A/N- So the Look of the story gets a little shaky from here. I will of course be attempting page line breaks to show the difference but I can never get them to stay. So when you see a whole scene of Italics it's a FLASHBACK scene in which Severus is remembering where he learned the answer to the question. Bold Letters followed by Choices are the Question. Also in the story will be moments that will show Severus while he's actually participating in the show. Those scene will be preceded by the words Game Time 1 (if it's Question). Again I'll try and get the page breaks in, but bear with me.

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Slumdog Millionaire. I don't own Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I don't own Regis Philbin or Justin Beiber. I don't use their actual names but it's very much implied that's who I'm talking about, lol...

Questioning and Question 1

Stinging Hex

Smack

Punch

Another Stinging Hex

Kick

"Damn you Snape just admit you've been cheating…"

Severus Snape merely sneered at the Auror in front of him and spat blood at his feet. If you had asked Severus a mere 24hrs ago if he envisioned ending his week getting the bloody pulp beat out of him and being one stupid question away from being a millionaire… well let's just say calling you an imbecilic twit would be putting it nicely.

But fate was a pimp. Yes you read right. Fate was a pimp, and she made sure Severus stayed screwed on a regular basis. So why should winning a Million Galleons be any easier than anything else in his life?

"Fine, let's see how you hold up under a Confundus… "Con-"

"That's enough."

Severus didn't even bother looking up at the door, he knew the voice at once. The voice was the only other voice that had ever given his own voice a run for its money. He wouldn't be bringing that up though- not when the voice would hopefully be rescuing him from this annoyance- or at the very least to bring him his wand so he could do it himself.

Oh yes… please let Kingsley have brought him his wand… retribution would be slow and painful.

"Er… hello Minister Shacklebolt."

"I see you're wearing Auror Robes that are very similar to ours but you're not from our Ministry, are you?"

"No sir."

"And to whose Ministry do you belong too?"

Severus heard the man mumble.

"I didn't quite catch that young man. You may not be under my jurisdiction but I can definitely make an inquiry to the proper countries Ministry."

"I said… I said I don't belong to any Ministry, sir."

Severus finally looked over at Kingsley to see the man looked truly pissed off. If Severus were in the business of fearing other men, Kingsley would've been his best customer after this look; as it were he just waited to see what would happen next.

"I have two questions, your answers to both these questions better be swift and honest or so help you Merlin I'll let him free… with his wand." Kingsley stated pointing at Severus.

Severus was glad to see whoever this man was actually took a step back from his chair and looked at him. Just for fun Severus smirked at him.

"Why are you wearing pretend Auror Robes and acting as one?"

"It's an act," the man said quickly all toughness gone, "it's a popular show, you know? So they tried to get actual Aurors but no one can spare any personal to protect a game show host. So they hired me out of a protection agency. Whatever towns we're in we find a place that sells replicas and we buy a few to give the illusion that Webis Dilbin has Auror protection."

"Fair enough," Kingsley replied simply. "So that brings us to question number two. Why are you in here assaulting not only a once willing-"

Severus couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter after the word willing.

"-once willing contestant but a Hogwarts Professor and world renowned war hero?"

"I didn't want to, I swear on it." The man said quickly, "but it's like Webis has it out for you or something? He's sure you're a cheat, and not just him the producer's too."

"I rescind my earlier statement, I'll need to ask more than two questions." Kingsley stated. "Do Webis and these producers have any proof that Severus has cheated?"

"Er… well no, I don't think so. We usually get the proof after I... well, you know,"

Severus noticed the man had the audacity to look at him after his words.

"Kingsley, I've heard more than enough, if you would so kindly hand me my wand, I'll send him back to his producers after I… you know," Severus said imitating the man's words.

The man began to pale. Significantly.

"Look, I'm sorry ok, honest." The man said as he proceeded to aim his wand at Severus casting several healing spells in quick secession. By the time he was done, Severus had to admit he felt like a new man.

"Young man," Kingsley said, "That does not change the matter at hand, you've poised a serious accusation against Severus and proceeded to use highly illegal and highly immoral ways to get not what you wanted to know, but what you wanted to hear? What would you suggest I do?"

"I have several suggestions," Severus piped up shooting the man another glare.

This seemed to be the man's breaking point.

"Do what you want… just don't let him be the one who gets to punish me…" The man said backing up and looking at Kingsley.

"I don't suppose that pleases you much, Severus?" Kingsley asked Severus.

"Not at all, but I'm a hard man to please even on a good day."

