FACING THE PAST

Chapter 2: A broken man

They stopped by Sakura's place to take some clothes and personal effects for the next few days before heading to Kakashi's apartment. She had never been there so she was a little curious to see it. Funny how he knew a lot about her and she barely knew anything about him.

Once there, Sakura waited politely as Kakashi opened the door. It was small, but tidy and clean. The kitchen opened to the living room and to the right, there were two doors: one leading to his bedroom and one to the bathroom. In the living room, there was a couch and looking at it, it seemed rather comfortable.

'Good, I think I'll sleep quite well on it,' she thought.

While she was checking out his place, he told her to make herself comfortable and went straight to the bedroom, leaving the door open as he flopped onto the bed.

After a few moments, she knocked on the doorpost to ask permission to enter. Giving her a wave of permission through the opening, she went in.

"Do you want me to heal you now, sensei, or do you want to take a shower first?"

"I'm too tired. I'll just take a nap for now. The wrists can wait and so the shower. I'll take the couch for the night, so you don't worry." With that, he closed his eyes, signaling the conversation was done.

Though the conversation had ended, she wouldn't let him sleep on the couch, but she wasn't going to protest for the moment. He needed rest right now; she would have resumed the matter later after his nap.

"I don't think those bandages are very comfortable. Let me at least take them off. I'm not going to peep!"

He didn't catch her joke and his voice held no trace of amusement when he replied. "Ok."

She gave a sigh and began to unravel the bandages.

"I can do it by myself, you know?"

"I know, but I also know your wrists are aching and since you've been tied up for a few days, your hands and arms are probably sore all over, aren't they? That's why I'm helping you; besides, if you don't let me do something, I'll go insane!"

This time he gave a little smirk. "You could always read me Icha Icha aloud; it's quite a good boredom killer, you know?"

"Sensei!" she retorted, scandalized.

"What? You're of age now, aren't you? How old are you, Sakura?"

"Twenty, but that doesn't mean I want to read those smut novels!" The frown deepened on her face, but she couldn't hide the amused sparkle in her eyes. If he was still interested in his dirty orange books, it meant that there was still hope for the silver-haired man.

All along the walk to his apartment, she wondered what she could have done to help him. She deeply cared for her sensei; she owed him so much that she'd do anything to help him, but she felt helpless because even with all her medicinal studies, she didn't know anything about torture or its treatment. Hell, she didn't even exactly know what happened to him! If what Tsunade said was true, she would just have to keep him company and listen to him—but he was so reserved! She doubted he would tell her anything. She would have to be a friend to him before he could open up with her, but she didn't know how to do it. They'd known each other for so long now and they spent a lot of time together, but they've never became close. A few times she had opened her heart to him when she was worried about Sasuke, but he never did the same to her. And lately, they hadn't seen each other that much, so right now, they were more distant than ever.

The fact he was now joking about something, gave her some hope, though. Maybe she should just follow the flow. Besides, living together would give them many occasions to talk about a lot of things and when they became accustomed to each other and more confident, maybe he'd open up to her.

So, for now, teasing would be fine with her.

As soon as she finished unraveling his bandages, she closed her eyes. She knew how much he cared for his privacy, and she didn't want him to become distrustful with her. Sure, she had already seen his face earlier that day, but against his will; so she wasn't going to see him if he didn't tell her to. As if reading her mind, he spoke.

"It's ok, Sakura, you can open your eyes. You'll be stuck here with me for the next few days and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable trying to look at anything but my face."

She kept her eyes closed, so he placed his hands on her shoulders to better catch her attention and sighed.

"Listen to me, Sakura. I'm already sorry to trouble you so much by making you babysit me. I don't want you to feel awkward all the time. And besides, you've already seen it, so I fail to see where the problem is."

She then opened her eyes and he gave her a small, concerned smile. She couldn't help but blush seeing him smile. It was so annoying that she couldn't look at his face without turning red! She seriously hoped she would get used to it soon.

