Notes- Alae are wings and Regina means queen in Latin.
Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves.
- Robert Neely Bellah
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
-Barack Obama
Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult.
Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill.
Chapter 2
"No."
"W-What do you mean?" I swiftly covered my mouth. I had spoken out of turn in front of The Regina*. That large show of disrespect could have earned me several weeks of 'Disposing of Waste' duty. My eyes were quickly averted downwards and connected with the regal red and orange patterned carpet.
"Lucy Heartfilia, you ask for your leave every year at this time. Do you think I am some dim-witted fool who would not pick up on this?" My eyes were still cast towards the carpet but I could picture The Regina as she talked. Easily, I visualized The Regina's impeccably blue eyes that watched my every movement and her soft pink lips that were saying words that I did not like to hear.
"No, milady. I do not think of you as a dim-wit or a fool." I dared to look up at The Regina but still maintained my kneeling position on the floor. I could not afford to lose The Regina's favor, so the best way to stay on her pleasant side was to keep myself in a bow for as long as possible.
"Then would you please enlighten me, Lucy of the Guard by Blood. I would like to know what you do on your leave every year at this time." The Regina's auburn curls bounced slightly as she leaned forward theatrically in her bejeweled thrown and waited for my reply.
Was I supposed to lie to her? Or should I tell The Regina the truth: that I went to visit human mages every year? I could be convicted for treason if The Regina found out that I lied to her. I could also be exiled for telling the truth and mingling with mages every year.
"I-I…" The conflicted thoughts wore on as The Regina's harsh stare bore down on me. My thoughts were in a jumble and the staring had made it twice as bad. I didn't do well under pressure. I never had.
"I'm waiting." The Regina sounded angry and impatient. I had to decide on an answer immediately.
"E-Every year, during my leave, I visit Fairy Tail." My voice was quiet, shaky, and cracked when I finished speaking. My whole body trembled as I waited for The Regina's response. My emotions were running haywire and I yearned to rip off my blue cloak, spread my alae, and fly away.
Even through all this, I didn't regret visiting Fairy Tail every year. I had met so many new friends that it made my heart swell just to think of them. They were all so special to me, even if I did only see them once a year.
The only question left was: would I ever be able to see Fairy Tail again after today?
I took a second to look at The Regina's reaction. She did not look angry, but she did not look happy either. She looked emotionless, like a rock or a wall. I had no idea if this was a bad sign or a good one.
"Fairy Tail." The Regina said it like it was a swear word. "That is a mage guild. They are notorious for being drunkards."
This was true. Fairy Tail was a bit of an alcohol encouraged zone. Just the thought of Fairy Tail's antics made me giddy to see that mage guild again.
"They are also known as the strongest guild in Fiore," The Regina continued. I had to clench my fists to keep myself from biting my nails in anticipation. I tried to find some distraction in the red, orange, and yellow colored banners, plants, and decorations that were spread through the Great Hall but they were all too familiar and there was nothing interesting about any of them anymore.
Maybe my punishment will be redecorating the Great Hall?
Doubtful.
"How did you, Lucy of the Guard by Blood, end up being associated with humans, let alone mages, in the first place? Would not your dear mother and your dear friend—Macy was it?—have kept you on a tight leash like the lost puppy you are and restrict your contact with humans? I know I have not let any of my court members meet any." The Regina was pushing my buttons. On purpose. She knew it. The guards at the Great Hall entrance knew it. The gardener that was watering a plant in the corner of the room, while trying to be inconspicuous, knew it. Most of all, I knew it. Of course I knew it.
I just didn't know why she harbored this hatred towards me. It had never gotten in the way of political matters between the two of us but I could always see that glimmer of hatred in The Regina's eyes. Was it something I had done? Or maybe The Regina hated my mother and was taking out that previously held in hatred on me?
The Regina cleared her throat.
My eyes immediately met hers and I realized that I had to say something. Should I have kept telling the truth? Or it might not have been too late to turn around and start lying. I didn't know which one had more risks.