"True enough," Kingsley said with a smile, and then he turned to the man looking serious once more, "If I ever catch you wearing anything resembling anything close to an Auror's robes I'll send you to Azkaban. One year for every inch of robe."

The man gulped and then nodded vigorously. Even Severus found himself thinking Kingsley's judgment not to be played with.

"And I'll be passing that on to other Minister's as well. I suggest you tell your producers of this, because I'll send them to jail at two years for every inch of robe. Do you understand me?"

The man nodded again.

"Good. Now get out of here before one of us changes our mind."

The man didn't actually move. Both Severus and Kingsley looked at him.

"You're still here… perhaps you would prefer me to punish you after all?" Severus asked.

"No sir. Not at all, sir." He said looking at Severus, but then looked at Kingsley to say, "It's just… I still don't know if he's been cheating or not… it's a very serious thing sir."

"Did you even try asking him about it? Or was it straight to the abuse?" Kingsley quizzed.

"I thought I was being escorted to my quarters only to be hit from behind by Petrificus Totalus. They released the bonds after they had removed my wand from me and tied me to that chair." Severus spat.

"Well no one admits they've been cheating, do they? We have to rough them up to get anywhere."

"Severus, have you cheated at all while you were on the show?" Kingsley asked.

"No."

"There's your answer then."

"Just like that?" the shouted in disbelief before shaking his head. "I know you're the bleeding Minister, but even you have to admit that to have known some of these questions is a little… unbelievable."

Severus could feel Kingsley's eye's on him and could feel his anger bristle.

"By all mean's Kingsley, is this where you join him and start assaulting me as well?"

"You know me better than that Severus," Kingsley said looking at Severus seriously, "But the man has a point. American Muggle Money? Little known French Plays? I never took you for an idiot of course, but I didn't figure you so well rounded?"

"Unlike most dunderheads of the world, I don't find knowledge something to look at with disdain or even worse- laughter. I am not ashamed of any of the knowledge I'm in possession of." Severus replied ruefully, "So unless not being a moronic idiot is a crime, I've not done anything wrong."

"That's what they all say…" the man said.

Both men cut him looks. He quickly shut his trap.

"As much as I hate to say this Severus, while I don't agree with their methods they do have to make sure their contestants aren't cheating…" Kingsley said with a sigh.

"You know a way to figure out the truth?" the man asked.

"Nothing legal…"

"If Veritaserrum will save us time-" Severus started.

"I'm sure there isn't anyone in a 50 mile radius who would believe you haven't built up some sort of tolerance to the stuff." Kingsley interjected.

Severus sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I suppose you have another way then?"

"Well… you could tell us how." Kingsley answered.

"How what?" Severus and the man said at the same time.

"How you knew the answers… to each question."

"He could say a book to them all and how would we know the truth?"

"Because I know Severus… he's well read, but I doubt he read about these questions. He is a Halfblood after all; he wouldn't need to read a book to know all the Muggle things."

Severus wished he could spell Kingsley's mouth shut, but they still hadn't handed him his wand yet.

"Alright… why not? I mean, it's not as if I can try anything else at this point."

Both Kingsley and the man looked at Severus waiting for his answer.

"As I still don't have my wand, my choice is rather limited, isn't it? I acquiesce…."

Kingsley quickly got up and opened the door of the room they were in. Two men stood outside of it and Kingsley quickly spoke to them in hushed tones. They nodded at once before Kingsley closed the door.

"Alright then Severus, Question 1. Explain." Kingsley said as he took up his seat on the desk once again.

"Question 1, explain."

"Surely you don't need me to explain the easy questions? I doubt even a first year would've gotten them wrong."

"Every question Severus." Kingsley stated.

Severus sneered but none the less thought back to question number 1. For a moment his mind drew a blank. Then he realized it was absurd that he'd already forgotten it- granted it had been a rather fast paced hour. An hour he hadn't even wanted to participate in at the start of the week.

But something had changed somewhere during the last week. Maybe it was watching colleague after colleague fail to reach the prize that had changed his mind. Or maybe the call of Galleons had finally hit him. Or maybe… Minerva had gotten to him.

Of all the professor's to get chosen first- Sibyll Trelawney was probably the worst for setting up the rest of the Professor's as intelligent and dignified individuals. However… even Severus had smirked after she'd quickly gotten the 5th question wrong (the first of the medium questions) after no using a lifeline on Sunday.

Oh yes, he had enjoyed the laugh in the staffroom after that. Highstakes had been picked next. He'd made it through the first half of his questions Sunday and started the rest on Monday. He'd gotten to the last of the medium questions before bowing out gracefully on a question about Muggle Chemistry. He had already wasted his 'Patronus a Friend' lifeline two questions earlier, otherwise Severus was sure the man's Patronus would've found him and asked him if he knew the answer- which would've been Potassium.

