Alrighty…heres chapter one of this FIERCE epic. Ha. Not really. Its just the first thing that popped into my mind.

Just to clarify…I think weddings are annoying. Its just a waste of money. Vegas is only a plane ride away. So heres my take on the ridiculousness of it all.

Disclaimer: Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter One: Themes

The Cullens gathered in the living room. With their mates, they huddled around the whiteboard, which displayed an intricately drawn and twice thought out table of suggestions. Alice was adding some finishing touches to her piece of art, while Bella and Edward stared at the whiteboard of death in horror.

"And…done!" Alice capped the white erase marker with a pop. "Alright gang, listen closely. Up here we have a very important table. Now this table will decide the fate of Edward and Bella's nuptials. It needs to be taken very seriously. And yes, Emmett. I am talking to you."

Emmett looked offended. "Hey! I had some very creative ideas, mind you! You're just too picky and don't appreciate my sixth sense for awesome themes."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Anyways, like I was saying. Here are the five themes in which we will all cast a vote on our favorite one. The themes are: going green, with the color scheme including various greens, sand, browns, and sky blue. Second, Renaissance, colors including rich burgundies, golds, and forest green, and not to mention beautiful costumes. Third, vintage, with details in cream, soft pinks, and yellows. Fourth, Fall-ing in Love Again, with fall colors such as deep reds, browns, and oranges. And lastly, for the benefit of the male population, Victoria's Secret, with hues of pink and red."
"And lingerie!" Emmett interjected.

Bella groaned. Edward shot a glare at his brother.

Alice snapped her fingers. "Attention here, people! Okay, so my vote is vintage. So classy and chic! Nessie?"

Renesmee pondered for a bit. "Hmm…well, vintage does sound nice, but the fall colors are so beautiful…and going green is an eco-friendly approach, which I like too…but I love the Rennaissance, so…"

"Make up your mind, woman!" Jacob joked.

She threw her hands up. "Fine, fine…the fall one."

Alice flinched with her first opposition. "Okay. What about you, Jacob?"

"Victoria's Secret, all the way!" He hooted, high fiving Emmett.

"Ew, men are such pigs. I vote for vintage. The whole push up bust thing really outlines my figure well." Rosalie agreed with her sister, giving her a nod.

Alice smiled. "Esme and Carlisle?"

Esme sighed whistfully. "Oh, imagine the flower arrangements for the going green theme…that has my vote!"

"Falling in Love Again. I agree with Renesmee. The colors are magnificent." Carlisle said.

Alice turned her attention to Jasper. "Fine. And you?"

Jasper never felt more pressured in his life. Alice was giving him the you-better-agree-with-me-or-you're-not-getting-any-for-a-month look, while Emmett was making punching gestures with his face and giving him the agree-with-me-or-you're-dead look. Not to mention Edward was giving him the help me! For God's sake, help me! look. "Um…uh…well, uh…"

If vampires could sweat, Jasper would have buckets. He continued glancing from his wife, to his menacing brother, to his desperate other one. "Uh…I choose…Renaissance! Renaissance! Stop looking at me like that!"

Jacob shook his head. "Wow. What a fairy. This guy would rather dress in tights."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Okay, Edward. You?"

He put his hands up. "I vote on having no wedding-"

"Overruled!" Alice yelled, silencing him. "Okay Bella, looks like its up to you…Vintage and Fall are tied for two."

"Hey! Don't forget Victoria's Secret!" Emmett corrected.

Alice scoffed. "Are you kidding?! That's been overruled since you first mentioned it.

Emmett crossed his arms. "No fair."

Bella looked uneasy. "Oh, please don't make me choose! I hate picking sides. I wasn't good at is as a human, either. I always screw things up!"

Jacob sneered. "Ha! That's for sure!"

She shot a look at Jacob. "Well if it wasn't for my choice, you wouldn't be here, infatuated with my daughter, would you?! Yeah. Didn't think so."

Alice stomped her foot. "Jeez! Pick something already!"

Bella continued to fumble. "Well, I guess I pick-"

"Vintage it is!" Alice exclaimed cheerfully.

"No fair! She hasn't said anything!" Emmett defended.

"Overruled!"

He sighed in defeat. "Fine. If that's the theme, I call dibs on gift bags and party favors!"

Alice waved a hand at him. "Okay, whatever."

Emmett punched a fist in the air. "Hell yes!"

"Well, at least the bridesmaids dresses will be cute. That's all I'm concerned about." Rosalie dismissed casually. "Plus, soft pink compliments Nessie, don't you think?"

Renesmee blushed. "Aw, thanks, Rose. You'll look fantastic, as always."

"I know." Rosalie smiled back.

Esme clapped her hands together. "Oh, I can only imagine what beautiful roses can be included in the flower arrangement! And daisies, too!"

Jasper tried sneaking out of the room, but was caught by Emmett. "Don't think that you're gonna get away with preferring to wear tights and feathered hats."

Jasper gulped and giggled uncomfortably in response. Jacob was on the other side of him in an instant, smiling menacingly. "You know what, Emmett? It's never too late to force good old Jazzy here into some poofy shorts and tights. As a matter of fact, I think we just found the headlining entertainment at the reception!"

Jasper ran out the door as fast as he could, with Emmett and Jacob hot on his tail.

Alice stood in front of Edward. "See? That wasn't so bad. You're walking away with a damn good theme in the bag."

"But I don't even want a theme…" Edward mumbled. "This is so pointless…"

Bella put her arm around her husband, sighing tiredly. "Just let them have their fun. It will all be over…in a couple months."

Edward groaned. "There's no use arguing, is there?" Bella shook her head sadly. Edward rubbed his temples. "This is going to be a long couple of months."

So, this is only the beginning of one very long and excruciation wedding plan. Soon to come: Rock, paper, scissors over napkins, invitations and VIPS, Emmett's gift bags, bridesmaid dresses mishaps, and many more!

Reviews please!

xSweetSimplicityx