Author's Notes: This story is a spiritual successor to the previous chapter, but there is little if any direct continuity between them so you can think of it as a separate story if you prefer. This story also contains reference to and description of suicide. If that bothers you, do not proceed. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek help. People do care.
Ren found Nora on the roof of the hotel, perched on the safety railing and gazing out over the city below. She twisted around, hearing him approach and looked back at him painfully. She was silhouetted by the setting sun and surrounded by the burning sky. Surrounded by such color her own features seemed dimmed, amplified by her forlorn expression and simple black dress.
"Go away Ren," she sighed.
Ren ignored her.
"Your sister was wondering where you were," he said, walking slowly towards the railing.
"I mean it, Ren," she said threateningly, "I want to be alone."
Ren stopped a few yards from her and stood, saying nothing. Nora opened her mouth to reissue her warning, but when words would not come she instead turned back to watch the sunset. Ren stood, watching her, not knowing what to do with his hands. He tried resting them on his hips, but soon found himself slipping them into his suit's pants pockets. He scuffed his shoe against the roof idly before crossing his arms over his chest. Nora leaned forward on her perch, staring down at the street below.
"She's worried about you, you know," he said suddenly. "Your sister, I mean."
Nora slowly raised her gaze from the street and returned it to Ren. "She doesn't worry about anyone but herself," she said.
"I'm not entirely sure that's true," Ren said, taking another casual step towards Nora.
"You didn't live with her," Nora said, bitterly.
Ren shrugged as he reached the railing and leaned against it. "I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "I know she can be a little monster at times, but I also know you love her anyway." He looked to Nora to see she had gone back to watching the street below. From here Ren could see her puffy eyes and smeared makeup. "So," he continued, "is it really such a stretch to think she can love you too?"
Nora choked back a quiet sob and shook her head. Tears rolled down her cheeks, sparkling in the last rays of sunlight before slipping and falling into the void. Ren reached up and rubbed her back gently. He looked out over the city. The lights of the city were starting to show themselves as the sun dipped below the horizon, bathing the city in a dull golden glow. It was starting to cool down, but the warmth of Summer had not quite left.
The pair stayed silent for a long moment, save for Nora's quiet sniffling. "We should go back inside," Ren said, quietly.
"No," Nora snapped. "No, I'm staying here. I'm staying here and I'm watching the sunset and I'm... I'm..." Her anger faded as quickly as it arrived and she fell back into sobs. "Go away, Ren," she whispered. "Please just go away."
"I'm not leaving you," Ren said, solemnly. Nora barked a bitter laugh but said nothing for a long time.
Slowly her tears stopped. "Do you remember the last time we were up here?" she asked, wistfully. "It was Carnie's sixteenth birthday? "
Ren nodded. Carnation's brother managed the hotel and she had convinced him to let them up onto the roof. They'd spent the night looking at the city, playing music, talking, and getting drunk on some drinks Nora's sister Liko had somehow procured. Ren couldn't remember seeing Carnie happier, a big toothy grin behind soda bottle glasses and under a mane of wild mousy brown hair.
Ren smiled sadly. "It was a good night," he said. "The next morning wasn't. Neither was getting grounded when our parents found out."
Nora smiled, looking up at the darkening sky. "It was worth it. Watching Carnie trying to sing Splish, Splash, Die..." Her smile fell again and she looked to Ren beside her. "I miss her."
Ren lightly placed his hand over hers on the railing and squeezed softly. "Me too," he said.
"Why did she do it?" Nora whispered. "I mean I know she was troubled, she always was. And it was hard when we went to Beacon and she didn't..."
Ren nodded. Carnation was a nice girl, certainly, but very quiet and while she wasn't really disliked by anyone she kept to herself and made hardly any friends. How Nora broke through her shell Ren didn't know, but one day Nora showed up at Ren's house with the girl in tow and since then they had spent all their time together. When she could, at least. It was common for her to find herself unable to pull herself from her bed and she wore a forlorn look on her face so often that even Ren sometimes felt uncomfortable around the girl.
