The last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to do is to get up after the bullshit from last night, compliments of Marzana. After it dawned on me in my half delirious state that I indeed did survive my near death experience with the pond, I crawled myself pathetically off the edge of the bank in the early hours of the morning and found a rather inviting shrub to substitute as a bed. The sun was beating down on the back of my head right now, and that means people will be flocking to Mollohan park. I know I should most likely get up now but… Ugh. Cannot face thought of go to work. Only thing which makes it slightly tolerable is thought of getting some much needed cash in, but then again that won't happen since at this point I desire only to sit on my bed eating chocolate and watching x-mas specials that I garnered a strange satisfaction from. Did I mention it was Christmas eve tonight? And on top of it's strenuous financial and emotional toll it seems just plain wrong and unfair that on Christmas I am put into this situation.
Lying in this shrub was a becoming a very introspective experience, I'll give you that, but it concerned me that I would seem like some sort of half crazed drunkard who passed out in a park. Most likely there are members of the general public staring at me right now, joggers running over my body as a hurdle for extra activity and parents swerving their children away warningly from the unconscious woman in the park.
I should probably open my eyes now. Only I didn't have time to register the thought when I felt a sharp prick on the back of my neck. I just knew it was one of those very children poking me with a stick.
"I'm not dead" I muffled through my safe haven of the shrub, which I have grown rather fond of.
"Quiet shrew" the voice bit back. A male voice I might add, deep and gruff tainted with an English accent.
Oh no I have to put up with an angry 30 something stay at home dad now. They are the worst. He probably thinks I'm a strange breed of predator who deliberately saunters around a park in the early morning with the sole intention of attacking his children. Before I turn around could reassure him I was not one of those types, he pricked the back of my neck and continued without a thought.
"What is a vagabond such as yourself, with no provisions I may add, doing out in the boarders of Rivendell whilst finding a safe haven in a plant?"
I didn't bother to turn and face him since I honestly needn't be bothered, that and I'd rather not let him see my face then discover that same woman was working at a reputable department store. Not good. And Rivendell? Ha what a tourist. A very confused tourist, who obviously holds an inherent prejudice against the homeless.
"I'm pretty sure Rivendell is in Middle Earth, I'm sorry to break it to you" I corrected gently, if not a little amused.
The prick that sauntered on the back of my neck slightly embedded itself with more intensity, actually becoming uncomfortable now "Yes, Rivendell is in Middle Earth. And you, you are on it's boarders" He stated warningly.
A unnerving silence filled the air as no further words were exchanged. A good, solid amount of unnerving silence.
"Um…. Okay. Right. I'll get a taxi." I blurted awkwardly, deliberating that it was well overdue that I be on my way.
I tried to do so but the shrub, once acting as friend and ally was now taking the position of adversary. I scrambled to turn around and quickly make my exit from insane English guy, but my efforts were useless. Every time I moved every inch of my body was only further imprisoned in the labyrinth of the shrub. As I continued to fall prey to it with a loud cacophony of noise, I heard a very loud and deliberate sigh of impatience behind me. With that, two very large hands grabbed my shoulders roughly- and with surprising ease flung me carelessly to the ground.
Embittered and shocked from his man handling, I gained the strength to face this moron with a particular scathing anger that only a woman can posses.
"Hey I nearly drowned you ass do you even realize what I went through…" my last words drowned in my throat realized the source of the incessant pricking was not from a stick, but from a sword. Merely inches from my now fully exposed neck. Oh god I was being robbed, or something even worse that I didn't even want to fathom, by a sword. A sword? Well that's a little be passé, who is this man and why is he carrying something so obsolete in the time of guns and explosives and… guns. In fear, I tried to squint my eyes that were still struggling to adjust to the light as I attempted to make out the person who was doing this. Much to my frustration, the sun behind them drowned out any features they possessed, creating only a very large, tall silhouette bordered by the cloudless blue sky. This confusing, frightening and rather enticingly mysterious predicament I found myself in was soon brought to light, the figure suddenly leering down at me. I couldn't see his facial expression, but something told me that if I did, he would have not been a happy camper. I felt paralyzed with anxiety as he broke the distance between us, roughly grabbing the collar of my shirt. I braced myself to finally see the person doing this, only to see..
Sean Bean?
So by this point i was just really too overwhelmed with confusion to acknowledge the possibility of my throat being lacerated. By SEAN BEAN of all people. Not only did I recognize him from the first Lord Of The Rings installment as Boromir, but from my sister who forcibly imposed his plethora of obscure movies on me due to her undying obsession of his "talent". Of course i saw easily through her masquerade, noting her lust filled eyes as she dreamily observed his films like a giggling tween. But why was Sean Bean of all people in Mullohan Park? And more importantly why was he pointing a lord of the rings esque sword at my throat? Perhaps he was having some sort of Britney Spears moment, like those ones where celebrities just crumble in their own shit storm of craziness in the public eye.
