This Is So Not Me – Chapter 2

Written by Ms. Maggs

"I got here as fast as I could," Greg breathlessly exclaimed as he rushed into the conference room. "Sorry." When he saw Catherine, Ecklie, and the rep from the DA's office, Randall Evans, glare at him, he hurried to throw his files on the table and take a seat.

"Sanders!" Ecklie yelled as warm coffee spilled on the table and his pants. "Dammit!"

"Sorry!" Greg rushed to grab the tissue box from the table.

When Ecklie saw the damage, he snarled, "If that coffee had been hot, you'd be out of a job." The boss huffed out of the conference room to change his clothes. "I leave the dry cleaning bill in your mailbox."

Evans turned to Catherine and winked. "I hope your CSIs are more punctual and careful at the scene than they are at meetings."

"I assure you they are," Catherine replied through a fake smile while vowing to assign Greg every dumpster dump in town.

When Greg saw the coffee had splashed onto Catherine's silk blouse, he knew he was in for a long string of horrible assignments. "Sorry."

"The bastard apologized," Mandy announced as she walked into the DNA Lab. "He delivered a dozen red roses." She set the vase on Wendy's desk.

"Aren't you allergic to roses?" The curious friend inspected the flowers.

"Yeah, but I never told him I was. Check the card." Mandy handed it over.

"These roses are red, you have every right to wish me dead, but I swear nothing happened. Forgiven?"

"Should I believe him?"

"No. Everyone knows 'I swear nothing happened' is code for 'I know you can't prove that anything happened and if I keep sticking to my story maybe you'll stick around long enough for me to cheat on you again."

"Exactly."

"So you told him to go to hell, right?"

"Not exactly," Mandy squeaked.

Wendy flashed her most disapproving glare.

"I know! I know! I'm being totally stupid, but…"

"But what?" Wendy shrilled.

"He's so hot and soooo good in..."

"Is that all that matters to you?"

Mandy snickered, "If you saw what he was hiding under his stuffy court suit, you'd see my perspective."

Wendy shook her head. "Ten years ago, I would agree with you, even five years ago, but now…no. I need a guy to be more than a good time in the sack. What about your pride?"

"I have pride," Mandy confirmed, "but my libido has veto power over it."

"If you keep talking like that I'm calling Dr. Drew."

Mandy teased her friend, "And if your vow of celibacy goes on much longer I'm going to call The Sisters of Saint Mary's to see if they have room for you."

"I'm in a relationship. It's just not…"

"Normal."

"It's not modern," Wendy countered. "It's an old fashioned relationship with a lot of mutual respect, a long courtship and…"

"No touching."

"Don't you have some prints to process?" Wendy droned.

"Yeah." Mandy fluffed her lab coat. "Enjoy the roses for me."

"You get the sleazy bastard with perfect abs and I get his beautiful roses." Sniffing the fragrant flowers, Wendy sighed, "I'm the lucky one."

When Hodges saw a beautiful bouquet of roses in the DNA lab, his heart skipped a beat. Who were they from? What was the significance? But before he could investigate further, Greg stormed into the room.

"Did you finish my hair fibers off my Jane Doe?"

"I'm in the middle of something," Hodges curtly replied. "Come back later."

"No." After getting chewed out by Catherine, Greg wasn't in the mood for games.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act like you don't understand the word the word no when you hear it from women all the time."

"Didn't your mommy ever tell you that you catch more flies with honey?"

"So you're finally admitting you're an insect."

Not dignifying the comment with a reply, Hodges walked over and grabbed a file. "Here's what you came for." He held up a piece of paper, but instead of handing it over, he ran it through the shredder. "Oops."

"I can't believe you did that." Greg despondently stared at the remains of his report. "Okay, I'm sorry for coming in here like a bully. I was having a shit night before I got here, then I got here and spilled coffee on Ecklie, made a fool out of myself in front of a DA wannabe, and now I'm in the dog house with Catherine again." He sunk to begging his nemesis. "Please give me my results."

