Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Cover drawn by: nropay-gallery on Tumblr

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

A/N: I wasn't going to update so quickly but, oh my goodness gracious! 15 reviews?! Wow that's never happened to me before XD Thank you so much for the wonderful responses! I'm glad you all enjoyed it! Here we go with some more delicious Rumple torture nom nom -3-

'personal thoughts'
abstract thoughts in third person
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"


Allergic to Love

Chapter Two: Drugs are awesome

X -x-x-x-x- X

"I swear, Ruby; I've never seen someone get so sick so fast!"

Ruby murmured on the other end of the phone. 'Did he really sneeze a hundred times?'

Belle chuckled. "Well, no. Maybe under that. But at least every ten seconds. It was horrible to watch. By the time we got home, his eyes were watering and his nose was red...so awful."

Ruby laughed. 'I can imagine.'

"This isn't funny! No one deserves to get sick. And he got worse by the second. I'm really worried..."

'Please, you'd be worried if he got a hangnail. He's a grown three-hundred-year-old-magic-imp man. I think he can take care of himself.'

"Well, now I have to go shopping for my cat without him."

'Ohh, shopping! Count me in!'

Belle laughed at her enthusiasm. "Ruby, I'm shopping for cat things, and I'm taking her with me. You can't be around cats, remember?"

'Just as long as I don't have to touch her, I'll be fine. Trust me, you need my help. I'm an animal expert. I'll get you the best stuff.'

Belle smiled. "Okay, thanks Ruby." They hung up and Belle walked back to the living room where she left her spinner. "Rumple?"

He was holding a cold compress over his swollen eyes and took it off looking at her, then appearing distressed as his eyes flickered to something else then back to her. "Yes, sweetheart?"

'Always so polite,' she thought. "I'm going shopping with Ruby for Izzy." She cuddled the cat to her chest.

He groaned. "Is...Izzy staying here?"

She shook her head. "No, I'll take her with me that way you can rest. The last thing you need is to care for a pet when you're sick." He looked totally relieved and she smiled. "Now I want you in bed, Rumple." She swore she saw his cheeks turn pink at that. "And I mean it. Rest up. We'll be back soon." She blew him a kiss and went for the door but he stopped her.

"Wait. Whose car are you taking?"

She giggled. "Mine, don't worry." He sighed and relaxed against the couch as she made her way to her dented suburban SUV.


Oh, finally! Finally that little bitch was gone and he could have just a few hours of peace without her!

Not Belle of course, but that damn cat! How that thing could be held for so long was beyond him. Perhaps it was dying of hunger and too weak to move. Maybe it would die in the night. Or maybe he could accidentally leave a door open and accidentally blast it into next week but he knew he couldn't do that.

He changed his suit for the last one was covered in fur, and he'd discovered another reaction his body had to cats; itching. His skin started tingling and itching when he held the damn thing and by the time they got home he swore he was going to have a conniption. He excused himself and immediately poofed off his clothes and jumped in the shower, leaving a confused but understanding Belle behind. She'd given him an ice-pack and scolded him lightly for not having any orange juice.

Now that the thing was gone, he could breathe like normal. Is was as if nothing was wrong at all. No itch, no tingle, no tickles. Nothing.

It was fascinating but infuriating. How could something so...stupid cause this kind of reaction in him? It made no logical sense. Why was he allergic to cats? And why didn't he know about it until now? It was almost like someone was purposely torturing him from afar.

Well, he had a few options to fix this. The first; kill the cat.

No, too much blood. Would get on the rugs. And - oh yeah, Belle wouldn't like it.

The second; cure himself. Now that was a little more tricky than simply choking the cat to death. All magic comes with a price and in order to cure himself he would need to pay a price. The price being he would have to make himself allergic to something else in exchange for curing this. The question was what?

The logical choice would be to pick something abstract like a flower in the amazon he'd never come across ever, but magic is tricky and knows when it's being cheated, therefore it wouldn't work. He would have to chose something in his hometown in exchange.

