A/N: I didn't intend to write another chapter but the response to the first one were more than I could have hoped for. You actually made my day. So I went back to the ideas I had for this story and came up with this following... I hope you like it
Disclaimer: I really wish I own them but they belong to the great Andrew Marlowe and Co
Chapter 2
Castle sighs and sits down next to her, his stomach clenching, the feeling oddly familiar and yet something seems different.
All these months ago he had felt compelled to follow and listen to her, his spirits somewhat lifted, although he wouldn't have admitted it at the time, by the news of her having broken up with Josh. But he had sat through her monologue conflicted between the relief of finally having her next to him and the need to have her understand the hurt he felt having been shut out of her life for three months not knowing how she was doing.
He had missed her. He had missed bringing her coffee every morning. He had missed her eye-rolling him for having stated their suspect was somehow CIA, spy or alien related. He had missed her making him a better man by the mere fact that she allowed, and maybe even wanted, his presence at her side.
For three months he had only been the shadow of the man he enjoyed being.
For three months, let alone her, he had missed himself.
And so today, their position mirroring the one they had that particular September afternoon, having been aware of her lie for a couple of weeks now; fact that she seems to have realized a few minutes ago, Castle waits for her to go on, as his heart races frantically.
The fact that he hadn't asked for a clarification on her statement convinced Kate that she had assumed correctly: he had hear her confession and was now, while being eerily quiet, demanding an explanation.
She almost wished he would yell at her. Hell, she'd deserve it, she thinks. She could deal with him being mad. She had always been better at handling anger than facing her true feelings. But he wasn't giving her that option.
As she wishes she'll have the strength to say all she needs to tell him, she takes a deep breath and, while keeping her eyes low, she starts talking.
"This wasn't supposed to happen like this" are the first words she utters and Castle briefly wonders if she ever meant to tell him the truth but his train of thought is interrupted by her next statement. "God knows I tried to tell you before but I was so afraid of losing what we had spent months rebuilding." "I don't know what I should have expected", she continues. "Of course you're angry and you have every right to be. I'd be furious if you did the same thing to me but … Believe me when I say I never meant to cause you any pain". And with that last sentence she looks him directly in the eyes trying to convey all her sincerity through that simple act. They've always been good at reading one another that way and so Kate hopes these last couple of weeks haven't altered that too much.
As a writer, Castle has become a master at analyzing body language. It comes with the job. If you want to be any good at creating a believable character that people will be interested in and can relate to, you have no choice. It becomes second nature. And what he sees in Kate's eyes at this moment is sincere honesty.
He believes her and yet, he still doesn't know what made her lie to him.
Although something else is bothering him, something about not being completely truthful with her as well, he chooses to ignore it for the time being. Instead he goes for the heart of the matter and in doing so, he speaks for the first time since they left the bullpen.
"Why couldn't you just have told me you didn't feel the same? I'm a big boy. I could have handled that. Sure it would have hurt but…" his voice trailing, choked with emotions.
Kate is shocked by Castle's words. She doesn't believe what complete mess she made of things. He's really convinced she doesn't care about him.
She knows she needs to set the record straight.
It only takes her a few seconds to get her bearings again. If convincing is what he needs, then that's what he'll get. She'll fight him if necessary.
She twists the swing sideways, so the chains are almost crossing and she faces him. If they're going to do this, they're going to do this right, she thinks.
"Look at me" she states with a little more force.
Castle startles but obliges.
"Don't you dare tell me how I feel" she begins as she tries to keep her emotions in check. "Don't you think that I would have told you if I could have? …But I was a wreck Castle, both physically and mentally."
"How could you possibly want that?" she asks depreciatively.
"For the past four years you've been there for me. Even when I pushed you away, you've always been there for me…And I wanted to be there for you but I needed to be whole. I didn't want you to settle for half a relationship. You deserve so much more than that"
Castle is so bewildered by her declaration that he barely registers her telling him about the therapist she's been seeing and about the work she's been doing with him in order to tear down her wall.
He can't get his head around the fact that she wanted to be there for him and… Did she really say "relationship"? he asks himself, unable to focus on anything else.
Could I have been wrong? Could it be that we might still have a chance?
All these questions are swirling in Castle's mind when Kate grows concerned at his lack of reaction, despite the fact that she just opened up to him and basically told him that she wanted him.
"Rick…? Are you okay? Say something…", she pleads.
"I'm an idiot!", Castle states matter-of-factly.
A/N: Any thoughts? I hope I haven't let you down... I think I might be able to pull another chapter, if you're interested.
