I watch him disappear into the night and the wind blows, and it's chilly.

I'm standing there, all fucking alone, and no, I am not lonely and I do not regret sending Bondomu off like that. I don't. I mean, look what he did to me. Little bitch.

It's not my fault. He's the one who thought we were getting intimate. It's not like I was the one who told that. The taste in my mouth is bitter and dull, and I don't want to keep it there.

I hear footsteps behind me, and I see Desires. He's shooting me a look that clearly says 'you're a failure in life' but I don't fucking care, and I'm not in the mood for whatever he's got in store of me.

"That was smooth, Joyd." he drawls. "Real smooth."

"Shut up," I say, but it doesn't hold as much vigor as it usually does, so the command just bounces off him. He's crossing his arms.

"Honestly, Joyd," he begins, and I'm ready to zone out. "You were doing so well. What happened?"

That stupid question again. "Nothing happened!" I snap. I turn away, because I don't want to talk to him, not about this, and not here. Knowing him, he's going to try and convince me that I should apologize and that Bondomu's the one for me.

Which he isn't. At all.

"Joyd," he sighs. "I think I have asked this before. What is wrong with you? You had Bondomu in your arms, and you were making out and about to fuck like rabbits but then you had to transform into a child again, and now you've screwed your whole relationship up." I glare at him. "I hope you're ashamed of yourself."

"What relationship?" I snarl, fist clenching. "He's nothing!"

"Liar!" Desires snarls back. "You're so stubborn, Joyd. Why can't you just admit to yourself that deep down, you truly and deeply love Bondomu?"

"I do not!" And I'm at the end of my line, I tackle him. He dodges, but I've had enough of fighting for once and once I miss, I stop. I don't want to move anymore, and I find myself feeling tired.

Desires looks a little surprised that I'm not barraging him with punches. "Joyd? Are you alright?"

"Be quiet." I say tiredly and I turn away. I'm going to go back to the Ark and go to sleep. I've had enough for one night. I just hope I don't see Bondomu there.

"Joyd." Desires says, grabbing my shoulder and under normal circumstances, I would have twisted his hand off, but right now, I don't care. "It's all right to feel embarrassed."

"I'm not."

"You should be good to him, Joyd. You're very lucky."

"No, and you've got to be kidding me."

Desires' lips curl. "You're so stubborn. You've turned a perfectly good characteristic into a burden."

"Just...shut up." I counter lamely. I wiggled out of his grasp and I leave, ignoring his call and just trying not to think about what had happened tonight.

XxxX(Bondomu)XxXxX

Damn you, Joyd!

He's a jerk, a jerk, a jerk jerk jerk jerk!

He's a fucking idiot!

He shouldn't have kissed me if he wasn't going to mean anything by it! So he's not just an idiot, he's stupid too! Bastard!

I make a frustrated cry and I hurl a small pentacle at a nearby house. It smashes into the sides, and the wall is demolished.

I'm stomping down the street, and I don't really care where I'm going anymore, I just want to be away from him.

Away away away so far I'll forget he even existed.

I thought he loved me. For just a tiny, tiny second there, I thought he loved me.

But I was just a fucking distraction.

Again. I can't believe it happened to me again, when did I become so soft and gullible that Joyd, who had been hunting me down for three months, was able to fool me into believing he cared?

For a moment, I consider visiting Jasdero or Debitto, but I shake that thought so it disappears. I shouldn't see them in a bad mood. Jasdero can tell what I'm feeling, so anger will only frighten him.

I don't want them to be scared.

It's such an ugly feeling.

I should know.

The starless night is dark and it's too quiet, and I hate hate hate hate silence so that just adds fear to my ever tumbling range of emotions; rage, disapointment, and misery.

It's so dark. No streetlights, and not a living creature in this abandoned part of the town.

The wind blows, and its cold, like fingers made of ice, dancing across my skin.

I reach up and rub my arms, shivering.

It's dark, cold and lonely,

Just like the day the 14th killed me.

I want to forget it, but the memory's burned itself into my mind.

And everyday single day, it comes back to me.

He was standing there, smiling and covered in blood, grinning and laughing like nothing was wrong and he said Bondomu Bondomu come here, but I didn't because they were everywhere, all over the floor.

Bodies, all dead.

My family.

Our family.

...

He said he loved me

I trusted him.

And he killed me.