My heart told me to tell the truth, and so did my head, but the rest of my body screamed at me to lie. If I lied, I might have been able to escape this predicament with a minuscule amount of punishment and then my life would return to normal.
But that was when I realized that I was sick of normal. I wanted to go back to Fairy Tail where each day was different and full of excitement. Not all of it legal. Here at the Phoenix court, everything was monotonous and defiantly legal.
For the five years that I had been there, The Phoenix court had been attacked only once. That battle had lasted three hours and within three more it was like nothing had ever happened. From the stories I had heard at Fairy Tail, they had been attacked several times and each time was more heart-stopping and stimulating than the last.
Everyone at the Phoenix court knew their role and was content with it. What if I wasn't? What if—
"Lucy of the Guard by Blood, you are not responding. Does this mean that you have something to hide?" The Regina was now even more impatient. If I kept her waiting much longer I may as well wish all my chances of yearly leave goodbye.
"I have nothing to hide." I felt a little more confident. My voice didn't crack. Even though I was still kneeling I felt like I had grown a few inches taller. "When my hut burned down and Marsha died, I almost perished as well." The remembrance of that day was still fresh in my mind. It would have brought tears to my eyes as well, but my confidence was soaring too high right now. "A young mage, Gray Fullbuster, pulled me out of the burning hut and saved my life. Gray happened to be part of Fairy Tail and…"
"From there, you got invited to visit Fairy Tail," The Regina said, finishing my statement. Technically, I wasn't invited to visit Fairy Tail, I was invited to join, but I was not going to correct The Regina.
A silence enveloped the Great Hall. Even the gardener—who should have been finished by now but still seemed to find work to do—seemed to make no noise as he over-watered the plants.
I didn't dare move.
Finally, the Regina spoke up. "I am done here." She sounded malicious. "You are dismissed, Lucy Heartfilia of the Guard by Blood. Your request for leave has been denied."
I slowly stood up. My knees cracked and I realized just how lengthy my court with The Regina had been. I needed to hurry up and get out of here so that I could get off my blue cloak and stretch my alae. Just the thought of my red feathers ruffling in the wind got me shivering with glee.
As I slowly walked out of the Great Hall, it occurred to me that The Regina had not issued a punishment to me for mingling with humans. Nor had she mentioned that I was never able to take leave again.
This meant that she would consult the Viribus* and call me back at a later date to issue me a punishment.
0000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000
"She did not!" Levy exclaimed as the two of us raced back and forth across the air field. I shrugged my shoulders. The lukewarm sun that was beating down on my face was washing away all my worries, so I did not feel like I should spend too much time dwelling on my court with The Regina.
"Do you think she will ever let you take leave again?" Levy asked.
"I hope so. I would not be able to survive here if I never got to leave." My eyes scanned the open field below Levy and I, hoping to find some distraction in the grassy plain below us. There was none, but my words still rang true. If I never got to leave this place I would probably go insane. This whole Phoenix court was like a private little club that never let anyone out of its walls. Nothing here was free. Even the air field had large, barbed wire walls going up the sides which restricted how far you could fly back and forth. With alae, only three miles of air space was like exercising in a closet. Also, if you tried to go over the top of the air field you would be hit by a strong blast of Ignis that would send you spiraling downwards.
Two large gongs went off. They signaled the end of my time on the air field.
Slowly, Levy and I touched down onto the ground. The cool grass felt refreshing on my bare feet, but I couldn't dwell on that little detail. It was time to return to the life in Phoenix court.
As we walked across the field and towards the main Phoenix court building, Levy spoke up. "Lu-chan, what do you think your friends at Fairy Tail will say when you do not show up?" Levy was the only one who knew about my trips to Fairy Tail and she made a good point. Would they miss me? Would they look for me? They would definitely wonder what happened.
"Oh, Levy, I really want to go to Fairy Tail." I let out a wistful sigh as we reached the main building's door. The main building was the size of a city, and it connected into many other, tinier buildings that had various other uses such as lodging and cooking. It was like a village inside of a building.
