A/N: Second chapter, glad it's here, I hope this explains a bit more. I can't believe I got so many reviews for just the preface! It wasn't even a full chapter. ;)
I love this song, it's so docile that you just have to love it, and when his voice spikes it gives me chills.
Out into the world to make a living selling plastic faces to everyone who needs em
to forget the lies in the shadows, the practiced charades
the enemy will make sure the ties on straight
it's always best to make an impression of wealth
no matter how much hatred and debt is boiling beneath the surface
"I love you" spills like vomit from her lips
—Rocky Votolato; Secrets of a Salesman
I guess at some point everyone has to do something long term that they hate or regret every moment of. I happened to be in that situation.
Well, that's not true, I actually didn't detest the situation I was in, but I felt guilty as all hell about it. I didn't like to be in this, to be the one keeping secrets and going behind someone's back.
That morning, after a long, restless night, I managed to make it to school without falling asleep at the wheel.
Jacob was waiting at his car with his friends, the people that I didn't quite belong with, and they were all laughing and having a good old time. Seeing them like that used to make me feel intimidated, but I figured since I wasn't welcome anyway, why worry about it?
They looked at my truck with different faces of disgusts and I already knew it was going to be a long day.
Jacob was the only who looked remotely enthusiastic to see me. He stopped conversation as I approached. His loud voice called my name and I smiled at him—that wasn't too hard, he was a good guy.
Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he laid a kiss on my cheek. His friends opened their circle to us and I stood at Jacob's side, just watching the interaction.
The cheerleaders came over, easily making their way in without a glare or sneer. My hands went to my pocket and I just watched them, perfectly invisible to their group of interactive friends.
I looked toward the school, watching the large clock above the patio taunt me with the six minutes before class started.
A loud jeer came from under the clock, and that's when I saw his broad back—still facing me—twitch with the wave of movement. I watched transfixed by how he looked so different from when I was near. His friends all punched his arm and laughed at whatever joke he had told.
Some kid pulled out a pack of cards, and he looked weak at the knees. That was his weakness, I knew from unfortunate experience.
One of his friends pointed over to the group I was standing in and he turned around quickly, his hair flopping on his head. The smile on his face slowly left as he caught my eye.
I swallowed hard; under his left eye was a distinct mark. I had no want to look away, to lose eye contact with him for the rest of the day, because that's the way it would be.
He turned around immediately and went back with his friends. It was the usual.
I heard the bell ring and walked off, not looking at anyone as I left. Only Jacob followed after me, kind as he was, and latched onto my hand while we walked to class.
We sat in our seats and I watched as he took his seat right in front of me, never looking at me. His burly friend sat in front of Jacob, and that was that.
The rest of the day went on much the same. Well, it was almost the same, save one small incident.
It was in passing, nothing momentous, nothing to save in my black book, but it made my muscles spasm.
I was in the library, sitting with my makeshift friends, of course with Jacob, and while he passed with his posse his hand skimmed over my shoulder, and his fingers tugged at the back of my ponytail. My head leaned back and I caught him walking to the back room and then disappear behind the wall.
The scary thing was that things like that were meant as almost a kind of foreplay with us.
Jacob stopped conversation with his friend Embry and turned to me, his eyes angry.
"Did he do something?" he snapped at me.
I shook my head, mumbling "no" at the same time.
"Who?" Embry asked.
"That Edward Cullen guy, him and those other two are always walking around like they own the place."
"I know!" someone shouted, and then they began to bad mouth the guy that gave me the best orgasms of my life.
Ah, so now the truth comes out, right? Don't judge me, I know it may seem bad, the average "girl has a popular, football playing boyfriend but she's cheating on him with the hot badass of the school" doesn't really ever work out, but it was for me, and I knew sooner or later it would blow up in my face.
I can't say I fully regret it, in all honesty, for the months that I've continued this route, it hasn't exploded in my face, it hasn't even reared its ugly little head.
The only thing I did regret was "cheating" on Jacob.
Well, this happened before I was with him, so that counts for something, right? Right?
I knew Edward before he was the gambling badass that would kill you for giving him the wrong look. Not so much before he had that coming title, but when he was still approachable and he would smile at you if you paid him the time of day.
But it was okay, I convinced myself of that a long time ago.
I needed this relationship with Jacob, and I couldn't just suffer all throughout it, could I?
That was where Edward came in. The details are a sloppy, sordid mess of a situation, but it was stable now; more than stable. It was a prosperous and growing commodity that we were both used to.
My relationship with Jacob could only be described as familial. I felt like I was committing incest with him.
I knew the guy since we were little kids, and back then I could trust him with my secrets and we would play in the sandbox with his Tonka and Matchbox cars, not a care in the world. And then came the day where he asked me out for the first time. I denied him steadily for three years.
Well, that was where Edward came in. A… situation occurred and soon we had gotten into the cycle that we were in.
Now, I may seem like a whore, but I assure you, I, Isabella Swan, am not a no good whore.
While Edward and I began our cycle of off and on heavy heated sex, Jacob continued to ask me out, constantly persuading me with little gifts that I had no want for.
But, as all children who grow up together, he knew my one weakness… I wanted in.
I wanted to go to the college of my dreams. This may seem completely ludicrous to anyone, just take out a student loan, right? No, it doesn't work like that.
I wanted to go to Dartmouth, the mother of the North East schooling system. The English program there was beyond my wildest dreams; all I needed was to be on top honor role every year and, of course, teacher references.