Thank goodness for Nora, Ren's mother had said, and Ren agreed. She knew the agony Carnation's mind was putting her through first hand and forced herself to be there for the girl regardless of her own turmoil. Liko had once asked Nora how she could stand it when she couldn't stand her own depression. Nora had shrugged, dismissively and said that she couldn't always help herself but she could help someone else and that helped herself.
Liko had laughed, but Ren thought it was one of the more profound thoughts Nora had ever had.
But at the end of their time at the academy, Ren and Nora had gone to Beacon. Carnation wasn't qualified or interested in becoming a huntress and had instead applied to a small college. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do, but was sure she would find her calling there.
She wrote emails to Nora, at first every day, but they had quickly become more erratic. Sometimes weeks would pass between notes, sometimes hours, always frantically written. They told of difficulties with schoolwork and family, the isolation she felt and how much she wanted to see her old friends. Eventually she completely stopped talking about anything in her life and each message was a simple plea repeated over and over: Please tell me something happy.
Nora had decided to visit her. She sent off a note, packed a bag, and jumped on a bus, leaving it to Ren to explain her absence to her team and the Academy faculty. When she arrived at Carnation's apartment she hadn't even bothered knocking and instead burst through with a shout and a grin.
And that's how she found her.
"She knew I was coming," Nora whispered. "She knew I was coming, why did she do it? Why didn't she wait? Why did she want me to find her like..." She trails off, staring into the distance. "I pulled her down and had to wait with her for the police... I just don't know why she wanted me to see..."
She turned to Ren again. "Do you know the worst part?"
"Nora, don't-" Ren started, but he was immediately cut off by Nora.
"It was the beam," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "She tied the extension cord around a beam in her ceiling so when she kicked over the chair... Anyway, it was the beam. I can't get it out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see it."
"Nora, please-"
"It was covered in scratches." Nora laughed suddenly. Tears were falling from her eyes, but she was quickly dissolving into a fit of hysterical giggles. Soon she was gasping for breath, lips pulled back in a cruel mockery of a grin.
Ren looked on, helplessly. He had no words left. He would normally just try to be there for her and let the episode pass, but... He looked down at the street below and saw how small the people and cars looked from up here.
"Nora," he pleaded, "come inside with me."
"Have you ever wondered if you could do it?" Nora asked as her laughing slowly died down.
"No," Ren said immediately, "and neither should you."
"But I do," Nora whined, leaning forward into empty space. "It's why I came up here, but you knew that, didn't you?" Ren nodded, uncomfortably, but Nora was already going on. "I sit on the edge and dangle my feet in space and wonder if I can leap off." She smiles softly. "And I almost think I can. I can feel it, the call of the void, telling me to jump and it feels like I could fly instead of fall. Like I could catch the wind instead of it slipping through my fingers."
"Nora, don't think about that."
"I can't help it," Nora sighed. "It's because of the scratches, don't you see? I have to know. Because when she kicked over the chair-"
"Nora-" Ren started.
"And when she was hanging there-" Nora started speaking louder.
"Nora, stop!"
"She was clawing at the beam, Ren!" Nora screamed. "She was scratching and clawing trying to pull herself up! When she thought she couldn't stand living any longer she fought for it! She tore off her fingernails trying to live and she almost did it! She almost made it...! She almost..."
The tears came again with a scream of rage and pain and this time Ren was there with her. The tension that had been building in him in the days since he received Nora's panicked phone call broke and he had no comfort in him but tears.
Nora stood up on the edge of the roof beyond the railings and Ren watched her, helplessly as she let go and stood for a moment untethered. Slowly she turned and climbed over the railing back to Ren's side. She hugged him tight and they stood, embracing and crying in one another's arms for a long time.
"I almost fell," Nora murmured quietly into Ren's chest. "When I climbed over, before you got here, I slipped. I caught myself, of course, and I was so scared and I just started laughing. It was just so stupid, you know? I came out here thinking of... of jumping, and I was terrified when I found myself about to fall... I grabbed hold and pulled myself back up."
Ren squeezed her tighter in his arms. "I'm glad," he said.
She squeezed him back as if clinging on for her life. "I think I am too."