Perhaps a perfume? That would be easy. He only had to choose one.

"Rumple, look what I found! This lovely perfume! It smells so wonderful don't you think? I think I'll wear it every day. Come here and TAKE A WHIFF."

Uh...nature then? Tree pollen? Grass? Flowers?

"Oh, look! It's such a nice spring day! Can't you just see the yellow clouds of spores blowing in peoples faces? I think we should go out every single day! BREATHE DEEP, HONEY."

"Nnnmmmm..." Now his head hurt. He couldn't take the chance that whatever he exchanged it for he wouldn't come across again in the future, so he had no other choice but the third option;

Drugs. Lots of drugs.

After a small drive and a few well placed glares at the passing townspeople that dare look at him, he arrived at the drug store.

He walked into the pharmacy and groaned at there being other living people in there too. At least three of the pests other than himself and Mr. Clark. He used to find it funny, but as he watched Sneezy sneeze yet again into his handkerchief, he felt something he never had in his life.

Sympathy.

Ew, no. Must find the pills now.

He didn't know what to buy so eventually he walked up to the counter and swallowed his pride. "Can I help you, Mr. Gold?" Oh yes, why don't you just get on the loudspeaker and announce he was here?

"Give me some antihistamines," he wanted to finish with "before I set you ablaze with a fireball," but someone was standing behind him.

"There are many different types, " Mr Clark, sniffed. "What kind of allergies are you experiencing?"

He grit his teeth. "Cat fur. I'm allergic to cat fur."

Sneezy nodded, looking almost reminiscent. "Ahh, yes. Cats. Those are doozys. But it's not the fur you're allergic to but rather the dander that comes off the fur."

"I don't give a crap! Just give me the pills before I make you eat my cane!" was what he wanted to say but stayed with, "I just want it cured."

"Cure? Oh, there's no cure," he stated plainly.

"What," Gold seethed, his knuckles popping in the grip on the handle.

"There is no cure for allergies. You just have to live with them. Antihistamines can help, but just in lessening the symptoms." Gold looked down, trying not to do a tap dance on this guy's spleen. "But unless you have a cat, you can just stay away from them."

"I have one," he growled and the whole place shifted, a wave of magic energy everyone but Mr. Clark could sense pouring off him. The others promptly left, leaving the two alone.

"Oh, okay. Then I recommend...these." He held out a box and Gold took it, a loathing expression on his face.

"How many do I take a day?"

"These are eight hours so two a day."

Gold did the math. "There's only enough for one week in this box."

"Yeah. If you want a bottle you gotta go to a doc and get a 'script. Such a hassle. But these work the same."

Gold sighed heavily. Was it really worth this? The lingering touch of her kiss on his lips sent a tingle down his spine. He took out his credit card. "Give me your whole stock."


Belle hummed happily through the store as Ruby methodically searched every aisle and put the best of the best in the cart. "After all, it's Gold's money," she'd said and Belle reluctantly agreed. She knew Rumplestiltskin would let her have whatever she needed. It was just a shame he'd come down with such a bad cold at this time. She wished he was here with her. This wasn't just her cat; it would be his too.

She sighed and held Izzy close to her. "You are just the sweetest thing. And so well behaved. You'll be perfect for us."

"Ooohhh-kay," Ruby sighed. "I think we have everything that she'll need."

Belle blinked a few times as she regarded the cart. "Oh my." Inside were a few bowls - backups, Ruby said - a litter box, a kitty bed, a long fur brush, a cat teaser, some other toys that Belle had no idea what they were, stuffed animals?, and beside the cart was a cat tower/scratching post.

"Too bad Gold got sick. He could magic this to the house."

Belle shook her head. "No, Ruby. No magic."

Red laughed. "You tryin' to get him to quit? I hope you don't expect that to happen cold turkey."