It started with Jacob hinting at it, slowly luring me in with his sly references to the school. He would sometimes slip the school's mascot into casual conversation, and I would see him talking with my teachers, and that was when I realized what he was doing.
He was the star of the football team, the streaming light of the otherwise crappy team. He knew all the teachers personally, and as that goes, he was guaranteed a good school as it was, but me? I wasn't on the top list, besides a few choice courses.
I sucked it up, I accepted, we went on a low budget date, he kissed me on my porch step, he called me his girlfriend and we were in. I kissed him when he wanted me to, I said I loved him when I thought he wanted me to, and I gave it up when he hinted at the length of time we'd been dating.
Well, part of the bride price is the promised gift of "virtue". The first time we did it I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my thighs so he'd think I was a virgin.
And I was stuck in this monotonous relationship. Jacob was always my brother to me for Christ's sake!
I found, though, that I couldn't keep away from Edward and the feelings that he elicited from my body.
It wasn't an option, so I continued on with my activity with Edward. He didn't seem to care that I was dating Jacob, he would welcome me, put me in any position he'd like, and we'd both pant and grind until we were done, and then I'd leave, or he'd leave, depending on who was over where.
I had to play the fitting role, though.
I couldn't be seen with him.
I couldn't speak to him.
I couldn't touch him.
I couldn't look at him.
We were in two different social groups. He'd been suspended, almost expelled on several different occasions, and I was the honor role girl who was a goody-two-shoes.
Oh, and the fact that Jacob hated everything about him affected things, too.
Apparently they'd been in more fist fights than could be counted. Why administration put them in the same classes I'd never figure out.
Edward was a good fighter, though. He was street smart and knew how to win a dirty fight. I couldn't say I was surprised. He wasn't good at gambling, and he wasn't good at holding his liquor either, so there had to be some winning quality. Personally, his eyes were the entire reason I stayed. I would have felt horrible the very first time I cheated with Edward while I was officially dating Jacob, but I didn't feel terrible.
I felt relieved.
So from then on I didn't hesitate to get relief. Jacob didn't touch me during the football season, teenage libido screwed up his hormone balance or some crock like that. All the New Age books told him that. Also, he couldn't walk on one foot too much; it creates friction in the nerve endings of his brain.
I wasn't at all put off by the fact that he wouldn't touch me. I didn't like giving him sloppy seconds.
I sound horrible don't I?
Well, I truly did care for Jacob, just not at all like he did for me, and I honestly couldn't pull out of this relationship even if I wanted to.
He caught on somewhere in the middle of this.
No, not about the fact that I was fucking his worst enemy six ways from Sunday.
He knew I was in this relationship for the college privileges. He held that above my head constantly. If I don't show up for his game the teachers may want to speak to me, but if I'm not there, what do I do?
I knew this game, and I respected it. I was playing a game myself, why couldn't he think his was better, more calculated?
At that moment, the bell rang and everyone around the table stood and began to flock around the exit of the library.
Jacob latched onto my hand, his knuckles tense and rigid. He was still angry about Edward? I'd hate to think what he'd do if he knew about last night…
He tugged me along roughly and I winced as my thighs rubbed against the material of my jeans. My thighs were bruised and the muscles were strained still, but I kept mouth shut from making any noises.
My head caught to the left in a quick movement and I caught Edward's eyes. He was slouching in his chair, his eyes tired, and a frown on his lips, but he looked spaced out.
His eyes didn't connect to mine as I passed and he looked right through me. The absolute usual.
Jacob pulled me to history and turned to face me, his eyes still hard, and I sighed.
"Would you stop?" I mumbled.
"I hate that guy, and everyone talking about him doesn't make it better, Bells."
"He didn't even look at you."
"So what? The guy's a no good bastard."
I rolled my eyes and walked away. Either he'd been taking steroids or his male hormones were giving him so kind of strange moody PMS symptom. Maybe people were switching his steroids with estrogen. I smiled at that thought, laughing to myself and probably looking crazy.
One of Edward's friends came in, Jasper, and he took his seat next to me. We pulled into our small twosome partnership and did our assignment in quiet. They didn't talk to me either, I wondered if Edward told them not to?
Jasper was cool with me at the beginning of the semester, but he gradually stopped talking. It was sad; I felt so at ease when I spoke to him, like all my problems weren't as heavy as I thought.
A purple bruise on side of his face caught my attention the day he officially didn't say one word to me all class, and I couldn't help comparing the imprint to that of Edward's fist…
Jasper never glanced at me after that, and though I had speculations, I kept my mouth shut like a good girl.
As soon as the bell rang I was up and the first one out the door. I avoided the way to Jacob's classroom so I wouldn't have to deal with his leftover anger, and made my way out of the school building.
Days were too long, school was too long, hours were too long, life was too long.
I was too tired to think anymore, so I jumped in my truck and didn't look at the silver car that darted out beside me, or the person in the car whose eyes I'd never clearly seen in public.
A/N: I hope this answered questions, I can't reply to every messages because my wrist is still broken, and also I can't give away many answers because they're all vital to this story.
For this chapter I picked Rocky Votolato, which I just found out that americnxidiot also likes. White Daisy Passing is king, sensual and sweet. ;) I suggest the song for this chapter and also Every Red Cent, because I've had that song stuck in my head for days.
Don't forget to review!