"It's too late to be nice." Hodges smugly made a counter offer, "But if you do something for me, I'll print you a second copy."

"I feel obligated to warn you that sexual harassment is against the law."

"Eww." After shaking off the repulsive thought, Hodges walked over and whispered. "The second you find out who sent that vase of roses sitting in DNA and to whom they were sent, I'll give you your results."

Greg nodded and hustled over to DNA. "Wendy!"

"Sorry, I won't be able to get to your…"

"That's not why I'm here." Grinning, Greg sold out Hodges. "Between you and me, your stalker across the hall wants to know who sent you roses."

"Really?!" Wendy giggled, "Is he jealous?"

"If he were any greener, he'd be Kermit the Frog."

Thrilled to hear her man was frazzled over the roses, she said, "Tell him that Mandy's boyfriend, Randall, sent them to her. She's allergic to roses, so she gave them to me."

"Not Randall Evans."

Wendy nodded.

"Mandy's dating that d-bag?"

"Where have you been?"

"He just made an ass out of me in front of Catherine and Ecklie."

"I find that easy to believe." When she saw Greg's hurt expression, Wendy clarified, "Not because you're an ass, because he's a sleazy jerk."

"Yeah, I believe the sleazy part, because when I left the conference room, he wasn't thinking of his girlfriend, he was trying to hook up with Catherine."

"Seriously?"

"He suggested they meet for drinks and discuss how their departments can work together more effectively. Then I saw them walk into her office together."

Wendy gasped. "We have to tell Mandy."

"Tell Mandy what?" Mandy asked when she popped into the room. "My ears were burning."

While Wendy delivered the bad news, Greg darted across the hall to get his Trace results. "They're from some professor she met yesterday when she was presenting at UNLV. He asked her out for drinks on the card. Can I have my results now?"

The news was devastating.

"Did she say yes?"

Greg burst into a grin. "Sorry, the deal was 'who sent the roses' and 'to whom were they sent'."

"I'll put your next case at the top of the pile."

"My next three."

Hodges slapped the results into Greg's waiting palm. "Deal."

"No, she didn't say yes." Putting his disdain for Hodges aside, Greg thought of Wendy and sweetly said, "She told me she's sort of in a relationship with someone she really cares about, so she doesn't want to see anyone else until she knows if that relationship is going anywhere."

"Of course she said no." Hodges stood tall as his cheeks grew flush. "Simms has incredibly high standards." When he saw Mandy snatch the vase of flowers, his smile grew. "Looks like she doesn't even want that pathetic bouquet around her anymore so she's giving it to Mandy."

"Beaver?" Greg exclaimed when he saw the lab results. "That was Beaver hair on my Jane Doe's shirt. Really?"

"Unlike you, I don't make mistakes."

"Unlike you, I'm not afraid to talk to girls." Greg left his conceited co-worker alone to salivate and rushed into the hall to deliver his findings to Catherine.

"Sanders!" Mandy chased him down. "Would you do me a favor and bring these to reception and tell the Judy to give them back to lover boy when he's leaving."

"Uh." Feeling sorry for his friend who was on the verge of tears, Greg opted not to say he was in a hurry and took the vase. "You bet."

She turned so her co-worker wouldn't see her welling up.

"Hey, Mandy." Greg smiled at her. "It's his loss. Any guy would be lucky to call you his girlfriend."

"Thanks," she sniffled, before making a beeline for the Ladies Room.

With Trace results in one hand and the vase of roses in the other, the stressed CSI raced to the lobby, but when he arrived, he saw someone else approaching the counter. It was the woman from Victim Services that had stopped by to see Nick the other day to discuss Tommy.

"I'm here to see Nick Stokes," April kindly informed the receptionist.

"Was he expecting you?" Judy asked.

"I'm returning his jacket."

Greg's ears perked higher.

"He left it at my place," April replied with a smirk. "I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd deliver it."