Belle rolled her eyes and went looking at all the toys in the cart. "What's that?"

"Catnip. She'll love it. Now we need litter and food."

A young man came over to them. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking back and forth at the beautiful women.

Ruby grinned, like a predator ready to devour. "Why, yes. Could you take this to a register for us and hold it?" she asked so sweetly Belle swore the boy was gonna pass out from the attention.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He took the cat tower and grunted as he picked it up.

"Thank youuuuuu," the wolf girl sang after him and grinned cheeky to Belle. "Nothing like a good flirt to get you a favor. If we play our cards right we might get him to take this stuff to your car."

Belle rolled her eyes. "Oh, boy."

A bark made both girls look up to see Pongo pulling a weary Archie Hopper with him. "Oh, hi there," he laughed a little. "Down boy. He gets so excited when we come here."

Belle looked to Ruby who was twirling a piece of her hair, a very noticeable smile on her face and what was that? - a blush. Oh, ho ho, Little Red Riding Hood. She grinned and stepped up to talk to the doctor. "How have you been?"

He smiled as Pongo finally settled down. "Just fine. Oh, is that a cat?"

She nodded. "This is Izzy. I just...well, adopted her, I guess." He reached out to pet her, but she jerked back and growled. "Oh! She hasn't done that before..."

Ruby snickered. "You've had her for what, one hour? How would you know how she is?"

Archie brushed it off. "Must be the dog smell." They all agreed and he checked his watch. "Oh, I have a patient in twenty minutes. I'll see you later." His gaze lingered on Ruby a bit longer before he left.

"Hmm..." Belle mused as she caught Ruby watching him.

"What?" Belle raised an eyebrow. "No. No way. I know what you're thinking and no." Belle didn't say anything as Red pushed the cart, mumbling something about crickets and dog food.

When they got to the house, Belle convinced Ruby it was okay to come in. She did with a shaky step and after searching the bedroom and finding it empty, Belle groaned in exasperation. "Oh, that stubborn man! I told him to rest in bed." She put Izzy down on the floor and went about setting up all her things.

Ruby snorted. "Well, men never listen. And oh, prepare yourself; they are such babies when they're sick."

"Is that so, miss Lucas?"

She spun around and watched with amazement as Belle ran up to the most feared man in town and scolded him like a child for not obeying her. And the Dark One, who had enough power to burn the whole state of Maine, just stood and nodded, mumbling apologies and promising not to do it again.

The lycan was dumbfounded and had to stop herself from laughing hysterically at the scene.

"Had enough?" she asked darkly as he whimpered, bent over a chair with his britches pulled down to his ankles.

"Yes, I won't do it again."

She put away the whip. "Say it."

He gulped. "Master."

Ruby shook her head. Boy, did she have to stop watching those kind of movies all the time. She noticed that Gold was staring at her and she secretly wondered if he was psychic. "Uhm, I'll just leave you two alone. Have fun setting it all up." She ran out to her own car and peeled out, speeding down the street.

"I always seem to have that effect on people," Gold mused, making Belle giggle. He turned and grinned at her like days of old. "I have no idea why."

She shook her head as he came in and shut the door, putting away his coat. "Where were you?"

He sighed. "At the drug store. I needed...well, drugs."

She nodded. "All right, but I want you to rest. Although...you seem fine now...did you use magic, Rumplestiltskin?" Just then Izzy came walking up and meowed at the situation. Gold visibly paled and backed up a little. "Oh, there you are." Belle picked her up. "We saw Archie at the store and she growled at him. I hope it was just the dog smell on him. I'd hate her to turn out mean."

She swore she saw Rumple clench his teeth. "And what if she is? Would you get rid of her then?"

Belle put her back down and with her hands on her hips, answered. "I didn't get rid of you, did I?"

His eyes softened and she loved when he did that. "Right. So...uh...what did you buy?"

She was about to show him when her cell rang. "Oh, it's..." she looked down. "...oh... it's my father..."