He noticed her blushing, but was too tired to tease her, nor was he in the right mood. He was actually surprised that he had the spirit to tease her about Icha Icha novels. 'At least I'm not completely dead, it seems. Good,' he thought.

She helped him to wear a loose shirt to be more comfortable in bed, then gave him a smile and exited the bedroom, the door closing softly behind her.

"OBITO!! NO!!"

Sakura was reading a medic scroll on the couch when she heard his scream.

Bursting into his bedroom, she saw he was still sleeping, moving his arms furiously and shouting something, his skin glistening with sweat.

"Sensei! Sensei! It's just a dream, sensei! Wake up, please!"

Shaking his shoulders, he woke immediately and sat up, eyes wide and breathing labored, a frightened expression on his face. Looking around, he saw her sitting at his side on the edge of the bed and desperately flung himself into her, his arms resting around her neck as he swallowed hard, gasping for breath.

To say she was surprised was an understatement. Kakashi never touched people when he could help it and hugging was unheard of for him, but he was shivering so fiercely that she couldn't care about that. Regaining her senses, she returned his hug, whispering soothing words into his ear as if he were a child.

Seeing him like this, hearing him sob into her shoulder, drenching her shirt in his tears, she was almost as scared as him. This was so unlike him. Kakashi was so different that it frightened her. Where was the strong, collected man in her memories? Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

'I can't believe this is Kakashi. He never acts like this! I'm scared. He's so different now. He's crying and I don't like it. Kakashi never cries. He doesn't act like this. He just doesn't! What do I do?! What do I do?!'

After a few minutes, Kakashi released his hold on her and gave her a sheepishly look, while scratching the back of his neck with one hand, the other sitting on his lap.

He laughed nervously. "It seems Tsunade was right, after all. I really do need a babysitter."

The relief at him returning to normal brought a sweet smile on her face "Yes, and I'm happy it's me."

"Why's that?"

"In these eight years we've known each other, this is the first time I can do something to help you. You've saved my life so many times and I've never been able to thank you properly."

"Oh… it sounds like I'm becoming old and useless…"

"No, it just means I'm not a helpless little girl anymore!" Sakura argued.

"But you haven't been like that since when you were fifteen. You've gotten stronger since you've started training with Tsunade."

"Maybe, but I think that real strength comes from being able to help a friend …"

He knew what she was talking about. Even if she had become a very strong kunoichi, she hadn't been able to help Sasuke. She still carried the scars from the night he left. He had been right there and she couldn't stop him. The pain she felt must have been unbearable.

And now, without having to use any kind of strength, she had the opportunity to help him. She really wasn't a naïve little girl anymore.

"I see. Well, I'm happy it's you."

"Why's that?"

"Because I think that you'll understand me."

"I really hope so."

They stayed there in silence for a little while, lost in their own thoughts as they sat on the bed when Sakura glanced at the clock.

"Well, it's about time to eat something! What do you want for dinner, sensei…?"

They ate mostly in silence, and she tried hard to not look at him, but the two times he caught her staring, he didn't protest. He simply gave her a small smile and went on eating.

After dinner, she read some medic scrolls while he took a shower before immerging himself in his beloved Icha Icha until it was time to go to bed.

Kakashi headed toward the bedroom. "I'm going to change the sheets; hold on a minute."

Sakura rolled her eyes; time to deal with the bed/couch argument.

"No way, sensei. I'm the medic here and you're the patient, so I'll take the coach." She hoped that an authoritative tone would prevent him from questioning.

"I can't let you sleep on the couch. Regardless of our positions as caretaker and patient, you're still the guest. You're taking the bed."

Sakura sighed and felt like slapping her forehead. What was she thinking? This was Kakashi. He wouldn't obey authority unless it bit him in the ass, and even then, it was still iffy. "Don't you know how many times I've slept in a chair by your bedside when you were in the hospital? I don't see any difference now."

"But they were what? One night—two at the most? We don't know how long you'll be stuck here with me. It makes a world of difference."

"Sensei, the last time you were in the hospital, I've slept on a chair for a week!"

His eyes widened. "An entire week?! How did I not know about…?"