"I'll take it." Greg set down the vase and held out his hand. "I'm Greg Sanders. I share an office with Nick, so I can give it to him."

"Oh, he didn't mention sharing an office with anyone." Disappointed that her plan to see Nick was failing, April said, "I also needed to give Nick some information about a case too, so I'd rather do it myself, thanks."

"He's not in right now," Judy announced with glee.

"Don't worry," Greg assured the obviously disappointed woman, "I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by."

Realizing she would look like a stalker if she didn't let go of the man's jacket, April handed it over. "Thanks. Could you also give him a note from me?" Grabbing a notepad and envelope from her purse, she quickly filled a piece of paper. "Here."

"I'll make sure he gets the message." Greg nodded and forced a smile. "Trust me."

"Thank you." Her mission unaccomplished, April turned and sulked her way to the exit.

Judy sighed, "From the looks of things, I'd say that Victims Services woman is the latest victim of the Texan's charms. She's cute and has a decent body. I give it two weeks." According to the grapevine, the cowboy's record was two and a half weeks, but more often than not he didn't call women after one date.

"Yeah." Greg peeled his eyes off April's retreating image. "Oh, I almost forgot, Mandy wants you to catch Randall Evans on the way out and tell him to…"

"Shove these flowers where the sun don't shine?"

"That'll work." Greg hurried to get around the corner so he could read the note.

"Hey," Hodges casually greeted the love of his life when he saw Wendy entering the breakroom clutching the Astro Quest coffee mug he had given her once as a peace offering. "Busy night."

"Yeah and it just got worse." Wendy marched for the coffee pot. "Nick dropped off a bag of twenty-two condoms."

"I know Stokes has a reputation as a ladies man, but twenty-two women in one night. Wow." Hodges grinned. "Me, I'm more of a traditional, one woman kind of guy."

"Good to know," she murmured behind her coffee cup.

"I um…" He moved closer and worked up the nerve to say what was on his mind. "I couldn't help but notice the vase of roses in your lab earlier."

"They weren't mine," she stated, pretending that Greg hadn't told her Hodges wanted to know. "They were sent to Mandy, but she's allergic so she had me keep them until she decided what to do with them."

Through gritted teeth, he said, "Sanders is a dead man."

"What?"

"I helped Sanders with a dead man," he covered.

Wendy nodded after taking a sip of coffee. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I have condoms calling my name."

Hodges fought the urge to blurt 'so do I'. "I'm all caught up in Trace, so if you need some help."

"Sure." Happy for the concern as well as the extra pair of hands, Wendy started for the door. "You hold them open with tweezers and I'll swab."

"It's a date," he joked, hoping to gauge her reaction to the use of the d-word.

Wendy laughed, "I never dreamed that our first date would start with used condoms."

"I have." Realizing he had blurted his naughty thoughts, Hodges tried to cover, "That was a joke. I never…"

"Dreamed of being with me?"

"Uh." The romantically-challenged man worked through the two possible answers in his head. If I say no, then it will make her feel unattractive, but if I say yes, it will make me seem like a pervert. Thankfully he was rescued by Catherine before he was forced to give an answer.

"Hodges!" Catherine waved him over. "I need you in my office."

When Nick walked into their office and took a seat at his desk, Greg didn't look up from his file. "Where were you?"

"Friggin' bachelor party." Nick reclined in his chair. "Thirty-six guys, ten working girls, two bartenders, and one DB, who turned out to be the groom to-be. That's why I couldn't talk when you called. Sure, the customer could wait, but I wasn't just dealin' with the DB, man, I had ten shrieking strippers to swab and question."

Glancing up, Greg decided to restate his question. "I meant where…"

"It's freezing in here." Nick rubbed his bare arms.

Greg had purposely turned the air down. "Maybe you should put on your jacket."

When his jacket landed on his desk, Nick knew he was busted.

"Your new best friend, April, stopped by to say you left it at her place. She was really bummed she couldn't give it to you personally." Trying not to sound upset, Greg asked, "Is that where you were? Her place?"