Rumplestiltskin nodded. "It's alright. Go and talk to him, dear."

She smiled and kissed him tenderly on the cheek before going into the next room.

And now he was left alone with his new pet. "Hmm. Perhaps if I just stay away from you it won't be so bad." The animal sat on the floor, tail swishing back and forth, appearing like it was about to pounce.

He took one step forward and it did. "What!" She attached herself to his pant leg, nails digging into the flesh beneath it as he furiously tried to kick her off. Somehow she knew of his malady and attacked his bad leg, flashes of hot pain running up it. "Damn you!" He raised up his cane, knocked her off and she slid across the hardwood floor, only to hiss at him and run full speed back at him. "What the hell?"

He swiped at her with his cane again and again, trying to keep her away, but this beast was too fast for him as she launched herself into the air and right at his thigh.

Insert unmanly squeak from his lips as her claws dug into the tender flesh near his nether regions. The act also caused him to lose balance and he fell backwards right into the coat hanger toppling it over along with him and the mound of fur attacking him.

And then he started cursing in Gaelic.

She yowled and ran away and he groaned, knees popping and leg screaming in pain as he stood up. He swore he could hear a tea kettle whistling as he seethed, fists clenched and shaking. "What the bloody hell was that?!"

Belle came running out. "What happened?"

He panted. "She...I...she..." he couldn't form the words to tell her. Not only was he flabbergasted, but in the struggle some dander obviously exploded off the creature and all into the air. "I can't believe this..." Belle was about to ask what before he desperately gasped and launched into yet another fit just like at the shop.

Belle's eyes widened as she witnessed him come apart again and again. "Rumple!" She rushed to him and held him by the shoulders. "Oh, you are sick! My God, come with me. Come on, it's okay..." she tried to soothe him.

"I...inxxhiuu!...cat...het-schuu!...she...heh-gzznk! Oh, fuck me..."

Belle knew when he swore like that, he was really hurting. "She'll be fine. I'll take care of it all. You just get into bed."

He wanted to tell her, he really did, but what could he say?

"Belle, the cat you got is possessed by the devil and must be drained of all its blood. I'll skin it and you get the cheese grater."

Somehow he figured that wouldn't go over very well.

She sat him on the bed and checked his forehead. "You're not running a fever...but I want you to relax. I'll be right back." He tried to protest but all he could do was hitch and gurgle.

"This is not happening..." he moaned. Wait, what if that animal hurt his precious Belle? What if it was attacking her right now? His question was answered as she came walking back in, holding the damn thing. "What...Belle...she's..."

She looked down at the cat. "What about her?"

"She's...she growled at Archie today?"

Belle nodded. "We think it was Pongo she didn't like. I mean, look at her; she's so friendly and likes to be held. What cat likes that?"

'A demon possessed one, that's what,' he inwardly mused and shook his head. "I don't know about this. What if she turns on you?"

Belle smiled. "We'll cross that bridge if we need to. Right now I see no evidence of that. Now you rest up. I need you well. I hate to see you sick."

He blushed at her comment and sighed. If this cat was nice to her she would never believe him unless it attacked him with her witnessing it. Somehow...he knew that wouldn't happen. The animal seemed to be a perfect angel whenever Belle was around. A lot like him, actually.

She smiled and turned to leave. "I love you, Rumplestiltskin."

He smiled back. "And I lo - heh-itchuu!" She giggled at him and walked out, leaving the most powerful force of darkness in the world sitting on his bed, resembling a tomato.


It didn't take long for him to recover and breathe, but his eyes still felt like sandpaper and a dull ache in the back of his throat left him wondering if he really was sick. He walked into his bathroom and pulled out one of the boxes he had purchased. The others he magicked - yes, magic dammit - to the basement where he knew Belle wouldn't go.

She would never admit it but she knew he still practiced. She knew he still had people coming to him for help and she knew the true use of the pawn shop was just that. However most of his dealings today were not so bad. Most of the things he did for people helped them in some way or another.