The two of us walked through solid red hallways towards our late noon jobs. Every late noon we had the same job. For the past five years I have had the same job. When I had first arrived here, many people said that my job would change once I grew my alae, but only a year later I had grown my alae and I still had the same job. The job had only one good point and that was the fact that Levy worked alongside me.
Finally, the two of us reached our destination. It was a large orange and yellow door that had three words inscribed on it.
The Charm Inscribers.
I took the piece of clay and molded it into a small ball. My nose itched but I couldn't scratch it because I had clay all the way up to my elbows like a barbarian. I tried to find a more comfortable position on my wooden stool before beginning to murmur the protection chant.
"Praesent praesidio titulari huius Clay ball quod fit per manus and Mauris magna adducite.*"
I felt the familiar surge of warmth envelop my whole body as I murmured the protection incantation on the small clay ball. My Ignis flowed smoothly and rapidly into the clay ball. It was like watching a red river of fire flow into the ball.
The clay ball would be used to protect soldiers that guarded Phoenix court. I had no idea when or where the soldiers would ever use them. It was just my job to make them.
"Lu-chan," Levy said from the seat next to me, "Do you think the Regina will punish you?"
This was a surprise. Levy and I had been working for about an hour and a half now and our previous conversation was long over. The question had essentially come out of nowhere.
"Most likely. Perhaps she might feel forgiving and let me off with a stern scolding." I shrugged my shoulders as well. I really had no clue what would happen to me. As I was leaving, The Regina was calm and collected but I could tell that she was definitely not feeling too forgiving. Maybe the calm and collected part of her would outweigh the rest of her and she wouldn't punish me too severely. I tugged absentmindedly at the orange smock I wore.
There was a pregnant silence between Levy and I. Levy's eyes had a glazed off look to them as she absentmindedly created a clay heart for a good marriage charm. I could not help but be consumed about thoughts of my actions and future.
Would someone from the Viribus ask if the mages at Fairy Tail knew my secret? The mages did not, but someone would point out that it was a possibility that they might someday. Maybe someone would see the silver key ring at my waist and think I had learned mage magic? This was a large betrayal to our kind. If I told the Viribus that I was faking mage powers, they would still call it unfaithfulness to our people. What if someone asked for more information on Gray? Or some of my other friends like Natsu, Erza and Cana?
I realized that I was still holding my clay ball in my hands. The familiar coolness of it after I had put some Ignis into clay was refreshing. The Charm Inscriber room was becoming too claustrophobic for me.
I set down my clay ball—too worn down from the day's events to get up and sign the protection charm in as 'finished'—and grabbed another hunk of clay, preparing to make a small star for a 'wish upon' Charm. These Charms were more like toys for the younger children than actual Charms that were supposed to be made but no one objected to letting the kids wish upon stars.
It was when you turned into a teenager that you had to stop wishing and had to start getting down and dirty. Every teenager started working on the day after their thirteenth birthday, except for me. The newly thirteen teenagers get assigned into a late noon job and have various other jobs to complete. Then they stay with those jobs forever.
I hate 'forever'. It is the perfect word to describe the Phoenix court and that is why I despise it so much. The Phoenix court will never change. People will grow old and die but they will be replaced by another person that is more or less exactly like them. The Phoenix court children are raised the same ways and if the children are too different or 'think outside of the box' too much, they are taken to special classes where they are molded and shaped into perfect Phoenix court members.
Someone who is polite.
Patient.
Loyal.
Hard-working.
Content.
Easily tamed.
And worst of all—they would do whatever The Regina says no matter how much it is against their morals. Thankfully, the last one had only happened once in the five years since I had come to Phoenix court and learned how to 'be a Phoenix.'
These days, I really do not want to be a part of the Phoenix court. I want to be a part of Fairy Tail and live a life of adventure and happiness. The thing is, I would never trade Ignis for mage magic. Ignis is so much purer, closer to the heart, and more powerful than any mage magic. Even if Ignis is a reminder of the Phoenix court, I do not think I would ever be able to part with it.