All the Professor's had agreed to be each others lifeline. Severus had agreed to help anyone, but the only other professor's he trusted were Minerva and Filius.

The last half of Monday started with Rolanda- who blew through the easy questions and then used her first lifeline on the 5th. Tuesday she resumed using her 2nd lifeline to success and then using her last lifeline to be met with failure.

She took the loss like the loud brazen witch she was and thanked everyone for their help and promised a good arse kicking to anyone who thought to make fun of her. Severus didn't get a chance to test the theory before Minerva glared at him in warning.

The rest of Tuesday saw Sinistra fail miserably- to put it bluntly. Her easy questions were frivolous things about candies, ghosts and a Muggle Phrase. They were things any child should know- if they hadn't been raised in a strict Pureblood upbringing as she had been. She took the loss well enough though- which had taken the mickey out of her making fun of her.

Wednesday had bought Filius up.

And maybe this is where his interest finally popped in. After all, the wizard was as old as Albus was (if not older) and the head of the House of the Intelligent. Surely if he couldn't do it, what chance did any of his other colleagues have.

Filius got through his first 7 questions in the remaining time of Wednesday's show easily. Thursday was a completely different matter. On the last medium question he used his 50/50 to knock away his doubts. On questions 9- of which there had been thunderous applause from the student body on someone finally reaching a hard question; he wasted the poll the audience question to correctly answer that indeed a certain boa constrictor was indigenous to Brazil.

His 10th question was on Muggle Video Games. He Patronused the Muggle Studies teacher- Len Stone; who proceeded to give him two choices because even he was unsure of the answer. It was then that Filius bowed out- without an answer.

As Filius vacated the seat to more applause, a slight anger had engulfed Severus. Why hadn't Filius tried? With two answers left it was exactly like 50/50. But he'd hardly had time to process it when Minerva's name was called next.

In all the years of his and Minerva's bickering he'd never been insolent enough to think anything less of her than brilliant. But where Filius had conceded with a chance at victory, he was sure the Gryffindor would barrel ahead with not much thought at all.

Minerva actually wasted a lifeline on an easy question- to any child perhaps. Maybe a few other members of the staff- but to a woman well over the age of 75, knowing the name of the hit song by the new singing sensation Jamie Babbers was not in her memory bank.

But she smiled it off and said "ah, but on what other questions could I be so sure our student body would provide me with the right answer?" Severus had to agree with her after that- he would never trust those imbeciles with any of his important questions.

His questions.

And so it had been during Minerva's stint that he realized he wanted a shot at this game.

"Severus," Kingsley said breaking Severus's train of thought, "Are you still with us?"

"Indeed, and so I shall remain here as long as I don't have my wand." Severus answered plainly.

"Question 1?" Kingsley repeated ignoring Severus's words.

Chocolate Frog Cards depict many the great witch and wizard. On Chocolate Frog Card number 116- Merlin, what is the famous wizard holding in his hand?

A- his frog

B- his wand

C- his tree

D- his elbow

FLASHBACK

Severus thought back to the summer before he and Lily were to begin Hogwarts. His father had gone to visit his own brother for the weekend. So his mother had taken him into Magical London to Diagon alley. He knew they were a poorer family, but he had begged his mum for just two types of candies. Just two and he'd never ask her for anything again in his life.

She finally relented, and Severus quickly picked up two chocolate frog cards and a handful of Bertie Bott's. He'd been telling Lily about magical candy forever, and now he was finally going to get to show her some.

When they'd returned home, he skipped out the front door and made his way over to near Lily's house. He saw her outside with her sister and no one else and slowly made his way over to them careful to hide the candy.

"Oh it's him again…" Petunia said when she'd spotted him.

"Petunia be nice," Lily said seriously, "Hello Severus. Where havve you been today? It's unusual to only first see you this late."

"I've been out."

"Out?" Lily remarked skeptically, "Out where?"

Severus merely looked at her sister.

"Is this about your freakish little magic then? Well go on, I won't hang around to bother you."

Severus watched Petunia leave, and when he was sure she was gone, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the candy.

"Is that all? Candy?" Lily asked looking at the brightly colored wrappers.

"Not just any candy. Magic candy."

Severus couldn't hide the smile that lit his face as he watched one appear on her face.

"Really? So you went into it then? The magical world?" Lily asked looking between him and the candy.

"Yes, mum took me since my father is away."

