The Great Exchange

Chapter Two: Of Friends and Fangirls

Ready to leave, I found Sasuke-kun's shoes sitting neatly by the door beside a plain black cloak, but his large hands were murder to use to get them on. Everything seemed off-balance, especially when I tried to stand again and nearly fell over. Curse men and their higher centers of gravity.

I mentally ran through my list of foods I'd seen him eat, as I'd need the information to stay in character. The record was short…a few kinds of rice, a plain bowl of Ichiraku ramen (that I remembered Naruto had stolen half of), some tomatoes, and only once had I seen him down a few pieces of tempura shrimp.

Oh, well. My own diet wasn't unhealthy, so as long as I kept away from sweet stuff, nobody would notice their little avenger munching eggs and salads instead of whatever it was he ate nowadays.

Outside the room was, as I suspected, a long hallway, lined with doors with metal numbers bolted to them. A hotel after all. The number on my own door read "247." I'd have to remember that later.

Making sure Sasuke-kun's Kusanagi, which I'd found hidden under the room's bed, was tucked safely into my sash underneath the cloak, I managed to get over the disorientation of being a few feet taller by the time I found the stairs leading to the ground floor, after carefully setting the padlock on my room's door in case of my redheaded stalker's return.

"Here we go."

I flinched, hearing Sasuke-kun's deep voice instead of my own squeak coming out of me.

"Whoa…that's weird."

I'd have stood around to listen to myself a bit more, but my stomach gurgling its emptiness quickly reminded me of my current obligation.

Downstairs, the hotel lobby was deserted but for a young woman behind the front desk. As Sasuke-kun would've done, I ignored her as I made my way to the exit. I held back a shudder as I felt her eyes boring into my back, probably with a dreamy expression to boot, until I stepped out into the street.

It seemed Sasuke-kun and his team had holed up in a traveler's town, probably for an overnight stay on their way to wherever it was they'd been heading. People were coming and going everywhere in large crowds, which was good, considering I'd have to blend in as just another tourist in case there really were any assassins looking for an Uchiha Sasuke.

My stomach growled its emptiness again, so off I went in search of food. Luckily, the cloak I was wearing had a small, drawstring bag in a hidden pocket. That'd be just like Sasuke-kun, stowing important things like cash in good hiding places.

Of course, I flipped out when I opened it to find several hundred-thousand yen notes folded up inside. What the eff?! Where on earth did Sasuke-kun get so much money? I sincerely hoped he hadn't stolen it from someone…unless of course he'd ransacked the Sound village before hightailing it out of there…That'd be ok, I guess…

Realizing I probably looked like I'd stolen the bag by staring at it, I dropped it back in my cloak pocket and went back to my search for edible objects. Luckily, after wandering through what appeared to be the shopping district, Sasuke-kun's very pretty nose led me to trail smell of fried foods into the restaurant-related side of town.

With my awesome food-finding skills, I easily located one stall among thousands that didn't have a massive line in front of it. When Sakura is hungry, Sakura wants food as soon as possible or Sakura starts killing things.

Unfortunately, the lady working the booth gave me the most gigantic smile as I wandered over, her face looking like it would split in half from how big her grin was. I knew that look. I'd seen Sasuke-kun get it daily from every girl in the village way back when.

"Can I help you, Sweetie?" she asked, her voice syrupy-sweet. I shuddered, and quickly glanced at the price list sitting on the counter.

"…Two takoyaki please," I told her, fishing around my pocket for Sasuke-kun's little cash purse. I would have ordered more than just that, but her creepy smiles made me want to get out of there as soon as possible. Poor Sasuke-kun, having every human with male preferences giving him those looks…This woman was old enough to be my mom, for Pete's sake…

"Here you are, honey," she cooed to me as I produced my payment. "And just for you, sweetheart, a ten percent discount!"

Ok, so maybe being a hot young boy did have some benefits. Even so, I only felt safe again as soon as I was out of that woman's sight, holding two generously-large blobs of batter filled with octopus bits on a stick. Maybe I wouldn't have to go find some other food after all, as my newly-created fangirl had crammed as much material as possible into the steaming spheres.

I soon found myself in full plotting mode as I wandered, taking occasional bites of my newly-acquired provisions. Somehow after I'd found the rest of Sasuke-kun's Sound team, I was going to have to convince them that instead of wherever they'd been heading, we suddenly had to turn around and journey seemingly at random back to Konoha. If I was lucky, they'd believe me and we'd head off without a hitch. If I wasn't, I'd have to have a backstory to fall on.

Um…I'm suddenly returning to the place I defected from? Nah, that sounds idiotic. Any fool could see through that in a second. They'd…offered me a chance to return, since I'd gotten rid of two huge threats to the village? Hmm, getting warmer…

"Ohmagawd, Koko! Look over there!"

"Where?"

"There! Hot dude!"

It didn't take a massive intellect to figure out who the two female voices behind me were referring to. Pretending not to hear them, I kept walking in hopes of losing them. Unfortunately, it seemed they wanted to follow me.

