A/N: Natsuki's PoV

Overcoming My Fear

"I'm sorry, Shizuru"

I was afraid of love.

I hated the concept and despised its existence… Because it is too powerful of an emotion to exist within one's heart.

I loved my mother and I know the lengths of which that single emotion can drive you.

Its potential power to incite vengeance and loyalty that can last for years and never seem to fade or soften with time; the single-minded and blind devotion to the person engraved upon your heart; and the utter devastation from the lost or betrayal that very person can cause – all because of that one feeling: love.

But what I feared the most was the sheer magnitude of that passion you brought forth from within me – I was scared because of how strongly it pulled me and how deep the chasm appeared, even from the fringe of my heart.

I knew if I acknowledged those feelings it would be the end of me, and I was afraid.

Every time I saw you or thought of you that feeling would gnaw the edges of my heart – eating me from the inside out – I always knew in the back of my mind what those feelings had meant and that they were returned, but I couldn't accept that love. Love had always been, in my mind, a source of great pain, so why? Why would I pursue one that, in our society, will guarantee it?

I was confident you felt the same – the same about the fear and anxiety of how complicated our love would have been. It swayed us to an understanding – we kept a relationship that allowed our co-existence with each other and those feelings without shaking the worlds we were already in.

Yet that night come where our precarious balance came to an end – you broke the spell and offered your hand to me to brave the world together but I was scared.

Like a frightened child I screamed and cowered away.

"No!"

I had cried.

I wasn't ready – no, I simply didn't want to accept my love for you because I couldn't be in love.

With the bitter taste of my own mother's betrayal still fresh in my mouth I could not even consider the possibility of us – love was evil and purely torturous and I cannot survive another – especially one as strong as the one we shared.

I was raked with guilt from the pain I caused you at that very moment – I hated myself for fearing the world, myself and you –with the hold you had over me.

As I watched and took in the carnage and ruin you left behind – all in the name of love – it only emphasised the horrors love can bring to one's life. And it hurt – it hurt so much to see you lose yourself because of me; because of that feeling I wanted no part of.

Love will only bring pain and our love is bound to that fate.

So I told lies – lies to keep us safe; to keep us protected. I told you – and myself – an untruth that I wanted nothing more than to be reality…

"I can't have the feelings that you wish I did."

Yet, why? Why after all my efforts did I succumb to this disease? Why is it despite every lie I told, do I find my self unable to part from you?

"England? But I thought you got into Fuuka U..."

"I did, and they have an exchange programme with a university in England - its open to all students."

"Oh... Well it is a good opportunity..."

You always knew me best. You knew what it was that I was doing and what it was that I was avoiding.

You knew I was weak which is why you were the one leaving.

This is what I wanted, isn't it? A solution to our problem: a way for the both of us to let go and abandon this ill-fated emotion called love.

It's what I wanted… isn't it?

"Please don't go."

I practically begged as my hand struck out to grasp yours.

It was too painful to watch – the fluid and carefree motions of your gliding hand, filling out the student exchange form.

Why? Why is it despite our efforts to hide from pain that we're hurting so much?

I didn't want you to go but I was so scared – my hands were shaking.

Again and again I asked myself: 'Why can't we make this work? Why can't we stay the same? Even in this unstable balance, why can't we stay just the same? Together – but safe from this harmful world that opposes us.'

You withdrew your hand and covered your face before your weakened voice called my name.

"Natsuki"

I had always been afraid of love – I knew the pain and tragedy that comes along with it, but I never thought I could instil that same dread in you.

What have I done?

I took away your love and replaced it with fear and pain. I was the one hurting you.

What have I done?

I rushed to eliminate that little distance between us and pried away that hand that obscured your face - I planted gentle kisses to take away your tears.

Your hands found the sleeves of my shirt and grasped them with desperation, as I chanted:

"I'm sorry, Shizuru. I won't run anymore."

For you, I will face the frightening emotion called love.

A/N: The last chapter will take a bit longer... What I have isn't fluffy enough, and I'm not in a fluff writing mood to improve it.