Well what ever internal conflict Sean Bean was struggling with now, I felt no compulsion to take any part in it (unlike my sister, who would most likely break down in joy granted such opportunity). As Sean Beans grip tightened on my shirt, pulling me off the floor, a proper look at his attire saw him dressed much like Boromir from lord of the rings. No, exactly like Boromir. Not only was he elaborately draped in the heavy materials, but he like... Embodied the man. Greasy blonde locks, scruffy 3 o'clock shadow, intense and rather unbecoming demeanor to strangers. Everything. Either Sean Bean was completely and utterly delusional at the moment, or just super confused with his life.
So as i faced an extremely intense and aggressive Sean Bean with a sword, The moment i was flung to my feet I promptly made it my mission to sort out this messy scenario I found myself in with actor turned steward Sean Bean. And quickly.. Very quickly leave.
"I'm really really sorry Mr. Bean, I didn't mean to startle you and it seems you're in a rather fragile state at the moment"
He tilted his head, slightly taken aback from my judgment regarding his mental state.
I noted this, and continued on "Just send me on my way and ill make my way to the park exit near Annandale Street. And I'll leave you and your sword..." My eyes trailed down nervously to the extremely realistic looking piece of metal hovering merely inches from my neck. "Be together. Alone" I offered, slightly stuttering.
He raised an eyebrow dubiously at that last comment, face crunched with confusion.
Still probing his sword right at me, he pointed a gloved finger at me "I am not this "Sean Bean", whoever he may be. And there is no such street you speak of here either, the nearest would be at Rivendell which is not for miles. Woman."
Besides how he felt it was really that necessary to finish his verbal onslaught with "woman" irritated me, what irritated me more was how the actor was being a complete dick right now. A completely insane one. Although it was ridiculous his accusations of being in middle earth, a quick scan of our surroundings proved to me we were still at Mullohan park. It looked different in flooded by the bright morning sun, accompanied by the rustling activity of nature. But here we were, standing in the exact same spot I was when i overlooked the pond. And subsequently assaulted. Something admittedly did seem a little off about the scene in front of me though, much to my concern.
My thoughts were interrupted by Boromir, who's eyes intently and rather creepily scanned me up and down. Threateningly, he sauntered around me in a circle deciding it would be cool to play "bad cop" or something. Only then did I notice the overwhelming distance in height between me and Boromir clad Sean Bean, that immense difference in physical size. If he was indeed Boromir and I was some sort of ork or crazy witch from Middle earth he would easily be able to destroy me right then and there. But alas, I was neither.. And he was Sean Bean. So that situation was not possible, in fact it would have been kind of funny. But not really.
I felt his presence behind me, scanning me up and down. "Are you a witch?" He interrogated.
Oh god he actually thinks I'm a witch. Not funny. Not funny at all. I mentally cursed myself as if I set myself up for that one.
"No!" I protested. "Like I'm just about a witch as you are the steward of Gondar man" I then pursed my lips together hesitantly, knowing it was a snarky assertion to make.
"Well such things are true, so one would say you are admitting to being such a creature?" He bit back as he came into my vision again.
"I'm not. I promise on... On something really important in my life. I can't think of anything at the moment but I will soon. Bare with me." I assured him hurriedly.
He wasn't impressed at my half arsed attempt at a promise, I can tell you that. He was now standing directly in front of me again, continuing to dissect me with his eyes from head to toe. It was slightly surreal to say the least, having Boromir intimidate you.
Stopping, he zoomed in curiously at the small badge on my black and now very filthy shirt with the "WAVERLY'S" logo imprinted in bold black letters on it. He used the tip of his sword to tilt the badge up, the proximity of it to my chest making my heart palpitate.
Perplexed, he asserted to me "Waverly's?... Is this your clans insignia? I have not heard of such a lineage." Studying the badge closely.
"Well no. They're a business, I am an employee. Although they seem like a clan sometimes, an oppressive one. Exercising their absolute control in a cruel and arbitrary way."
My attempt at humor obviously fell flat, Boromir simply continuing to stare at me if I was mad, a piercing stare that seemed to burn through my very soul. Yes, it was that penetrating and intense. Still cautious, he lowered his sword slightly and before I knew it he was close. Extremely close. His invasion of my personal space was making me quite fidgety as he loomed down at me.
He scrunched his forehead; his grey eyes slightly squinted with indecision.
"I cannot deliberate weather you are just a woman of extremely bad manners," he paused, trying to decipher the correct words "or simply half witted."
"I have the exact same problem myself." I confessed.
"Shut up"
"Will do" I replied hastily, submitting to the threatening will of Sean Bean/Boromir. The thought of escape was still plaguing my mind mercilessly, feeling an overwhelming desire to retreat back to my tiny apartment and lock myself away in my room, preferably with food of the shittiest kind. One can only deal with minute dose of mentally unstable people in the span of twenty four hours without being traumatized. And for that reason I felt the best thing for me was at this point was a good wallowing sesh in my own self pity, the remorse of these stressful series of events hopefully drowned away with the cathartic effect of junk food.