"Levy, do you think I would ever be able to leave the Phoenix court?" I asked. Levy gave me a shocked look. Her blue hair enhanced the shocked features on her face and I felt kind of bad to bring my burden of thoughts onto her.
"I do not know, Lu-chan. Why would you though? When you came here, all those years ago, you had wanted to come here and learn about being a Phoenix. You wanted the life of a Phoenix. You knew that meant joining the court. Forever." Levy had taken my words of escape extremely seriously and I could tell that she did not understand the thought of it.
"I did not know that this was what the life of a Phoenix was like five years ago. Now, though, I know why my mother had to escape it." I half heartedly tried to fix my star that was wilting at the tips.
"Are you going to try to leave the court?" Levy's voice sounded so distraught. I swiftly noticed what was going on here. Levy thought she might lose me. She thought that I was going to leave the court and therefore leave her.
"I want to leave, Levy." I had to tell her the truth. Levy deserved it. "I really do, but I cannot. I would never be able to make it past the guards at the first gate. You know how bad I am at executing swift movements of battle."
Levy averted her gaze to anywhere but me.
"If I ever left court, would you want to come with me?" I asked. Levy's facial features quickly went through many stages of emotion in a very short amount of time. First she was surprised, than thoughtful, torn, until finally she became a blank rock. Like The Regina's face from earlier.
Exactly like The Regina's face from earlier.
"I would not be able to do that, Lu-chan. Even if it meant losing you. Phoenix court is the only place I have ever known. My yearly leave is not as important to me as it is to you. You yearn to roam free, but that is because you have tasted it before. I have never tasted the sweetness of true freedom." I took a moment to think about how sad this was. Levy had never really experienced the outside world before. I couldn't even fathom what that would be like. "I am content here, where I have everything already set up for me and the realities of the outside can be kept from me."
Levy was scared of the outside world. I had never noticed it before, but the way she talked about it now made me realize just how frightened Levy was about the world outside of the Phoenix court.
"Oh, Levy." I sighed. She is so important to me that I could not imagine leaving her behind. If the time comes, though, I may just have too. The only question is whether my leave will be by my choice or The Regina's.
I turned back to my work but could not concentrate.
Thoughts of the outside world drummed through my head. My brief visits in large towns with Marsha, my visits to Magnolia, Fairy Tail, and even various doctors' offices from my long gone sickness.
Oh, my long gone sickness. Just the thought of it brings backing phantoms of migraines and pains, as if I still had the sickness. While my sickness had never been properly identified, Marsha and I had known that it came from the Phoenix court. Although the Phoenix court might have had the cure to my sickness, Marsha had refused to go there.
Now it did not matter what Marsha had said.
She was completely dead.
I could say it now and it did not affect me very much. Tears did not well up in my eyes anymore and I did not have to try and calm a trembling body. I think it is because the Phoenix court had hardened me a little bit. Everyone that I had met in the Phoenix court, besides Levy, was definitely classified as cold and bitter.
"Lu-chan, look at your poor star!" Levy exclaimed. I looked down to see what she was talking about.
It was indeed a poor star.
My star had lost one of its point's altogether, while three others wilted down at awkward angles. The center of the star had a large hole in it, presumably from my finger. The awkward star looked like a hurricane had come along and smashed it around. I searched my table for more clay to patch up the hole and add another star point, but I quickly drew the conclusion that I was out of clay.
My eyes surveyed the room for another Phoenix that could lend me clay, but I noticed that no one else was here.
"Where is everyone?" I sounded truly surprised.
"It is a Friday, remember?"
Oh. Friday. The day of the week when all of the older members of Phoenix did not attend late noon jobs; Levy and I were the only workers in the Charm inscriber that are under the age of forty, therefore we did not get Fridays off.
The large Charm Inscriber room was plain and felt enormous when it was empty. Over fifty clay stations were unoccupied, with wooden bar stools that have been not sat upon since yesterday, and stainless orange work benches were pristine. Like they were every single Friday of every single month of every single year.