There had been blood everywhere, and it was so so so dark and so so so cold and I tried to fight and tried to kill him but I could feel the Heart's blade at my throat and his hands, his hands his hands his hands so cold and dark and scary and no no no no no no no no his eyes he smiles and nooooooooo help me help help help me—

—No one comes and it's dark and everyone's dead because he killed them all and I'm begging and begging and begging to please let me go but he stabs me stabs me stabs me with the Heart, the evil, disgusting, terrible Heart and it infects me and I'm being eaten alive and no no no no nonononononononononopleasedon'thelpmehelpmepleasehelp—

A cat nuzzles my ankle.

Without thinking, my leg shoots out, catching it by the side and flinging it into a wall.

I stare after it for a few moments and then I quickly start running because I didn't mean to harm the poor creature and it didn't deserved to be kicked. I can see a tiny furry little body on the ground and I kneel by it, hoping it's okay.

It's dead.

I put my hand on it, heart pounding, because, no, I don't want it to be dead, I didn't even know this kitty, so why did I kill it? Its body is still warm, but its cooling and Jasdero would've loved a cat but I killed it I killed it I killed it, just like how the 14th killed me, all broken and still and—

I start crying.

The tears just come and my face is wet and no matter how hard I try to wipe them away, more tears start flowing.

I'm pathetic. Am I really crying over a dead cat? I am a Noah, the Embodiment of Bond. Am I really that weak, that I would be able to cry so easily? Over such a little thing?

Or maybe it's not so little, because deep down inside my heart I think I really miss the 14th, and part of me wants to believe that he had a perfectly good reason for killing me and that I should let it slide.

Of course, I won't forgive him. Not ever.

I can't.

I haven't missed him in a long time, and thanks to stupid Joyd, all the unpleasant feelings I spent so much time in packing up have all broken free. I sniffle. I hate it, but I think I kind of miss Joyd too.

He might have tried to kill me several times, but no one's really spent that much time and effort to get my attention...it's actually kind of sweet.

I rub my eyes furiously, but that just makes them sting and tear up even more and I grunt in frustration. Stupid tears. Stupid Joyd. Stupid 14th. Stupid, stupid stupid—

Someone pokes my shoulder.

Instinctively, my hand shoots out catching my ambusher by the neck. They let out a surprised yelp and I slam them into the ground and raise my other hand and summon a pentacle to crush whoever was foolish enough to sneak up on me.

My ambusher looks terrified. "W-wait! Calm down, Bo, it's meeee!"

I blink a few times. "Phaedra?"

It is Phaedra. He's staring up at me with a sheepish smile and those lavender locks that I love splayed over the ground.

He shoves me off him. "Eclipse,' he corrects, patting my cheek. "After all I was about to do for you, too! Why are you crying, Bo?"

My tears haven't stopped falling.

I raise my hands up and wipe them away. There's not much of a difference. Eclipse clicks his tongue at me and pulls me up by my arm.

"You're a fright." he says, and it makes me smile, just a little bit.

"I've been worse." I reply softly. He snorts.

"No duh. C'mere. There's a nice spot up by the coast. Tell me on the way."

Xxxx

I blurt out everything that's been making me worry and its really late at night by the time we reach the beach, so the moon is out, full and shining. Eclipse listens to me patiently, and we sit on the fine white sand, inches away from the tides. I left out the stuff about the 14th, because then he'll just worry. The Pianist's a touchy stubject, and Eclipse had been one of the first to die.

When I finished explaining on how Joyd was such a jerk, he spoke.

"That's a long story." he comments. I shrug my shoulders. He says nothing.

I glance at him expectantly.

He glances blankly back.

" What?" he asks. My eyes narrow. Surely he isn't serious? Dragging me all the way out here?

His expression looks as if he is. I nudge him the gut, hard. "What do you mean, 'what'? What should I do?"

Realization dawns on him. "Oohhh. I see. Well. You want advice, right?"

I nod.

He clears his throat."Okay. Listen carefully. Ahem. Life is like a snowmobile, driving across the tundra. Its smooth sailing until it flips over and pins you down, trapping you for the ice bears to ravage."

I am appalled.

I stare at him with a look of disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"What?" he says defensively. "It's good advice!"

"What exactly am I in that?"

"The dude pinned underneath the snowmobile."

"So what's Joyd?"

"The ice bear that's about to eat you." Eclipse explains. I am rendered speechless. My look of mortification must've been very convincing since he quickly backtracks. "Well...not eat per say..."

"So what?" I demand, impatient. He swirls the sand around with his fingers.

"Well." he muses. "It's Joyd, and even if he is a wild animal, I don't think he'd eat you."

"That makes me feel better." I snap. He's not helping. If there's going to be no progress, I think I'll just leave. I should get back to my hosts anyway. I stand up, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back down.

"Wait, don't go." he says. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that he really loves you. He just doesn't show it like regular people do."

