, he undressed himself. His chest I had seen before, but nothing below his hips, which were adorned with black trousers that hung loosely below his navel. But not for long—he released his arousal almost as soon as I could focus on his stomach. He was larger than I imagined him to be, but not exceedingly so. It was my first time, but somehow I felt more fear for what would happen if denied Loki this release than what any repercussions could be.

"Have you… have you done this before?"

"No…" He mumbled. He rested his knees on the bed and crawled towards me. "Only you, Sigyn."

His answer drove me into a fresh wave of passion; I grabbed his forearm and moved my lips to his. As our tongues danced together he moved his arm beneath me and shifted our positions so I laid flat. The kiss grew heated again. His hands moved to my thighs, crawling higher and higher until it skimmed their apex. I nodded against him, urging him on. I took a moment to glance down and release the tie holding the fabric together. Without reluctance he ripped the fabric away from my body.

His finger pressed into me, deep into me. I jerked back involuntarily, but his other hand, suddenly on my upper arm again, kept me in place.

The finger moved in, and out, in and out, then curled in on itself.

"Ah! L-Loki…!" My voice sounded foreign to my own ears. He silenced me with his lips only to bite down lightly on my tongue, causing a surge of gasps to bubble to the surface. For just a minute, everything between us became clumsy. He moved his hand away from my sex and grabbed my chin instead. Our noses crushed against one another, our chests brushed awkwardly, our eyes opened to take each other in only to meet and freeze. Then, he pressed his forehead against mine.

For a fleeting second I imagined that nothing catastrophic had happened in the last two days. Our breathing slowed down. Our heartbeats synced. We were not Loki and Sigyn—we were man and woman, in the raw, with zero complications, prepared to embark on a journey over the width of the microscopic space between our two bodies.

For maybe the first time during the entire evening, Loki showed an amount of tenderness as he slowly moved himself inside of me.

At first, it hurt, as I always assumed it would the first time, but slowly it became smoother. Still, the moment the pain from the initial penetration subsided, the angry, frustrated Loki returned.

Switching at random, Loki alternated between pounding viciously, so our hips clashed painfully, and moving teasingly slow, setting my nerves on edge, making me mewl against him. Eventually I gave up on all possibility of him allowing me release and began to move on my own, wrapping my legs around his waist for better leverage.

"No…" He hissed. An arm darted out to press me painfully into the mattress, eliciting a whimper from me. "Beg for it. Beg."

"Please, please, please!" I cried. My eyes squeezed shut and my toes curled. "Please, Loki. King Loki!"

At the sound of his new title he groaned and thrust into me as hard as seemed possible.

"Loki! Loki!" I cried out, as I came against him. His teeth bit into my shoulder as he neared the edge. Tears flamed up in my eyes from heightened emotions. "I—ah! I love you!"

He yelled my name into my mouth as he finished, releasing his weight to collapse on top of me. He didn't bother to pull out, he just held himself inside of me.

We stayed like that for so long that I forgot what it was like to be without him there. I felt as if I was born to be like that—me around him, him around me.

By the time he finally pulled himself out, I felt such a loss that I whined. I was cold without him. He pulled me close to him for a moment, then stood up to pull the duvet up the bed. As he did so I made the mistake of looking down at my body. Bruises in the shape of fingerprints littered my arms. I saw bite marks in my right shoulder and, placing my hand there, I felt blood flow. On top of that, my back ached and everything south of my navel felt raw.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. But I didn't care. It wasn't about me. Odin and my father deemed me a sacrifice when I was barely old enough to walk. This time it would be my choice.

Though, it wasn't a particularly difficult choice to make. Regardless of new information or his sudden personality shift, I loved Loki. I always would.

It wasn't something that could be explained or justified. It just was. Just as the sun would always set.

A/N Alrighty. The story begins. I should probably take this time to warn you. This is not a nice story. Bad shit is going to happen. I'm warning now because I don't want to do it again later and ruin the story, but at some point there will be non-con. Consider yourself warned. Thank you for any feedback. Also, if you have questions about anything, it's good to ask so I can make sure they get answered.

Again, my tumblr url is luvkurai. If anyone's interested I might post bonus stuff there (like passages I wrote but didn't have a place to fit in the story, etc).