I have a hard time fighting back the real memories of us when I visit a place we've both shared together, like the park or our favorite movie theater. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad, but one of those places…is my room. It's not like we had explicit encounters there, hot-n-heavy moments yeah, but we mostly just study or played video games. In my daydreams, turned fantasy, we definitely don't play games. They usually attack my imagination when it's hard for me to sleep at night.
Scenario #2
It starts like our make-out sessions did. With soft kisses around my neck, he usually did this while my mind was focused on something else, like playing my hand in the current card game. He would do this in an attempt to distract me, hoping that I would make the wrong move. He'd try anything to win against me, "that's not going to work," I say with a smile, knowing the motive behind his sweet kisses. I continue to contemplate what card I will play until I feel a blissful pain on my neck. And that's how I know he no longer cares about the outcome of the game.
I let out a sound that's a cross between a sigh and a shriek. A love-bite on my neck is the quickest way to put me in the best of modes, and he knows it. My arms quickly find their way around his shoulders, I don't when but at some point the cards were now on the floor. I can feel his hunger for me grow, while mines quickens to catch up.
~ My mind shifts from memory to 'what if' fantasy. ~
Where most of our sessions stopped, regrettably, my mind began to wonder pass. Images of his hands feverishly searching my body, searching for something they can't find but refusing to give up the hunt. At first my body is still simply allowing him to do all the work until another bite to my neck ignites my senses. Next sensation I feel is being weightless, my fame lifted in the air then secured tightly to his body. I have no experience being this high off the ground, but his hands instruct me to wrap my legs around his own waist. When I look down I saw those soft, deep brown eyes looking back at me as THE sexiest half smile creeps onto that face. "I could get use to this height," was all I could manage to say. Just when I was on my way down to kiss him, his face turned down and I felt his lips somewhere else, and there was that half sigh half shriek again. I hear him laugh.
~ I turn on my empty bed, laying on my back trying to find comfort while the fantasy in my mind plays on. ~
I'm placed ever so lightly on my bed, relaxing my body to the mattress, while keeping my eyes locked onto his. Before join in me on the twin size bed he slowly unbuttons his shirt. He didn't take it off, which I was thankful for, I wanted that joy of taking it off. I can barely make sense of the whirlwind of kisses that were not limited to my lips, hands that were leaving personal prints on every inch of my skin. Skin of two different tones blending ever so beautifully creating a different color altogether.
His strong arms rough and smooth, I hold both firmly in my hands. While he roams across parts of my body I wasn't even aware of until he brought it to life with that touch.
~ I begin to toss about in my bed, my dream beginning to feel all too real. I can feel the ghost of his touch covering my body and wish (hard) for him to be next to me. I have a pretty strong and wild imagination, but even still my dreams can only go so far. I believe my thoughts and could never come close to the real deal. With those completely unsatisfying images, I slip into a night dream that is filled with his face. ~
He was…is my first 'real' love, though we never got around to expressing that uncontrollable teenage love for each other in the most passionate way, I still think that if it was with him, I would not fully regret our actions. So my mind plays with me by imaging what our first time may have been like. This is the most reoccurring "daydream" and the hardest to fight back against. I watch movies and television shows and see people my age "in-love" who experience this once in a life time sensation within days of their relationship. I know that if we are ever reunited, I wouldn't jump instantly back into our love. For one reason, he has already loved another. It's been two years now since we have seen each other, if there was a feeling of love left between us he violated it by sharing it with someone else. Yet, I still find myself thinking what would unfold if our reunion went down this path.