For the second (or maybe even the third) time that day, my thoughts had gone back to how life in the Phoenix court was always the same.
Every Friday, I would notice how empty The Charm Inscriber was.
Every Friday, I would feel how enormous this room felt when it was empty.
Every Friday, I stared with boredom at the room's light red walls that I had decided were more of a pink color than a red.
Every Friday, I stared at the room's white tiled floor and wondered why it was not red, orange or yellow like the rest of the Phoenix court.
Every Friday, I reflected on how sick I was of Phoenix court colors.
Every Friday, I put on my orange smock and tried to ignore that it was Phoenix court colors.
Every Friday, I read every single encouraging quote that hung in an orange frame on the walls.
Every Friday, I counted down the days till I saw Fairy Tail again.
And then, I noticed how my thoughts were also drawn back to Fairy Tail. Again. Unlike when I think about the Phoenix court, my thoughts about Fairy Tail are always about how different it is every time I visit.
Once, when I visited, the whole guild was drunk except for Erza. I learned that she held her liquor very well.
Once, when I visited, Gray's underpants had somehow gotten thrown onto my head. He swore he had no idea how it happened.
Once, when I visited, I learned that Happy will attempt to eat my hand if it gets in the way of him eating his fish. During that visit, I had also learned that Cana does not like it when her beer jug has a hole in it.
Once, when I visited, Natsu thought I was a princess because he thought I talked 'too proper like'. For the rest of that visit, he did everything I asked. Until he realized that I was not actually a princess.
"Are you okay, Lu-chan? You seem kind of out of it," Levy asked.
"W-What? Oh. Yes. Well…" I looked down at my hand. It still held my poor, mutated star. "What will I do about this star?"
"Why don't you keep it?" Levy suggested. I took another look at the sad excuse for a star and contemplated it. It was not against the rules and I could not turn it in like this. The only thing the star was missing was some Ignis inside of it.
I thought about putting the normal 'Wish upon a Star' charm on it, but it did not appeal to me. My brain screamed that I had to be more creative and think of something else.
So I did.
I decided to make my own charm to put upon my one of a kind star. Maybe Levy would wish to be a part of the process in making the first 'Lucy's Original' star?
"Will you help me?" I asked Levy.
"With what? All you have to do is put a 'Wish upon a Star' charm on it. You could do that with your eyes closed by now."
"I want to put my own Charm on it, and I will need you to help me think of the words." Levy's jaw was practically touching the floor and her eyes were wider than saucers. It looked almost painful.
"You are kidding, right Lu-chan? I do not know how to make up a Charm. There has to be some complicated form to it. We would have to study up on how to make one. Who knows how long it would take? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? Cent—"
"Levy, how about I make up the words and you just let some or your Ignis flow into it?" I could not let Levy start looking up things in the Phoenix private library. Someone would see her and ask questions and, while what we were doing was not illegal, I did not want people sticking their noses into places where their noses did not belong.
Levy nodded her head. She could definitely do that much.
"Okay, just put your hand onto the star and just go with it." I was winging it. It felt kind of good, like something I would do if I was at Fairy Tail.
Levy complied. I set my hand on top of hers and prepared myself for the flow of Ignis through my body. I could begin whenever I was ready; I just needed to think of some words.
"Uhm…" I started off shakily. "Please k-keep me, or both of us—or how about the holder of this Charm?—safe and—"
Levy cut me off. "Lu-chan! Are you really going to perform a Charm in English and not in Phoenix language? That had never been done before." She leaned in closer and whispered, "Is it against any rules?"
"We are creating our own Charm. Therefore, we have our own rules." My voice was confident and I sounded so sure of myself even though I was anything but. There were lots of unknown factors about this Charm. I was not even sure if the Charm would work. I was just sort of giddy from the moment.
I took a calming breath before starting the Charm incantation. This time I would not allow myself to waiver as I talked.