"Go ask him."

"No, you ask him."

"You saw him first, you ask him!"

I rolled my eyes in disgust. I mean, I'd used to act like that, but at least I'd grown up past that stage after figuring out how annoying it was. These people were all imbeciles.

"Wow, he's really cute."

"Go ask him, Koko."

"I'm scared to!"

Then why the crap are you following me, you idiots?!

I didn't want to lead them back to the hotel, just in case the rest of Sasuke-kun's team and I had to stay there another night. The last thing I needed were more girls besides that redheaded weirdo crowding outside my door in the dead of night. At least I'd found the door had a lock before I left…

"H-hey, um…" I heard one of the girls squeak as a hand grabbed the back of my cloak. I turned around with my best annoyed face to be greeted with a tiny, tiny girl with braided pigtails gazing up at me with hearts in her eyes. Ew…she couldn't be more than twelve or thirteen. What was she fangirling me for?!

"What do you want?" I asked in an irritated voice, pulling my cloak out of her grip. She drooled for a few more seconds, before shaking herself back into awareness.

"I, um…I mean…I…do you…um…uh…"

"I don't have time for this," I muttered, turning and striding away in a very in-character fashion. I felt bad for the girl, but if I was going to play the part of the angsty avenger, I was going to do it right if it killed me. Yay for mad acting skills right there.

Sadly, that very scene replayed itself several more times with several different girls, until I took refuge in the bathroom of a small convenience store after remembering just which bathroom I had to use now. I sighed, leaning against the dividing wall between my stall and the next, as the toilet seat looked…uncomfortable to sit on.

When I got back home, I'd so kill anyone who bothered Sasuke-kun. I knew how much he hated girls following him, but this was ridiculous! Curse Sasuke-kun's ancestors for giving him the prettiness gene.

I flinched as I heard the bathroom door burst open and slam shut in quick succession, followed by the sound of labored breathing as something thumped to the floor while something else clanged with a metallic-sounding noise.

Too curious for my own good, I pushed open the stall door and peered out.

Slumped against the bathroom's door was a young man, panting as if he'd just ran a marathon. His silvery-colored hair was practically dripping with sweat, as were his purple clothes. My eyes flicked to the huge weapon lying beside him, and I froze. The last time I'd seen that chunk of metal, it'd been stuck in the ground as a grave marker in the Land of Waves.

The sword of Momochi Zabuza.

"Dude!"

I flinched in surprise as the guy got to his feet, grinning at me with weirdly razor-sharp teeth. "Sasuke, my man! Where've ya been? Karin's whining about you running off somewhere. What'd she do, try to tie you up again?"

I blinked, piecing his words together. Ok…so apparently he knew Sasuke-kun. And well enough to talk casually to him. This was probably another member of his Sound team. And oh joy, I'd finally learned the name of my stalker.

"Don't tell her you saw me," I ordered him in a very Sasuke-ish fashion, not wanting another confrontation with that scary girl.

Sasuke-kun's teammate threw his head back and laughed before reaching down to grab Zabuza's sword and hoist it up. "Don't worry, dude. I got ya covered."

Hoping he'd stay true to his word, I stepped completely out of the stall as the guy strapped the oversized blade to his back. So I'd discovered two of the Sound team, but that left one unaccounted for…

"…And if that stupid little witch hadn't turned on me, I'd have gotten away clean!" the guy was complaining as I followed him out of the men's bathroom and back out into the street. "Then again, her mom probably peed on her after giving birth to her, that's why she acts like that."

I wanted to agree with a few insults of my own, but that's not what Sasuke-kun would've done. So I stayed quiet.

"Hey…you gonna eat that?" he asked, eyeballing my untouched takoyaki, as I'd devoured the first one.

"Knock yourself out," I muttered, handing it to him. I'd have to get his name soon, otherwise I'd look suspicious only knowing what to call Karin and not the rest of Sasuke-kun's team.

"Mmm," my unnamed teammate hummed happily, wiping bits of batter from his sharp-toothed mouth as he chucked the remaining stick over his shoulder. "That hit the spot. Hey, wanna go look for Juugo? He's probably off killing some random people."

Ok, so I had the third member's name, but not this guy's!

"He'd better not be," I muttered with my patented Angry Sasuke-kun face.

"Um…no offence man, but can we go now? Those chicks over there are staring…"

I nodded, sending the offenders a glare as I set off after my no-name colleague. Fortunately my lack of knowledge wasn't a problem, as he babbled on about whatever thought popped into his head in a rather Naruto-like fashion.

"…And you promised," he said with a sharp-toothed grin, "You promised you'd pay for my onsen ticket after losing that bet."

It was a good thing he'd promptly turned around again, or he'd have witnessed a very un-Sasuke-like jaw-dropping expression.

Onsen equals hot springs. Hot springs equals bath. Bath equals…

Had he turned around at that point also, my scarlet face would have been a dead giveaway. I only just managed to erase the redness as I followed him through yet another street, pretty sure by now he had no idea where he was going.