"I can hardly wait, what did you bring? Pumpkin Pasties? Or Sugar Mice? Or-?"

"Bertie Bott's" they both said together.

Lily's squeal of delight at seeing the little colored beans had made his heart beat a thousand times a second in his chest- he felt as if she must hear it.

"Which one should I try? I definitely don't want an ear wax one."

"You won't know until you try."

"But that'll put me off them Sev… I can't." she pleaded shaking her head in true concern.

"I'll tell you a safe one then… the pink one is either Bubble Gum, or Cotton Candy or maybe even strawberry. Nothing bad comes in pink."

Lily nodded and quickly popped a pink one in her mouth and chewed it. Shortly thereafter she made a sound of satisfaction that pleased Severus to no end.

"Oh my gosh Severus, it tasted exactly like Cotton Candy. It was like I could even taste each strand. How do they do they do it?"

"Magic" Severus had answered simply.

She popped a yellow one she thought would be lemon but turned out to be popcorn and actually followed it with a questionable looking brown one that turned out to be Cherry Coke.

"This is amazing Severus. Thank you so much." Lily said picking up another random one.

"Don't thank me yet, you still haven't-"

"Blech…"

And Severus watched as Lily spat out whatever one she'd put in her mouth.

"It was dirt."

"It was dirty?" he asked.

"No that… that bean. It tasted like dirt." Lily complained still spitting in a most undignified way (but he'd liked her anyways).

Severus couldn't help it though, he started laughing.

"It isn't funny Severus Snape," she said seriously, "it's gross. It's like I still have tiny pebbles in my mouth or something…"

"Ok, okay, here this'll help," Severus said holding up a neatly wrapped box.

"What's this?"

"Open it, but not too quickly…"

"But…"

"Just do it."

Lily proceeded to open the box and was surprised when a brown frog jumped out- but not so surprised that she didn't immediately reach out and grab it.

"Good job. You're holding a chocolate frog."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you can probably relax your grip now though. They only have about one good jump in them."

He watched Lily's hand relax as she looked at the spelled chocolate frog breathe in little froggy pants.

"He's sorta cute, isn't he?" Lily asked as she looked at it.

Severus smirked as he opened his own wrapper but not so much that the frog jumped out, and grabbed it with his hand.

"Don't get attached, you're about to eat it."

"I couldn't."

"The spell only lasts so long and then you won't want to eat it, trust me."

And Severus had taken a giant bite out of his frog, while Lily looked horrified.

"Severus."

"Never mind the frog, it's the card that's important." He said taking another bite- getting one of the frog's arms.

"Card?" Lily said looking down and noticing left behind in the box was a little hexagon shaped disc. Oh yeah, you said these come with cards that kids collect."

"Yeah, look to see who you got."

Severus looked at his own card to see Dumbledore- he wasn't much impressed even in his own meager collection he had two Dumbledore's already.

"It's Merlin." Severus looked over at the card she held out, and sure enough she had Merlin in his bright purple robes, with matching hat encrusted with a half moon, and carrying his wand.

"And you can have mines too. I already have two Dumbledore's."

"Thanks Severus," Lily said after she finally took a bite out of her frog. "And is that Merlin's wand?"

"Yeah it is,"

"I don't know… I always pictured them as like… tree branches. His looks all smooth. Like it could be one of our kitchen table legs."

Severus had laughed and started telling her what he could about wands. And he didn't leave until her mum had come out and said Lily needed supper. He had only nodded and went home- happier than he had felt in forever.

END FLASHBACK

Severus looked up as Kingsley and the man continued to wait for an answer. He had no intention of mentioning Lily. So what Severus said was-

"Like most children I collected the cards Kingsley. I doubt that's hard enough to believe, is it?"

"Fair enough Severus, fair enough." Kingsley said with a nod. "Question 2."

–

A/N- Hopefully everything showed up where it was supposed to and this flowed properly. As I mentioned earlier Webis Dilbin and Jamie Babbers are fictitious but the people they're based off are very real and I don't own them.

Also, Slumdog had 9 questions in the movie. The actual WHTBAM? has 15 questions. My story will have 12 questions. 4 easy. 4 medium, 4 hard. I also wanted you to know how I chose the questions I picked so Question 1 came from Question 3 in the movie which was "In depictions of God Rama, he is famously holding what in his right hand?" The answer was a bow and arrow. I changed it to what is Merlin holding in his hand. The answer as far as I can tell from the Lexicon is nothing- but it wouldn't be a far stretch to think he could hold a wand. He was a wizard after all. Later Days :D