I flop back down on the sand, dejected. I summon a mini pentacle and flick it to the ground, creating a star-shaped imprint. "I wish he'd show it like normal people do." I sigh.

Eclipse reaches over and rubs my back comfortingly. "If he was normal, he wouldn't be Joyd, would he?" he queries cheekily.

No matter how much I don't want them to, the ends of my lips turn up, just a little. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right." He brags. "I'm always right."

I laugh, and I shove his shoulder, so he topples over. He cries out a protest and I laugh some more. He pushes himself up with his elbows and glances at me.

"You have a nice laugh." he comments. "You should laugh more."

"I do laugh." I say, and turn my head up to the moon. "You're just never there to hear it."

The moon is big and bright, and a little yellow, and as Jasdero would call it, a big ball of cheese.

"Where?" Eclipse waits patiently for me to answer.

"When I'm with the boys." I reply, my voice getting a little softer. Eclipse shrugs.

"My host scares me. You're lucky, Bo. Yours are sort of sweet."

I chin rests on my knees, which I pull up to my chest. I gaze at the large gold moon, and listen to the tides as they sweep across the sand.

"I know."

XxX(Eclipse)xXx

Poor Bo.

He's had a lot of sadness in his life.

I mean, first the 14th and now Joyd. Bo really has a knack for becoming friends with the wrong people.

I mean, Joyd's my brother and I love him but seriously, he's so annoying and has a terrible temper sometimes.

Bo's a much calmer person to be around, and you can tell he cares. He treats his boys really nicely, and spends a lot of his time with them. I can see why Judge is so infatuated with him.

It would make so much more sense if Bondomu liked Judge, since they're both very similar. Judge is calm and quiet and he treats Bo very lovingly. I don't think Bondomu really notices, but they're friends, and that's enough.

Another thing about Judge—he's very patient. He doesn't mind that Bondomu doesn't realize his feelings and he's nice about Joyd, too. What a guy, y'know what i'm talking about?

It would make much more sense for him to like Judge, but I can't help but think that it would be all wrong for that to happen though. They say opposits attract and I guess that's why he and Joyd are stuck with each other.

Bondomu went back to the Ark a little while ago, and I'm tired, it's almost morning. I think I should go back too.

I don't really feel like going to see Fiddler, and I don't feel like leaving Bondomu's problem alone. I really think I should help him, due to all the times he's helped me. Besides, he's my friend, and I think he deserves some happiness.

I see Desires standing nearby. He gives me a half-way.

I don't wave back. He gives me the shivers. I try and pretend I didn't see him, but he's coming over and I have to force out a false smile.

"Hi, Dee. What's up?"

"Phaedra, I need you help."

That's surprising. Desires never asks me for help. "What?" I ask skeptically. I'm wary of him, and I have a good reason too. Last time I saw him, he had just finished ripping the guts out of some poor kid's mid-section and was grafittiing the walls with blood.

"Joyd needs a reason to go back to Bondomu." he says, straight to the point. "And I have an idea, but I need your help with it."

I step back several paces. "No. No, no no. You're ideas always end badly, and involve in some sick perverted actions someone has to take."

Desires is not a very innocent man, afterall. The fact that his host is Cyril proves it. He's glaring at me now, and despite the things he's done, I can't believe he still doesn't like being called a pervert.

"Come now, Phaedra." he says, irked. "You care about Bondomu, don't you?"

"Eclipse. Yes, of course. But Dee...your ideas never work." I hope he can see how much tact I'm trying to put into this. I don't think he does. He steps closer.

"This one will work." he insists, grabbing my arm in an awkward and suggestive manner and I shake him off. The skin he touched has goosebumps on it now, thanks Desires."It's foolproof! I guarantee it! It'll work!"

I sigh. "Really?"

"Of course!" he looks offended. " Although, you may not like my part in this..."

I groan inwardly. "What?"

Desires crosses his arms. "Are you going to help?"

My curiosity betrays me. I try my best to tread carefully. "If I was helping, though I might not, I think it'd be best for me to know."

Desires grins, clearly mistaking my answer as a 'yes'. "Alright, then. This is what you have to do..."

As he speaks, I wonder what I have gotten myself into.

XxX

Ahhh.

Welll.

I don't like this chapter as much as the first, but I thought I should post since I've neglected For Eternity. If people read more of my other stories, I might be more diligent! =D

Just kidding XD.

Seriously though.

I need ideas~~~~~ I'm on a major writers block here. My writing's just getting worse and worse.

Phaedra is an alternate translation of 'Fiddler' though.

All of you, write more Noah fics! The world doesn't have enough! R&R!