"Yes, but I can explain."

After making sure the office door was closed, Greg said, "You can explain why her lipstick is on your jacket collar and why she drifted into the lobby on Cloud 9?"

"I'm sure the lipstick transferred when she hugged me."

"Why did she hug you?"

"Because I got upset."

"About what?"

Recalling the argument they had about the case, Nick flippantly replied, "Oh now you want to know what I'm thinkin'. That's funny, 'cause you really didn't seem to care when I was tryin' to tell you this morning."

"Is that what this is about?" Greg's voice cracked, "You went to her place just to get back at me for not enabling you?"

"No." Nick struggled to keep his voice down. "I went to her office to talk about the case, but I wasn't comfortable there because people were comin' and goin', so she suggested we move the conversation to her place."

"And you thought that was a good idea?"

"She knows about people bein' victimized so…"

"Like I don't know what it's like to be victimized?"

"You didn't want to talk about it!"

"You're right! Because I knew this would happen if you kept thinking about it."

"I thought April could help me..."

"Yeah, she really does sound like a helpful girl." Greg tossed over the note the woman had left. "I can't believe this is happening again."

"It's not!" Nick tucked the note in his pocket without reading it.

"Your brother just had another kid, your parents are coming to town next week, and you worked a rape case. It's the perfect storm." Greg shook his head. "I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I see it coming?" He answered his own question. "Because I didn't want to see it coming."

Acutely aware of the glass walls, Nick reminded his partner, "We can't have this conversation here."

"I can't have this conversation anywhere." His emotions getting the best of him, Greg stood to leave, "I also can't have it now, later, or ever. I'm done with this conversation and I'm done with…"

"Don't…" Nick stopped talking when Catherine walked in barking orders.

"Greg, I just got a 419 at the Phantasy Motel." Grinning, she handed over the slip of paper. "Make sure you wear your flea collar."

Without making eye contact, he grabbed the paper headed for the door.

"Hey, Greg." Feeling bad about what happened earlier, Catherine said, "Don't worry about Evans, I talked him down and my next stop is Ecklie's office to make sure he knows you're usually not late or clumsy. You were just having an off night."

"That's an understatement." Thankful for the sliver of kindness, Greg nodded. "Thanks, Cath, I won't let it happen again."

Once they were alone, Nick asked, "What happened?"

"He got here late, came rushing into the conference room, knocked over Ecklie's coffee, and then when we finally got settled down to go over the report with Evans, Greg realized he had brought the wrong file. Evans went off on him, calling him incompetent, among other things." Feeling guilty, Catherine took a seat and confessed, "I was in a pissy mood because I had a fight with Lindsay before coming here and then Greg splashed coffee all over my new blouse. I ended up joining in the tirade against him instead of helping smooth things over." She shook her head. "When I saw how dejected he looked just now, I remembered that 'lack of support' was something Riley cited in her exit interview. Grissom always stood up for me and you snapped at Ecklie when he came after me a few weeks ago, so why don't I do the same?"

"You go into self-preservation mode," Nick answered. "It's instinctual for you, Cath. You've had to look out for yourself since you were a teenager; it's not natural for you to think of other people first. You're use to protecting yourself and your interests."

"I love you, Nicky." Catherine laughed as she stood up. "That's without a doubt the nicest way anyone has ever called me a bitch."

"Hey now, I didn't…"

"Trust me, the shoe fits." She winked at him from the door. "On the bright side, my piss-poor management style scored me a hot date with Randall Evans and if it goes well, I'll be in a much better mood tomorrow."

"Go, Cougars!" Nick teased, trying to pretend his world wasn't spinning out of control again.

"If I'm late tomorrow night, will you cover for me?"

"You know it." He chuckled until she was gone and then dove into his pocket to retrieve the note. It was worse than he had imagined. "Shit. No wonder he's pissed."

Thanks for the comments on the last chapter and thanks for reading this one,

Maggs