"It's late," I said to him, interrupting another great rant on the ugliness of my fangirl. "We should return to the inn. The others will find their way back."

Or at least, I sincerely hoped so as my loudmouthed buddy scratched his head of silvery hair.

"Yeaaahh…" he agreed slowly, "I guess the little pig's chewtoy can find her way back if she tries hard enough. Juugo's probably there already. Washing off the blood of his victims, most likely."

By some miracle, we managed to find our way back to the cheap-o hotel I'd unwittingly wandered half a mile or more from. The same woman at the front desk gave me a sickening smile I'd seen all of too many times today, but in a moment I was climbing the stairs to the floor above, and well away from her gaze.

"Go see if Juugo's back yet," I ordered my teammate, phrasing the sentence carefully to disguise the fact that I had no idea what our third member looked like, or what room he was in. Luckily, he obeyed without question and left me standing before room 247 with no memory of the combination for the dial padlock.

Oh, well. I hadn't passed the Chunin Exams for nothing. After twelve seconds of calling up my knowledge of lockpicking, the door swung open in defeat. I smirked as Sasuke-kun would've done, and made sure I closed the door behind me in case that Karin decided to reappear.

Not even bothering to take my shoes or cloak off, I collapsed onto the room's single bed, attempting to exhale the tenseness I'd built up all day while pretending to be Sasuke-kun. I even had to pull a few faces to get my cheek muscles working again after a whole day of frowning and scowling. Being able to smile again was a feeling I didn't know how much I'd missed until now.

"I am Sakura," I said to myself, though it sounded silly in Sasuke-kun's voice. "I am Sakura. Not Sasuke."

I giggled, the action feeling great right now. "Never mind, I am Sasuke. And I think Sakura's the prettiest girl in the whole wide world."

I imagined Naruto here with me, busting a gut as I said that last sentence in a high-pitched, babyish voice. "The pwettiest girl in the whoooole wiiiiide world."

I might have seemed absolutely stupid in those few minutes I spent alone, but the laughter and loss of tension it caused were completely worth it. After working everything out of my system, I remembered what I'd told my unnamed teammate and stood up, making sure my door clicked shut behind me.

"Yo, Sasuke!"

I turned at the sound of my fellow Karin-hater's voice, and was relieved to see him waving at me from down the hall, accompanied by a massive guy with flaming orange hair. He must've been seven feet tall, at least! So this was Juugo.

"Karin?" I asked as they caught up to me, and my buddy shook his head.

"No sign of the warthog," he stated with obvious glee. "Now remember, you promised."

Oh, right. The onsen springs. I vaguely remembered seeing the sign for the attraction down in the lobby. Well, the two of them could have as much fun as they wanted. You wouldn't catch me dead in a pool with a bunch of guys.

"…All right," I muttered, turning and heading for the stairs. "Just this once."

"Woohoo!" my unnamed teammate exclaimed, reminding me again of Naruto as he pumped a fist in the air. "You know there's separate and mixed here? How awesome is that?! Man, I hope there's some babes in there, mm-hm!"

"I'll pass," I murmured, descending the short flight of stairs. The last thing I needed was to be surrounded by more fangirls while I was…e-hem…revealed.

"You're such a stick," my teammate snorted as we stepped out on the bottom floor.

"Sasuke-san is afraid of being touched by the drooling girls."

I stopped, turning and looking at the orange-haired man. It was the first time I'd heard him speak, and it was barely more than a soft little whisper of an intelligent comment. The exact opposite of my loudmouthed companion.

"Mmm…ok, fine, that's a good excuse," he reluctantly agreed as I purchased admittance for my two subordinates. The woman at the lobby desk blushed and stuttered as she tried to look me in the eye, obviously trying to get something out.

"S-sir, um…well…today is th-…three for th-the p-price of t-two…"

"Geez," my unnamed teammate muttered, elbowing Juugo while giving me an envious look. "His Majesty's getting in free!"

WHAT?! I silently shrieked, but the next thing I knew, I'd been steered past the front desk and down a single hallway to a set of three doors that read respectively, "Women," "Mixed," and "Men," each with a different painted design of the hot springs inside.

"Dunno bout you, man," my unnamed teammate teased, releasing the arm he'd dragged me by, "But I'm headin' for the ladies!"

"Perhaps…Sasuke-san should take the time to relax…" Juugo turned and said to me as our other group member disappeared through the "Mixed" door. "Sasuke-san is…always so somber."

Aww. That was sweet. Sasuke-kun had somebody on his team that cared after all. Right now, I'd have given just about anything to be able to give him a smile and a hug for being so considerate, but I couldn't.

"…Go on," was all I could say, nodding to the direction our other companion had taken. "I'll…take care of myself."

He nodded his head of bright orange hair, and left through the same door as the other guy. Leaving me, feeling rude and very conflicted, before the three doorways.

"You shut up," I told my smirking Inner, before hesitating…and finally, pushing open the door marked "Men."

The room inside was completely empty.

HA. YOU THOUGHT WRONG!

pwned.

Moar silliness, no Karin this time :D