"If I go bald, I'll kill myself."

"Can you make it so pizza helps me lose weight?"

"I'm old and gray and can barely walk. Make me irresistible to women."

He groaned and rubbed his face as he looked into the mirror. If the old Dark One knew this is where he would end up, he would have turned himself into a snail right in an ogre colony.

He shook his head and sighed heavily, opening the box. The pills were blue and didn't look so special. He read the instructions and saw what they were to be used for.

Watery or itchy eyes,

Congestion,

Runny nose,

and most of all, Sneezing.

He popped one with a small cup of water and hid the rest in an unmarked bottle in the cabinet. He waited for a while before he decided that he had enough of being trapped in his own bedroom. He snuck out the door and watched as Belle was taking the cat tower out of the box. It was in pieces and needed to be assembled.

He just stood and gazed at this beautiful woman humming to herself happily at the prospect of putting together something worthless and ridiculous in the house of probably the most horrible person she would ever know.

Okay, he wouldn't have snailed himself if he knew about this.

She took out the instructions and read them intently, like she would when she was entranced in a novel way back when. The tea kettle in the kitchen whistled and she jumped up, leaving all the mess on the floor.

Rumplestiltskin just couldn't help himself. He didn't care if she got mad. He snapped his finger.

She came back in, cup in hand, only to see the cat tower fully assembled and put in a good spot, as well as all the toys taken out of their blister packs and boxes, not a trace of trash or anything she would have to clean.

She looked up and made a "tsk" with her free hand on her hip. "Oh...what am I gonna do with you?"

He shrugged and stepped out from the doorway, weary of the black curse wandering about. "I would apologize but this was the least I could do since I...couldn't go shopping with you."

She blushed a little and placed her cup on the coffee table. "I guess I can overlook it." She sat down on the floor and looked at all the toys Ruby had picked for Izzy. "I don't even know what all of these do. She really went all out."

Gold nervously walked in and sat on the couch. "Well, you'll figure it out." She looked at him. "Uh, we will." She smiled and joined him on the couch.

"What happened to bed rest?"

He flashed an innocent look. "I can't be cooped up, dear. Besides I took some medicine and feel much better."

Belle raised an eyebrow. Just then Izzy jumped up out of nowhere onto her lap. The way Rumplestiltskin reacted gave her pause. He literally jerked back from her and made an audible nose of panic. She stared at him and he paled, looking around at the floor, trying to direct her attention to some spinning thing that made a mouse twirl in a circle.

It couldn't be...

"Rumple, do you wanna hold her?" And there went the color in his face again. He stammered and stuttered, gently inching away from her in his seat. "She's really sweet. Here." She placed her on his lap and he stiffened like a board. "You'll have to get used to her too. I want her bonded to both of us."

"Uh...I can understand that..." he weakly responded and remained stiff.

She watched like a hawk and the whole room went dead quiet. "Aren't you going to pet her?"

He swallowed and grabbed Izzy, practically shoving her back into Belle. "I suddenly don't feel well. I think you were right." He quickly ran to the bathroom as much as he was capable and shut the door.

Belle gasped. Was he throwing up? Was this the flu? Oh, what was she thinking... That had to be it.

He wouldn't lie to her...would he?

He sighed and washed some water on his face. He hated tricking her like this, but he had no other choice. Until these pills fully kicked in, he had to stay away from that cat.

That and the thing was freaking Beelzebub.

He sighed and jumped when his beauty knocked on the door. "Rumple?" Her lilting voice made him tremble with how much tenderness was laced in it. "Are you okay?"

He dried off his face and cleared his throat, flushing the toilet, another wave of guilt running through him. He opened the door and tried to look strong. "Yes, I'm fine. Just, uh...overdid it I think."