Boromir… Sean Bean, whatever he was, was growing evidently irritated from his now restless disposition. and raised his voice with authority, continuing to hold his steel like gaze. "I grow tired of your games, and you will tell me why you are here. Right now." He commanded.
He had a good point. Why am I here? I didn't have a chance to properly process it until now, and it hit me like a slap on the face.
That goddamn woman.
That goddamn bracelet.
My goddamn stupidity.
"Well the thing is, I was attacked last night in a park by a very intense and surprisingly rowdy old woman. This park actually. She threw my Lord Of…" I faltered my words, thinking it was best not to mention that small detail around good old "Boromir" who was in my presence. "Book.", I corrected "Book into that pond, I was very fond of it and I'm quite tight on cash at the moment. But hey who's not these days? I mean I would happily sell off my right foot if it meant I could get out of paying the bills, you know what I mean?"
I waited for a response but was granted with tough reception. Knowing that it wasn't going to change anytime soon I continued to gabble on nervously.
"So I ventured in to the pond to get it, then I drowned. But it turns out I didn't! Because I'm here. Alive. Talking to you." I finished, jumping from word to word with a jittering nervousness I failed to conceal.
Much to my relief he seemingly let down his guard a little, stepping back slightly and giving me more space to breathe. Nonetheless suspicion was still written all over his face upon hearing my story.
"So this 'park' is the exact same land we stand on now?" He questioned with an disbelieving, slightly belittling air.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his idiocy, wow. He was really out of touch with reality. "Yes. I was sitting right there on that bench" I retorted, looming beyond Boromir as to confirm my statement.
Upon my inspection I received a rude awakening of nothing, absolutely nothing. Oh my god. The bench wasn't there. Where was the bench? My mouth hung with confusion at the site before me, with no signs of a bench previously occupying the space. The same small grassy clearing, bordered with overhanging trees greeted me calmly as if nothing had happened. I'm sure this couldn't have been a natural phenomenon, like I've never heard of occurring cases of dissipating benches. The idea of me perhaps being transported to middle earth snuck into my mind and was suddenly digging at my thoughts. It was ridiculous of course, but I was no stranger to ridiculous at this point. Lamenting the possibility of such a thing only filled me with a sinking dread one only gets when they know they are knee deep in a shitty situation.
"So this bench you speak of, why is it not here?" He patronizingly inquired as he sauntered around the space, taking note of my awe stuck face that was rife with disbelief.
I didn't know. How should I know that?
"How should Iknow that?" I bit back. That's right Maddie. You tell him, you tell him good.
"Besides your absence of sanity, which I am sure we have clearly established by now" he mused, rubbing his chin in thought. "The reason as to exactly why this old woman felt the need result to violence and throw your… book in this pond, remains a mystery to me"
I let it slide the fact that someone who was parading around from a fictional universe as the Steward of Gondor was declaring I was insane and calmly went on in explanation.
"I didn't return her bracelet that she was madly incessant about getting her money back for, she found me here and forced it upon me for whatever insane justification she had." I expressed bitchily, happily grasping on to the opportunity of complaining about her to anyone that would listen. "Overall, it's a mystery to the both of us. That and the magic disappearing act of the bench."
He ignored my last remark as his eyes suddenly slowly trailed downwards and widened with shock. Looking at the source of his sudden change in character, I noted the bracelet. The small petite thing once again glowing a radiant blue, projecting it's light dazzlingly even in the middle of the day.
"Is this.. the bracelet you speak of?" he murmured, transfixed on the thing as he scrutinized it cautiously from a distance.
"Wow someone seems to like it! Yeah I've seen it put on a cool little light show like this before. You can totally borrow it sometime if you like, it would make a cute accessory to your outfit." I jabbed rather bravely, considering the circumstances of the situation.
"Please cease your incessant rambling. " He scolded crossly, quietly closing in on me and the bracelet as he continued to be almost hypnotically enticed by it.
"Yep that's fine" I squeaked out. Once again frozen by the creeping feeling of uneasiness swelling inside me as Boromir persisted his creepy advance towards me.
This was absolutely a nightmare, a horrible and cruel nightmare. Here I was trapped in some hellish scenario with someone, regardless of weather they were Boromir or Sean Bean, who now held the expression of an axe-murderer. Dear God, please help me. I want to go home. Through my dread I hoped to god that this was all a hoax and the man in front of me was simply Mr. Bean instead of a well armed and extremely dangerous warrior from middle earth. Did I just think of him as Mr. Bean? Imagine if the other one was here now, he could definitely put a much needed fun spin on things with his bewilderment and inherently manic attitude. I would much rather stumble into Mr. Bean wreaking having in his unintelligible nonsense… wherever I was at the moment then deal with a mean and surprisingly bitchy Boromir.
The same Boromir who now carried an the predatory stance of an African animal at the start of a fight on a David Attenborough programme.
"I see we have been hiding some things have we?"