"That's because you were unconsciousness all the time…"

"Well…thank you for that," he said awkwardly. He was slightly embarrassed. The fact his eyes were glued to the floor was a testament of that.

"It was ok then, it's ok now. You need to rest well, so I'll take the couch. Deal?"

Kakashi sighed. He should've remembered how stubborn Sakura was once she got her mind set on something. Covering his face with his hand, he sighed. "Deal. You're just lucky I'm not in the mood to fight right now."

"I know," she smiled.

"There's a blanket in that drawer. Good night, Sakura."

"Good night, sensei. See you in the morning."

"FATHER!! Please, don't leave me!! WHY?! WHY?!"

Sakura almost fell off the coach as she heard him cry. She ran to the bedroom and found him covered in sweat, tossing and turning in his sleep. She woke him up and hugged him as he sat up, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. He slowly calmed down and returned her embrace, but his breathing was still labored.

"Thank you…" His voice cracked before he could say her name.

"I'll stay here until you'll fall asleep again, don't worry." She released him, trying to get off the bed, but he pulled her to him.

"Stay," his voice was almost a whisper.

Her eyes grew wide.

"Wh-What?! What do you mean by that?"

He just laid down pulling her with him. His body was slick and trembled against her small frame. His exhales were sharp and damp on her skin. Looking down at him, she could see his struggle to keep awake despite the adrenaline in his system. How long had it been since he had a good night of sleep?

They lay on their sides, face to face, and he curled up to her, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck as their legs tangled together. Her cheeks became dyed in red, but she remained still and listened to his breathing even.

"I can't sleep alone anymore. The cold, the loneliness—I feel so alone that I can't stand it. Don't worry, I won't do anything to you. You know me, and in any event, you'd probably deck me before I could lift a finger, so please?"

"I'm not a teddy bear, you know?"

He became quiet all of a sudden and she could feel him shift away. Had she hurt him with her words? It couldn't be that. She had meant it as a joke, even though it was partially true that she couldn't do that. Maybe she should've told him her plan of sleeping in a chair beside his bed, but still, it was sticks and stones. He couldn't possibly have taken it seriously, but he did. She could feel it in the way he pulled away from her. His hands were trembling as they left her arms and she had never felt more surprised in her life. What was more, she had never felt more like a jerk in her life. He needed her. He really needed her and here she was brushing off everything he did as an exaggeration.

'I can't believe how different he is now. He seems so small. He's scared of practically everything. What did she do to you, sensei? What did she do? You're hurt, but I can't help you! Damn it! Why did she have to do this to you?!'

She waited for her anger to calm down before speaking again.

"I'm sorry, sensei. I'll stay. You don't have to worry anymore. I won't leave you," she said softly as she moved to cradle him against her when a silly image came to her mind. "You know? You're just lucky you've chosen me instead of Gai-sensei, or else you'd be going to sleep cuddled next to him right now." She suppressed a giggle. She didn't know from where it came, but maybe a quip could offer him a distraction and though he didn't reply, she felt him shudder against her skin.

Seeing as her joke had little effect to bring him from his misery, she tried again. "I'd have preferred if your bed was double and not a single one…"

"I don't see how it would've made a difference. You still would've been next to me on the bed," he said matter-of-factly, but she could hear the tremor in his voice. He was trying to look strong. He was still trying to be calm and cool for her and it killed her inside. He was the one in pain, but he was still thinking of her, and she cursed her selfishness. She was supposed to be helping him, but all she was doing was making things worse.

Feeling his eyes on her, she wiped away the tears dotting her eyes as best she could before looking at him with a smile. "You're right," she laughed.

She was going to help him get through this. She was going to help him even if it killed her. She owed so much to this man and if something as mundane as sleeping beside him could help, she would do it. "Good night, sensei."

And then there was a pause before Kakashi said 'night, Sakura,' but she was already asleep.

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to post this chapter, the next will be up soon, I promise!

Thanks to all the first chapter's reviewers, it's great to know my work is appreciated.

Thanks a lot to moodiful819, my beta reader, as she'd done a wonderful job.