Karamatsu slouched into their genkan, not silent but not loud either. He plopped down onto the raised floor and snapped the buckles of his boots open before he slipped and them off and stopped. Breathed, hunched over himself as his lungs heaved and hugged himself, forcing himself under control, slipping a mask onto his face. A frail, cracked mask.

He heard his brothers arguing in the room above his head and clenched his teeth, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth and squeezing the bridge of his nose, his eyes crinkled tightly shut. In, out, in, out, just like the guards had told him. Breathe in and breathe out, breathe deep, hold, breathe out.

Tell your brothers. They'd said. They had wanted to escort him home, just to make sure he got there safely. He'd declined them before he left, saying he had other brothers waiting for him at home. Tell your brothers. They'd said as they lead him out the back door.

How though? How could he tell his brothers?

One of them was dead. One of them was never coming back! How could he possibly explain that to his brothers!

"Karamatsu nii-san you're back.. Where's Ichimatsu?"

Karamatsu twisted the fabric of his pants in his white knuckled fist. He could feel his body trembling and he was sure who ever it was behind him could see it too. They took a step towards him but stopped as if they'd reconsidered.

"Are you alright?"

"…" Karamatsu shook his head and sniffed. He wiped at his eyes and slowly got to his feet, he didn't turn around to identify his company nor did he so much as glance up from the floor between his feet.

"Is everyone upstairs?" He asked.

"Yeah, we were all waiting for you and Ichimatsu to get back."

Karamatsu twitched but otherwise didn't move.

"Go back up to them. I don't want to say this twice."

"Say what twice? What happened out there? Where's Ichimatsu? What's goi-"

"Osomatsu go wait with everyone else!" Silence fell upon the two, Karamatsu trying to hold back shivers that threatened to quake through his body unchecked.

"Karamatsu nii. I'm Choromatsu. Is everything all right? You don't usually mistake any of us for another, especially not with Osomatsu."

"I'm not all right. Nothing's all right Choromatsu, would you please just go wait with the others. I can't say this again." Karamatsu begged.

Choromatsu stared at Karamatsu's tense shoulders, noticed the quiver beneath his leather jacket and nodded to himself. He turned and began climbing the stairs, Karamatsu not far behind him as he reached the landing and turned to their bedroom. The door was wide open, letting light spill out into the dark hallway with their obnoxious laughter and stupid comments. Choromatsu entered the room and swooped down on his previous spot on the couch. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, staring intently at Karamatsu who had stopped right before the doorway.

He watched Karamatsu watch their brothers. Saw the tears tracks dried to his cheeks and his red-rimmed eyes. He watched Karamatsu purse his lips and scrunch his eye brows together before he looked away, looking like he wanted to run away. Though from what Choromatsu couldn't tell.

Karamatsu opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the words to retell whatever story had gotten him so worked up this night. With little success he sighed and stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind him. In an instant the room changed, the brothers all seemed to lock eyes on Karamatsu as one as the feeling amongst the brothers became heavy and humid.

"Karamatsu, where's Ichimatsu? You said you were going to find him right? You shouldn't've come back without him." Osomatsu said, playing with a mahjong piece unconsciously. He tapped it against the table, turning it in between his fingers and flipping it side to side. An old nervous tick. Each brother could feel the tension in the air.

"I-Ichimatsu.. Won't be coming back tonight." Karamatsu said, back pressed into the door like his wished it would absorb him.

"Oh, is that all? Is he coming back tomorrow? Did he decide to sleep in the alley with his cats tonight?"

Karamatsu shook his head. "He won't be back tomorrow either."

Silence took over the room.

"Then, will he be back? The day after tomorrow?"

Karamatsu shook his head again but offered no words in return. He leans more heavily against the door as his brother's stares pinned him down.

"Karamatsu, when is Ichimatsu coming back?"

Karamatsu shook his head in silence again and swallowed heavily.

"He's not coming back." He muttered. It was quiet, almost a whisper, but in the silence of the room it was deafening. "Ichimatsu, he… Oh god." Karamatsu choked back his word and fell to the floor, his knees giving out beneath him. He settled one hand over the tops of his knees and supported his head with the other as fat tear dribble down his face. He sobbed loudly and gasped for breath.

"He killed himself."

"… What?"

"K-Karamatsu nii, that's not funny. Wh-where's Ichimatsu n-nii-san?" Todomatsu was scared. Karamatsu was scaring him, Ichimatsu wasn't, couldn't be dead. It was just a cruel joke by Ichimatsu. He was waiting just outside the house to come in and surprise them.. Surely. Surely he wasn't…

"DO YOU THINK I WOULD LIE ABOUT THIS TOTTY? I SAW IT FUCKING HAPPEN. I WATCHED HIM! I… I wasn't fast enough to save him. If I was just faster, if I hadn't let him go. It's all my fault." Karamatsu's voice faded, washed with his despair and his guilt, his self-blame. He'd let go of Ichimatsu. He had let him fall. He could have saved him.

"What happened?" Choromatsu asked, voice just as sticky as his brothers.

"He just, dropped off a building…. Said, goodbye and dis-disappeared over the ledge. I tried to save him. I re-really really tried. I had his jumper sleeve in my hand but he was just… Gone."

Choromatsu dragged himself up from the couch and approached Karamatsu's sobbing, shaking form. He slid down the wall next to his brother and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him as close as he possibly could, holding him as tightly as ease of breathing would allow through their hiccups and tears and wails of despair.

"It's not your fault nii-san. It'll never be your fault. We'll never blame you for this Karamatsu. Because it's not your fault." Choromatsu kissed Karamatsu's forehead and snuggled up to him, resting his head on Karamatsu's shoulder as they fell into silence. Totty got up and fled the room, he threw open their window, crawled out to their balcony and slammed it shut after himself. Jyuushimatsu cried in the corner, letting his cries out as Osomatsu sat with him and rubbed his back mechanically, crying the saddest of silent tears Choromatsu had ever seen.

He could see that they would never truly heal from this.