And now her arms crossed. "I told you to rest and now I mean it. Get in that bed, Rumplestiltskin." She pointed and like an obedient child, he did so, watching her lay out his silk pajamas and hoped the monster wouldn't come out from under the bed and attack him while he was getting undressed.


He was laying next to her, watching her breathe; a soft gentle rhythm that should put him to sleep like it did every night. He ran a hand through his hair and sat up with a sigh. He couldn't get to sleep for fear of waking up with a cat on his face, so he got up quietly and made his way to the kitchen.

Now this is something he would never admit to anyone - not even Belle, but when he had trouble sleeping, he'd warm up a glass of milk.

So here he was, three in the morning, pattering around in his slippers and navy blue pajamas doing just that.

If anyone saw this he would suddenly become adept at organ donation.

As he waited for the microwave to beep, he turned and nearly dropped his cane as he saw the mini terror sitting on his counter. "You..." he growled and she simply swished her tail. He pointed the cane at her like a sword. "You and me are gonna have some problems."

Swish...swish...swish.

He sat the cane down and clasped it with both hands. "I can tolerate many things..." he began, the beep on the microwave and the fact that his milk would be cold soon increasing his impatience. "I can tolerate her loving you so much...I can tolerate you making me sneeze every ten seconds whenever I'm around you..." more swishing, "...but I will not tolerate you getting your fur all over my damn kitchen!"

She just stared at him with those luminescent green eyes, swishing that stupid over fluffed tail. "Get. Off. My counter," he ordered as if she could understand him. She did nothing. He flashed a smile, gold teeth gleaming. "Fine then. Have it your way."

He raised an arm and flicked his wrist, the animal immediately being lifted into the air with an invisible force by the nape of her neck. She yowled and kicked her feet, trying as hard as she could to get free but it was useless against the Dark One's power, as it was for everyone else.

He chuckled wickedly with a sick grin plastered on his face as he watched this beast kick and scream for dear life, flailing in the air all pathetically. "Now you see what happens to those that cross me. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you jump on my counter." He paused. "Or attack me!" He lifted her further into the air, the feline wailing for mercy and him just about to burst into a round of diabolical laughter when...

"RUMPLESTILTSKIN!"

He jolted and lost his concentration, dropping the cat on the floor, who recovered fine on its feet and ran off with a screech. He swallowed and grimaced as he turned around, seeing fury pouring out of her beautiful blue eyes. He grasped at one last resort to not die and flashed his best old days grin. "Yes, dearie?"

"Don't dearie me! What were you just doing with Izzy?!"

He tried to calm her, a hand going up in defense. "I was just getting her off the counter. You don't want fur all over the food do you?"

She shook her head in exasperation. "You could've just picked her up and put her on the floor, not hang her by the neck in mid-air!"

Maybe if he focused his energy, he could get a meteor to crash into him right now.

"I...Belle...sweetheart..." he tried as she turned from him. "I wasn't sure how she would take to me. I didn't know if she would like me picking her up."

Belle sighed and walked into the living room. She came back cradling a still frazzled Izzy and held her out. "Look, Rumple. She likes being held and has no problem with it. She's a wonderful little thing. You could have picked her up."

He sighed as he tried to come up with a better explanation, but nothing would suffice. "Belle...I'm sorry..."

And then the worst thing happened. The anger faded away on her face and was replaced with something else. An emotion he hated more than any other. It filled her eyes and made her chest heave with a long drawn out sigh. "Rumplestiltskin..." and he knew what was coming. "I'm so disappointed..." and she walked off.

He was left standing alone in his cold kitchen as her words reverberated.

Disappointed. Of course she was. She always was.

He rubbed the scruff on his face and tried to think of a way to fix the situation. He couldn't think of anything and sighed in defeat.

So, what did he have now? A psychotic hairball destroying his life, Belle disappointed in him, and last but not least, his milk had gone cold. What more could go wrong?

He blinked.

"Heh-itkichuu!"

Of bloody course.

~TBC