"Keep the holder of this Charm in good fortune. May they be prosperous, loved, and have many adventures." The warm flow of Ignis was all over my body and it slowly flowed into the star, mixing with Levy's. I felt powerful. Unbeatable. It was something that the flow of Ignis always did to me. "May the holder's wishes come true and may they have wisdom from those around them."
My hand and Levy's simultaneously came off the star. Levy let out a small whistle.
"That was very deep, Lu-chan. I did not know you had it in you." I could not help but smile. I did not know I had it in me either. "This is quite the feat for us. My Ignis felt so pure during that Charm. That might have been because of my excitement though. This is pretty marvelous."
Levy poked the star experimentally. She pulled her finger away almost as soon as she touched it and automatically tilted her head in confusion. "The star is warm."
"What? After you put Ignis into something, it is always cold. Always." That was when I realized that I had just broken one of the everyday trends of the Phoenix court. Everything had stopped always being the same and something had become different. All because of me and I did not even realize it!
Adrenaline pumped through my veins. I was invincible. I had broken a small part of the everyday life at Phoenix court. It might have been something small, but it was a start. Who knows what I could do next?
I had finally broken the vicious cycle of sameness at the Phoenix court.
I let out a joyful laugh. Levy probably thought I was insane, but I could not contain myself. I stopped being part of what I despised. It had happened so easily too. Maybe everything from here on out would be.
Probably not, but I could hope.
I reached out my hand and scooped up the star. The warmth had made it hard and I pressed it to my cheek. I could feel the warmth but it did not bother me. It would not bother any Phoenix. I savored the warm star before pulling it away and tucking it into the back pocket of my brown Capri's. I would not be able to walk back to my lodging with the star out in the open. People would ask questions and want answers that I would not give them.
Levy was rolling her eyes and looked like she was about to say something before three gongs went off. Late afternoon jobs were finished. It was time to go to lodgings before going to dinner.
I broke out into another grin. The lodgings were a perfect place to go right now. They were private, quiet, and the perfect place for me to think about what to do next. From here on out, my goal was to find a way to get to Fairy Tail. The warm star had instilled confidence, a sense of fearlessness, and hope inside of me.
Anything that I wanted to achieve was possible. Now was the time for me to start thinking about leaving the Phoenix courts.
But that also meant leaving Levy.
"Stop day dreaming, Lu-chan! Soon I will have to stop calling you Lu-chan and start calling you Dreamer-chan." Levy said as she began to walk out of the room. She paused at the door and waited for me to catch up.
"Yes Ma'am." I told Levy as I caught up to her at the door. I plastered a smile on my face. It was not completely fake—I still had residue of happiness left from my few moments of giddiness that took place just moments ago, but an immense amount of guilt had come over me now.
As Levy and I walked out the large door, I knew that if I would achieve my goals I would never see her again. It might be a little selfish, but I would have to leave her behind. Levy did not want to come with and I would not force her.
I just could not shake the guilt of leaving Levy here. Alone at the Phoenix court. I could not send away the feeling that I was abandoning Levy for my own desires. I tried to ignore those thoughts and told myself that I had to do this for my own happiness.
It is time for me to pave the road to what I have always wanted.
Freedom from the Phoenix court.
The funny thing was that when I arrived at the Phoenix court, all I was looking for was somewhere to belong. Now, I still wanted to belong but just not here. I wanted to belong at Fairy Tail, the very place that I had rejected.
I remembered all reasons as to why I had declined Gray's invitation to Fairy Tail in the first place. They all seem petty now. I am not a mage, but I fake it well. One day, if I really do reach my goals and make it to Fairy Tail, I might tell the mages there my secret.
I should stop thinking so far ahead of myself. I still had a long way to go. This was one of those many things that I would have to take one step at a time.
Ignis is fire.
*The words that are being said are Latin, like most of the non-English words in here. IN the story, it is known as Phoenix language, but if you want to know what something like that says, you can type it into Google translate. Please keep in mind, though, that when I typed the words into Google translate, I looked up a few words, than a few more words. I did not type the whole thing in at once, so it may or may not be correct.